Civility on public transit, the autumn/winter edition.
The signs of fall are beginning to appear, from outerware displayed in the window at the Old Navy to the barristas at Starbucks beginning to whisper the sweet, sweet words 'Pumpkin Spice Frappochino' like they were an actual possibility. All this, combined with general recession and the still-high price of gas, means that even more people are likely to start shoving their way onto the buses and BART trains that provide me with my only means of transportation. Again, hi, welcome, and glad to have you, as maybe now you'll stop voting against measures that would give more funds to improving our public transit infrastructure. Now if you don't mind too terribly much, I'd like to have a little chat with you about manners, especially during the wetter months. I call it 'shut up and sit down before I kill you.'
Let's begin.
1: This Is Still Not Your Car.
To restate from our summer edition: When you drive, you get to control where you go, when you go, how fast you go, and -- traffic allowing -- when you get there. You are the captain of your fate! This explains why so many people are avid drivers. Being able to decide what you do and when you do it is awesome. Here's the thing, though: the bus is not your car. The train is not your car. The only thing that even approaches being your car is a taxi, and since you're presumably taking public transit to save money, the taxi is not really an option. So please, keep these simple rules in mind when you're getting on a bus:
Have your money ready. If you're reading this entry, you have access to the Internet. If you have access to the Internet, it's pretty easy to find out what the transit options are in your area, and more, how much each of them will cost you. If you can't have your money ready, please ask the driver if you can sit down at the front of the bus while you get it ready for the fare box, to prevent slowing down the bus. Most drivers will let you, since they want to keep their route as accurately as they possibly can.
Do not allow your money or ticket to get wet. Wet bills jam fare boxes. Wet tickets piss off bus drivers. Neither of these is what I would call precisely civil, and the goal of the day is being civil, since failure to be civil may result in you being bodily removed from the bus. If you don't have a water proof jacket, carry a plastic baggie. Do not drop your bus fare in a puddle and then try to put it in the fare box without drying it off. This is what we call 'being an asshole.' Don't be an asshole.
Try to know where you're going. Again, the Internet can help with this. Also, most major bus or train stations will have a lot of clearly posted maps and guides to local transit destinations. If you really must flag down a bus and ask 'are you the bus that goes to...?', try to have your question already prepared, and keep it short. Once you've determined that you've stopped the right bus, board quickly, and have your money ready. Once you've determined that you've stopped the wrong bus, stop talking to the driver, and let it leave. The bus is not your car. All those people on the bus need to get where they're going, too.
The bus comes when the bus comes. Try to be there. If you miss the bus, it is totally acceptable to run after it, waving your arms and shouting. Perhaps the driver will show mercy. The driver is much more likely to show mercy if the ten people ahead of you have had their money ready and known where they were going, since these are things that impact how well the driver will have been able to stay on schedule. If the driver doesn't show mercy, it is not acceptable to scream expletives after the bus. This makes the driver less likely to show mercy in the future. If the driver does show mercy, it is also not acceptable to swear at the driver while boarding. Again, we want mercy in the future. More mercy makes everyone's life better.
Rain slows everything down. Your bus is a lot more likely to be late in the winter. Carry an umbrella, especially if you need to wait for the bus at an uncovered stop, and remember that it probably isn't your bus driver's fault. Sad to say, becoming a bus driver doesn't give you magical control of every other car on the road, and especially in places like California, rain makes people stupid. Your bus driver can be late, or a lot of people can be dead. Admittedly, when I'm in a bad mood, I vote for Darwinism and a timely bus, but it's probably for the best that our buses aren't out there playing live-action Car Wars.
The bus driver is a person, too. Say 'hello.' Say 'thank you' when they take your money, and say 'thanks for the ride' when you're getting off the bus at your final destination. All the nasty little things people do and say throughout the day build up on your bus driver, and if you can scrape off some of that psychic scum with a smile and a 'good afternoon,' why not do it? Maybe that sounds twee. I don't care. Happy bus drivers drive better. Also, try not to drip on the driver.
