My Chemical Romance - Frerard / Famous Last Words Oneshot
Title: Famous Last Words
Author: Caleighxo
Rating: I'll go with PG,
if anyone thinks otherwise tell me.
Length: Oneshot
Warnings: Yaoi/Drinking/Depression
Pairings: FrankxGerard.
Band: My Chemical Romance
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. They are real people, with real lifes. This is just fanfiction. Frank and Gerard may or may not have an actual realationship. I do not claim to be them. That is all.
Summary: Frank and Gerard have the hots for each other. They can't stand to be away from each other for one second. But when Gerard's drinking gets too much for Frank to handle, he decides its best for the both of them to stop seeing each other. Read on to find out what happens.
*You have to look out for the lyrics to the actual song, because I'm lame and can't figure out how to italicize them.
'Now I know
That I can’t make you stay
But where’s your heart?
But where’s your heart?
But where’s your...
And I know
There’s nothing I could say
To change that part
To change that part
To change'
"Frankie. Please." He begged me to stay. Gerard was kneeling pathetically on the floor before me, pleading with all of his might. I couldn’t bring myself to forgive him this time. He was drunk, as usual, and this had been the last straw. True, I loved him, but there was that part of me that knew that he was never going to change. He took my hand and pressed a kiss on my warm flesh. I pulled my hand away.
"Dont touch me, Gerard" I said. I held my suitcase in my hand, packed with what little clothing I had. Pansy’s case was slung over my shoulder. He knew it was going to happen eventually. Gerard had messed up too many times, and I couldn’t handle it anymore. I told myself I wouldn’t, couldn’t cry. "Goodbye Gerard" I said, walking out the door. I turned to shut the it, and briefly caught a glimpse of Gerard crumpling to the ground, his head in his hands.
'So many
Bright lights, they cast a shadow
But can I speak?
Well is it hard understanding
I’m incomplete
A life that’s so demanding
I get so weak
A love that’s so demanding
I can’t speak
I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay, I’ll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home'
I knew leaving Gerard was the best thing for me, but I didn’t know why I felt so incomplete without him. It wasn’t that Gerard didn’t love me, or that he was cheating on me, it was the drinking and most of all the drugs that were keeping me away from the person I loved. It was so difficult living with him. He came home from work and drank. It sucked the life out of me. He never slept, and in turn I never did because I would stay awake worried sick about Gerard.
I thought I could change him. He said he would change over and over again, when he was sober. He’d make up an excuse to drink. He couldn’t sleep or he was really stressed out. At first I didn’t care. We made love just about every night, either that or we just held each other and kissed. Then things started to change. He stopped wanting to make love, which I was okay with. I loved being around him, sex didn’t matter to me. A few weeks later, he didn’t even want to kiss me. He never spoke to me. I felt neglected. It was the last straw, so I left.
Now as I walk along the brightly lit sidewalk with nowhere to go, I realize that I’m happy I did it. The demands of a life with Gerard were too much. I couldn’t handle it. He needed to figure things out more than I needed to be around him. And I will go on with my life, keep living, and Gerard will too I suspect. Hell forget and forgive, but I wont, I’m not afraid to be alone anymore.
'Can you see
My eyes are shining bright
Cause I’m out here
On the other side
Of a jet black hotel mirror
And I’m so weak
Is it hard understanding
I’m incomplete
A love that’s so demanding
I get weak
I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay, I’ll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home'
I’m surprised that I’ve made it this far. Three weeks without Gerard, I chuckled as I sat there on my new apartments couch. It seemed amazing really. It hadn’t gotten easier though, like I thought it would after a week or so. No, it got far worse. I didn’t sleep anymore. I couldn’t eat. Everything reminded me of him. I’m nothing but incomplete without him.
My fingers fumbled with the television remote as I changed the channel. I wasn’t watching the show. I was watching the door, just like I had been for the past two days. I had a glimmer of hope that Gerard would walk through the door, tell me he’d kicked the addiction and hold me. A single tear cascaded down my cheek when I realized that he never would walk through, and he didn’t love me enough to come after me. Perhaps he didn’t love me at all. I refused to believe the possibility of the statement. It could have been true. I could have been played. It would have been easy to play me. I love easily, and forgive even easier. But I will not forgive him.
