Graffiti the World...
I think in my life I'm destined to be single.
Weird shit happens and I'm just.... yeah.
SO just over a month ago, I was on Adam4Adam just looking around, when I got a message from a guy. Not that unusual, honestly.... they happen often. Most of them center around sex. Not that uncommon on a site like that, honestly. But this guy was pretty decent. Our conversations started out with us wanting the same thing... to meet someone for more than just sex.... but getting to know someone and press forward.
Fast forward a month, and all of that changed. Pretty much every conversation we had, it was nothing but talking about sex. Welll, him talking about what he would do to me. So that became something I didn't want anything to do with. Which was fine, considering that I was very busy with school and life, and well... he didn't understand the ability to text me, so it died anyway.
That's probably the closest I've been to a relationship in a long time. It's sad, but I'm OK with the notion of actually talking to someone and it NOT be about only sex. I know I'm at that age, but Jesus Christ, can you ask me about my day, not ask me how horny I am??
Next guy.... short story.
He got my phone number from someone on the premise that he was contacting someone in the organization I'm a member of. Not the case. Starts texting me consistently everyday, trying to pry into my life. Not terribly offended, but I found out he's been watching me since Band Camp. I'm a bit horrified at this point.
We texted for about a week, maybe longer. Again, I'm busy, can't always talk. That's since kinda bitten the dust. He still has my number, but the last time we texted, he hasn't responded back. Dunno what you want me to do, but to start, don't text me at 4:40am. Not a good time for that kind of thing.
Add to that my current feelings for a straight guy -- and his ability to NOT help with the situation -- and, well, you have my current mindset. I've actually been rather slum in my mood, feeling depressed and not wanting to do much of anything. Being around people helps, but I've definitely been very solitary this last week. Outside of a few conversations I've kept to myself, which is VERY unlike me. I'm holding in a lot, and I'm kinda hesitant to let any of that out actually. Which is BAD. VERY BAD.
Honestly? I just feel like some things are just.... off. I don't know how to feel about a lot of things. The feeling of wanting a relationship is something I try to ignore, but is ever-much imposing. And it sucks because the majority of the people around me right now that I could date are either REALLY creepy, not my type, or straight. So, I mean.... my options are limited.
The online thing is a bit off-putting, honestly. I can't get out of my mind meeting someone who isn't who they say they are. So I think about that whenever I see someone online. I wonder if they are who they say they are.
Also, as bad as this sounds, I seem to attract people who are still in the closet and "experimenting." I was there, I was in that phase. My ex-boyfriend was the first guy I ever dated, did anything with, all of that. It surprisingly worked, and I find myself missing that time in life often. I've moved on from it cause I have to, but I still think about it often. BUT, it does get to me that I attract the people where I have to kinda put myself back into the closet for them. Which sucks. Cause I long to hold someone's hand and cuddle with them and not have to care about what other people think. But it's life, I know.... but it still sucks.
I dunno, I have a lot in my mind right now to try and process. What to do with all that information I'm not entirely sure. But I know one thing. I just wish that there was somoene out there for me who I could date, appreciate, and not be a creep.
Obviously I appreciate my friendships, but.... there's that one piece missing in what I already consider to be an awesome life.
But... you know.... yeah. : /
But I'm off to pick up a friend and take them home.
Until next time, LiveJournal.
Peace to your FACE.
Weird shit happens and I'm just.... yeah.
SO just over a month ago, I was on Adam4Adam just looking around, when I got a message from a guy. Not that unusual, honestly.... they happen often. Most of them center around sex. Not that uncommon on a site like that, honestly. But this guy was pretty decent. Our conversations started out with us wanting the same thing... to meet someone for more than just sex.... but getting to know someone and press forward.
Fast forward a month, and all of that changed. Pretty much every conversation we had, it was nothing but talking about sex. Welll, him talking about what he would do to me. So that became something I didn't want anything to do with. Which was fine, considering that I was very busy with school and life, and well... he didn't understand the ability to text me, so it died anyway.
That's probably the closest I've been to a relationship in a long time. It's sad, but I'm OK with the notion of actually talking to someone and it NOT be about only sex. I know I'm at that age, but Jesus Christ, can you ask me about my day, not ask me how horny I am??
Next guy.... short story.
He got my phone number from someone on the premise that he was contacting someone in the organization I'm a member of. Not the case. Starts texting me consistently everyday, trying to pry into my life. Not terribly offended, but I found out he's been watching me since Band Camp. I'm a bit horrified at this point.
We texted for about a week, maybe longer. Again, I'm busy, can't always talk. That's since kinda bitten the dust. He still has my number, but the last time we texted, he hasn't responded back. Dunno what you want me to do, but to start, don't text me at 4:40am. Not a good time for that kind of thing.
Add to that my current feelings for a straight guy -- and his ability to NOT help with the situation -- and, well, you have my current mindset. I've actually been rather slum in my mood, feeling depressed and not wanting to do much of anything. Being around people helps, but I've definitely been very solitary this last week. Outside of a few conversations I've kept to myself, which is VERY unlike me. I'm holding in a lot, and I'm kinda hesitant to let any of that out actually. Which is BAD. VERY BAD.
Honestly? I just feel like some things are just.... off. I don't know how to feel about a lot of things. The feeling of wanting a relationship is something I try to ignore, but is ever-much imposing. And it sucks because the majority of the people around me right now that I could date are either REALLY creepy, not my type, or straight. So, I mean.... my options are limited.
The online thing is a bit off-putting, honestly. I can't get out of my mind meeting someone who isn't who they say they are. So I think about that whenever I see someone online. I wonder if they are who they say they are.
Also, as bad as this sounds, I seem to attract people who are still in the closet and "experimenting." I was there, I was in that phase. My ex-boyfriend was the first guy I ever dated, did anything with, all of that. It surprisingly worked, and I find myself missing that time in life often. I've moved on from it cause I have to, but I still think about it often. BUT, it does get to me that I attract the people where I have to kinda put myself back into the closet for them. Which sucks. Cause I long to hold someone's hand and cuddle with them and not have to care about what other people think. But it's life, I know.... but it still sucks.
I dunno, I have a lot in my mind right now to try and process. What to do with all that information I'm not entirely sure. But I know one thing. I just wish that there was somoene out there for me who I could date, appreciate, and not be a creep.
Obviously I appreciate my friendships, but.... there's that one piece missing in what I already consider to be an awesome life.
But... you know.... yeah. : /
But I'm off to pick up a friend and take them home.
Until next time, LiveJournal.
Peace to your FACE.