something that will never be..
i just want my life back to the way it used to be. back to when i was with someone who actually loved me and wanted to always be around me... i miss him.. more than anything. and he's gone. he's taken.. more like engaged. but hey i mean what can you do... i guess i fucked up every chance he gave me to salvage what was left of us. kristin was right, i should have taken the opportunity to get him back when i had that chance. but no.. im a dumbass. i couldnt see what i had... even when it was right under my fucking nose. so now my life is horrible without the only person ive ever really cared about.. or even loved so much. i look back a few years ago at all i had with him.. i was on top of the world. he treated me like i was the only girl on earth.. he loved me for me no matter what kind of clothes i was wearing or my make up, or the friends i hung out with, or if i got drunk and puked everywhere or if i wanted to jsut cuddle or sit at his house and watch movies all night. i just really miss that part of my life. he was everything to me. i hate to think that *we* will never be a we again. he'll never look at me like that agian.. even though he says he loves me.. as a friend.. it hurts to see him with her. it hurts to hear that he proposed to her... it kills me to think i could never be with him again. maybe some people think this is just a phase im going through.. or a rough patch in my life.. but this is how i feel.. this is how ive always felt. no matter what boys ive gone through since him.. ive always loved him and i always will. i just wish i could have another chance..... but i know that will never happen. but i guess im just going to have to move on like he did. but if he ever reads this.. which i doubt.. i just want you to know that i love you so much.. no matter what shit we;ve been through you have always always been there for me and i thank you so so much for that. i love you.