Just because you don't mop the bus, that doesn't make it okay to get it wet. Wet people ride buses, too. This is a fact of life. I have gotten on the bus so drenched that I practically qualified as a wetland. Still, please try to minimize the amount of water you leave behind you when you go. Do not wring out your sweater on the seat next to you (I've seen this). Do not wring out your hair (I've seen this, too). Shake your umbrella before, not after, you get on the bus. Make puddles, not inland oceans.
If you can keep these rules in mind, you'll do a lot to improve the lives of your fellow passengers. Maybe that doesn't sound like a big deal -- after all, you're only on the bus because gas is expensive! -- but trust me, you'll be happier when your bus is happy. That's just the way it goes. And who knows? You might find out you like it...
2: Other People Like To Sit Down, Too.
Again restating from our summer edition: When you drive, you get to decide who rides with you, and where they ride. Let's face it: we can call 'shotgun' all we want, but when you're the driver, you're pretty much in charge. You want to say 'no, the dog gets the front seat', we can whine, but if we don't want to ride in back, well...there's always the bus. Thing is, the bus doesn't work that way. The bus picks up everyone who gets to the bus stop on time, and pays their fare. That means we need to consider our fellow passengers, what they're going to need, and how not to be a total dickhead.
You bought one ticket, you get one seat. Look: unless you bought a ticket for your backpack, it doesn't get to have a seat when the bus is full. Sorry. Now, if you want to buy your backpack a ticket, you go right ahead -- but it seems like a waste of money, considering that there's storage space under your seat, and it's really going to piss off your fellow passengers. This also applies to children too young to need a ticket of their own -- they're allowed to ride the bus for free because it's expected that their parents will hold them. There's a safety factor to that expectation. The bus probably doesn't have seatbelts, the bus may need to stop suddenly, and your two-year-old may or may not be able to hold on in the event of a water landing.
Your feet do not get a seat. Does this seem repetitive? I'm sorry. Is there any chance at all that you've stepped in dog crap recently? Get your feet off the damn seat. Look, we all get tired, we all get sore feet, and I understand that, but please, respect the fact that I don't want to sit in whatever you just stepped in.
Your umbrella ABSOLUTELY does not get a seat. If you are wet and you choose to sit down and the seat gets wet, that's the circle of life as applied to public transit. If your umbrella is wet and you choose to put it on a seat and the seat gets wet, the bus driver is legally allowed to have you flogged in the town square. I'm serious. Look it up.
Somebody asking you to move your bag is not a mortal sin. I really mean this. As stated above, your backpack doesn't actually have a right to that seat, and if someone asks you to move it so that they can sit down, glaring is not appropriate. They should be polite in their request, and you should be polite in your response -- which should include moving the bag. People with extremely small children are much less likely to be asked to move them, as extremely small children are still people, but if the bus is that crowded, and your child is small enough to hold, you may want to consider it. Just to be nice.
Sitting on the outside of a row doesn't magically make the whole row yours. Sometimes, people sit in the aisle seat of a row, expecting this to grant them the full row, since no one's going to make them move to get to the window seat. A few notes here. One, that's an asshole trick. Don't be an asshole. Two, some people will make you move, and they're very frequently the people that you don't want to wind up sitting next to.
You may wind up sitting next to someone you don't want to sit next to. In a word: tough. If you really can't stand sitting next to children, or older people, or women, or people of a different ethnic group, or people who've just gotten off work and maybe don't smell so springtime fresh anymore, you have two choices -- you can take it, or you can move. If you choose to move, yeah, it's entirely possible that you may not find a new seat. It's your choice. But you really don't get to decide who sits next to you, unless you bring your own bus-buddy along at all times.
Not everyone who moves is judging you. There is a really sweet lady who rides my bus every morning. We chat on the open air BART platform. She never sits near me on the bus. Why? Because she's allergic to my shampoo. We get along. We like each other. We can't be next to each other in an enclosed space. I often move away from small children who seem to have colds, because I can't afford to get sick. I like kids. I dislike germs. Please try not to assume every person who moves has a personal reason for doing it. You'll be happier that way.
