Teh long post of DOOM and randomness
In other words, a lot of unrelated things all crammed into one giant post, because hey, it's Christmas break and now I'm cramming in all the stuff I haven't gotten around to when school was in session and therefore monopolizing my time while slowly sucking out my soul.
But I had most of this written out two days ago, and it seems lj has eaten it. It never gave me the "restore from saved draft" option and I don't know why, and now I have to rewrite it all. Aargh!
I has a fic journal! I've been thinking about putting my writing on lj for a while now, since I have people who kind of know me here versus no one on the huge sites like ff.net or fictionpress having a clue who I am. And finally I decided to get a new journal for my fics, because it would make organization easier and besides I can have more icons that way. Lookie, lookie (though I haven't actually put anything up quite yet): calen_fic
Also, I finally filled out my bio and interests a few days ago. I've had this journal for what, two years now? Pathetic much?
Recently, a few people said that they read my journal, but they feel hesitant about commenting because they don't know me very well. So I thought I'd post my policy on lj friends: I like the division between real life and online life, and I like making friends here because I get the happiness of friends and the comfortable safe feeling of the relative anonymity. I feel like I can freely talk about real life here precisely because no one here knows me in real life. So however you found me here, feel free to friend away, I friend back. And please comment! Don't be shy because you feel you don't know me that well, that's expected and I like getting to know people better. And I really like to feel like people are actually reading my posts. Does that make sense?
Hey look, holiday memes:
On the twelfth day of Christmas, calenlily sent to me...
Twelve agenttrojies shipping
Eleven burnmybodys writing
Ten dinahdecembers a-drawing
Nine aliquis_caeles daydreaming
Eight quotes a-reading
Seven elves a-sporking
Six hugs a-fencing
Five cra-a-a-afts
Four vampires
Three bad puns
Two good omens
...and a fandom in an archery.
In 2008, calenlily resolves to...
Tell my family about crafts.
Spend more time with my bad puns.
Put fifty elves a month into my savings account.
Volunteer to spend time with good omens.
Spend less time on dance.
Buy new quotes.
Thoughts on Paganism, and on writing that I was inspired to write down (not that the topics are related, just both have been on my mind lately). Kind of a long, rambling, reflective thing, so I'll cut it to avoid taking up too much space on people's friends pages:
Paganism
One of the things I really like about my family is that we eat dinner together, usually home-cooked, practically every night. And we always talk over dinner, and we have these really wide-ranging, often rather odd, and always interesting conversations.
So the other night, Mum was saying something about one of her co-workers asking her if she was a Pagan, I don't remember why, and then she said, "You know, he should have asked Maia." And Dad asked me, "Why does she say that? Are you a Pagan?" I hesitated a moment and then said I was pretty sure I was. Then he started asking why I was and what did that really mean. I hasten to add this wasn't in a hostile way at all, just sort of curious and philosophical and almost kind of testing me. I was stuck on that for a while, because this is a kind of confused area of my mind, and if I can't say something clearly or articulately, I often have trouble saying anything. (I think this has something to do with I really love words and also from the responses I've gotten to my writing, I feel like I'm someone who has a way with words, and so I feel like I have to have the right words when I'm trying to say or write or explain something). And then we got to discussing it, which really helped get my thoughts in order, and also put me in something of a reflective mood.
First off, I should say that I (and my parents) belong to the Unitarian Universalist Church. And I'm aware that many people don't really know what that is, but I really don't know how to explain it, so if anyone wants to know and doesn't, I'd advise a Google search. But it's a very non-traditional, informal religion. In my congregation especially there are a lot of people who have been burned by mainstream religion, and so it can often be focused more on liberal community and social action and intellectualism than being particularly churchy or ever overtly religious.
But last June the annual national UU General Assembly (usually called GA) was in Portland, Oregon, closer to us than it had been in something like 20 years. A lot of people from my fellowship were going, and then the Youth Group decided to make it our goal to the year to raise money to all go to GA. The trip was awesome, and it had a number of effects on me, ranging the spectrum of me falling in love with Portland and deciding I want to go to college there at Reed, me and Michael finally starting to go out, and me buying way too much but totally awesome clothes, jewelry, and buttons.
