SuJu Fic: The Game Part Nine
Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six Part Seven Part Eight Part Ten Part Eleven
That night they sleep under the covers together, the three of them (the bed really shouldn’t be able to do that, but somehow it manages without any of them falling out), and early the next day, before the rest of the dorm is awake, Leeteuk calls the doctor and gets him to come over as soon as possible. Quite coincidentally, and Kyuhyun thanks whoever made their schedules, it’s a day off for most of them, which means they have all day for the doctor to come and everything to be sorted out.
When the doctor arrives around nine o’clock, he seems to be expecting the worst, so when Kyuhyun is presented to him in one piece he looks surprised. Kyuhyun wants the examination, because that’s what it is, to be over as soon as possible, and so he does everything the doctor says without protest after his hyungs are sent out of the room to give him some privacy.
“You’re alright,” the doctor says eventually. “It’ll hurt for a few days but there’s no bleeding, internal or otherwise, and as long as you don’t do any rigorous exercise for a little while, a few days, you’ll be okay. Your shoulders and wrists are fine as well, just a little bruised. You could have done worse.” He writes Kyuhyun a couple of prescriptions for medicines that will help with the pain and then adds, “You should talk to someone about it, because it’ll be good for you. There are some good rape counsellors around.” It’s the first time the word has been said aloud and Kyuhyun winces.
“I don’t want anyone to know,” he mumbles. “It’ll be bad for us if it gets out.”
The doctor frowns. “You can’t blame yourself for it happening, Kyuhyun-sshi.” It’s the same thing Leeteuk said. Kyuhyun doesn’t believe it, because he knows it was his fault. The doctor, as if seeing Kyuhyun’s scepticism, adds, “No matter what you said to him, rape is never excusable-certainly not when it’s multiple times.” Somehow it manages to sound worse when he says it like that, but it gives Kyuhyun a label for what happened. Rape.
The doctor leaves and Kyuhyun can hear him conversing quietly with his hyungs. He eavesdrops to see if there is anything the doctor didn’t tell him.
“His physical condition is alright,” the doctor tells them. “He’s not bleeding internally. Make sure he doesn’t dance for a few days and takes the medicines I prescribed regularly.” This was all what he told Kyuhyun. “I’m more worried about his mental condition. He’s in denial. He thinks it was his fault that he was raped and he thinks if he seeks help it’ll hurt the band as a whole, so he’s not telling you what happened. I think you should take him to see a counsellor because it’ll help him deal with the situation better. I’m not a psychologist but I can tell you that he probably thinks about it a lot and he’ll keep thinking about it for some time. If he can talk about it, it’ll help him recover faster. Counsellors are bound by confidentiality rules, so he doesn’t need to worry about anything he says becoming public knowledge.”
“We’ll try,” Kangin says. “We’ll do our best, but we can’t promise that Kyuhyun will agree to it. If he’s worried about our idol image, he probably doesn’t want to talk to anyone who knows who we are.”
“I wish we knew what happened, because then we could help.” Leeteuk’s voice is laced with sadness. “If he would just talk to us...he’s our baby, he shouldn’t have to go through this on his own. He has us hyungs to help, too.”
Kyuhyun’s heart constricts, hearing the words, because he created the Game because he wanted to grow up, because he hated being treated like the baby just because he’s the youngest in the group (hello, I’m Kyuhyun, who lowers the average age of Super Junior). He’s our baby. But now, thinking about it, it wasn’t so bad being treated that way. He gets away with so many things that his hyungs wouldn’t have; being impertinent on Jeolchin Note, and sleeping in Leeteuk’s bed, and riding on Leeteuk’s shoulders during the Super Show Concert, and whacking that sunbae over the head with that hammer on Come To Play...he knows how much they love him in their own way when they whack him with rolling papers or scream at him or give him nicknames or volunteer him on game-shows.
I’m sorry. He wants to tell them.
Maybe if he tells them about the Game it’ll help? But they’ll be disappointed in him. He’ll have to tell them about trying on Eunhyuk and Leeteuk. They won’t understand, will they? They can’t understand what it’s like. They’re not the magnae, after all.
He would say Kibum would understand, but Kibum, even before he arrived, was never treated like the magnae, even though he was the youngest for years. Ryeowook was the magnae. Ryeowook plays at being cute and innocent. Kyuhyun knows better.
He remembers the beginning; being introduced to the twelve members of Super Junior 05, thinking they’re really successful and he envies them, and why are they putting him in the group, too? They obviously don’t need him.