3: You Are Not The Only Person With Places To Be.
Summer edition again: This one applies even when you are driving your own car. That's why we have this funny thing called 'traffic'. Thing is, it's magnified when you're dealing with public transit, because there are a lot of folks all trying to reach their destinations at the same time. We've already touched on a few aspects of the 'other people have a right to travel' issue in the sections above, but there are some more specific aspects of the courteous commute that should really be considered. Unless you want to get lynched one day while you're riding the train to work, that is...
Remember that some people may be in more of a hurry than you are. Once you're in a major station, there are buses and trains leaving all the time. This means that while you may have time for a leisurely stroll, the man behind you may well have thirty seconds to cover six football fields. Don't walk slowly in the middle of walkways. If you're not in a hurry to exit the bus or train, consider letting the people who obviously are in a hurry off before you. This is also a safety issue: people tend to forget to be civil when they're rushed, and getting trampled by a pack of lawyers about to miss their train into the city is just no fun.
Do not stop abruptly in the middle of sidewalks. They call them 'walks' for a reason, people. This is a safety issue, seriously: once I get up a good head of steam heading towards the gate, stopping abruptly in front of me is likely to lead to a mid-station collision. Especially during the winter, when the sidewalks tend to get remarkably slippery, this can cause actual injury. At the very least, it's likely to cause transit delays, and if you were wearing nice pants for work, forget it. If you need to stop and read signs or figure out where you're going, exit the flow of traffic first.
There is a special level of Hell reserved for line-jumpers. Lines form for a reason. Lines form because people like to at least try to play fair, and if the person at the front of the line got to the bus stop first, the person at the front of the line should by-God be the first one to board. A lot of people with non-visible disabilities try to get to the bus or train station early so that they can board at the head of the line, just to make sure they'll be able to get a seat. Other folks have just been waiting longer. When you're boarding a train or bus, or even waiting to buy a ticket, find the line and stand in it. Don't be that guy who cuts.
Look for local cultural cues. In San Francisco, escalators tend to be divided into 'walk' on the left, and 'stand' on the right. That's right: we walk on escalators here. More precisely, when we're about to miss our trains, we run on escalators. Nothing is more irritating than knowing you can just make it...and then running into the guy resolutely standing on the left, blocking you for those few precious seconds that leave you stranded on the platform for twenty minutes. In San Francisco, it's rude to stand on the left, but it's not rude to ask a left-stander to move. This isn't the case everywhere. Watch your fellow commuters, figure out what's 'standard', locally, and run with it.
Do not stop at the end of the escalator. If you're walking on an escalator, and you reach the top or bottom, for the love of all that is holy, do not come to a sudden stop and expect the escalator to carry you the last few feet. It will carry you the last few feet, but the person behind you, who was probably also walking, will be forced to slam on the brakes if they don't want to knock you off the escalator. This is not nice to your fellow commuters. This is also somewhat dangerous for you.
If someone needs help...help them. So for years, I carried a lunchbox instead of a purse, and sometimes, the latch would come undone, spilling my stuff all over the place. A lot of people would just step around me and keep going. Some would stop and help me out. Maybe some of those people missed trains because of helping me -- I don't know -- but at the end of the day, they did a good thing. Do good things, when you get the chance. You'll be a happier person for having done it.
4: Just Be Nice.
Last section for today, I promise. And believe me, I could rant for hours about how even when you're in your car, you should be nice. But I'll be nice to you, and hope that you'll do the same for others.
If someone needs that seat more than you do, get up. I have three herniated disks in my lower back. Some days, I literally can't stand for long periods of time. I tend to stay seated on those days. On the days where the pain is low? I'll give up my seat to the older people, to the people with small children, to the people, in other words, who need it more than I do. And even on the days where the pain is high, the man on crutches and the extremely pregnant lady get my seat. I can take painkillers more easily than they can stop having physical issues. Don't wait to be asked. If you can stand, and they need to sit, do it.
