The Hobbit
Saw a movie last night! It was called "Lord of the Rings: A Phantom Menace." They dug up a few power players from LOTR, plus a cutie-pie messenger boy who later tries to keep Arwen on the path to the Gray Harbors. There were some story elements from the Hobbit, but I'm not sure why, since basically it was "The Transformers Go Camping."
HONESTLY. I've read D&D modules with better writing. If Gandalf passed that staff before his face one more time, I'd have expected him to do a baton twirl and toss. Yes, I remember he did that when he reunited with the Fellowship as Gandalf the White. There's no reason to take that incredibly eloquent moment and slather it all over this film. That wasn't the only screen treasure they wasted, either.
The LOTR films weren't exactly true to the books, but they were true to the _sense_ of the books. When the only reason I cared about the action on screen is because the french horns have kicked in again and the strings have picked up the tempo? That's when I realized it was just another average adventure movie.
Yoda - I mean Gollum, however, was base, quick, and terrifying. Perfectly and BRILLIANTLY done.
Maybe Fili and Kili were destined to fight over who got to be R2D2 and who had to be C3PO. If Thorin "Hey, do you think I resemble Viggo at all?" Oakenshield had been allowed a range greater than a light switch, that would have helped. Instead, he went from Damn I'm Handsome pose to Damn I'm Angry glare, and back again. Turning Balin into a Greek Chorus was unnecessary too. "And then I saw him..." Really? I half expected him to put his elbows on his knees and say, "No shit! There we were, surrounded by orcs!"
Hey, I'm not saying it was bad. Kids who went to see Phantom Menace will tell you it wasn't a bad movie, either. This is just a great book that's been turned into an average film. It's not a sin to turn wine into water, but it is something of a waste
It could have been worse. Galadriel could have wriggled her nose or snapped her fingers. Gandalf confronted by a monster on a bridge…well that turned out differently! Boo-ya! The pine tree domino effect, however? I have nothing good to say about that
Oh well - at least I can still look forward to Ender’s Game
p.s. Apparently, Ringo Starr fathered about half the dwarves. But I'm OK with that. He was a Beatle! We expected him to get around