Can't win for losing.
Monday, I walked to the store for some of the essential components of my continuing existence (IE, 'salad greens' and 'strawberries'). I was wearing my usual jeans, which fit just fine, thanks, and a tank top with broad enough straps to cover my bra (not all my tank tops fit into this category). So relatively relaxed, but still decent, attire
( Read more... )
Regarding the fratboys ... this happens to every woman I know, fat, thin, and in between. Personally speaking, I attribute it to the general culture of misogyny that we live in, where insulting women is *fun*, and to the fact that, well ... what's left? Only the stuff related to attractiveness and its importance.
We've "reclaimed", or at least diluted most of the nasty terminology for women, so calling someone a "bitch" just doesn't pack the same punch that it used to (and I actually remember reading a truly appalling article written by a man reveling in the fact that "cunt" still worked, though, post-Inga Muscio, maybe not so much). Being sexually active still has a nasty connotation for women in general, but shouting "whore" or "cocksucker" or something out the window will probably get a shrug and an eye-roll because, a) most everybody's active these days, and b) how the hell do they know what you do in your spare time? It can still contribute to a general atmosphere of women feeling angry and unsafe, but it's not a personal blow. But the judgement scale of sexual attractiveness? *That* one still seems to be fully functioning, both in their painfully tiny little brains (which, frankly, I don't see as ever making the conscious connections of "I have made myself feel stronger and more macho by verbally denigrating and emotionally attacking that person who's lower down on the totem-pole of power!" beyond a point of "Score!"). It's totally personal, and for too many people, it *does* work. From reading your previous posts, I'm thinking you know what the intent is already, and don't let it get to you beyond a befuddlement that people could be so deliberately shitty to one another ... but I have friends who *do* get convinced that the drive-by judgement of some wanker does empirically prove that they are, in fact, unattractive. Turns my stomach every time ....
On the list-serv maintainer, I have no words. None. Whatever happened to solidarity? But, sigh, and sympathy ....
Reply
I was on that list for over a decade, and I was on that list and fat for almost all of that time (since, if we're going strictly by BMI, I've been other than fat for less than two months). That means I have ten years of experience discussing dealing with fat issues, advising people on places to find comfy clothing, the best ways to handle a convention, looking good at any size, etc. Ten years. And all of this is, apparently, invalidated by a number.
It blows my mind. Completely. And it's the reason that acceptance movements run into issues -- when you keep forcing 'us vs. them', you lose a lot of people who would have been happy to be a part of 'us', but are now religated to 'them'.
Reply
On acceptance movements? Totally with you. It goes for all of them, but sticking with size acceptance? I've been in "range" for all of my life, but between family, friends, and just general body-dysmorphia, I think I'm at a much-of-a-muchness level on finding it *really important*. But it can either be read as condescension or as Lady Bountiful crap, or as some kind of a peculiar attempt to identify where one doesn't belong, along the lines of "Don't do me any favors!" I understand where it comes from (and I think I probably do the same thing to feminist-ish male friends who are on my side, but still possessed of unconscious privilege ... though hopefully I do it in an informative and not a snippy way), but it doesn't make it any more fun, and it sounds like that's where you're at, with the added rub of actually having been there, and still being there physically to a certain extent, psychologically certainly, etc. All I can say is, I'm sorry that people are sucking ....
Reply
Reply
Leave a comment