SuJu Fic: The Game Part Eight
Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six Part Seven Part Nine Part Ten Part Eleven
Leeteuk hurries in at that minute and Kyuhyun curls up in on himself. He suddenly doesn’t want Leeteuk to see him like this. He doesn’t want to disappoint him.
“Teukie,” Kangin says, and he even sounds scared, and he’s not putting suffixes on Leeteuk’s nickname so he must be really scared. “Teukie, did you see-?”
Leeteuk doesn’t reply verbally, and Kyuhyun doesn’t look up, so he doesn’t know how Leeteuk responds to this. He doesn’t even know what they’re referring to. He feels helpless, because he doesn’t understand anything, and everything feels wrong.
Leeteuk sits down slowly next to him, and he looks up to see the worried look in his hyung’s eyes. “Kyuhyunnie,” he says gently, “can you show me?” He reaches out to take Kyuhyun’s hands. Kyuhyun pulls them back without thinking. He notices the surprise and the sadness that flash through Leeteuk’s eyes briefly, being replaced with concern.
Sorry, Hyung, he wants to say, but he can’t. He clenches his fists, his nails digging into his skin.
If anyone has a right to know, it’s their leader. He nods his head, but makes no attempt at moving.
Leeteuk seems to understand, because he takes hold of the bottom of Kyuhyun’s t-shirt and lifts it up slowly until he can see how red the skin beneath is. There are a couple of bloody scratches where his nails scraped his skin when he was scrubbing.
“Kyuhyun,” he says, “Kyuhyun, why...?”
Kyuhyun finds his voice and partly exclaims, partly wails, “I wasn’t clean! I needed to, I needed to...I’m still not clean.” He digs his nails in harder and Kangin reaches over and unclenches Kyuhyun’s hands for him, trying to wipe away the blood on his palms before Kyuhyun curls back in on himself.
Leeteuk reels, and there’s a look of horror in his eyes. “Oh no,” he says. He lets go of the t-shirt and allows it to cover the soreness. He turns to Kangin. “He’s-”
Kangin nods. “I know.”
“But how?” Leeteuk asks. “It isn’t possible. There are locks on all the doors.”
“It must have been-” Kangin breaks off and frowns. “It can’t have. No-one would...” He trails off and shakes his head.
Kyuhyun wonders what they think happened. That there was a break in? He holds his arms close to his chest and rocks slightly backwards and forwards. They’re not close to the truth. They will never be close to the truth.
“Oh, Honey,” Leeteuk says, and there’s no trace of a joke in his voice this time. He wipes away Kyuhyun’s tears carefully with his thumbs and it’s only then that Kyuhyun realises he’s crying again. “We’ll sort this out, okay? I promise we will.”
How can he be so sure? Kyuhyun is the only one who knows what happened, and he isn’t going to tell them. It would make people mad at him, and then the Game would come out, and then Sungmin and Donghae and Zhou Mi and Henry would have to speak, and he doesn’t want that. The band would break up. He loves them all. He doesn’t want that to happen.
The band didn’t break up when he joined. It didn’t break up when Heechul had his accident. It didn’t break up when they started gaining antifans. It didn’t break up when Super Junior KRY was formed. It didn’t break up when Super Junior T was formed. It didn’t break up when he, Leeteuk, Shindong and Eunhyuk were in the accident after Sukira. It didn’t break up when they had that argument circa Don’t Don. It didn’t break up when Super Junior M was formed. It didn’t break up when they did that secret camera on Eunhyuk (his brain refuses to say Ryeowook’s name, so he just leaves him out) during EHB. It didn’t break up when Super Junior Happy was formed. It didn’t break up when they learnt that Kibum was going to be doing more acting than singing and they weren’t going to be seeing him much during their promotions for the third album.
If it didn’t break up then, he doesn’t want it to break up now, because of him and his stupid Game, because he knows it will if word gets out. Their managers won’t be able to help it. If they don’t split up the band, they’ll put it on indefinite hiatus. Indefinite hiatus means exactly the same thing as a band break-up. They do that sometimes.
