Home?
Dear Journal,
As I was walking down Santa Monica observing the stretched medium sized Tshirts, impeccable hair, pectoral muscles and shrieking shrills of anorexic men, it occurred to me: I am glad that a place like this exists. My feelings toward West Hollywood is almost equivalent to that one night stand, it’s great in the moment but when your surroundings sinks in, your good sense takes over only to have the same experience once again. Ok. So I haven’t had that many one night stands, but I think the analogy sticks. Despite having these feelings, I have come to see this place as a pocket for those who need it, a place of belonging for shrill ‘twinks’ to chirp. There has to be a place where those who work out 18 hours a day share their trophies as evidenced by thin stretchy shirts one size smaller than their actual body size. A haven is needed where one can exhibit their boisterous personality, and to be fairly, and rightful glamour in being ‘a West Hollywood gay’. Otherwise, where would they go?
But to be genuine and serious, really, a place like this needs to exist. Despite being fascinated by this place and constantly finding myself coming back, I have in the past, in my own way, developed a judgmental perception of the people that call this place their home; granted, most of it comes from my own insecurities. The lavish lifestyle, immense glamour, and what I viewed as an ostentatious pricks somehow changed in my mind - they are people who needed a place to go. I guess it occurred to me when I met up with a friend who a little more than a year ago moved into the West Hollywood area. As we were talking, he was saying how much he goes out every night, how he is having the time of his life, and he can never, EVER go back to Bakersfield. He then pointed out something I found poignant “I have not changed. I just found a home.”
Home. I think, is something that we all need. Home, I think, is something I need to start thinking about. I think I have been mostly avoiding the reality, but it’s starting to sink in… I am going to be graduating from nursing school come December, and my career is going to take off, God willing. For awhile now I have resigned to the face that I may stay in Bakersfield, work in Mercy, and endure a couple more years. There was something my friend said that struck me “there are some people in Bakersfield who settle, who have no ambition to see what’s out there, which is fine, but I have no desire to settle” “You want to push things - so do I” I replied. And it’s strange, because can I honestly say that Bakersfield is my home? What keeps me here is school (obviously) but since that is coming to an end, there is lingering feeling of obligation. Obligation to my family? I need to leave the nest (again) someday… Obligation to a hospital? I truly appreciate the experience working there… but I know in my heart that Bakersfield isn’t my home. While I have amazing, lovely friends, the community, in general, make me feel out of my own level of comfort. I feel just about alienated among the crowds in Bakersfield as I feel alienated with the carbon copy gays of West Hollywood. So where do I go? Where will I make my home?
As I was walking down Santa Monica observing the stretched medium sized Tshirts, impeccable hair, pectoral muscles and shrieking shrills of anorexic men, it occurred to me: I am glad that a place like this exists. My feelings toward West Hollywood is almost equivalent to that one night stand, it’s great in the moment but when your surroundings sinks in, your good sense takes over only to have the same experience once again. Ok. So I haven’t had that many one night stands, but I think the analogy sticks. Despite having these feelings, I have come to see this place as a pocket for those who need it, a place of belonging for shrill ‘twinks’ to chirp. There has to be a place where those who work out 18 hours a day share their trophies as evidenced by thin stretchy shirts one size smaller than their actual body size. A haven is needed where one can exhibit their boisterous personality, and to be fairly, and rightful glamour in being ‘a West Hollywood gay’. Otherwise, where would they go?
But to be genuine and serious, really, a place like this needs to exist. Despite being fascinated by this place and constantly finding myself coming back, I have in the past, in my own way, developed a judgmental perception of the people that call this place their home; granted, most of it comes from my own insecurities. The lavish lifestyle, immense glamour, and what I viewed as an ostentatious pricks somehow changed in my mind - they are people who needed a place to go. I guess it occurred to me when I met up with a friend who a little more than a year ago moved into the West Hollywood area. As we were talking, he was saying how much he goes out every night, how he is having the time of his life, and he can never, EVER go back to Bakersfield. He then pointed out something I found poignant “I have not changed. I just found a home.”
Home. I think, is something that we all need. Home, I think, is something I need to start thinking about. I think I have been mostly avoiding the reality, but it’s starting to sink in… I am going to be graduating from nursing school come December, and my career is going to take off, God willing. For awhile now I have resigned to the face that I may stay in Bakersfield, work in Mercy, and endure a couple more years. There was something my friend said that struck me “there are some people in Bakersfield who settle, who have no ambition to see what’s out there, which is fine, but I have no desire to settle” “You want to push things - so do I” I replied. And it’s strange, because can I honestly say that Bakersfield is my home? What keeps me here is school (obviously) but since that is coming to an end, there is lingering feeling of obligation. Obligation to my family? I need to leave the nest (again) someday… Obligation to a hospital? I truly appreciate the experience working there… but I know in my heart that Bakersfield isn’t my home. While I have amazing, lovely friends, the community, in general, make me feel out of my own level of comfort. I feel just about alienated among the crowds in Bakersfield as I feel alienated with the carbon copy gays of West Hollywood. So where do I go? Where will I make my home?