and I quote...
... real life:
Tony: "Wow, you're straight."
Nick: "Yeah, straight like a rainbow."
Me: (in a text) There is a kid sitting in front of me who is violently biting his finger. ... and I thought of you.
Abby: WTF. weirdo. is he drawing blood? or single?
Me: BOTH
Abby: SCORE! HIT THAT SHIT!
chadicus7: I am a mighty fortress.
Me: "It's three o'clock in the morning."
Abby: "Do you know where your children are?"
Me: "Nope."
Abby: "Probably selling their bodies on Main Street."
Luke: "Would you like to do physics in my bed?"
Abby: "Anyways, I'm about to play some Guild Wars. Hahaha, you think that I'm joking? What if I wasn't joking?"
Stolengoods345: SEWING IS FUCKING USEFUL
screen language: NOT AS USEFUL AS KILLING PEOPLE
Abby: "I think somewhere someone must be smoking pot and looking out for me, giving me good grades."
ubergoolash: dude rape's not bad
Abby: "I wish when you were choosing classes it would tell you how many soulmates were in each section, then you could choose more wisely."
Jana: "And Tony made it back with his pants on."
Tony: "Shut the fuck up."
Abby: (in a text) Fun fact: jazz fans and gun owners are among the most sexually active ppl in the US. i bet you wouldn't be bored if jazz was playing and you had a totally hot partner.
Maggie: "How do you grope with stubs?"
Abby: "The Internet is a magical place."
Nazy: "Wait you have gay best friends?!"
Abby: "Whenever I put on a zippered hoodie and zip it up, I always feel like saying, '*trumpet sound* Ready for penetration!'" (wtf?)
Me: "Hey it's that guy and his girlfriend."
Tanya: "Facebook told me they broke up."
Me: "It told me that too..."
Tanya: "Facebook LIES!"
Abby: (post-finding-out-one-of-her-friends-is-gay) "Kaylan, I can't believe that just happened to me. And now I have to write about selenium, and AIDS! Which is in a lot of gay people!"
screen language: shfrotch
ubergoolash: just trying to keep it clean babay
Abbycrombie2: god i love to kill people
Abby: (who is otherwise on grammar "like white on rice") "People need to stop getting born."
Jessica: "I drank too many French fries!"
Abbycrombie2: hahaha his limbs would probably give you bruises if you got too frisky
Abbycrombie2: it would be like whacking yourself with sticks
Abbycrombie2: except that they are bones instead
Abbycrombie2: and flesh colored
Guy on the 25 bus on the phone: "I told you to call me earlier... beetch."
Maggie: "Your face is timeless."
Kid on bike: "You girls are rollin' deep as shit."
Random guy #1: "How do you walk with all that?"
Random guy #2: "You don't even know what you're walkin' away from. Biggest mistake of yo' lyfe!"
Abby: "You can find kidneys online. Why can't I find my favorite pair of jeans online?"
Jana: "Teacup is not just another notch."
Sean Kingston/Abby/Me: (at AEPi) "SUICIDAL"
Maggie: "Here, rub my arm."
(later) "Here, suck my arm."
Abbycrombie2: hmm having a hard time identifying whether or not this is mold
Abbycrombie2: needyouhere
Guy on the street: "I'd fuck a tree."
Cashier at Taco Bell: "Someone smells really good. I think it must be you? It's definitely not me because I'm wearing this Taco Bell uniform..."
Me: "Can you help me come up with an attention-grabber for my Barack speech?"
Maggie: "Um, show your boobs."
Girl hanging out of SUV: (yells at Nick) "You're layin' pipe tonight, dude. Just go for it!"
Abby: "Do you also always pop cherries?"
orbatid: feet suck
orbatid: like I understand their job isn't easy, but come on
Abby: (to Maggie)"That was your worst second-base ever."
Tony: (later) "No, that was new worst second-base ever."
Abby: "Ridic. Rhinoceras iceberg donkey igloo cock."
Ben: "I got ceiling on my hand."
British guy in line behind us: "She said she'd give me a blow job if I get her some crisps. Thought it was a fair trade. As long as she isn't eating the crisps whilst givin the blow job."
Maggie: "Heeee! I'm rain in disguise!"
ox pinkypower xo: tell him you want him in you?
abbycrombie2: one day i will get you to hook up with me
abbycrombie2: you cannot escape forever
Jana: "BALLS."
Maggie: "I'm one less Graham Spanier."
Abby: "She doesn't want his number. She wants his cock."
Maggie: "So my turkey tasted like weed. Are you judging me?"
Us: "We have guns."
Guy who let us piggyback into Atherton: (calmly) "I'm going to rape all of you."
Dan: (referring to Britney's boobs) "What the fuck do chickens have to do with those?"
bunny21651: no rawr...meow
Maggie: "Your voice is timeless."
Stolengoods345: i might have like, a splinter?
Stolengoods345: from a drumstick
Maggie: "It's perfect weather for spandex."
Abby: "I'm peeing on a Mitsubishi."
Maggie: "Your alcoholic gaming skills are timeless."
Matt Nathanson: "This is a little jam I wrote called 'Fucked Up': The elephants are running in the hallway. Careful, they are gonna eat you like peanuts."
Maggie: "Ay caramba! Los piramides!"
Nelli: "The fish does not concern me."
Maggie: "Quit your cryin', Aristophanes!"
