[It's Been a While.]
Hey Guys.
Yeah, I know it's been a rather LONG time between entries. I'm gonna get better at it over the summer....
Well, except for next week when I go to California for 8 days. BUT, there will be more entries besides the average one per 2-month period ones.
I've been home since the beginning of the month. School ended on a note... that's about as good as it got. But, for the most part, I'm pretty satisfied that I was able to make it without pulling out my hair.... or what's left of it anyways. But, still, I was glad to get home into my own environment. It's nice to get back to the things I know, the people I know, etc. etc....
So just what have I been up to?
Well, for one I've been hanging out with friends here. It's nice to catch back up with the people I trusted, instead of the people in Statesboro that I was surrounded by. It was getting to be quite ridiculous to turn around and the people I was around all the time, mid-March - April, were just... there. No real purpose, always putting me down, that sort of thing. I thought they would be there for me to turn to, but when the time came, that definitely was NOT an option available. So what did I do? I withdrew inside of myself. Pretty pathetic at moments, but the case remained the same... I just could not find the people right in front of me that I could open up to. And it sucked ASS... big time. And not the ass that I wanted either.....
Being home has put me back to Earth with who I am as a person. I no longer am the confused guy I once was, when it came to who I was attracted to and what I wanted to be. But from time-to-time I do tend to lose focus on things that make me myself, because I get caught up in the sweep of things. And, because of that, I tend to lose, just for a moment, the sight that I've picked up. Does it hurt? Hell yeah you bet. Because I make the mistakes, I suffer the consequences. But, I tell you what, I have the vengeance to come back to my roots... and keep them. Because I wanna be a better person.
So yeah. The in-deep mind entry of the month. [lol]
Now back to life....
Haven't done much outside the norm since I've been home. Been out to the HS, talked to my old Band Director about stuff. Seen friends that I hadn't seen since we left for school.... the normallish stuff. I had to buy 4 new tires because the others were about to kill both me and my car (I blame that on my father) and... the normal stuff continued to happen. Norm norm norm.
Then you enter my group of friends.
Chris and I dated for a month. Well, from the beginning of April to about 2 week ago. According to him, it didn't "feel right" so besides trying to make it work, it went back down to best friends. I've always been glad about the fact that I can make relationships turn into friendships. We talked about it, and I pretty much know I still had feelings for Mark. Of course my life is complicated, right?
Mark's definitely made some steps. He came out to his parents, and while his mom and dad were more accepting, his step-dad threw a giant wrench into it, causing some problems. Mark called me a few times over that week, and we talked through a lot of what was going on. So needless to say, I was proud of him. Of course, then I knew what wasn't possible before, actually was now very possible. Never spoke on it, of course....
4 days after Chris and I break up, and 2 days after I came home for the summer, Chris calls me. Long conversation short, he told me that he'd talked to Mark, and told him that he'd "better pursue something he really wanted before he lost it forever."
I was like... [what the fuck?!]
Mark gets online after work, and we talked for a good 5 hours online, Chris serving as "Moderator" until he had to get off sometime around 11:30. But... yeah, things are pushing, again, into that direction. Chris said he was doing it because he wanted to return the favor... I was able to get him to meet someone that, in his own words, he absolutely adores.
Mark and I had a date Monday night, and I have to say it was really nice. We went down to the waterfront area and walked around the docks. Dinner was at this really nice restaurant that, due to our luck, was not even close to 50% full when we ate there. The people were really nice and everything, and overlooked the water. Details aside, he asked me out Wednesday night.
You guys will probably hear a lot from Mark this summer. = )
I just want a successful relationship, where both parties care about each other. I know I care about Mark more than I can put into words. But I can't afford to go through the pain and constant jumping around. I'm not for that.....
What do I think will happen? There's no telling. But, I think it's better that way.
Alright, I think I've gotten down enough for one entry. I'll be back before I leave for California Wednesday.
Until then, take care folks, as always.
[CaliforniaKid07]
[EDIT: Because Mark asked me to go with him to Rochester, I've moved my trip to California back to the middle of June. It actually worked out better that way, because more family will be in California at that time. Oh joy....]
