Letter to the St. Philips community.
Tomorrow I'm going to stand outside the church. I'll stand with a piece of paper with a statement. I'm kinda nervous. I think I am going to be going there by myself. I don't want to be pushy about asking other people to come... I am kinda lame like that. I don't fully get it. Hmmm...
Dear Members of the Community:
First of all, I would like to extend my gratitude for taking the time to read my statement. My name is Thomas Aaron Rios, a verbally-introvert, stressed-student, supportive-friend, and nagging-sibling with a poor sense of clothing style. Furthermore, I am a gay-Catholic. I write to you today not to tell you how to vote this upcoming election; instead, I am here to share with you an often neglected or silent portion of our community, the gay-Catholics. My goal is to share my experience to help paint a picture of one of many members of this faith community, and hopefully open lines of dialog in search of understanding for all parties.
To begin, I was born here in Bakersfield, and lived here throughout my life until the end high school. I left for college at Berkeley and after five years living in the bay area, I have returned home continuing further studies. My story as a Catholic began with my family, with a grandmother who would regularly take me to St. Francis as a child. As I grew, I became autonomous in my faith and began attending St. Philips during high school. Before driving, I couldn’t depend on my parents all the time to drive, so I would walk to mass by myself and enjoy the liturgy, from the music, to the Word, to the Eucharist, and finally some personal prayer. When I finally began to drive, I was able to join the choir for afternoon mass, attend Confirmation class, and was Confirmed spring of 2001. In college, I involved myself in student ministry, serving for four years by helping plan fellowship events, organize retreats, participating in loaves and fishes homeless dinners, and facilitate weekly bible study.
Perhaps I bored you with this list of my past interests, but my intention for this list is simply this: I love being Catholic. When questioned about being gay, and how I can be Catholic, this is my answer: After much prayer, discernment, listening, processing and more prayer, I love being part of a community, a part of the body of Christ. I believe we are all graced with different gifts of the Spirit, and all of us in our differences are united in Christ’s. I believe that faith is developed from scripture, tradition, experience, and prayer: all components necessary for discernment to wisdom. I believe in the pilgrim Church, a Church resilient throughout the ages, acknowledging our history of moments of grace through the holy lives and selfless actions of the saints to our shameful moments in history from inquisitions to scandals, and through this history we are guided by the Spirit and learn and change as a community to act according to Christ’s teaching: Love. Lastly, I believe in Jesus as Christ. I believe in Jesus being completely divine, emanating grace, being the Word: LOVE. I believe in Jesus being completely human prosecuted for speaking out in love above all else, and upon facing hate and ultimately death, transcended in love. On Sundays, I look forward to the community, the music, the smells and bells, but ultimately, I look forward to the Eucharist, to be in communion with Christ. That is my faith, regardless of being gay or not gay.
Sadly, many gay-Catholics become ex-Catholics. Many feel like they have no place, no voice, and even no standing in the Catholic church, or even worse, feel they have no standing in God’s love. Personally, I have struggled with this at times, when a passing statement about homosexuality in a homily or a conversation ‘in the name of Christianity’ devalues me as a human being. Sometimes the words that we say become seeds of hate, and for many of us gay-Catholics, becomes violence if not in form of action but in spirit. Eventually, after the seeds of self-hatred are sown, the Spirit begins to change, and soon will to walk through those church doors dissipate. I have met too many within this community as well as other parishes that have walked away from the church, in the false assumption that they have no place in church.
This is why I write and stand here today: for those ex-Catholics that have lost the will to cross these doors. For those peers that have every desire to be in union with Christ, have every intention to share Christ’s love, and once sought grace in their lives. In light of political activity, I believe divisions become formed, and people are hastily grouped into ‘categories’, neglecting the dignity and integrity deserved by all God’s children. I pray that we all be cautious about alienating people, and most of all, I ask that we pray for unyielding respect for human dignity.
As for me, I have been graced with love. I received full-acceptance in my family. I’ve had an incredible source of support through friendship, as brothers and sisters in Christ despite whether or not they formally address themselves as ‘Christian’ or ‘not’. I’ve experienced the pastoral care from clergy willing to listen to my struggles. I now have a boyfriend who provides an incredible amount of love and support as I grow into myself - which I hope I likewise do in return. All of these I attribute as God’s grace shining upon me, and through these presences in my life I have been emancipated from fear and self-loathing sown by seeds of hurtful words.
I wish and pray that we as a community address the needs of these individuals, as they need to know that they are loved, for I cannot imagine my own life lacking that love and support. I wish and pray that the ‘gay issue’ is not treated with uncomfortable silence, but with openness and honesty, and hopefully unifying what was once broken. I pray that we all strive for understanding, an understanding that we come to Christ through love.
My name is Thomas Aaron Rios, and there are many aspects of myself that make me who I am, and being gay is only one of many of those aspects as being Catholic is one of many aspects. I am open to conversation and would be open to talking about my own experiences as well as of other Catholics I have been blessed to have met throughout my faith journey. In the end of it all though, it is all about God, Jesus the Word, the Word being love, and sharing the Word.
