Transcript: Vaduz
Here, my due to university turning out to be much more stressfull then expected belated transcript for Vaduz.
There are a few bits where I either did not understand a word/phrase at all or wasn't sure if I heard correctly. I marked those with a [?]. Any help would there would be very welcome.
Herc: Carolyn, ten minutes.
Carolyn: Yes, All right Herc. So last recap: If the phone rings answer it and take a message, if an e-mail comes in reply to it, if...
Douglas: Hang on. I'm taking notes.
Arthur: But don't worry about faxes guy because mum's put me in charge of the faxes.
Martin: Are you sure Carolyn? Because some people do still have fax-machines.
Carolyn: Yes, some people do. We don't...and most importantly I will have my phone on at all times. Call me at once if anything happens at all.
Herc: If I can just clarify that a little. Do not call her, no matter what happens.
Carolyn: Don't listen to him. Call me if anything goes wrong or if we get any bookings.
Herc: Those are just two of the circumstances under which you should not call. Other such circumstances include the following: Any circumstances.
Carolyn: Ignore him.
Herc: Ignore her
Douglas: What a peaceful holiday you two are going to have.
Carolyn: It is not a holiday. It is a...trip.
Herc: It is a holiday. The first holiday I've had had for years.
Douglas: I suppose normally you just wait for the next honeymoon to roll round.
Arthur: What?
Herc: Douglas is wittily referring to my four marriages Arthur. As opposed to his mere three.
Arthur: Wow is that true? You two got seven ex-wives?
Herc: Between us. Yes. I think. There isn't any overlap, is there Douglas?
Douglas: I'd have to check my paperwork.
Arthur: Seven! That's enough for a netball team.
Herc: What a chilling thought.
Douglas: Of course if Carolyn contributes her two ex-husbands as well, we are well on our way to a football-team.
Carolyn: Thank you Douglas. That will do.
Herc: I think I'd put my second wife in goal.
Carolyn: Hercules Shipwright, did you just do a 'My ex-wife's so fat'-joke?
Herc: Certainly not. She happened to be a professional goal-keeper.
Carolyn: Really?
Herc: No, she's huge.
[Phone ringing]
Douglas: You're turn I think.
Martin: Hello MJN Air, Captain Martin Crieff Speaking.
Theresa: Hello I would like a quote for a booking this Friday.
Martin: Certainly. May I take your name?
Theresa: Yes. I am Princess Theresa of Liechtenstein.
Martin: You are.
Theresa: Yes I am.
Martin: What a coincidence
Theresa: In what way?
Martin: Oh it's just that I'm the Lord High Duke Martin of Crieffstonia. Now what can I do for you?
Theresa: Well...
Martin: Is it a Dragon?
Theresa: What?
Martin: Do need rescuing from a dragon? Only I know what you princesses are like.
Douglas: Eh...Martin this has nothing to do with me.
Martin: No of course not
Douglas: No, really.
Martin: Ex...excuse me. Can you wait a minute?
Theresa: My pleasure. It will allow me to catch my breath from all the hilarity.
Martin: Douglas. This isn't one of your mates?
Douglas: Who is it?
Martin: The Princess of Liechtenstein.
Douglas: No. the Princesses of Liechtenstein is not one of my mates.
Martin: Great. Fine. Then you talk to her.
Douglas: With pleasure. Hello. This is First Officer Douglas Richardson. I do apologize. We've been getting some hoax calls this week. Now how can we help you?
Theresa: Well I am Princess of Liechtenstein and I was hoping to charter you to fly the king and I from Vaduz to Fitton.
Douglas: But of course. To fly the king and I? Well, this is the sound of music to our ears. Why, not since we flew Madam Butterfly to the South Pacific have we had...
Martin: Douglas it's nothing to do with me either.
Douglas: Yes it is. But I must say answering it yourself first was a really artistic touch.
Martin: Look at me. It's not me.
Douglas: Well it's not me.
Theresa: OK, Well this has been a lot of fun, but have we perhaps reached the point where one of you considered googling the words 'Theresa' and 'Liechtenstein'?
Martin: Douglas look, I just...
Douglas: Your Royal Highness. How may we be of service?
Carolyn: Of course I am Martin. Tell Arthur to meet me at the airport.
Herc: Carolyn. There you are. You know how you were saying what fun windsurfing looked?
