It's time for another regularly scheduled depression post
Argh.
I accidentally skipped classes today. For the second time in a week. My Tuesdays are reeeeeally long (I commute to Columbus, 3 hour round trip, for 6 hours of grad school classes), and I stopped by my in-laws house for dinner and to pick up T’ diploma, so that we can verify that he indeed has had conferred “the degree of Doctor of Philosophy with all the rights, privileges, and honors thereunto appertaining.” After having stayed late after class to talk to one of my professors about my mental health and grad school, etc, and having had my body be in anxiety-attack mode all day for no apparent reason.
I am just SO TIRED. And I hate my sociology class, and I woke up late and kept realizing “oh, it’s getting late” and then discovering that I had lost another fifteen minutes or half an hour. And by the time I realized that I have two classes today, not just The Evil Intro Sociology Class, I was in zombie-mode.
I feel like a failure. This is the third class I’ve missed of ASL this semester (to be fair, the first one was because I hadn’t joined the section yet! but AGH! I don’t want my grade to tank!) and like, the sixth of Sociology (1st one: hadn’t joined second, 2nd: kidney doctor appt, 3rd and 4th: flu, 5th and 6th: last Friday and today of zombification/not wanting to go because it is like taking a high school class and has an incredible amount of busywork and it just sucks).
I am trying very hard not to hunker down into anxious mode, but I have no idea a: how to convince my brain to keep going to a class that I feel like is so poorly taught that it’s worthless, especially when I’m covering a lot of the same material in a grad level class in a much more coherent way! and b: how to explain today’s absence to my professors. Also c: if I find out that I don’t need sociology for next year’s MPH application, I will be incredibly tempted to drop the class. But not only is that $300 wasted, but then my schedule will be less full in an unhealthily unstructured way for my mental health and I’ll have to find a more substantial part-time job than three hours a week of knitting retail + teaching.
On the bright side, I do love my Tuesday grad classes, and the professor I talked to from those classes is perfectly happy to write me a recommendation for the grad program there, so I am getting more and more sure that I will be a degree-seeking MSW student in the fall, instead of just a non-degree student.
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comments at Dreamwidth. Comment there.)
I accidentally skipped classes today. For the second time in a week. My Tuesdays are reeeeeally long (I commute to Columbus, 3 hour round trip, for 6 hours of grad school classes), and I stopped by my in-laws house for dinner and to pick up T’ diploma, so that we can verify that he indeed has had conferred “the degree of Doctor of Philosophy with all the rights, privileges, and honors thereunto appertaining.” After having stayed late after class to talk to one of my professors about my mental health and grad school, etc, and having had my body be in anxiety-attack mode all day for no apparent reason.
I am just SO TIRED. And I hate my sociology class, and I woke up late and kept realizing “oh, it’s getting late” and then discovering that I had lost another fifteen minutes or half an hour. And by the time I realized that I have two classes today, not just The Evil Intro Sociology Class, I was in zombie-mode.
I feel like a failure. This is the third class I’ve missed of ASL this semester (to be fair, the first one was because I hadn’t joined the section yet! but AGH! I don’t want my grade to tank!) and like, the sixth of Sociology (1st one: hadn’t joined second, 2nd: kidney doctor appt, 3rd and 4th: flu, 5th and 6th: last Friday and today of zombification/not wanting to go because it is like taking a high school class and has an incredible amount of busywork and it just sucks).
I am trying very hard not to hunker down into anxious mode, but I have no idea a: how to convince my brain to keep going to a class that I feel like is so poorly taught that it’s worthless, especially when I’m covering a lot of the same material in a grad level class in a much more coherent way! and b: how to explain today’s absence to my professors. Also c: if I find out that I don’t need sociology for next year’s MPH application, I will be incredibly tempted to drop the class. But not only is that $300 wasted, but then my schedule will be less full in an unhealthily unstructured way for my mental health and I’ll have to find a more substantial part-time job than three hours a week of knitting retail + teaching.
On the bright side, I do love my Tuesday grad classes, and the professor I talked to from those classes is perfectly happy to write me a recommendation for the grad program there, so I am getting more and more sure that I will be a degree-seeking MSW student in the fall, instead of just a non-degree student.
(
comments at Dreamwidth. Comment there.)