In humility and with great gratitude for your time,
Thomas Aaron Rios.
aaron.rios@gmail.com
Dear Members of the Community:
First of all, I would like to extend my gratitude for taking the time to read my statement. My name is Thomas Aaron Rios, a verbally-introvert, stressed-student, supportive-friend, and nagging-sibling with a poor sense of clothing style. Furthermore, I am a gay-Catholic. I write to you today not to tell you how to vote this upcoming election; instead, I am here to share with you an often neglected or silent portion of our community, the gay-Catholics. My goal is to share my experience to help paint a picture of one of many members of this faith community, and hopefully open lines of dialog in search of understanding for all parties.
To begin, I was born here in Bakersfield, and lived here throughout my life until the end high school. I left for college at Berkeley and after five years living in the bay area, I have returned home continuing further studies. My story as a Catholic began with my family, with a grandmother who would regularly take me to St. Francis as a child. As I grew, I became autonomous in my faith and began attending St. Philips during high school. Before driving, I couldn’t depend on my parents all the time to drive, so I would walk to mass by myself and enjoy the liturgy, from the music, to the Word, to the Eucharist, and finally some personal prayer. When I finally began to drive, I was able to join the choir for afternoon mass, attend Confirmation class, and was Confirmed spring of 2001. In college, I involved myself in student ministry, serving for four years by helping plan fellowship events, organize retreats, participating in loaves and fishes homeless dinners, and facilitate weekly bible study.
Perhaps I bored you with this list of my past interests, but my intention for this list is simply this: I love being Catholic. When questioned about being gay, and how I can be Catholic, this is my answer: After much prayer, discernment, listening, processing and more prayer, I love being part of a community, a part of the body of Christ. I believe we are all graced with different gifts of the Spirit, and all of us in our differences are united in Christ’s. I believe that faith is developed from scripture, tradition, experience, and prayer: all components necessary for discernment to wisdom. I believe in the pilgrim Church, a Church resilient throughout the ages, acknowledging our history of moments of grace through the holy lives and selfless actions of the saints to our shameful moments in history from inquisitions to scandals, and through this history we are guided by the Spirit and learn and change as a community to act according to Christ’s teaching: Love. Lastly, I believe in Jesus as Christ. I believe in Jesus being completely divine, emanating grace, being the Word: LOVE. I believe in Jesus being completely human prosecuted for speaking out in love above all else, and upon facing hate and ultimately death, transcended in love. On Sundays, I look forward to the community, the music, the smells and bells, but ultimately, I look forward to the Eucharist, to be in communion with Christ. That is my faith, regardless of being gay or not gay.
Sadly, many gay-Catholics become ex-Catholics. Many feel like they have no place, no voice, and even no standing in the Catholic church, or even worse, feel they have no standing in God’s love. Personally, I have struggled with this at times, when a passing statement about homosexuality in a homily or a conversation ‘in the name of Christianity’ devalues me as a human being. Sometimes the words that we say become seeds of hate, and for many of us gay-Catholics, becomes violence if not in form of action but in spirit. Eventually, after the seeds of self-hatred are sown, the Spirit begins to change, and soon will to walk through those church doors dissipate. I have met too many within this community as well as other parishes that have walked away from the church, in the false assumption that they have no place in church.
This is why I write and stand here today: for those ex-Catholics that have lost the will to cross these doors. For those peers that have every desire to be in union with Christ, have every intention to share Christ’s love, and once sought grace in their lives. In light of political activity, I believe divisions become formed, and people are hastily grouped into ‘categories’, neglecting the dignity and integrity deserved by all God’s children. I pray that we all be cautious about alienating people, and most of all, I ask that we pray for unyielding respect for human dignity.
As for me, I have been graced with love. I received full-acceptance in my family. I’ve had an incredible source of support through friendship, as brothers and sisters in Christ despite whether or not they formally address themselves as ‘Christian’ or ‘not’. I’ve experienced the pastoral care from clergy willing to listen to my struggles. I now have a boyfriend who provides an incredible amount of love and support as I grow into myself - which I hope I likewise do in return. All of these I attribute as God’s grace shining upon me, and through these presences in my life I have been emancipated from fear and self-loathing sown by seeds of hurtful words.
I wish and pray that we as a community address the needs of these individuals, as they need to know that they are loved, for I cannot imagine my own life lacking that love and support. I wish and pray that the ‘gay issue’ is not treated with uncomfortable silence, but with openness and honesty, and hopefully unifying what was once broken. I pray that we all strive for understanding, an understanding that we come to Christ through love.
My name is Thomas Aaron Rios, and there are many aspects of myself that make me who I am, and being gay is only one of many of those aspects as being Catholic is one of many aspects. I am open to conversation and would be open to talking about my own experiences as well as of other Catholics I have been blessed to have met throughout my faith journey. In the end of it all though, it is all about God, Jesus the Word, the Word being love, and sharing the Word.
In humility and with great gratitude for your time,
Thomas Aaron Rios.
aaron.rios@gmail.com