'I see you lying next to me
With words I thought I’d never speak
Awake and unafraid
Asleep or dead
(How can I see, I see you lying) ’Cause I see you lying next to me
(How can I see, I see you lying) With words I thought I’d never speak
(How can I see, I see you lying) Awake and unafraid
(How can I see, I see you lying) Asleep or dead'
I don’t know how many days I cried that week, when Gerard didn’t walk through that door. I couldn’t help it, I still loved him. Everything about my apartment reminded me of him. I needed to get outside. I left my apartment, with only a pair of jeans and a teeshirt on, which was stupid because it was about 50 degrees out. I didn’t care. I was already numb. It was kind of funny how far Id turned around in the past few days. Three weeks ago, I had every intention to stay away from Gerard forever. Now I could barely keep myself from running to his apartment and forgiving him for everything.
My arms hugged around my cold body as I walked, in a futile effort to warm my body. Needless to say, it didn’t help and shivers raked through my body. I didn’t know where I was walking, but I wasn’t surprised when I discovered that I was standing in front of Gerard’s apartment building. I couldn’t help myself. I had to see Gerard, if only for a moment. I didn’t even understand why I was doing it, but I was. My knuckles rapped on the door, and it opened.
I don’t remember if I cried first or not, because in moments we were both crying. I buried my head in his chest, aching for the contact that I had been deprived of for so long. His strong arms enveloped my body as we both cried, and my arms snaked around his waist. I never thought that Id be doing this. Gerard’s lips found mine when I finally looked up at his face. I melted into his frame as soon as the searing kiss started. I wasn’t sure if this was actually what I wanted. But for the moment, I was in heaven. I thought about pushing him away, but I didn’t do it, I couldn’t do it.
He broke our kiss, receiving a whimper of protest from between my parted lips. "I-I’m sorry, Frankie." He said, half realizing that I probably didn’t want to kiss him in the first place. He looked down at me, as if pleading that I would take him back. I didn’t know what I wanted at that point. I knew he had still been drinking, because his clothing held the faint stench of beer. I knew that the whole thing would happen again if I went back with him. No, I couldn’t do this anymore, Id told myself that three weeks ago. I hadn’t listened to myself.
"I shouldn’t have come" I said, pushing his body away from mine. I turned and ran from his apartment for the second time in less than a month. I heard him yell my name, but I kept running. I was done with him, done with the life he brought me. Id buried that part of my life forever. I was going to find another boy, a good boy, and I would be happy. The only thing I was afraid of however, was never being happy without his arms around me.
'I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
(Or dead)
Honey if you stay, I’ll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home
(Or dead)
I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
(Or dead)
Honey if you stay, I’ll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home
(Or dead)
I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
(Or dead)
Honey if you stay, I’ll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home'
And now I stand here at Gerard’s funeral, looking back on the days that Id left him. I never went back after that one day. I became cold and distant. Again, Ive willed myself not to cry. And I haven’t so far. You’re probably wondering how he died. He killed himself. It happened a week after I left for the second time. Mikey found him in a pool of his own blood on the floor of his apartment. He’d stabbed himself in the heart, instantly killing himself. They’re looking at me right now, Mikey, Bob, Ray and Gee’s parents. They think that it was my fault. They’re wrong. It was his own fault. He killed himself years ago, when he started drinking.
Now at the grave site, they’re telling about his life, who he loved, who he left behind. There is no surge of sadness or grief, but many other people seem to be experiencing it. I just know that he is finally finished with it all, the drinking and the drugs. I walk up to the casket as they start lowering it to his grave and drop a single red rose onto his casket. I don’t cry as I walk away, I just remember that I’m not afraid to keep on living. I am not afraid to walk this world alone.
-
*This was written in 2007 ; was my first Frerard ; and is also posted on the site I used to co-own, Skeleton Skylines.