Carolyn: I don't recall saying anything of the kind.
Herc: You were very drunk at the time.
Carolyn: I was not!
Herc: Nonetheless you did say it. And accordingly I have booked us lessons this afternoon.
Carolyn: That's nice. Anyway I am going to Liechtenstein.
Herc: I think you might be overreacting a little.
Carolyn: Martin just called. He just had a booking from the King of Liechtenstein.
Herc: That's obviously Douglas doing a funny voice.
Carolyn: You would think so, yes. But apparently not.
Herc: Oh the boys can cope.
Carolyn: With a king? Of course they can't.
Herc: I didn't realize you were in such thrall to royalty.
Carolyn: I don't give two hoots for royalty.
Herc: I think you give four or five hoots.
Carolyn: I do not.
Herc: And not just any old hoots. Slow and reverent hoots. Like an owl at a jubilee.
Carolyn: No. I'm sorry Herc. I really have to go.
Herc: No you don't. Not on the second day of our first and only holiday in 16 months together.
Carolyn: Look I told you when I agreed to come that I had to leave if work came up.
Herc: And I told you I didn't agree and wasn't listening.
Carolyn: It's not a big deal.
Herc: Well, in fact, it is a bit. Because it's important to me that we spend time together-
Carolyn: Oh don't.
Herc: Because, I love you.
Carolyn: Yes, so you keep saying.
Herc: I do, don't I?
Carolyn: Yes, yes and I wish you wouldn't. It makes you sound like a Disney toy.
Herc: Actually, Disney didn't come up with the concept of expressing love. Other people have found it important as well.
Carolyn: Well who?
Herc: Most of humanity.
Carolyn: Well there you are then, you know what chumps they are.
Herc: Who, humanity?
Carolyn: Yes, by and large.
Herc: Well granted, but still.
Arthur: OK Chaps, I've been practising bows...Do you think this one...or this one? That's a slightly fancier one.
Douglas: Isn't it just? What happens if you don't catch your hat?
Arthur: Well I thought of that. I can extend the bit at the end to include picking it up.
Martin: Just a simple incarnation of the head from the neck up. That's enough.
Arthur: Are you sure? That doesn't sound very king-y
Martin: Quite sure. I've been brushing up on protocol.
Douglas: Of course you have.
Martin: Also: never look at the king directly.
Douglas: Are you sure you're not confusing him with the sun?
Martin: Don't hold eye-contact. Just...just glance up and look away.
Douglas: Even if we're looking at him through smoked glass?
Arthur: OK, I'm gonna go and practise. [leaves]
Douglas: So. Martin. What sort of team would your exes make?
Martin: What? No team. You know I've never been married.
Douglas: What about ex-girlfriends?
Martin: I'm not telling you that.
Douglas: OK
Martin: It's private.
Douglas: Absolutely. Forget I asked.
Martin: How many people are in a bob-sleigh?
Douglas: Four.
Martin: Oh.
Douglas: There's five in a basketball-team if that helps.
Martin: It doesn't.
Douglas: Ah. I don't think there's anything with three.
Martin: No. There wouldn't be.
Douglas: Hang on. I'll look it up.
Martin: there's really no need.
Douglas: Pétanque!
Martin: What?
Douglas: There's three players in a Pétanque-team. You know...boules. Like old Frenchmen play.
Martin: Go on then.
Douglas: What?
Martin: I know you only asked me so I'd ask you. What sort of team would your ex-girlfriends be?
Douglas: Hm...well. You know the start of the London-marathon?
Martin: Yes. All right.
Douglas: Shut-down checks complete. And the fuel remaining is one-thousand six hundred litres.
Martin: One thousand six hundred...all right got it. Quick, quick, quick.
Douglas: We're still early
Martin: We could be earlier.
[knocking]
Otto: Hello. I am Otto.
Martin: Hello
Otto: I am your. Ground handling agent today. I hope we...
Martin: Yeah, yeah. We'd like to take off at five.
Otto: Sure, sure. In the mean time would you like the cleaning-service?
Martin: no thank you we take care of that ourselves
Otto: OK, sure. Catering service?
Martin: No we do that, too. Thanks.
Otto: Check in desks?
Martin: No we...
Otto: ...do it yourselves. Sure. How...