Tony: "Wow, you're straight."
Nick: "Yeah, straight like a rainbow."
Me: (in a text) There is a kid sitting in front of me who is violently biting his finger. ... and I thought of you.
Abby: WTF. weirdo. is he drawing blood? or single?
Me: BOTH
Abby: SCORE! HIT THAT SHIT!
chadicus7: I am a mighty fortress.
Me: "It's three o'clock in the morning."
Abby: "Do you know where your children are?"
Me: "Nope."
Abby: "Probably selling their bodies on Main Street."
Luke: "Would you like to do physics in my bed?"
Abby: "Anyways, I'm about to play some Guild Wars. Hahaha, you think that I'm joking? What if I wasn't joking?"
Stolengoods345: SEWING IS FUCKING USEFUL
screen language: NOT AS USEFUL AS KILLING PEOPLE
Abby: "I think somewhere someone must be smoking pot and looking out for me, giving me good grades."
ubergoolash: dude rape's not bad
Abby: "I wish when you were choosing classes it would tell you how many soulmates were in each section, then you could choose more wisely."
Jana: "And Tony made it back with his pants on."
Tony: "Shut the fuck up."
Abby: (in a text) Fun fact: jazz fans and gun owners are among the most sexually active ppl in the US. i bet you wouldn't be bored if jazz was playing and you had a totally hot partner.
Maggie: "How do you grope with stubs?"
Abby: "The Internet is a magical place."
Nazy: "Wait you have gay best friends?!"
Abby: "Whenever I put on a zippered hoodie and zip it up, I always feel like saying, '*trumpet sound* Ready for penetration!'" (wtf?)
Me: "Hey it's that guy and his girlfriend."
Tanya: "Facebook told me they broke up."
Me: "It told me that too..."
Tanya: "Facebook LIES!"
Abby: (post-finding-out-one-of-her-friends-is-gay) "Kaylan, I can't believe that just happened to me. And now I have to write about selenium, and AIDS! Which is in a lot of gay people!"
screen language: shfrotch
ubergoolash: just trying to keep it clean babay
Abbycrombie2: god i love to kill people
Abby: (who is otherwise on grammar "like white on rice") "People need to stop getting born."
Jessica: "I drank too many French fries!"
Abbycrombie2: hahaha his limbs would probably give you bruises if you got too frisky
Abbycrombie2: it would be like whacking yourself with sticks
Abbycrombie2: except that they are bones instead
Abbycrombie2: and flesh colored
Guy on the 25 bus on the phone: "I told you to call me earlier... beetch."
Maggie: "Your face is timeless."
Kid on bike: "You girls are rollin' deep as shit."
Random guy #1: "How do you walk with all that?"
Random guy #2: "You don't even know what you're walkin' away from. Biggest mistake of yo' lyfe!"
Abby: "You can find kidneys online. Why can't I find my favorite pair of jeans online?"
Jana: "Teacup is not just another notch."
Sean Kingston/Abby/Me: (at AEPi) "SUICIDAL"
Maggie: "Here, rub my arm."
(later) "Here, suck my arm."
Abbycrombie2: hmm having a hard time identifying whether or not this is mold
Abbycrombie2: needyouhere
Guy on the street: "I'd fuck a tree."
Cashier at Taco Bell: "Someone smells really good. I think it must be you? It's definitely not me because I'm wearing this Taco Bell uniform..."
Me: "Can you help me come up with an attention-grabber for my Barack speech?"
Maggie: "Um, show your boobs."
Girl hanging out of SUV: (yells at Nick) "You're layin' pipe tonight, dude. Just go for it!"
Abby: "Do you also always pop cherries?"
orbatid: feet suck
orbatid: like I understand their job isn't easy, but come on
Abby: (to Maggie)"That was your worst second-base ever."
Tony: (later) "No, that was new worst second-base ever."
Abby: "Ridic. Rhinoceras iceberg donkey igloo cock."
Ben: "I got ceiling on my hand."
British guy in line behind us: "She said she'd give me a blow job if I get her some crisps. Thought it was a fair trade. As long as she isn't eating the crisps whilst givin the blow job."
Maggie: "Heeee! I'm rain in disguise!"
ox pinkypower xo: tell him you want him in you?
abbycrombie2: one day i will get you to hook up with me
abbycrombie2: you cannot escape forever
Jana: "BALLS."
Maggie: "I'm one less Graham Spanier."
Abby: "She doesn't want his number. She wants his cock."
Maggie: "So my turkey tasted like weed. Are you judging me?"
Us: "We have guns."
Guy who let us piggyback into Atherton: (calmly) "I'm going to rape all of you."
Dan: (referring to Britney's boobs) "What the fuck do chickens have to do with those?"
bunny21651: no rawr...meow
Maggie: "Your voice is timeless."
Stolengoods345: i might have like, a splinter?
Stolengoods345: from a drumstick
Maggie: "It's perfect weather for spandex."
Abby: "I'm peeing on a Mitsubishi."
Maggie: "Your alcoholic gaming skills are timeless."
Matt Nathanson: "This is a little jam I wrote called 'Fucked Up': The elephants are running in the hallway. Careful, they are gonna eat you like peanuts."
Maggie: "Ay caramba! Los piramides!"
Nelli: "The fish does not concern me."
Maggie: "Quit your cryin', Aristophanes!"