So he says nothing, and when Leeteuk says, “Please tell us anything you can. It’ll help us,” he shakes his head, as if he doesn’t know anything. Leeteuk sighs, but he can’t make Kyuhyun say anything, so he doesn’t try, he just strokes Kyuhyun’s hair soothingly. Kyuhyun leans towards him unconsciously, seeking warmth and comfort.
Nobody mentions that this is uncharacteristic of Kyuhyun; he doesn’t go to people to be comforted, he keeps to himself, keeps his worries bottled inside, but this isn’t a normal occasion. Instead Leeteuk just nods at Kangin, who sits on Kyuhyun’s other side and puts a reassuring arm around the boy’s back.
“We’ll be here for you if you want to tell us what happened,” Leeteuk tells him. “However long that takes.”
“We won’t judge you,” Kangin says, and he’s hit the nail on the head, because Kyuhyun is afraid of this.
“Really?” he asks quietly and his voice sounds forlorn and disbelieving even to his own ears.
Kyuhyun can feel Kangin wince. “We won’t,” the older man repeats.
“Even if it was my fault?” He doesn’t mean to say it but it just comes out. He cringes from them automatically and starts rocking again. He didn’t mean to say that. He’s ruined everything.
“It wasn’t your fault,” Leeteuk says. “How can you say it was your fault?”
“I, I asked if he’d show me,” Kyuhyun stammers. “Didn’t know, didn’t know what. But I asked.”
The two men blink at him in confusion as they try to translate what he actually said into words they can understand.
“You...asked him to show you...but you didn’t know what he’d show you?” Kangin asks, needing clarification.
Kyuhyun nods.
“Then,” Leeteuk says, “it’s not your fault, because you didn’t know what was going to happen.”
“But I asked.”
Leeteuk shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter. Whoever it was didn’t have to do anything. He chose to. That means he’s in the wrong.” He pauses. “What was it he did?” he asks innocently.
Kyuhyun isn’t stupid (he thinks, at least, because he’s sure this can be debated sometimes). He knows this is Leeteuk’s way of getting him to tell him. He’s not falling for it. He shakes his head. It’s not worth it, he thinks. He’s in pain, and he’s scared, but the band means more to him than anything else in the world. He doesn’t want to jeopardise anything they have. He wonders if they know how much he loves them. They probably don’t. He never says it.
“Did he...” Leeteuk begins. “Did he...” He stops. Kyuhyun wonders if the older man knows what he was going to say. “We have to know if you need a doctor,” he says finally. “You have to tell us.”
To be honest, he probably does need a doctor, because it hurts so much everywhere. But if he sees a doctor, it’ll be in the news, and then the truth will come out.
“No doctors,” he whispers.
“You’re sure?” Leeteuk asks.
“I don’t want anyone to know,” he explains, clenching the white blanket tightly in his hands. He’s getting blood on it from the nail cuts on his hands and he hopes Leeteuk doesn’t mind.
“What if we call a doctor here and tell him to keep quiet?” Leeteuk asks. “We’ll make him keep quiet.”
“I’ll make sure he keeps quiet,” Kangin murmurs, and Kyuhyun smiles shakily, a ghost of his usual toothy XD smile, because a threatening, bullying Kangin is the Kangin he knows, not the man patting his shoulder and asking him if he wants his hyung to stay with him.
Kyuhyun nods, because he can’t really say no if they try to sort things out quietly. He got them into this in the first place, after all. The Game got them into this. When he nods, he realises he’s admitting part of what happened, and brings his knees up to his chest and buries his face in them, because he hadn’t wanted to tell them at all.
“He-oh, Kyuhyun,” Leeteuk cries, and Kyuhyun can hear him sniffle. Then both of them are hugging him-or, more precisely, Leeteuk’s hugging him and Kangin’s hugging them both.