Yeah, I know it's been a rather LONG time between entries. I'm gonna get better at it over the summer....
Well, except for next week when I go to California for 8 days. BUT, there will be more entries besides the average one per 2-month period ones.
I've been home since the beginning of the month. School ended on a note... that's about as good as it got. But, for the most part, I'm pretty satisfied that I was able to make it without pulling out my hair.... or what's left of it anyways. But, still, I was glad to get home into my own environment. It's nice to get back to the things I know, the people I know, etc. etc....
So just what have I been up to?
Well, for one I've been hanging out with friends here. It's nice to catch back up with the people I trusted, instead of the people in Statesboro that I was surrounded by. It was getting to be quite ridiculous to turn around and the people I was around all the time, mid-March - April, were just... there. No real purpose, always putting me down, that sort of thing. I thought they would be there for me to turn to, but when the time came, that definitely was NOT an option available. So what did I do? I withdrew inside of myself. Pretty pathetic at moments, but the case remained the same... I just could not find the people right in front of me that I could open up to. And it sucked ASS... big time. And not the ass that I wanted either.....
Being home has put me back to Earth with who I am as a person. I no longer am the confused guy I once was, when it came to who I was attracted to and what I wanted to be. But from time-to-time I do tend to lose focus on things that make me myself, because I get caught up in the sweep of things. And, because of that, I tend to lose, just for a moment, the sight that I've picked up. Does it hurt? Hell yeah you bet. Because I make the mistakes, I suffer the consequences. But, I tell you what, I have the vengeance to come back to my roots... and keep them. Because I wanna be a better person.
So yeah. The in-deep mind entry of the month. [lol]
Now back to life....
Haven't done much outside the norm since I've been home. Been out to the HS, talked to my old Band Director about stuff. Seen friends that I hadn't seen since we left for school.... the normallish stuff. I had to buy 4 new tires because the others were about to kill both me and my car (I blame that on my father) and... the normal stuff continued to happen. Norm norm norm.
Then you enter my group of friends.
Chris and I dated for a month. Well, from the beginning of April to about 2 week ago. According to him, it didn't "feel right" so besides trying to make it work, it went back down to best friends. I've always been glad about the fact that I can make relationships turn into friendships. We talked about it, and I pretty much know I still had feelings for Mark. Of course my life is complicated, right?
Mark's definitely made some steps. He came out to his parents, and while his mom and dad were more accepting, his step-dad threw a giant wrench into it, causing some problems. Mark called me a few times over that week, and we talked through a lot of what was going on. So needless to say, I was proud of him. Of course, then I knew what wasn't possible before, actually was now very possible. Never spoke on it, of course....
4 days after Chris and I break up, and 2 days after I came home for the summer, Chris calls me. Long conversation short, he told me that he'd talked to Mark, and told him that he'd "better pursue something he really wanted before he lost it forever."
I was like... [what the fuck?!]
Mark gets online after work, and we talked for a good 5 hours online, Chris serving as "Moderator" until he had to get off sometime around 11:30. But... yeah, things are pushing, again, into that direction. Chris said he was doing it because he wanted to return the favor... I was able to get him to meet someone that, in his own words, he absolutely adores.
Mark and I had a date Monday night, and I have to say it was really nice. We went down to the waterfront area and walked around the docks. Dinner was at this really nice restaurant that, due to our luck, was not even close to 50% full when we ate there. The people were really nice and everything, and overlooked the water. Details aside, he asked me out Wednesday night.
You guys will probably hear a lot from Mark this summer. = )
I just want a successful relationship, where both parties care about each other. I know I care about Mark more than I can put into words. But I can't afford to go through the pain and constant jumping around. I'm not for that.....
What do I think will happen? There's no telling. But, I think it's better that way.
Alright, I think I've gotten down enough for one entry. I'll be back before I leave for California Wednesday.
Until then, take care folks, as always.
[CaliforniaKid07]
[EDIT: Because Mark asked me to go with him to Rochester, I've moved my trip to California back to the middle of June. It actually worked out better that way, because more family will be in California at that time. Oh joy....]