If asked to get up by someone who needs that seat more than you do, do it. This one follows directly on the previous. Maybe you were reading, maybe you were listening to your iPod, whatever. If the older gentleman or the pregnant lady ask you to move, please, do.
If someone declines to move, don't yell at them. I had a woman ask me to give up my seat on a day when the pain was so high I could barely stand up, much less stay standing for long periods of time. I said no. I look able-bodied, even when I'm not. She viewed my refusal as selfishness, and shouted over my attempts to explain. This embarrassed me, upset my fellow passengers, and mortified the man she wanted me to give up my seat for. Assume that people are essentially honest, and if they refuse to move, respect it.
Headphones are awesome. Use them. I have no desire to listen to your music. Also, if I can hear your music, you're probably damaging your eardrums. You should maybe rethink that.
No one wants to know. If you have a friend to converse with on the train, talk. Don't project. You're not a Broadway show; we didn't pay to hear you; we don't need to know. If you have a cellular phone -- who doesn't? -- try to keep use on public transit to an absolute minimum. If you must place calls, keep your voice down, and make them as short as possible. It's going to happen, but if you're clearly being respectful about it, you'll upset the people around you a lot less.
Perfume is not so awesome in an enclosed space. I love BPAL and BPAL loves me, but I don't apply it while I'm on the bus. This is just polite.
If you eat, don't eat smelly things, and don't make a mess. Many forms of transit actually ban eating on them. The local buses and BART trains do. This is because a) people make messes, and b) people eat stinky food and upset other passengers. Look, if you want to sneak a granola bar, I'm not going to turn you in. But if you want to eat a liverwurst and limburger sandwich, you may find yourself in trouble. And if you spill, you're a lot more likely to get reported.
Do not smoke on public transit. Unless you're in a designated smoking car on a train -- in which case any non-smokers who try to ride that car are asking for it -- don't. Your smoke becomes trapped, and I have no way of escaping it, and that isn't fair. I won't pour my soda over your head if you won't smoke on my train.
There are doubtless more points of etiquette that I've forgotten, but this is at least a start. Let's all ride nicely together, and see if we can't make the current over-crowding more bearable for everyone, shall we?
Got any more suggestions?
Let's begin.
1: This Is Still Not Your Car.
To restate from our summer edition: When you drive, you get to control where you go, when you go, how fast you go, and -- traffic allowing -- when you get there. You are the captain of your fate! This explains why so many people are avid drivers. Being able to decide what you do and when you do it is awesome. Here's the thing, though: the bus is not your car. The train is not your car. The only thing that even approaches being your car is a taxi, and since you're presumably taking public transit to save money, the taxi is not really an option. So please, keep these simple rules in mind when you're getting on a bus:
Have your money ready. If you're reading this entry, you have access to the Internet. If you have access to the Internet, it's pretty easy to find out what the transit options are in your area, and more, how much each of them will cost you. If you can't have your money ready, please ask the driver if you can sit down at the front of the bus while you get it ready for the fare box, to prevent slowing down the bus. Most drivers will let you, since they want to keep their route as accurately as they possibly can.
Do not allow your money or ticket to get wet. Wet bills jam fare boxes. Wet tickets piss off bus drivers. Neither of these is what I would call precisely civil, and the goal of the day is being civil, since failure to be civil may result in you being bodily removed from the bus. If you don't have a water proof jacket, carry a plastic baggie. Do not drop your bus fare in a puddle and then try to put it in the fare box without drying it off. This is what we call 'being an asshole.' Don't be an asshole.
Try to know where you're going. Again, the Internet can help with this. Also, most major bus or train stations will have a lot of clearly posted maps and guides to local transit destinations. If you really must flag down a bus and ask 'are you the bus that goes to...?', try to have your question already prepared, and keep it short. Once you've determined that you've stopped the right bus, board quickly, and have your money ready. Once you've determined that you've stopped the wrong bus, stop talking to the driver, and let it leave. The bus is not your car. All those people on the bus need to get where they're going, too.