Leeteuk hurries in at that minute and Kyuhyun curls up in on himself. He suddenly doesn’t want Leeteuk to see him like this. He doesn’t want to disappoint him.
“Teukie,” Kangin says, and he even sounds scared, and he’s not putting suffixes on Leeteuk’s nickname so he must be really scared. “Teukie, did you see-?”
Leeteuk doesn’t reply verbally, and Kyuhyun doesn’t look up, so he doesn’t know how Leeteuk responds to this. He doesn’t even know what they’re referring to. He feels helpless, because he doesn’t understand anything, and everything feels wrong.
Leeteuk sits down slowly next to him, and he looks up to see the worried look in his hyung’s eyes. “Kyuhyunnie,” he says gently, “can you show me?” He reaches out to take Kyuhyun’s hands. Kyuhyun pulls them back without thinking. He notices the surprise and the sadness that flash through Leeteuk’s eyes briefly, being replaced with concern.
Sorry, Hyung, he wants to say, but he can’t. He clenches his fists, his nails digging into his skin.
If anyone has a right to know, it’s their leader. He nods his head, but makes no attempt at moving.
Leeteuk seems to understand, because he takes hold of the bottom of Kyuhyun’s t-shirt and lifts it up slowly until he can see how red the skin beneath is. There are a couple of bloody scratches where his nails scraped his skin when he was scrubbing.
“Kyuhyun,” he says, “Kyuhyun, why...?”
Kyuhyun finds his voice and partly exclaims, partly wails, “I wasn’t clean! I needed to, I needed to...I’m still not clean.” He digs his nails in harder and Kangin reaches over and unclenches Kyuhyun’s hands for him, trying to wipe away the blood on his palms before Kyuhyun curls back in on himself.
Leeteuk reels, and there’s a look of horror in his eyes. “Oh no,” he says. He lets go of the t-shirt and allows it to cover the soreness. He turns to Kangin. “He’s-”
Kangin nods. “I know.”
“But how?” Leeteuk asks. “It isn’t possible. There are locks on all the doors.”
“It must have been-” Kangin breaks off and frowns. “It can’t have. No-one would...” He trails off and shakes his head.
Kyuhyun wonders what they think happened. That there was a break in? He holds his arms close to his chest and rocks slightly backwards and forwards. They’re not close to the truth. They will never be close to the truth.
“Oh, Honey,” Leeteuk says, and there’s no trace of a joke in his voice this time. He wipes away Kyuhyun’s tears carefully with his thumbs and it’s only then that Kyuhyun realises he’s crying again. “We’ll sort this out, okay? I promise we will.”
How can he be so sure? Kyuhyun is the only one who knows what happened, and he isn’t going to tell them. It would make people mad at him, and then the Game would come out, and then Sungmin and Donghae and Zhou Mi and Henry would have to speak, and he doesn’t want that. The band would break up. He loves them all. He doesn’t want that to happen.
The band didn’t break up when he joined. It didn’t break up when Heechul had his accident. It didn’t break up when they started gaining antifans. It didn’t break up when Super Junior KRY was formed. It didn’t break up when Super Junior T was formed. It didn’t break up when he, Leeteuk, Shindong and Eunhyuk were in the accident after Sukira. It didn’t break up when they had that argument circa Don’t Don. It didn’t break up when Super Junior M was formed. It didn’t break up when they did that secret camera on Eunhyuk (his brain refuses to say Ryeowook’s name, so he just leaves him out) during EHB. It didn’t break up when Super Junior Happy was formed. It didn’t break up when they learnt that Kibum was going to be doing more acting than singing and they weren’t going to be seeing him much during their promotions for the third album.
If it didn’t break up then, he doesn’t want it to break up now, because of him and his stupid Game, because he knows it will if word gets out. Their managers won’t be able to help it. If they don’t split up the band, they’ll put it on indefinite hiatus. Indefinite hiatus means exactly the same thing as a band break-up. They do that sometimes.