But also I felt something there that I really hadn't before. I felt a strong sense of spirituality there that really resonated with me. I'm not very religious at all, but I'd say I'm very spiritual. And while I was there, I went to a few workshops on UU Paganism, as well as a Summer Solstice ritual. I found all the stuff on Paganism fascinating, and and the ritual was one of the most powerful experiences I've had. The energy in that room, the sense of connection...I don't know how to describe it.
A program one Sunday the year before had led me to identify my beliefs as Pantheist. That is, I strongly revere the natural world. I do not believe that there is any sort of personifiable deity; in fact I strongly doubt that sort of "God" exists. But there may be some sort of greater divine force out there. There is definitely an element of the divine in all things, in all of us, in nature most purely, something that permeates all the world. Everything is sacred. This is probably the element of my beliefs that is most clear and explainable (and yet I still feel like I didn't do a great job explaining it).
It's not a big step from Pantheism to outright Paganism, and so when I saw the stuff on it at GA, I was quick to check it out. All the Celtic associations and the rituals and the holidays based on the Wheel of the Year (Beltane and Samhain and etc.), to the extent that I'd heard about them, were just the kind of thing that piqued my interest as it was. So since then I've actually started sort of researching Wicca, and I've found a lot of stuff that really resonates with me, and some that doesn't so much (unlike what it sounds like a lot of people feel, it's the religious stuff that I really connect with and the magic parts that I have some trouble with). So I'm not quite sure if Wicca is quite right for me, but I'm pretty sure I'm pagan of some sort.
And the reason why I identify as such, why I'm drawn this way, is that it has this spirituality that I feel like I've been missing, and the rituals that feel like a more solid form of expression of faith than all the just sitting around and talking I'm used to. And there's just this sense of connection and power and spiritual community that thrills me, in a form that dovetails nicely with my personal philosophy. And I still feel like I haven't said this very well.
Writing
As I've said before, I haven't gotten much writing done lately. (Hopefully this will change over break; if I get nothing else productive done I'd at least like to get a day or two of intensive writing in.) Anyway, one of the big reasons for this was that, in the main story I'm working on, Warrior, I had hit a pretty big block at writing a prophecy, which happened to be such a major plot point that I couldn't get much of anything else done until I'd written it.
And then I finally got it written, and yeah it's kind of rough but rough works just fine for now, that doesn't matter at all, I just needed to have something down. And it turned out to be really simple too, just pretty much figuring what the elements I wanted in it were, and then writing it out in a form that sounded vaguely cryptic and just the slightest bit poetic (which didn't really matter anyway, because it was supposed to be a translation, but for some reason I have this hangup about prophecies need to rhyme). But it all felt rather anti-climactic, and I wondered why the heck had it taken so long anyway. And maybe somewhere in my mind I didn't really want to move forward, or maybe I've just been too tired and overworked for my creative writing mind to work properly. Either way that's pretty bad for me, because writing is my passion to the extent where if I don't write for a while I start going a little nuts, which is one of the reasons this school year has been so hard for me.
Also, I've realized that, for me at least, there are several types of writing. When I get inspired there's the type where I write really fast and can get as much as a whole section done in one sitting, and it all comes out well and flows smoothly, and of course that's always the nicest type of writing but unfortunately it doesn't come all that often. And then there's the type of writing where I'm just plugging away at it. It doesn't come nearly as fast, and it takes more work, but I can sit down whenever and get some solid progress made, so it's still good and more typical. Sometimes I'll get a little bit blocked but I can still force myself to work on it. This is the hardest slowest kind of writing, and it usually doesn't flow too smoothly, but at least I'm getting something done. And then sometimes I'll get completely blocked, and I can't write at all until it all finally comes through in a rush, and this is really fast writing again, but not necessarily particularly good, but it feels rewarding anyway because I've cleared the way to get more done again.