The bus comes when the bus comes. Try to be there. If you miss the bus, it is totally acceptable to run after it, waving your arms and shouting. Perhaps the driver will show mercy. The driver is much more likely to show mercy if the ten people ahead of you have had their money ready and known where they were going, since these are things that impact how well the driver will have been able to stay on schedule. If the driver doesn't show mercy, it is not acceptable to scream expletives after the bus. This makes the driver less likely to show mercy in the future. If the driver does show mercy, it is also not acceptable to swear at the driver while boarding. Again, we want mercy in the future. More mercy makes everyone's life better.
Rain slows everything down. Your bus is a lot more likely to be late in the winter. Carry an umbrella, especially if you need to wait for the bus at an uncovered stop, and remember that it probably isn't your bus driver's fault. Sad to say, becoming a bus driver doesn't give you magical control of every other car on the road, and especially in places like California, rain makes people stupid. Your bus driver can be late, or a lot of people can be dead. Admittedly, when I'm in a bad mood, I vote for Darwinism and a timely bus, but it's probably for the best that our buses aren't out there playing live-action Car Wars.
The bus driver is a person, too. Say 'hello.' Say 'thank you' when they take your money, and say 'thanks for the ride' when you're getting off the bus at your final destination. All the nasty little things people do and say throughout the day build up on your bus driver, and if you can scrape off some of that psychic scum with a smile and a 'good afternoon,' why not do it? Maybe that sounds twee. I don't care. Happy bus drivers drive better. Also, try not to drip on the driver.
Just because you don't mop the bus, that doesn't make it okay to get it wet. Wet people ride buses, too. This is a fact of life. I have gotten on the bus so drenched that I practically qualified as a wetland. Still, please try to minimize the amount of water you leave behind you when you go. Do not wring out your sweater on the seat next to you (I've seen this). Do not wring out your hair (I've seen this, too). Shake your umbrella before, not after, you get on the bus. Make puddles, not inland oceans.
If you can keep these rules in mind, you'll do a lot to improve the lives of your fellow passengers. Maybe that doesn't sound like a big deal -- after all, you're only on the bus because gas is expensive! -- but trust me, you'll be happier when your bus is happy. That's just the way it goes. And who knows? You might find out you like it...
2: Other People Like To Sit Down, Too.
Again restating from our summer edition: When you drive, you get to decide who rides with you, and where they ride. Let's face it: we can call 'shotgun' all we want, but when you're the driver, you're pretty much in charge. You want to say 'no, the dog gets the front seat', we can whine, but if we don't want to ride in back, well...there's always the bus. Thing is, the bus doesn't work that way. The bus picks up everyone who gets to the bus stop on time, and pays their fare. That means we need to consider our fellow passengers, what they're going to need, and how not to be a total dickhead.
You bought one ticket, you get one seat. Look: unless you bought a ticket for your backpack, it doesn't get to have a seat when the bus is full. Sorry. Now, if you want to buy your backpack a ticket, you go right ahead -- but it seems like a waste of money, considering that there's storage space under your seat, and it's really going to piss off your fellow passengers. This also applies to children too young to need a ticket of their own -- they're allowed to ride the bus for free because it's expected that their parents will hold them. There's a safety factor to that expectation. The bus probably doesn't have seatbelts, the bus may need to stop suddenly, and your two-year-old may or may not be able to hold on in the event of a water landing.
Your feet do not get a seat. Does this seem repetitive? I'm sorry. Is there any chance at all that you've stepped in dog crap recently? Get your feet off the damn seat. Look, we all get tired, we all get sore feet, and I understand that, but please, respect the fact that I don't want to sit in whatever you just stepped in.