Martin: No sorry, we really have to go now. We actually are about to, as it happens, to collect the King of Liechtenstein, so...anything else just assume we do it ourselves.
Otto: Fuel?
Martin: Oh.
Otto: Have a little portable refinery up there maybe? Or will his majesty bring a few barrels of his own brew?
Martin: Yes we want refuelling. We'll need 3000 litres.
Otto: OK
Arthur: Shall I offer to take his crown or will he want to keep it on on the flight?
Douglas: Just a minute Arthur. Martin. What are you doing?
Martin: I know you were going to laugh.
Douglas: Are you putting on...
Martin: It is correct protocol to put on one's decorations when greeting a foreign head of state.
Douglas: Medals? Where did you get medals?
Martin: During the ten years...I was a member of the air-cadets.
Douglas: I see. What's this one?
Martin: That's my cadet-forces medal.
Douglas: For?
Martin: Being in the air-cadets.
Douglas: Impressive stuff. And the other one?
Martin: It doesn't matter.
Douglas: It does matter.
Martin: You'll only make fun of it.
Douglas: Martin. Let us be perfectly clear. The good ship Douglas making fun of Martin's medals set sail the moment you took the decision to put on some medals. The voyage is now well under-way and I can only suggest you relax and enjoy it. What's the other one?
Martin: It's my millennium star.
Douglas: Is it? And that's awarded for...
Martin: I think you know what it's for.
Douglas: I have a wild hope, certainly, but surely it's too good to be true.
Martin: It was awarded by the Queen to all members of the armed forces and cadet-corps to commemorate the new millennium.
Douglas: It is! You are going to meet the king of Liechtenstein, wearing a medal you got for being alive in the year 2000.
Arthur: Oh I wish I'd known. I could have got[?] that one
Herc: Thank you for staying
Carolyn: Yes, yes, you already said that.
Herc: And I'm saying it again. I really appreciate you staying.
Carolyn: Yes, yes. All right. Fine.
Herc: Because...
Carolyn: Yes, that's lovely
Herc: I love yourselves
Carolyn: I am aware. The information has been duly noted. Thank you for your feedback.
Herc: And do you...?
Carolyn: No, no, no, no, no.
Herc: No.
Carolyn: Not...no, the answer's no. No, don't ask.
Herc: So the answer is not no.
Carolyn: I said don't ask. Don't ask. Don't tell. Like gay American soldiers before 2011.
Herc: Well I'm not a gay American soldiers before 2011. I am in fact none of those things. And I am interested in whether or not you feel as strongly about me as I do about you.
Carolyn: Why? Look we're doing very well as we are. Why can't we carry on like this?
Herc: What if we wanted to get married?
Carolyn: But we don't want to get married, though. Do we? Not in the least, tiniest, little bit.
Herc: I might want to.
Carolyn: Yes Hercules, but let's face facts. You wanting to get married is like other people wanting to sneeze. Besides Knapp-Shappey is bad enough as a surname. I'm damned if I become Knapp-Shappey-Shipwright.
Herc: Yes, I see what you mean. It does sound a bit like a soft shoe-shuffle.
Arthur: Wow. It's an actual castle.
Douglas: What did you expect Vaduz Castle to be?
Arthur: I don't know. World of Leather was very disappointing.
Martin: What do we do now?
Douglas: Knock?
Martin: Can you just knock at a castle?
Douglas: Well, I don't see why not. What was your plan? Jangle your medals?
[knocking, door opening]
Theresa: Hello. Are you the pilots?
Martin: I -eh- yes -eh- we're here to see princess Theresa.
Theresa: I know. Yes.
Martin: Hello...so is she in?
Theresa: Yes she is in...front of you. Hello come in.
Martin: Oh...right. You're royal highness, if I might introduce myself. I am Captain Martin Crieff.
Theresa: Oh I remember you. You're here to safe me from a dragon.
Martin: I'm terribly sorry about that.
Theresa: Oh don't worry. It happens a lot.
Martin:...OK...and this is First Officer Douglas Richardson and Mr Arthur Shappey esquire who will be providing customer service.
Arthur: Mr Arthur Shappey what?
Douglas: Esquire.
Arthur; What's a squire?
Douglas: You are
Arthur: Brilliant.
Martin: The head of our company Mrs Carolyn Knapp-Shappey sends her compliments and her profound apology not to be here in person but rest assured she will be waiting to greet you on your arrival in Fitton.
