Those wacky stars.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Would you like to stir up deeper and smarter intimacy? Are you interested in attracting good surprises that would air out your romantic dogmas? Do you think it might be fun to discover a new love secret? To encourage these happy developments, Capricorn, carry out the following assignments. First, practice loving something or someone you don't understand. Second, any time you start longing to be loved more than you are, make it a point to go out and love someone more than you have in the past. Third, visualize your heart growing softer and warmer and more receptive.
Would I like to stir up deeper and smarter intimacy?
*looks at her bedroom, which needs cleaning*
*looks at the pre-orders waiting to be mailed*
*looks at the stacks of books waiting to be shelved*
*looks at the edits she has yet to process*
*looks at the books she has yet to finish*
*looks at the books she has yet to start*
*looks at her appearance commitments*
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha NO.
But thanks anyway, stars.
Would I like to stir up deeper and smarter intimacy?
*looks at her bedroom, which needs cleaning*
*looks at the pre-orders waiting to be mailed*
*looks at the stacks of books waiting to be shelved*
*looks at the edits she has yet to process*
*looks at the books she has yet to finish*
*looks at the books she has yet to start*
*looks at her appearance commitments*
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha NO.
But thanks anyway, stars.