Your umbrella ABSOLUTELY does not get a seat. If you are wet and you choose to sit down and the seat gets wet, that's the circle of life as applied to public transit. If your umbrella is wet and you choose to put it on a seat and the seat gets wet, the bus driver is legally allowed to have you flogged in the town square. I'm serious. Look it up.
Somebody asking you to move your bag is not a mortal sin. I really mean this. As stated above, your backpack doesn't actually have a right to that seat, and if someone asks you to move it so that they can sit down, glaring is not appropriate. They should be polite in their request, and you should be polite in your response -- which should include moving the bag. People with extremely small children are much less likely to be asked to move them, as extremely small children are still people, but if the bus is that crowded, and your child is small enough to hold, you may want to consider it. Just to be nice.
Sitting on the outside of a row doesn't magically make the whole row yours. Sometimes, people sit in the aisle seat of a row, expecting this to grant them the full row, since no one's going to make them move to get to the window seat. A few notes here. One, that's an asshole trick. Don't be an asshole. Two, some people will make you move, and they're very frequently the people that you don't want to wind up sitting next to.
You may wind up sitting next to someone you don't want to sit next to. In a word: tough. If you really can't stand sitting next to children, or older people, or women, or people of a different ethnic group, or people who've just gotten off work and maybe don't smell so springtime fresh anymore, you have two choices -- you can take it, or you can move. If you choose to move, yeah, it's entirely possible that you may not find a new seat. It's your choice. But you really don't get to decide who sits next to you, unless you bring your own bus-buddy along at all times.
Not everyone who moves is judging you. There is a really sweet lady who rides my bus every morning. We chat on the open air BART platform. She never sits near me on the bus. Why? Because she's allergic to my shampoo. We get along. We like each other. We can't be next to each other in an enclosed space. I often move away from small children who seem to have colds, because I can't afford to get sick. I like kids. I dislike germs. Please try not to assume every person who moves has a personal reason for doing it. You'll be happier that way.
3: You Are Not The Only Person With Places To Be.
Summer edition again: This one applies even when you are driving your own car. That's why we have this funny thing called 'traffic'. Thing is, it's magnified when you're dealing with public transit, because there are a lot of folks all trying to reach their destinations at the same time. We've already touched on a few aspects of the 'other people have a right to travel' issue in the sections above, but there are some more specific aspects of the courteous commute that should really be considered. Unless you want to get lynched one day while you're riding the train to work, that is...
Remember that some people may be in more of a hurry than you are. Once you're in a major station, there are buses and trains leaving all the time. This means that while you may have time for a leisurely stroll, the man behind you may well have thirty seconds to cover six football fields. Don't walk slowly in the middle of walkways. If you're not in a hurry to exit the bus or train, consider letting the people who obviously are in a hurry off before you. This is also a safety issue: people tend to forget to be civil when they're rushed, and getting trampled by a pack of lawyers about to miss their train into the city is just no fun.
Do not stop abruptly in the middle of sidewalks. They call them 'walks' for a reason, people. This is a safety issue, seriously: once I get up a good head of steam heading towards the gate, stopping abruptly in front of me is likely to lead to a mid-station collision. Especially during the winter, when the sidewalks tend to get remarkably slippery, this can cause actual injury. At the very least, it's likely to cause transit delays, and if you were wearing nice pants for work, forget it. If you need to stop and read signs or figure out where you're going, exit the flow of traffic first.
There is a special level of Hell reserved for line-jumpers. Lines form for a reason. Lines form because people like to at least try to play fair, and if the person at the front of the line got to the bus stop first, the person at the front of the line should by-God be the first one to board. A lot of people with non-visible disabilities try to get to the bus or train station early so that they can board at the head of the line, just to make sure they'll be able to get a seat. Other folks have just been waiting longer. When you're boarding a train or bus, or even waiting to buy a ticket, find the line and stand in it. Don't be that guy who cuts.
