(no subject)
God I feel like a bitch. Dad and I were working on a new project for my Aunt Cheryl (we're in Cinci), and I wound up in tears because he yelled at me for not figuring something out. And I told him "You know, you're the only person who can ever make me cry."
Its true as hell, NO one can make me cry except Dad, and I do wind up in tears nearly every time we try something new. But I shouldn't have said it, because I know it hurt him really bad. I feel like a bitch, because even though he does make me cry and does make me angry, I love him so much. He's my mentor, and I know he always feels bad later. I also know the reason he yells. Its because he wants me to know, and he doesn't want me to think its OK to be ignorant. Its because he expects more of me.
Which is OK.
So I feel like a bitch. I hope he'll realize how much I really do love him...but somehow, I don't think just telling him will make it all better. I don't know what to do, and now I'm crying because I don't want him to be upset because I know he's not going to act it. But I saw those tears, damnit.
I swear it, I swear right now that if I ever fall in love, I won't say I love you. I won't say it every morning like I do to my parents, or every night. I'll never say it unless I have to...and that way, it'll actually mean something.
He gave me a hug. Not just one of those "Bye, I'll miss you!" thre second hugs. I know, because I moved to let go and he just kept hugging me and saying he was sorry.
So am I, but I didn't say it. I never understood how hard it was to say sorry. It wasn't that I didn't want to, it just that there was really no way to apologize for something both he and I knew was true.
That doesn't change the fact I shouldn't have said it.
Its true as hell, NO one can make me cry except Dad, and I do wind up in tears nearly every time we try something new. But I shouldn't have said it, because I know it hurt him really bad. I feel like a bitch, because even though he does make me cry and does make me angry, I love him so much. He's my mentor, and I know he always feels bad later. I also know the reason he yells. Its because he wants me to know, and he doesn't want me to think its OK to be ignorant. Its because he expects more of me.
Which is OK.
So I feel like a bitch. I hope he'll realize how much I really do love him...but somehow, I don't think just telling him will make it all better. I don't know what to do, and now I'm crying because I don't want him to be upset because I know he's not going to act it. But I saw those tears, damnit.
I swear it, I swear right now that if I ever fall in love, I won't say I love you. I won't say it every morning like I do to my parents, or every night. I'll never say it unless I have to...and that way, it'll actually mean something.
He gave me a hug. Not just one of those "Bye, I'll miss you!" thre second hugs. I know, because I moved to let go and he just kept hugging me and saying he was sorry.
So am I, but I didn't say it. I never understood how hard it was to say sorry. It wasn't that I didn't want to, it just that there was really no way to apologize for something both he and I knew was true.
That doesn't change the fact I shouldn't have said it.