And now I can't for the life of me remember what the original point of this writing post was, so I'm just going to have to hope I've said it.
But I had most of this written out two days ago, and it seems lj has eaten it. It never gave me the "restore from saved draft" option and I don't know why, and now I have to rewrite it all. Aargh!
I has a fic journal! I've been thinking about putting my writing on lj for a while now, since I have people who kind of know me here versus no one on the huge sites like ff.net or fictionpress having a clue who I am. And finally I decided to get a new journal for my fics, because it would make organization easier and besides I can have more icons that way. Lookie, lookie (though I haven't actually put anything up quite yet): calen_fic
Also, I finally filled out my bio and interests a few days ago. I've had this journal for what, two years now? Pathetic much?
Recently, a few people said that they read my journal, but they feel hesitant about commenting because they don't know me very well. So I thought I'd post my policy on lj friends: I like the division between real life and online life, and I like making friends here because I get the happiness of friends and the comfortable safe feeling of the relative anonymity. I feel like I can freely talk about real life here precisely because no one here knows me in real life. So however you found me here, feel free to friend away, I friend back. And please comment! Don't be shy because you feel you don't know me that well, that's expected and I like getting to know people better. And I really like to feel like people are actually reading my posts. Does that make sense?
Hey look, holiday memes:
On the twelfth day of Christmas, calenlily sent to me...
Twelve agenttrojies shipping
Eleven burnmybodys writing
Ten dinahdecembers a-drawing
Nine aliquis_caeles daydreaming
Eight quotes a-reading
Seven elves a-sporking
Six hugs a-fencing
Five cra-a-a-afts
Four vampires
Three bad puns
Two good omens
...and a fandom in an archery.
In 2008, calenlily resolves to...
Tell my family about crafts.
Spend more time with my bad puns.
Put fifty elves a month into my savings account.
Volunteer to spend time with good omens.
Spend less time on dance.
Buy new quotes.
Thoughts on Paganism, and on writing that I was inspired to write down (not that the topics are related, just both have been on my mind lately). Kind of a long, rambling, reflective thing, so I'll cut it to avoid taking up too much space on people's friends pages:
Paganism
One of the things I really like about my family is that we eat dinner together, usually home-cooked, practically every night. And we always talk over dinner, and we have these really wide-ranging, often rather odd, and always interesting conversations.
So the other night, Mum was saying something about one of her co-workers asking her if she was a Pagan, I don't remember why, and then she said, "You know, he should have asked Maia." And Dad asked me, "Why does she say that? Are you a Pagan?" I hesitated a moment and then said I was pretty sure I was. Then he started asking why I was and what did that really mean. I hasten to add this wasn't in a hostile way at all, just sort of curious and philosophical and almost kind of testing me. I was stuck on that for a while, because this is a kind of confused area of my mind, and if I can't say something clearly or articulately, I often have trouble saying anything. (I think this has something to do with I really love words and also from the responses I've gotten to my writing, I feel like I'm someone who has a way with words, and so I feel like I have to have the right words when I'm trying to say or write or explain something). And then we got to discussing it, which really helped get my thoughts in order, and also put me in something of a reflective mood.
First off, I should say that I (and my parents) belong to the Unitarian Universalist Church. And I'm aware that many people don't really know what that is, but I really don't know how to explain it, so if anyone wants to know and doesn't, I'd advise a Google search. But it's a very non-traditional, informal religion. In my congregation especially there are a lot of people who have been burned by mainstream religion, and so it can often be focused more on liberal community and social action and intellectualism than being particularly churchy or ever overtly religious.
But last June the annual national UU General Assembly (usually called GA) was in Portland, Oregon, closer to us than it had been in something like 20 years. A lot of people from my fellowship were going, and then the Youth Group decided to make it our goal to the year to raise money to all go to GA. The trip was awesome, and it had a number of effects on me, ranging the spectrum of me falling in love with Portland and deciding I want to go to college there at Reed, me and Michael finally starting to go out, and me buying way too much but totally awesome clothes, jewelry, and buttons.