So he says nothing, and when Leeteuk says, “Please tell us anything you can. It’ll help us,” he shakes his head, as if he doesn’t know anything. Leeteuk sighs, but he can’t make Kyuhyun say anything, so he doesn’t try, he just strokes Kyuhyun’s hair soothingly. Kyuhyun leans towards him unconsciously, seeking warmth and comfort.
Nobody mentions that this is uncharacteristic of Kyuhyun; he doesn’t go to people to be comforted, he keeps to himself, keeps his worries bottled inside, but this isn’t a normal occasion. Instead Leeteuk just nods at Kangin, who sits on Kyuhyun’s other side and puts a reassuring arm around the boy’s back.
“We’ll be here for you if you want to tell us what happened,” Leeteuk tells him. “However long that takes.”
“We won’t judge you,” Kangin says, and he’s hit the nail on the head, because Kyuhyun is afraid of this.
“Really?” he asks quietly and his voice sounds forlorn and disbelieving even to his own ears.
Kyuhyun can feel Kangin wince. “We won’t,” the older man repeats.
“Even if it was my fault?” He doesn’t mean to say it but it just comes out. He cringes from them automatically and starts rocking again. He didn’t mean to say that. He’s ruined everything.
“It wasn’t your fault,” Leeteuk says. “How can you say it was your fault?”
“I, I asked if he’d show me,” Kyuhyun stammers. “Didn’t know, didn’t know what. But I asked.”
The two men blink at him in confusion as they try to translate what he actually said into words they can understand.
“You...asked him to show you...but you didn’t know what he’d show you?” Kangin asks, needing clarification.
Kyuhyun nods.
“Then,” Leeteuk says, “it’s not your fault, because you didn’t know what was going to happen.”
“But I asked.”
Leeteuk shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter. Whoever it was didn’t have to do anything. He chose to. That means he’s in the wrong.” He pauses. “What was it he did?” he asks innocently.
Kyuhyun isn’t stupid (he thinks, at least, because he’s sure this can be debated sometimes). He knows this is Leeteuk’s way of getting him to tell him. He’s not falling for it. He shakes his head. It’s not worth it, he thinks. He’s in pain, and he’s scared, but the band means more to him than anything else in the world. He doesn’t want to jeopardise anything they have. He wonders if they know how much he loves them. They probably don’t. He never says it.
“Did he...” Leeteuk begins. “Did he...” He stops. Kyuhyun wonders if the older man knows what he was going to say. “We have to know if you need a doctor,” he says finally. “You have to tell us.”
To be honest, he probably does need a doctor, because it hurts so much everywhere. But if he sees a doctor, it’ll be in the news, and then the truth will come out.
“No doctors,” he whispers.
“You’re sure?” Leeteuk asks.
“I don’t want anyone to know,” he explains, clenching the white blanket tightly in his hands. He’s getting blood on it from the nail cuts on his hands and he hopes Leeteuk doesn’t mind.
“What if we call a doctor here and tell him to keep quiet?” Leeteuk asks. “We’ll make him keep quiet.”
“I’ll make sure he keeps quiet,” Kangin murmurs, and Kyuhyun smiles shakily, a ghost of his usual toothy XD smile, because a threatening, bullying Kangin is the Kangin he knows, not the man patting his shoulder and asking him if he wants his hyung to stay with him.
Kyuhyun nods, because he can’t really say no if they try to sort things out quietly. He got them into this in the first place, after all. The Game got them into this. When he nods, he realises he’s admitting part of what happened, and brings his knees up to his chest and buries his face in them, because he hadn’t wanted to tell them at all.
“He-oh, Kyuhyun,” Leeteuk cries, and Kyuhyun can hear him sniffle. Then both of them are hugging him-or, more precisely, Leeteuk’s hugging him and Kangin’s hugging them both.