(no subject)
Oh my gosh. Hello. Hi. HI. I cannot believe it has been so long since I've updated. I feel awful! Awful because I've been so out of the loop, and awful because coming here and unloading is some of the best stress relief there is. In my defense, this past year has been pretty freaking terrible and my depression disallowed me from doing anything productive.
So. Let me explain. (No, there is too much; let me sum up.)
- The Starbucks I worked at in NYC was the absolute worst experience in my life to date. It was chaos, horrible, frustrating, dehumanizing chaos. The things I had to deal with with how little money I was paid... honestly, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. During one memorable evening shift, I had to call the cops: this girl had about 5 kids in the store with her waiting in line to use the restroom, and they were being loud and obnoxious, so I asked them to keep it down because the store wasn't a playground. She got ALL up in my face about how one of the kids had a some issue and couldn't help it. And I said ...sorry? but that doesn't really matter? You're not a paying customer, the kids have been loud in here for the past 20 minutes, this isn't a playground (the amount of shits I gave at this point were nonexistent anyway.) She BLEW UP. Called me a bunch of wonderful names and said she'd be bringing her "homies" in to deal with us. So about an hour later, she brings in this gang of like, 6 huge guys and they're screaming at me and my coworkers without letting us say a word about anything, so I just stand there and roll my eyes because I just. Couldn't. Care. One of my coworkers was ready to jump over the counter and start fighting (he told me later he would do anything for me, I was his favorite shift supervisor, ha), so I told him to go in the back, and then told the guys that I was calling the cops. They yelled louder, threw the portable phone charger across the room, and left. Aaaaand hung around outside, across the street, waiting for us all to leave our shifts. When the cops came I pointed them in that direction and they scattered, but before the end of the night, the coworker who was willing to fight for me looked around the block, down in the subway, etc, and they had all left. So. That was just the icing on the goddamn cake.
I held out as long as I could, and then could not take it anymore and quit in October. Meanwhile, the rest of my spare time from the summer to this point was spent emailing resumes and job hunting as much as I could. But my money was dwindling fast, and I had no leads, NO leads at all with jobs, so I gave my self an ultimatum, and if I couldn't find anything, I'd move back home.
It kills me, the saying that money doesn't buy happiness, because it really does. It really really does. I just did my taxes a few weeks ago, and realized I made a grand total of $15k last year. IN NEW YORK CITY. It's honestly a wonder I didn't throw myself off the Queensboro bridge. It was so hard. So so hard.
So I made the decision: time to pack up and go. Which was also very hard to do, because I had a great crew of lovely ladies supporting me. But when the middle of November rolled around and I picked up my rental car and shoved almost everything I owned in there, drove through Queens, down through Greenpoint and across the Williamsburg bridge, saying goodbye to NYC through Chinatown and saw the last Q train before driving through the Holland tunnel, I felt good. I felt really really good. To be honest, the two day roadtrip with a stop in Galax, Virginia (really almost the middle of nowhere), and then driving down the Blue Ridge Parkway for most of the rest of the way was incredible. I enjoyed myself so much.
- So. I'm living with my parents. Again. This time not in Florida, thankfully, since they moved north of Atlanta. It's been pretty good. We get along fine and their new house is great. The downside (because there always is one with me lol) is that my paternal grandmother lives with us as well. She has dementia; that combined with incessant stubborness, aggressiveness, losing things and then blaming my dad/claiming he stole her stuff... it's made things very very stressful. Just today, I was headed to the gym, and I overheard her on the phone with my uncle, and she actually said, "If I stay here with these people much longer I'm going to kill myself." Like... okay, this is not the first time I've heard her mention that she's going to kill herself (the other was when my uncle asked her opinion on living in an assisted living facility, and she said she'd kill herself if we put her in one), but the fact that she said "these people." "THESE PEOPLE." Like my parents haven't bent themselves over backwards accomodating her every need. And I get that some of it is the disease, I do, but a 'thank you' wouldn't go amiss some days, you know?
Anyway - they've been looking more and more at assisted living facilities because they're at their wits end and because this WILL eventually be something she'll need 24/7 supervision for from professional help. It's SO expensive, but they think they've found an affordable place that, surprise, has an opening next Friday. So, wow.
And... every bit of literature we've read and person we've talked to said that in order to make the process as smooth as possible, what would be best to do is take her out on a drive. While she's out of the house, pack up all her stuff, put it in a moving truck, and take it to the facility. When it's all there, drop her off and say... well, you live here now. I mean, wow. How shitty does that sound, right? How awful. But we've been assured by people who have done this before that yeah, it's going to suck. A LOT. The doing of it will overwhelm you with guilt and make you feel like a monster. But it's better to do it that way because if they see you in the process of taking all their stuff out of their room and putting it in a moving truck... it would be even worse.
- Okay, now time for a plus! In January I finally (FINALLY) found a great, well-paying, steady job. I'm an account service rep at a company that provides voice overs/telephony systems/web narration/etc for all kind of companies. So when you call a doctor's office and get that automated greeting, or call Macy's or the power company, we provide the talent and recordings for those voices. I essentially work under two account managers (and their 100-200 accounts), and work through email most of the day. Like, I get at least 200 emails a day. It's VERY fast-paced and was difficult at first to wrap my head around, but I've been there less than two months and I've got a pretty great handle on things. I've been complimented many times by my coworkers, saying that I've picked it up really quickly. And my coworkers are suuuuper nice, and I get treated like an actual ADULT with a BUSINESS TITLE with the respect that I've earned in just 7 weeks. ALSO MY SALARY??? is well over double than what I made last year. It's more than my mom EVER made while raising us. So yeah. This is good. I feel good about this right now, and I hope it stays that way.