The manager-hyungnim tells him that Super Junior 05 is a project group but when he’s added, they’ll become a permanent group. He’s the reason they can stay together forever, because otherwise they’ll be rotated, replaced by another trainee from SME. It’ll be Eunhyuk first, and then Yesung, and then Kibum, or it’ll be Siwon, and then Ryeowook, and then Leeteuk, or it’ll be Heechul, and then Shindong, and then Kangin...they don’t really know yet.
The boys, all of them teenagers or in their early twenties, want so badly to stay together, he can see that, when he meets them. They’re all counting down the days. I’m Cho Kyuhyun, he remembers, and then he closes up and doesn’t talk much. He’s just a teenager. He’s too young for this. He doesn’t know what to do. He feels shy and scared and hopeless.
Manager-hyungnim’s greeting to the band consists of boys; Kyuhyun is being added to your group. He’ll make you whole. We’re stopping the project group idea. They’re elated. This is what they’ve wanted, even if they gain a new member to do it.
Immediately the fans ignore him, and it’s only when KRY is formed that he’s paid attention to by them, but his bandmates always try their hardest to make sure he’s okay. He gets stressed easily but he doesn’t cry around them; he leaves that for when he goes home to his parents’ house. He doesn’t have a bed, so he sleeps on the floor, and it’s uncomfortable but he can’t protest, because he’s been given this chance. He mentions it on a show briefly, mostly in jest, but it’s been a year and he’s still sleeping on the floor, and suddenly fangirls are offering to buy one for him and he realises people actually know he’s there now. It prompts the managers to buy him a bed, though, so it does something good.
As he remembers how it was, he makes up his mind.
He opens the door, and smiles shakily at the older men. “You deserve to know what I’ve been doing,” he says, “for three months now.”
The doctor makes an excuse and leaves. He probably knows it’s none of his business. Kyuhyun is grateful, because he’s made his decision and he wants to say it but he won’t if there are outsiders there.
They retreat to Leeteuk’s room and sit there on the bed together, and Kyuhyun begins his tale.
“Please don’t judge me for this,” he says before he begins. “I never meant to hurt you. I wasn’t thinking,” and then he explains about Eunhyuk and Leeteuk and how his hyungs offered to help.
They’re frowning, but he doesn’t give them time to say anything; he just barrels on. “And then...” he trails off. “We came back, and I hadn’t finished. And the last person...”
Leeteuk interrupts, “Ryeowook?”
Kyuhyun snaps his head up and looks at his hyung with shock. “How did you know?”
“You’re close,” Leeteuk says simply.
“Not anymore,” Kyuhyun says bitterly, and he can see understanding dawn in their eyes.
“You mean...?” Kangin asks, and he seems doubtful.
“I asked him if he ever gets tired of being good,” Kyuhyun whispers. “Whether he ever wanted to be bad. He was okay for a few moments. He said yes, and then said he knew what he’d do. I don’t know what I was thinking. I just...asked him if he’d show me. I didn’t expect it to be much-I thought maybe he’d hit me, because he’s Wookie, you know? And then he went...really odd.” He remembers the smile and shivers. “He looked crazy.” His hyungs blink at him, so he adds, “I was terrified. I still am.”
“What did he do to you?” Leeteuk asks, apprehension in his voice, because he doesn’t really want to know, he just wants to help Kyuhyun.
Kyuhyun tells them. He doesn’t know all of it, because he couldn’t see what was happening, but he remembers the sensations.
Leeteuk looks like he wants to throw up when Kyuhyun finishes telling them. Kangin looks murderous.
“That boy said he can’t remember a thing,” he murmurs, and he sounds more incensed than Kyuhyun ever remembering Kangin sounding. “He thinks he was cleaning, when really-” He shakes his head and swears. “This is unbelievable.”
“I think it might be good for you to speak to people,” Leeteuk says to Kyuhyun. He’s refusing to talk about Ryeowook, Kyuhyun realises. He doesn’t want to believe his Eternal Magnae can do something like that.
“I’ll talk to him about it,” Kangin tells Kyuhyun, as if he and Leeteuk aren’t having two entirely separate conversations with him at the same time.
“I’ll see a counsellor,” Kyuhyun says, surprising himself, because he doesn’t really want to see one, but he feels better now he’s told someone.
“That’s good,” Leeteuk says, kisses his forehead, and then looks for the telephone directory to book Kyuhyun an appointment for as soon as is possible, and Kyuhyun knows he made the right decision, telling them.
