My future
I want a dog. A big dog. Like a golden retriever. I think a golden retriever would be a good fit for me. A good match. Or maybe a chocolate lab. I used to always say I wanted a medium sized dog, because that's all I'd known. But I want to be different from what I've known. I've always chosen things because it's what I've known. I want to break away from that. I want to do what I want and have what I want because it's different. Because it's me. Not because it's what I've known. How can I learn who I really am and BE who I really am without breaking away? Without doing something different? Slowly I'm beginning to realize what someone had always told me. I need to live for myself, and not for my family and their expectations. I just wish I would have realized that before. Maybe I needed to be away from him for a while to explore my own individuality. And I am an individual. I'm not like anyone else. And I shouldn't worry about everyone else's expectations of me. Worry about my own expectations. Set my own expectations. And I've started doing that by setting a goal of how much weight I want to lose. I'm working on that goal and am 10 pounds closer to it than I was 2 weeks ago. Another goal I'm working on is to find a new job. I've been thinking about working as a receptionist at a veteranary clinic. I love animals, and maybe working there will spark an interest to go back to school to be a vet tech. I am seriously considering that, and think that a career change might make me a better person.
I still feel incredibly hurt, sad, and confused about my recent relationship falling apart, but I'm starting to find out who I really am, and that is making me feel happier deep down in my soul. Maybe now that I am learning to love myself I can be loved again. Because what they say is right. How can someone else love you, if you don't love yourself?