Please tell me what you think. <3
Author: Caleighxo
Rating: I'll go with PG,
if anyone thinks otherwise tell me.
Length: Oneshot
Warnings: Yaoi/Drinking/Depression
Pairings: FrankxGerard.
Band: My Chemical Romance
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. They are real people, with real lifes. This is just fanfiction. Frank and Gerard may or may not have an actual realationship. I do not claim to be them. That is all.
Summary: Frank and Gerard have the hots for each other. They can't stand to be away from each other for one second. But when Gerard's drinking gets too much for Frank to handle, he decides its best for the both of them to stop seeing each other. Read on to find out what happens.
*You have to look out for the lyrics to the actual song, because I'm lame and can't figure out how to italicize them.
'Now I know
That I can’t make you stay
But where’s your heart?
But where’s your heart?
But where’s your...
And I know
There’s nothing I could say
To change that part
To change that part
To change'
"Frankie. Please." He begged me to stay. Gerard was kneeling pathetically on the floor before me, pleading with all of his might. I couldn’t bring myself to forgive him this time. He was drunk, as usual, and this had been the last straw. True, I loved him, but there was that part of me that knew that he was never going to change. He took my hand and pressed a kiss on my warm flesh. I pulled my hand away.
"Dont touch me, Gerard" I said. I held my suitcase in my hand, packed with what little clothing I had. Pansy’s case was slung over my shoulder. He knew it was going to happen eventually. Gerard had messed up too many times, and I couldn’t handle it anymore. I told myself I wouldn’t, couldn’t cry. "Goodbye Gerard" I said, walking out the door. I turned to shut the it, and briefly caught a glimpse of Gerard crumpling to the ground, his head in his hands.
'So many
Bright lights, they cast a shadow
But can I speak?
Well is it hard understanding
I’m incomplete
A life that’s so demanding
I get so weak
A love that’s so demanding
I can’t speak
I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay, I’ll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home'
I knew leaving Gerard was the best thing for me, but I didn’t know why I felt so incomplete without him. It wasn’t that Gerard didn’t love me, or that he was cheating on me, it was the drinking and most of all the drugs that were keeping me away from the person I loved. It was so difficult living with him. He came home from work and drank. It sucked the life out of me. He never slept, and in turn I never did because I would stay awake worried sick about Gerard.
I thought I could change him. He said he would change over and over again, when he was sober. He’d make up an excuse to drink. He couldn’t sleep or he was really stressed out. At first I didn’t care. We made love just about every night, either that or we just held each other and kissed. Then things started to change. He stopped wanting to make love, which I was okay with. I loved being around him, sex didn’t matter to me. A few weeks later, he didn’t even want to kiss me. He never spoke to me. I felt neglected. It was the last straw, so I left.
Now as I walk along the brightly lit sidewalk with nowhere to go, I realize that I’m happy I did it. The demands of a life with Gerard were too much. I couldn’t handle it. He needed to figure things out more than I needed to be around him. And I will go on with my life, keep living, and Gerard will too I suspect. Hell forget and forgive, but I wont, I’m not afraid to be alone anymore.
'Can you see
My eyes are shining bright
Cause I’m out here
On the other side
Of a jet black hotel mirror
And I’m so weak
Is it hard understanding
I’m incomplete
A love that’s so demanding
I get weak
I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay, I’ll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home'
I’m surprised that I’ve made it this far. Three weeks without Gerard, I chuckled as I sat there on my new apartments couch. It seemed amazing really. It hadn’t gotten easier though, like I thought it would after a week or so. No, it got far worse. I didn’t sleep anymore. I couldn’t eat. Everything reminded me of him. I’m nothing but incomplete without him.
My fingers fumbled with the television remote as I changed the channel. I wasn’t watching the show. I was watching the door, just like I had been for the past two days. I had a glimmer of hope that Gerard would walk through the door, tell me he’d kicked the addiction and hold me. A single tear cascaded down my cheek when I realized that he never would walk through, and he didn’t love me enough to come after me. Perhaps he didn’t love me at all. I refused to believe the possibility of the statement. It could have been true. I could have been played. It would have been easy to play me. I love easily, and forgive even easier. But I will not forgive him.