Theresa: Really? Why?
Martin: Well...to provide an official reception...and...to...sweep the building...for assassins.
Theresa: Right. Do you get a lot of assassins at your airport?
Douglas: We do in the winter-months. I think the cold drives them inside.
Martin: Douglas!
Arthur: Excuse me, princess.
Theresa: Theresa is fine.
Arthur: Theresa, when do we get to see the king.
Martin: Arthur! I'm so sorry he...
Theresa: Oh no, no. It's fine. I'll get him. MAXI! Your pilots are here!
Maximilian: Yeaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!
Theresa: And you can come and meet them as soon as you've finished your carrots.
Maximilian: I have finished them.
Martin: Oh.
Douglas: Martin. I fear you're looking directly at the king.
Maximilian: Green Truck. That counts double
Arthur: What? No, no. That's not how you play it.
Maximilian: It is indeed how you play it in Liechtenstein.
Arthur: No it's not!
Maximilian: It is because I am the king of Liechtenstein and I say it is. 100 points to me!
Arthur: There aren't any points!
Maximilian: There are in Liechtenstein.
Theresa: Stop being horrible. I'm sorry. Maxi is going through a state where he's very pleased with himself for being accidentally born king. They all go through it. For my father it lasted 60 years.
Martin: So you're Maxi's sister?
Theresa: I'm the oldest. He's the youngest. Six sisters and then Maxi.
Douglas: Good Lord!
Theresa: My father's motto was 'If at first you don't succeed'...
Douglas: And what takes his majesty to Fitton.
Theresa: he's going back to school.
Arthur: Ahhh. Lucky you. I really miss going to school.
Maximilian: Then you're stupid. I hate school.
Theresa: No you don't. You just hate all the other boys.
Maximilian: No, they hate me. They won't call me by my proper title.
Douglas: Children can be so cruel.
Martin: I suppose you must stick out a bit. Being royal.
Theresa: Not at this school. He shares a desk with the Sheik of Qatar.
Maximilian: But he's only a prince. I outrank him.
Theresa: Maxi, I keep telling you people don't make friends by telling other people how much they outrank them.
Martin: That's true actually.
Douglas: Yes. captain Crieff as you can see is a grizzled veteran of the Air Cadets.
Theresa: Oh my, yes. What are these?
Martin: Oh...those are just my decorations.
Theresa: Oh. You come with decorations. Like a little Christmas tree. What are they for.
Douglas: Oh, can I tell her?
Martin: No.
Douglas: Please.
Martin: No! This is my cadet forces medal and this is my millennium star.
Theresa: Well...I think we can do a little better than that. You have provided aid to the royal family so straight away you can have the Star of Liechtenstein, the Wreath of Liechtenstein and...oh I don't know what the last one is called. The little wobbely stick of Liechtenstein.
Martin: Thank you.
Maximilian: Theresa! You can’t give him that! That’s our highest honour!
Theresa: Well someone’s gotta have it! (To Martin) Now, do you renounce Satan?
Martin: Errrr, yes!
Theresa: Super. That gets you the Holy Cross of St. Lucius.
Martin: Eh...I think you might be teasing me.
Theresa: Maxi...do we have a medal for teasing-recognition.
Maximilian: No
Theresa: Shame. You really earned it.
Martin: [laughs awkwardly]
Maximilian: Black dog!
Arthur: Oh come on. That's not even a vehicle.
Otto: OK, and sign here...all ready to go.
Douglas: OK
Martin: Hello
Carolyn: Martin, me again. How is everything?
Martin: Everything's fine Carolyn. We're just about to leave.
Carolyn: Really? No one's been thrown in a dungeon or anything? Good Lord. And ho fares the King of Liechtenstein?
Martin: He's fine. He and Arthur are playing Top Trumps
Carolyn: What?
Martin: I'll explain later. Don't worry. I'm in complete control.
Carolyn: Well good because our flight home has been delayed by three hours. We won't get to Fitton in time to meet you.
Martin: It's fine. It's fine. She's really not that sort of princess.
Douglas: Eh...captain
Martin: Gotta go
Douglas: Just double-check this fuel-order.
Martin: What? Three thousand litres? Why have you loaded three thousand litres?
Otto: Because you asked for three thousand litres.
Martin: No I didn’t. I said we’ll need three thousand litres.