But also I felt something there that I really hadn't before. I felt a strong sense of spirituality there that really resonated with me. I'm not very religious at all, but I'd say I'm very spiritual. And while I was there, I went to a few workshops on UU Paganism, as well as a Summer Solstice ritual. I found all the stuff on Paganism fascinating, and and the ritual was one of the most powerful experiences I've had. The energy in that room, the sense of connection...I don't know how to describe it.
A program one Sunday the year before had led me to identify my beliefs as Pantheist. That is, I strongly revere the natural world. I do not believe that there is any sort of personifiable deity; in fact I strongly doubt that sort of "God" exists. But there may be some sort of greater divine force out there. There is definitely an element of the divine in all things, in all of us, in nature most purely, something that permeates all the world. Everything is sacred. This is probably the element of my beliefs that is most clear and explainable (and yet I still feel like I didn't do a great job explaining it).
It's not a big step from Pantheism to outright Paganism, and so when I saw the stuff on it at GA, I was quick to check it out. All the Celtic associations and the rituals and the holidays based on the Wheel of the Year (Beltane and Samhain and etc.), to the extent that I'd heard about them, were just the kind of thing that piqued my interest as it was. So since then I've actually started sort of researching Wicca, and I've found a lot of stuff that really resonates with me, and some that doesn't so much (unlike what it sounds like a lot of people feel, it's the religious stuff that I really connect with and the magic parts that I have some trouble with). So I'm not quite sure if Wicca is quite right for me, but I'm pretty sure I'm pagan of some sort.
And the reason why I identify as such, why I'm drawn this way, is that it has this spirituality that I feel like I've been missing, and the rituals that feel like a more solid form of expression of faith than all the just sitting around and talking I'm used to. And there's just this sense of connection and power and spiritual community that thrills me, in a form that dovetails nicely with my personal philosophy. And I still feel like I haven't said this very well.
Writing
As I've said before, I haven't gotten much writing done lately. (Hopefully this will change over break; if I get nothing else productive done I'd at least like to get a day or two of intensive writing in.) Anyway, one of the big reasons for this was that, in the main story I'm working on, Warrior, I had hit a pretty big block at writing a prophecy, which happened to be such a major plot point that I couldn't get much of anything else done until I'd written it.
And then I finally got it written, and yeah it's kind of rough but rough works just fine for now, that doesn't matter at all, I just needed to have something down. And it turned out to be really simple too, just pretty much figuring what the elements I wanted in it were, and then writing it out in a form that sounded vaguely cryptic and just the slightest bit poetic (which didn't really matter anyway, because it was supposed to be a translation, but for some reason I have this hangup about prophecies need to rhyme). But it all felt rather anti-climactic, and I wondered why the heck had it taken so long anyway. And maybe somewhere in my mind I didn't really want to move forward, or maybe I've just been too tired and overworked for my creative writing mind to work properly. Either way that's pretty bad for me, because writing is my passion to the extent where if I don't write for a while I start going a little nuts, which is one of the reasons this school year has been so hard for me.
Also, I've realized that, for me at least, there are several types of writing. When I get inspired there's the type where I write really fast and can get as much as a whole section done in one sitting, and it all comes out well and flows smoothly, and of course that's always the nicest type of writing but unfortunately it doesn't come all that often. And then there's the type of writing where I'm just plugging away at it. It doesn't come nearly as fast, and it takes more work, but I can sit down whenever and get some solid progress made, so it's still good and more typical. Sometimes I'll get a little bit blocked but I can still force myself to work on it. This is the hardest slowest kind of writing, and it usually doesn't flow too smoothly, but at least I'm getting something done. And then sometimes I'll get completely blocked, and I can't write at all until it all finally comes through in a rush, and this is really fast writing again, but not necessarily particularly good, but it feels rewarding anyway because I've cleared the way to get more done again.
And now I can't for the life of me remember what the original point of this writing post was, so I'm just going to have to hope I've said it.