My Brother Pwns
To put things in proper context, I am highly allergic (and therefore deathly afraid of) bees, wasps, yellow jackets, hornets, and horse flies. So imagine my utter terror when I, coughing, sneezing, eyes watering, attempted to stagger out of my room to the bathroom only to find a huge-ass motherfucking wasp buzzing in front of my door.
I did what anyone in my position would do. I screeched like a baby, slammed the door, and hid under the blankets calmly and stealthily retreated to my room and texted my brother: Giant spawn of Satan lurking outside door. Will pay you in return for its death.
Not thirty seconds later, he wandered up from the kitchen. Then I heard bang! bang! bang! "Die! DIE! DIE!!!!" And then there was silence. About a minute later, he opened my door and showed me the very mushed, very dead wasp caught in the tread of his boot.
"That's gonna be a bitch to get out," I said.
But he looked pleased. He cackled, "I'm the man! I demand my payment in sake."
So I'm now paying for my hit on the wasp with Japanese food, which I also love. I'd say today turned out pretty well.
I did what anyone in my position would do. I screeched like a baby, slammed the door, and hid under the blankets calmly and stealthily retreated to my room and texted my brother: Giant spawn of Satan lurking outside door. Will pay you in return for its death.
Not thirty seconds later, he wandered up from the kitchen. Then I heard bang! bang! bang! "Die! DIE! DIE!!!!" And then there was silence. About a minute later, he opened my door and showed me the very mushed, very dead wasp caught in the tread of his boot.
"That's gonna be a bitch to get out," I said.
But he looked pleased. He cackled, "I'm the man! I demand my payment in sake."
So I'm now paying for my hit on the wasp with Japanese food, which I also love. I'd say today turned out pretty well.