Otto: Okay, is that sounding any different to you because…
Martin: No. We’ll need three thousand in the tank. We already have sixteen hundred so-
Otto: Well maybe I am a simple soul. I heard: we need three thousand litres. And what I thought was: I know! I’ll give them three thousand litres THEY’LL LIKE THAT!
Martin: Yes but…
Douglas: Yes. Well… Whoever fault it is-
Otto: It is his fault.
Douglas: I know. But the good news, Martin, is we’re still under maximum take off weight.
Martin: Oh good.
Douglas: The less good new is that when we get to Fitton we’ll still be way over maximum landing weight.
Martin: Right so we can go up but we can’t come down.
Douglas: Exactly. We are Newton’s worst nightmare.
Stewardess: Your Bloody Mary madam
Carolyn: Thank you very much. I do like being a passenger. She doesn't know, I know, she hates me.
Herc: Not all Cabin Crew hate their passengers, you know.
Carolyn: [laughs] Bless you.
Herc: So...before we leave the subject entirely.
Carolyn: What subject? Oh...not that subject.
Herc: Marriage is definitely off the table?
Carolyn: I'm not saying that. I'm just saying: Why can't we carry on as we are?
Herc: Well...because things change.
Carolyn: What changes?
Herc: Well...for instance...if we're not in this for the medium long term I should probably go to Switzerland.
Carolyn: That's a bit of an overreaction.
Herc: Linda did already
Carolyn: It's funnier now.
Herc: No it's not.
Carolyn: Oh yes it is, because the stakes are higher. Why would you go to Switzerland?
Herc: because I don't I'll be out of my job
Carolyn: Why?
Herc: Because Switzerland Airways are going international next year.
Carolyn: Oh...lucky for them.
Herc: By buying lots of smaller airlines such as Air Caledonia
Carolyn: Oh...
Herc: Massive redundancies. Now as the senior captain I have the option to keep my job if I move to Zurich. Or I can take redundancy.
Carolyn: And get another job?
Herc: Where?
Carolyn: Well I don't know.
Herc: Neither do I. 56 year old are far less in demand than you'd think.
Carolyn: I assume they're in no demand whatsoever.
Herc: I realized even as I said it, I was talking to the wrong person.
Carolyn: Well, you should go.
Herc: Oh. Should I?
Carolyn: Yes of course you should. I don't want you to give up your job for me. I'm not asking you to do that.
Herc: You don't want me to stay?
Carolyn: Well...I'm not...asking you to stay.
Herc: I don't understand that. Do you want me to stay then?
Carolyn: I don't want you not to stay.
Herc: I will stay if you want me to.
Carolyn: I don't want to be the reason you stay
Herc: Yes. That's clear. The thing is...you would, as it happens, be the reason I stay if I stay. How do you feel about that?
Carolyn: I don't know.
Herc: Don't you? No, no, that's OK. Mull it over, though.
Martin: Fitton tower, this is Golf Echo Romeo Tango India.
Carl: Hello chaps! Timed that well. You can come straight in. Cleared number one for the approach.
Martin: Yes, actually, Carl, we'd like to hold before landing.
Carl: Eh you- You want me to put you in the hold?
Martin: Yes we do.
Carl: After all the bellyaching you normally give me?
Martin: Even after that.
Carl: . . . Why?
Martin: We just do.
Carl: Alright then! Golf Tango India once 'round the holding pattern. Enjoy the view.
Martin: No, we need to hold for. . . about twenty circuits.
Carl: Twenty?!
Martin: Yes! Is that all right with you?
Carl: Oh it's fine with me. You lot are gonna get dizzy though. Into the hold at Arden, maintain flight level seven-zero. Advise when you've had enough and want to go on the dodge-ems instead.
Arthur: OK...I've got Harold the Fifth of Norway and I pick stateliness. 7 out of 10.
Maximilian: Bad luck. I got me again.
Arthur: Ahhh
Martin: Hello. Everything all right here?
Arthur: Yes, Maxi and me have invented European Monarch Top Trumps. But he's got 10 out of 10 for everything.
Martin: What about size of kingdom?
Maximilian: That's not a category.
Arthur: I said we should have that.
Martin: Anyway, I just wanted to explain: Theresa, you may have noticed we're going round in circles and
Theresa: Yes. Are you burning off fuel to reduce your landing-weight?
