All I Want
Depression fucked me up big time again this quarter. (Well, it's mostly depression. There's so social anxiety mixed in as well that exacerbated it, and now we're looking into the possibility that I might have ADD. Comorbidity sucks.) Goddammit, 2012 was supposed to be *better*! And the quarter started off so well too. I just want to be functional; is that so much to ask?
Anyway, I'm in serious danger of suspension right now, and it's absolutely terrifying. All I want is to be able to come back to school this coming quarter. Thankfully it's not quite as bad as I was initially afraid (I got one C, one incomplete, and one failure; I'd been afraid I failed them all), and I'm working with my Academic Director, so I think I still have a decent shot at being able to stay in school. I'm just hoping with all my will that I'll be able to stay in school. At any other time it would be really painful, but I think I'd be able to stand it, but this quarter of all quarters is the last quarter before all my friends graduate. I can't miss that.
I want to spend time with friends while they're still around. I want to still have a sex life for the little bit longer that it's still possible and to have the discussions with Kurt that we've talked about having. I want to tech for Ruddigore and the revival of Pirates. I want to go to Gaskell's Ball and Big Dance. I want to celebrate my 21st birthday with my best friends. I want to take my computer science requirement while I still have my CS major friend around to help me if I need it. I want one more chance to succeed in classes and prove to myself I'm not a failure. I want to enjoy the spring, to spend it at home in California. I want to be there for my friends' graduation.
I just want to be able to take next quarter. That's all I want.
Anyway, I'm in serious danger of suspension right now, and it's absolutely terrifying. All I want is to be able to come back to school this coming quarter. Thankfully it's not quite as bad as I was initially afraid (I got one C, one incomplete, and one failure; I'd been afraid I failed them all), and I'm working with my Academic Director, so I think I still have a decent shot at being able to stay in school. I'm just hoping with all my will that I'll be able to stay in school. At any other time it would be really painful, but I think I'd be able to stand it, but this quarter of all quarters is the last quarter before all my friends graduate. I can't miss that.
I want to spend time with friends while they're still around. I want to still have a sex life for the little bit longer that it's still possible and to have the discussions with Kurt that we've talked about having. I want to tech for Ruddigore and the revival of Pirates. I want to go to Gaskell's Ball and Big Dance. I want to celebrate my 21st birthday with my best friends. I want to take my computer science requirement while I still have my CS major friend around to help me if I need it. I want one more chance to succeed in classes and prove to myself I'm not a failure. I want to enjoy the spring, to spend it at home in California. I want to be there for my friends' graduation.
I just want to be able to take next quarter. That's all I want.