'I see you lying next to me
With words I thought I’d never speak
Awake and unafraid
Asleep or dead
(How can I see, I see you lying) ’Cause I see you lying next to me
(How can I see, I see you lying) With words I thought I’d never speak
(How can I see, I see you lying) Awake and unafraid
(How can I see, I see you lying) Asleep or dead'
I don’t know how many days I cried that week, when Gerard didn’t walk through that door. I couldn’t help it, I still loved him. Everything about my apartment reminded me of him. I needed to get outside. I left my apartment, with only a pair of jeans and a teeshirt on, which was stupid because it was about 50 degrees out. I didn’t care. I was already numb. It was kind of funny how far Id turned around in the past few days. Three weeks ago, I had every intention to stay away from Gerard forever. Now I could barely keep myself from running to his apartment and forgiving him for everything.
My arms hugged around my cold body as I walked, in a futile effort to warm my body. Needless to say, it didn’t help and shivers raked through my body. I didn’t know where I was walking, but I wasn’t surprised when I discovered that I was standing in front of Gerard’s apartment building. I couldn’t help myself. I had to see Gerard, if only for a moment. I didn’t even understand why I was doing it, but I was. My knuckles rapped on the door, and it opened.
I don’t remember if I cried first or not, because in moments we were both crying. I buried my head in his chest, aching for the contact that I had been deprived of for so long. His strong arms enveloped my body as we both cried, and my arms snaked around his waist. I never thought that Id be doing this. Gerard’s lips found mine when I finally looked up at his face. I melted into his frame as soon as the searing kiss started. I wasn’t sure if this was actually what I wanted. But for the moment, I was in heaven. I thought about pushing him away, but I didn’t do it, I couldn’t do it.
He broke our kiss, receiving a whimper of protest from between my parted lips. "I-I’m sorry, Frankie." He said, half realizing that I probably didn’t want to kiss him in the first place. He looked down at me, as if pleading that I would take him back. I didn’t know what I wanted at that point. I knew he had still been drinking, because his clothing held the faint stench of beer. I knew that the whole thing would happen again if I went back with him. No, I couldn’t do this anymore, Id told myself that three weeks ago. I hadn’t listened to myself.
"I shouldn’t have come" I said, pushing his body away from mine. I turned and ran from his apartment for the second time in less than a month. I heard him yell my name, but I kept running. I was done with him, done with the life he brought me. Id buried that part of my life forever. I was going to find another boy, a good boy, and I would be happy. The only thing I was afraid of however, was never being happy without his arms around me.
'I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
(Or dead)
Honey if you stay, I’ll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home
(Or dead)
I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
(Or dead)
Honey if you stay, I’ll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home
(Or dead)
I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
(Or dead)
Honey if you stay, I’ll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home'
And now I stand here at Gerard’s funeral, looking back on the days that Id left him. I never went back after that one day. I became cold and distant. Again, Ive willed myself not to cry. And I haven’t so far. You’re probably wondering how he died. He killed himself. It happened a week after I left for the second time. Mikey found him in a pool of his own blood on the floor of his apartment. He’d stabbed himself in the heart, instantly killing himself. They’re looking at me right now, Mikey, Bob, Ray and Gee’s parents. They think that it was my fault. They’re wrong. It was his own fault. He killed himself years ago, when he started drinking.
Now at the grave site, they’re telling about his life, who he loved, who he left behind. There is no surge of sadness or grief, but many other people seem to be experiencing it. I just know that he is finally finished with it all, the drinking and the drugs. I walk up to the casket as they start lowering it to his grave and drop a single red rose onto his casket. I don’t cry as I walk away, I just remember that I’m not afraid to keep on living. I am not afraid to walk this world alone.
-
*This was written in 2007 ; was my first Frerard ; and is also posted on the site I used to co-own, Skeleton Skylines.
Please tell me what you think. <3