---
That night they sleep under the covers together, the three of them (the bed really shouldn’t be able to do that, but somehow it manages without any of them falling out), and early the next day, before the rest of the dorm is awake, Leeteuk calls the doctor and gets him to come over as soon as possible. Quite coincidentally, and Kyuhyun thanks whoever made their schedules, it’s a day off for most of them, which means they have all day for the doctor to come and everything to be sorted out.
When the doctor arrives around nine o’clock, he seems to be expecting the worst, so when Kyuhyun is presented to him in one piece he looks surprised. Kyuhyun wants the examination, because that’s what it is, to be over as soon as possible, and so he does everything the doctor says without protest after his hyungs are sent out of the room to give him some privacy.
“You’re alright,” the doctor says eventually. “It’ll hurt for a few days but there’s no bleeding, internal or otherwise, and as long as you don’t do any rigorous exercise for a little while, a few days, you’ll be okay. Your shoulders and wrists are fine as well, just a little bruised. You could have done worse.” He writes Kyuhyun a couple of prescriptions for medicines that will help with the pain and then adds, “You should talk to someone about it, because it’ll be good for you. There are some good rape counsellors around.” It’s the first time the word has been said aloud and Kyuhyun winces.
“I don’t want anyone to know,” he mumbles. “It’ll be bad for us if it gets out.”
The doctor frowns. “You can’t blame yourself for it happening, Kyuhyun-sshi.” It’s the same thing Leeteuk said. Kyuhyun doesn’t believe it, because he knows it was his fault. The doctor, as if seeing Kyuhyun’s scepticism, adds, “No matter what you said to him, rape is never excusable-certainly not when it’s multiple times.” Somehow it manages to sound worse when he says it like that, but it gives Kyuhyun a label for what happened. Rape.
The doctor leaves and Kyuhyun can hear him conversing quietly with his hyungs. He eavesdrops to see if there is anything the doctor didn’t tell him.
“His physical condition is alright,” the doctor tells them. “He’s not bleeding internally. Make sure he doesn’t dance for a few days and takes the medicines I prescribed regularly.” This was all what he told Kyuhyun. “I’m more worried about his mental condition. He’s in denial. He thinks it was his fault that he was raped and he thinks if he seeks help it’ll hurt the band as a whole, so he’s not telling you what happened. I think you should take him to see a counsellor because it’ll help him deal with the situation better. I’m not a psychologist but I can tell you that he probably thinks about it a lot and he’ll keep thinking about it for some time. If he can talk about it, it’ll help him recover faster. Counsellors are bound by confidentiality rules, so he doesn’t need to worry about anything he says becoming public knowledge.”
“We’ll try,” Kangin says. “We’ll do our best, but we can’t promise that Kyuhyun will agree to it. If he’s worried about our idol image, he probably doesn’t want to talk to anyone who knows who we are.”
“I wish we knew what happened, because then we could help.” Leeteuk’s voice is laced with sadness. “If he would just talk to us...he’s our baby, he shouldn’t have to go through this on his own. He has us hyungs to help, too.”
Kyuhyun’s heart constricts, hearing the words, because he created the Game because he wanted to grow up, because he hated being treated like the baby just because he’s the youngest in the group (hello, I’m Kyuhyun, who lowers the average age of Super Junior). He’s our baby. But now, thinking about it, it wasn’t so bad being treated that way. He gets away with so many things that his hyungs wouldn’t have; being impertinent on Jeolchin Note, and sleeping in Leeteuk’s bed, and riding on Leeteuk’s shoulders during the Super Show Concert, and whacking that sunbae over the head with that hammer on Come To Play...he knows how much they love him in their own way when they whack him with rolling papers or scream at him or give him nicknames or volunteer him on game-shows.
I’m sorry. He wants to tell them.
Maybe if he tells them about the Game it’ll help? But they’ll be disappointed in him. He’ll have to tell them about trying on Eunhyuk and Leeteuk. They won’t understand, will they? They can’t understand what it’s like. They’re not the magnae, after all.
He would say Kibum would understand, but Kibum, even before he arrived, was never treated like the magnae, even though he was the youngest for years. Ryeowook was the magnae. Ryeowook plays at being cute and innocent. Kyuhyun knows better.
He remembers the beginning; being introduced to the twelve members of Super Junior 05, thinking they’re really successful and he envies them, and why are they putting him in the group, too? They obviously don’t need him.