Martin: Yes. How did you know?
Theresa: Oh how much extra did you load?
Martin: About 1600 litres.
Theresa: Oh goodness.
Arthur: Wow Skip. Mom's gonna kill you.
Martin: Thank you Arthur. I'm aware of that.
Theresa: Oh. That's the anti-terrorism-expert. Bit of a dragon is she?
Martin: Oh...well...if you met her. Don't ever say that to her but yes.
Maximilian: Are you scared of her?
Martin: Well, yes I am.
Theresa: Don't be rude Maxi, you're scared of the Sheik of Qatar.
Maximilian: I'm not scared of him. I could have his head cut off.
Theresa: You have to stop saying that all the time. You can’t have anyone’s head cut off!
Maximilian: I can if they commit treason.
Theresa: They’re not going to commit treason!
Arthur: Ooh I know, I know! Why don’t you command them to cut their own head off. And then if they do it, there head’s cut off and if they don’t do it, they’ve committed treason and you can have their head cut off!
Maximilian: Yeah.
Theresa: Thank you Arthur but the last thing Maxi needs is a henchmen.
Martin: Maxi. Can I give you some advice?
Maximilian: You? But you're a commoner.
Martin: Yeah. Even so. When the Sheik of Qatar is giving you a hard time. Don't tell him you're going to cut his head off, even if you can...which you can't. It just makes you look like...well...it makes you look like a man with a medal for being alive in the year 2000.
Carl: Hello Golf Tango India. How's life on the magic roundabout?
Douglas: Hello Carl.
Carl: It's ever so restful watching you, you know. Round and round and round. Like- Like one of those mobiles you hang on a cot.
Martin: Fitton tower, please confine-
Carl: Aaaanyway, silly question, I know, because obviously you live in the air now, but do you fancy coming in?
Douglas: No thanks Carl, we'll have another five laps worth please.
Carl: Fair enough. Why stop just when you're beginning to enjoy yourself? Remain in the holding pattern, and SCREAM IF YOU WANNA GO FASTER!
Martin: Thank you tower.
Theresa: Oh excuse me.
Douglas: Hello.
Theresa: I just wanted to say thank you Martin for talking to Maxi
Martin: Oh, you're welcome.
Theresa: It's difficult to become king so young. It's easy to let it ruin you.
Martin: Yes. I had the same thing when I was made junior corporal.
Theresa: Anyway. Thank you.
Martin: Theresa. Can I ask you a question?
Theresa: Yes. How come you know so much about landing-weights?
Theresa: Well...actually...when I was little I wanted to be a pilot.
Martin: NO!
Theresa: No...That's so crazy?
Martin: No, not at all. It's just...when I was little I wanted to be a pilot.
Theresa: well, I thought maybe you did.
Martin: How did you know?
Theresa: Cause you're a pilot.
Martin: OH...yes. Yes I am.
Theresa: You're doing the thing you always wanted to do. You're very lucky.
Martin: I suppose I am...just nobody's ever called me lucky before.
[Intercom beeping]
Douglas: And this, I'm afraid, may illustrate why not.
Martin: Hello
Carolyn: Martin, what the hell is going on?
Martin: I thought you were delayed.
Carolyn: We were delayed. By three hours. And yet here you still are. Flaying round and round in circles like a moth round a light-bulb. So what, as I belive I have asked before, the hell, and this better be really good, is going on?
Martin: Right...the thing is...
Theresa: Martin, let me talk to her...
Martin: I think you better...
Theresa: I will talk to her.
Martin: OK.
Theresa: Hello
Carolyn: What? Who are you?
Theresa: I am Her Serene Highness Princess Theresa Gustava Bonaventura of Liechtenstein, Countess of Sponheim and Protector Extraordinary of the Cantons of Nîmes. Who are your?
Carolyn: Call me Carolyn.
Theresa: Are you in charge? What is the meaning of this intolerable delay?
Carolyn: I am so sorry Your Highness. I'm just interrogating the captain and when I find out I assure you...
Theresa: The captain. What has it to do with the captain?
Carolyn: Well, he's the one flying the plane.
Theresa: Of course he is...round and round in circles.
Carolyn: Exactly and when I found out why I..
Theresa: On my command
Carolyn: What? On your...sorry?