So... that's about it. I will definitely try to be making regular updates now that I'm out of the slums of depression. I even have a few trips lined up! Something I haven't done in a long while. :D
So. Let me explain. (No, there is too much; let me sum up.)
- The Starbucks I worked at in NYC was the absolute worst experience in my life to date. It was chaos, horrible, frustrating, dehumanizing chaos. The things I had to deal with with how little money I was paid... honestly, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. During one memorable evening shift, I had to call the cops: this girl had about 5 kids in the store with her waiting in line to use the restroom, and they were being loud and obnoxious, so I asked them to keep it down because the store wasn't a playground. She got ALL up in my face about how one of the kids had a some issue and couldn't help it. And I said ...sorry? but that doesn't really matter? You're not a paying customer, the kids have been loud in here for the past 20 minutes, this isn't a playground (the amount of shits I gave at this point were nonexistent anyway.) She BLEW UP. Called me a bunch of wonderful names and said she'd be bringing her "homies" in to deal with us. So about an hour later, she brings in this gang of like, 6 huge guys and they're screaming at me and my coworkers without letting us say a word about anything, so I just stand there and roll my eyes because I just. Couldn't. Care. One of my coworkers was ready to jump over the counter and start fighting (he told me later he would do anything for me, I was his favorite shift supervisor, ha), so I told him to go in the back, and then told the guys that I was calling the cops. They yelled louder, threw the portable phone charger across the room, and left. Aaaaand hung around outside, across the street, waiting for us all to leave our shifts. When the cops came I pointed them in that direction and they scattered, but before the end of the night, the coworker who was willing to fight for me looked around the block, down in the subway, etc, and they had all left. So. That was just the icing on the goddamn cake.
I held out as long as I could, and then could not take it anymore and quit in October. Meanwhile, the rest of my spare time from the summer to this point was spent emailing resumes and job hunting as much as I could. But my money was dwindling fast, and I had no leads, NO leads at all with jobs, so I gave my self an ultimatum, and if I couldn't find anything, I'd move back home.
It kills me, the saying that money doesn't buy happiness, because it really does. It really really does. I just did my taxes a few weeks ago, and realized I made a grand total of $15k last year. IN NEW YORK CITY. It's honestly a wonder I didn't throw myself off the Queensboro bridge. It was so hard. So so hard.
So I made the decision: time to pack up and go. Which was also very hard to do, because I had a great crew of lovely ladies supporting me. But when the middle of November rolled around and I picked up my rental car and shoved almost everything I owned in there, drove through Queens, down through Greenpoint and across the Williamsburg bridge, saying goodbye to NYC through Chinatown and saw the last Q train before driving through the Holland tunnel, I felt good. I felt really really good. To be honest, the two day roadtrip with a stop in Galax, Virginia (really almost the middle of nowhere), and then driving down the Blue Ridge Parkway for most of the rest of the way was incredible. I enjoyed myself so much.
- So. I'm living with my parents. Again. This time not in Florida, thankfully, since they moved north of Atlanta. It's been pretty good. We get along fine and their new house is great. The downside (because there always is one with me lol) is that my paternal grandmother lives with us as well. She has dementia; that combined with incessant stubborness, aggressiveness, losing things and then blaming my dad/claiming he stole her stuff... it's made things very very stressful. Just today, I was headed to the gym, and I overheard her on the phone with my uncle, and she actually said, "If I stay here with these people much longer I'm going to kill myself." Like... okay, this is not the first time I've heard her mention that she's going to kill herself (the other was when my uncle asked her opinion on living in an assisted living facility, and she said she'd kill herself if we put her in one), but the fact that she said "these people." "THESE PEOPLE." Like my parents haven't bent themselves over backwards accomodating her every need. And I get that some of it is the disease, I do, but a 'thank you' wouldn't go amiss some days, you know?
Anyway - they've been looking more and more at assisted living facilities because they're at their wits end and because this WILL eventually be something she'll need 24/7 supervision for from professional help. It's SO expensive, but they think they've found an affordable place that, surprise, has an opening next Friday. So, wow.
And... every bit of literature we've read and person we've talked to said that in order to make the process as smooth as possible, what would be best to do is take her out on a drive. While she's out of the house, pack up all her stuff, put it in a moving truck, and take it to the facility. When it's all there, drop her off and say... well, you live here now. I mean, wow. How shitty does that sound, right? How awful. But we've been assured by people who have done this before that yeah, it's going to suck. A LOT. The doing of it will overwhelm you with guilt and make you feel like a monster. But it's better to do it that way because if they see you in the process of taking all their stuff out of their room and putting it in a moving truck... it would be even worse.
- Okay, now time for a plus! In January I finally (FINALLY) found a great, well-paying, steady job. I'm an account service rep at a company that provides voice overs/telephony systems/web narration/etc for all kind of companies. So when you call a doctor's office and get that automated greeting, or call Macy's or the power company, we provide the talent and recordings for those voices. I essentially work under two account managers (and their 100-200 accounts), and work through email most of the day. Like, I get at least 200 emails a day. It's VERY fast-paced and was difficult at first to wrap my head around, but I've been there less than two months and I've got a pretty great handle on things. I've been complimented many times by my coworkers, saying that I've picked it up really quickly. And my coworkers are suuuuper nice, and I get treated like an actual ADULT with a BUSINESS TITLE with the respect that I've earned in just 7 weeks. ALSO MY SALARY??? is well over double than what I made last year. It's more than my mom EVER made while raising us. So yeah. This is good. I feel good about this right now, and I hope it stays that way.
So... that's about it. I will definitely try to be making regular updates now that I'm out of the slums of depression. I even have a few trips lined up! Something I haven't done in a long while. :D