The manager-hyungnim tells him that Super Junior 05 is a project group but when he’s added, they’ll become a permanent group. He’s the reason they can stay together forever, because otherwise they’ll be rotated, replaced by another trainee from SME. It’ll be Eunhyuk first, and then Yesung, and then Kibum, or it’ll be Siwon, and then Ryeowook, and then Leeteuk, or it’ll be Heechul, and then Shindong, and then Kangin...they don’t really know yet.
The boys, all of them teenagers or in their early twenties, want so badly to stay together, he can see that, when he meets them. They’re all counting down the days. I’m Cho Kyuhyun, he remembers, and then he closes up and doesn’t talk much. He’s just a teenager. He’s too young for this. He doesn’t know what to do. He feels shy and scared and hopeless.
Manager-hyungnim’s greeting to the band consists of boys; Kyuhyun is being added to your group. He’ll make you whole. We’re stopping the project group idea. They’re elated. This is what they’ve wanted, even if they gain a new member to do it.
Immediately the fans ignore him, and it’s only when KRY is formed that he’s paid attention to by them, but his bandmates always try their hardest to make sure he’s okay. He gets stressed easily but he doesn’t cry around them; he leaves that for when he goes home to his parents’ house. He doesn’t have a bed, so he sleeps on the floor, and it’s uncomfortable but he can’t protest, because he’s been given this chance. He mentions it on a show briefly, mostly in jest, but it’s been a year and he’s still sleeping on the floor, and suddenly fangirls are offering to buy one for him and he realises people actually know he’s there now. It prompts the managers to buy him a bed, though, so it does something good.
As he remembers how it was, he makes up his mind.
He opens the door, and smiles shakily at the older men. “You deserve to know what I’ve been doing,” he says, “for three months now.”
The doctor makes an excuse and leaves. He probably knows it’s none of his business. Kyuhyun is grateful, because he’s made his decision and he wants to say it but he won’t if there are outsiders there.
They retreat to Leeteuk’s room and sit there on the bed together, and Kyuhyun begins his tale.
“Please don’t judge me for this,” he says before he begins. “I never meant to hurt you. I wasn’t thinking,” and then he explains about Eunhyuk and Leeteuk and how his hyungs offered to help.
They’re frowning, but he doesn’t give them time to say anything; he just barrels on. “And then...” he trails off. “We came back, and I hadn’t finished. And the last person...”
Leeteuk interrupts, “Ryeowook?”
Kyuhyun snaps his head up and looks at his hyung with shock. “How did you know?”
“You’re close,” Leeteuk says simply.
“Not anymore,” Kyuhyun says bitterly, and he can see understanding dawn in their eyes.
“You mean...?” Kangin asks, and he seems doubtful.
“I asked him if he ever gets tired of being good,” Kyuhyun whispers. “Whether he ever wanted to be bad. He was okay for a few moments. He said yes, and then said he knew what he’d do. I don’t know what I was thinking. I just...asked him if he’d show me. I didn’t expect it to be much-I thought maybe he’d hit me, because he’s Wookie, you know? And then he went...really odd.” He remembers the smile and shivers. “He looked crazy.” His hyungs blink at him, so he adds, “I was terrified. I still am.”
“What did he do to you?” Leeteuk asks, apprehension in his voice, because he doesn’t really want to know, he just wants to help Kyuhyun.
Kyuhyun tells them. He doesn’t know all of it, because he couldn’t see what was happening, but he remembers the sensations.
Leeteuk looks like he wants to throw up when Kyuhyun finishes telling them. Kangin looks murderous.
“That boy said he can’t remember a thing,” he murmurs, and he sounds more incensed than Kyuhyun ever remembering Kangin sounding. “He thinks he was cleaning, when really-” He shakes his head and swears. “This is unbelievable.”
“I think it might be good for you to speak to people,” Leeteuk says to Kyuhyun. He’s refusing to talk about Ryeowook, Kyuhyun realises. He doesn’t want to believe his Eternal Magnae can do something like that.
“I’ll talk to him about it,” Kangin tells Kyuhyun, as if he and Leeteuk aren’t having two entirely separate conversations with him at the same time.
“I’ll see a counsellor,” Kyuhyun says, surprising himself, because he doesn’t really want to see one, but he feels better now he’s told someone.
“That’s good,” Leeteuk says, kisses his forehead, and then looks for the telephone directory to book Kyuhyun an appointment for as soon as is possible, and Kyuhyun knows he made the right decision, telling them.
---