Why 1 Insult Seems to Erase 100 Compliments
A fellow I went to church with (UU) had been a professional in the mental health industry. He gave us a talk about how one negative can seem to erase hundreds of good things. Here's what he explained:
We have two levels of brain:
1. Lower "lizard" brain
2. Higher, cerebral brain
The lower brain is ancient. It's so old that it's mostly located in your neck and the back, lower section of the skull. We share attributes there with almost all vertabrates. It is VERY fast and takes priority whenever activated. This. Is. Survival!
The lower brain reacts to any, ANY kind of threat. When a threat is perceived, even if it is just a mild insult like, "That color doesn't suit you", the lower brain takes over. It knows that any hint of a threat can become life-threatening in an instant! So it grabs this incident and will not let you forget it. The lizard brain believes that recognizing these threats is part of surviving. And it's right, or would be if the mild insult (or creaking twig) were coming from an enemy or predator.
Our higher brains work at a much more leisurely pace and always gives way to the lower brain's focus. This is where positive information is understood and stored. It's all nice-nice.
We CAN get these two sides to work together and become more conversant. The way to do this is meditation. In meditation, we focus on the positive and repeat it. It takes approximately 6 repeats of a positive to overpower 1 negative (five to one is equal, so six overpowers the one.) And meditation creates lots of pathways and understanding between the lower and higher brains, so that the higher brain can communicate safety to the lower brain after something like a mild insult is given.
Knowing this has made my life better. :) I hope this is helpful!