Theresa: While we wait and we wait and we wait for you to arrive.
Carolyn: For me? Why?
Theresa: To receive us of course. We are the king and princess of Liechtenstein. Do you think we simply land in any old airport without reception, without it having been swept for assassins?
Carolyn: I do apologize...I...assassin?
Theresa: Yes! Now sweep for those assassins. And once you are sure there aren't any you may call us back.
Carolyn: I think I can be fairly sure even now.
Theresa: CALL US BACK!
Carolyn: Yes, yes, you're highness.
Martin: Wow! That was amazing. I thought you said you weren't that sort of princess.
Theresa: No but my mother is. That was basically her.
Martin: Thank you so much. You saved my life.
Theresa: well, always useful to have a princess around to rescue you from dragons.
Martin: Honestly I don't know how I can thank you.
Theresa: Well. Think of something.
Martin: OK
Theresa: I'm waiting.
Martin: OK...I...I am thinking of something.
Theresa: Yes.
Martin: But I don't know if it's the same thing you're thinking of.
Theresa: Well, you won't know until you try, will you?
Martin: OK...well...would you like to go to Duxford Air Museum with me?
Theresa: OK...it's not what I was thinking of.
Martin: I'm so sorry I should have...
Theresa: But it's not bad. We can go tomorrow.
Martin: Really?
Theresa: Sure.
Maximilian: Theresa!
Theresa: See you later.
Douglas: Well
Martin: Did she just?
Douglas: Oh yes. Congratulations Martin. You got yourself a bob-sled.
There are a few bits where I either did not understand a word/phrase at all or wasn't sure if I heard correctly. I marked those with a [?]. Any help would there would be very welcome.
Herc: Carolyn, ten minutes.
Carolyn: Yes, All right Herc. So last recap: If the phone rings answer it and take a message, if an e-mail comes in reply to it, if...
Douglas: Hang on. I'm taking notes.
Arthur: But don't worry about faxes guy because mum's put me in charge of the faxes.
Martin: Are you sure Carolyn? Because some people do still have fax-machines.
Carolyn: Yes, some people do. We don't...and most importantly I will have my phone on at all times. Call me at once if anything happens at all.
Herc: If I can just clarify that a little. Do not call her, no matter what happens.
Carolyn: Don't listen to him. Call me if anything goes wrong or if we get any bookings.
Herc: Those are just two of the circumstances under which you should not call. Other such circumstances include the following: Any circumstances.
Carolyn: Ignore him.
Herc: Ignore her
Douglas: What a peaceful holiday you two are going to have.
Carolyn: It is not a holiday. It is a...trip.
Herc: It is a holiday. The first holiday I've had had for years.
Douglas: I suppose normally you just wait for the next honeymoon to roll round.
Arthur: What?
Herc: Douglas is wittily referring to my four marriages Arthur. As opposed to his mere three.
Arthur: Wow is that true? You two got seven ex-wives?
Herc: Between us. Yes. I think. There isn't any overlap, is there Douglas?
Douglas: I'd have to check my paperwork.
Arthur: Seven! That's enough for a netball team.
Herc: What a chilling thought.
Douglas: Of course if Carolyn contributes her two ex-husbands as well, we are well on our way to a football-team.
Carolyn: Thank you Douglas. That will do.
Herc: I think I'd put my second wife in goal.
Carolyn: Hercules Shipwright, did you just do a 'My ex-wife's so fat'-joke?
Herc: Certainly not. She happened to be a professional goal-keeper.
Carolyn: Really?
Herc: No, she's huge.
[Phone ringing]
Douglas: You're turn I think.
Martin: Hello MJN Air, Captain Martin Crieff Speaking.
Theresa: Hello I would like a quote for a booking this Friday.
Martin: Certainly. May I take your name?
Theresa: Yes. I am Princess Theresa of Liechtenstein.
Martin: You are.
Theresa: Yes I am.
Martin: What a coincidence
Theresa: In what way?
Martin: Oh it's just that I'm the Lord High Duke Martin of Crieffstonia. Now what can I do for you?
Theresa: Well...
Martin: Is it a Dragon?
Theresa: What?
Martin: Do need rescuing from a dragon? Only I know what you princesses are like.
Douglas: Eh...Martin this has nothing to do with me.
Martin: No of course not
Douglas: No, really.
Martin: Ex...excuse me. Can you wait a minute?