Look for local cultural cues. In San Francisco, escalators tend to be divided into 'walk' on the left, and 'stand' on the right. That's right: we walk on escalators here. More precisely, when we're about to miss our trains, we run on escalators. Nothing is more irritating than knowing you can just make it...and then running into the guy resolutely standing on the left, blocking you for those few precious seconds that leave you stranded on the platform for twenty minutes. In San Francisco, it's rude to stand on the left, but it's not rude to ask a left-stander to move. This isn't the case everywhere. Watch your fellow commuters, figure out what's 'standard', locally, and run with it.
Do not stop at the end of the escalator. If you're walking on an escalator, and you reach the top or bottom, for the love of all that is holy, do not come to a sudden stop and expect the escalator to carry you the last few feet. It will carry you the last few feet, but the person behind you, who was probably also walking, will be forced to slam on the brakes if they don't want to knock you off the escalator. This is not nice to your fellow commuters. This is also somewhat dangerous for you.
If someone needs help...help them. So for years, I carried a lunchbox instead of a purse, and sometimes, the latch would come undone, spilling my stuff all over the place. A lot of people would just step around me and keep going. Some would stop and help me out. Maybe some of those people missed trains because of helping me -- I don't know -- but at the end of the day, they did a good thing. Do good things, when you get the chance. You'll be a happier person for having done it.
4: Just Be Nice.
Last section for today, I promise. And believe me, I could rant for hours about how even when you're in your car, you should be nice. But I'll be nice to you, and hope that you'll do the same for others.
If someone needs that seat more than you do, get up. I have three herniated disks in my lower back. Some days, I literally can't stand for long periods of time. I tend to stay seated on those days. On the days where the pain is low? I'll give up my seat to the older people, to the people with small children, to the people, in other words, who need it more than I do. And even on the days where the pain is high, the man on crutches and the extremely pregnant lady get my seat. I can take painkillers more easily than they can stop having physical issues. Don't wait to be asked. If you can stand, and they need to sit, do it.
If asked to get up by someone who needs that seat more than you do, do it. This one follows directly on the previous. Maybe you were reading, maybe you were listening to your iPod, whatever. If the older gentleman or the pregnant lady ask you to move, please, do.
If someone declines to move, don't yell at them. I had a woman ask me to give up my seat on a day when the pain was so high I could barely stand up, much less stay standing for long periods of time. I said no. I look able-bodied, even when I'm not. She viewed my refusal as selfishness, and shouted over my attempts to explain. This embarrassed me, upset my fellow passengers, and mortified the man she wanted me to give up my seat for. Assume that people are essentially honest, and if they refuse to move, respect it.
Headphones are awesome. Use them. I have no desire to listen to your music. Also, if I can hear your music, you're probably damaging your eardrums. You should maybe rethink that.
No one wants to know. If you have a friend to converse with on the train, talk. Don't project. You're not a Broadway show; we didn't pay to hear you; we don't need to know. If you have a cellular phone -- who doesn't? -- try to keep use on public transit to an absolute minimum. If you must place calls, keep your voice down, and make them as short as possible. It's going to happen, but if you're clearly being respectful about it, you'll upset the people around you a lot less.
Perfume is not so awesome in an enclosed space. I love BPAL and BPAL loves me, but I don't apply it while I'm on the bus. This is just polite.
If you eat, don't eat smelly things, and don't make a mess. Many forms of transit actually ban eating on them. The local buses and BART trains do. This is because a) people make messes, and b) people eat stinky food and upset other passengers. Look, if you want to sneak a granola bar, I'm not going to turn you in. But if you want to eat a liverwurst and limburger sandwich, you may find yourself in trouble. And if you spill, you're a lot more likely to get reported.
Do not smoke on public transit. Unless you're in a designated smoking car on a train -- in which case any non-smokers who try to ride that car are asking for it -- don't. Your smoke becomes trapped, and I have no way of escaping it, and that isn't fair. I won't pour my soda over your head if you won't smoke on my train.
There are doubtless more points of etiquette that I've forgotten, but this is at least a start. Let's all ride nicely together, and see if we can't make the current over-crowding more bearable for everyone, shall we?
Got any more suggestions?