Theresa: My pleasure. It will allow me to catch my breath from all the hilarity.
Martin: Douglas. This isn't one of your mates?
Douglas: Who is it?
Martin: The Princess of Liechtenstein.
Douglas: No. the Princesses of Liechtenstein is not one of my mates.
Martin: Great. Fine. Then you talk to her.
Douglas: With pleasure. Hello. This is First Officer Douglas Richardson. I do apologize. We've been getting some hoax calls this week. Now how can we help you?
Theresa: Well I am Princess of Liechtenstein and I was hoping to charter you to fly the king and I from Vaduz to Fitton.
Douglas: But of course. To fly the king and I? Well, this is the sound of music to our ears. Why, not since we flew Madam Butterfly to the South Pacific have we had...
Martin: Douglas it's nothing to do with me either.
Douglas: Yes it is. But I must say answering it yourself first was a really artistic touch.
Martin: Look at me. It's not me.
Douglas: Well it's not me.
Theresa: OK, Well this has been a lot of fun, but have we perhaps reached the point where one of you considered googling the words 'Theresa' and 'Liechtenstein'?
Martin: Douglas look, I just...
Douglas: Your Royal Highness. How may we be of service?
Carolyn: Of course I am Martin. Tell Arthur to meet me at the airport.
Herc: Carolyn. There you are. You know how you were saying what fun windsurfing looked?
Carolyn: I don't recall saying anything of the kind.
Herc: You were very drunk at the time.
Carolyn: I was not!
Herc: Nonetheless you did say it. And accordingly I have booked us lessons this afternoon.
Carolyn: That's nice. Anyway I am going to Liechtenstein.
Herc: I think you might be overreacting a little.
Carolyn: Martin just called. He just had a booking from the King of Liechtenstein.
Herc: That's obviously Douglas doing a funny voice.
Carolyn: You would think so, yes. But apparently not.
Herc: Oh the boys can cope.
Carolyn: With a king? Of course they can't.
Herc: I didn't realize you were in such thrall to royalty.
Carolyn: I don't give two hoots for royalty.
Herc: I think you give four or five hoots.
Carolyn: I do not.
Herc: And not just any old hoots. Slow and reverent hoots. Like an owl at a jubilee.
Carolyn: No. I'm sorry Herc. I really have to go.
Herc: No you don't. Not on the second day of our first and only holiday in 16 months together.
Carolyn: Look I told you when I agreed to come that I had to leave if work came up.
Herc: And I told you I didn't agree and wasn't listening.
Carolyn: It's not a big deal.
Herc: Well, in fact, it is a bit. Because it's important to me that we spend time together-
Carolyn: Oh don't.
Herc: Because, I love you.
Carolyn: Yes, so you keep saying.
Herc: I do, don't I?
Carolyn: Yes, yes and I wish you wouldn't. It makes you sound like a Disney toy.
Herc: Actually, Disney didn't come up with the concept of expressing love. Other people have found it important as well.
Carolyn: Well who?
Herc: Most of humanity.
Carolyn: Well there you are then, you know what chumps they are.
Herc: Who, humanity?
Carolyn: Yes, by and large.
Herc: Well granted, but still.
Arthur: OK Chaps, I've been practising bows...Do you think this one...or this one? That's a slightly fancier one.
Douglas: Isn't it just? What happens if you don't catch your hat?
Arthur: Well I thought of that. I can extend the bit at the end to include picking it up.
Martin: Just a simple incarnation of the head from the neck up. That's enough.
Arthur: Are you sure? That doesn't sound very king-y
Martin: Quite sure. I've been brushing up on protocol.
Douglas: Of course you have.
Martin: Also: never look at the king directly.
Douglas: Are you sure you're not confusing him with the sun?
Martin: Don't hold eye-contact. Just...just glance up and look away.
Douglas: Even if we're looking at him through smoked glass?
Arthur: OK, I'm gonna go and practise. [leaves]
Douglas: So. Martin. What sort of team would your exes make?
Martin: What? No team. You know I've never been married.
Douglas: What about ex-girlfriends?
Martin: I'm not telling you that.
Douglas: OK
Martin: It's private.
Douglas: Absolutely. Forget I asked.
Martin: How many people are in a bob-sleigh?
Douglas: Four.
Martin: Oh.
Douglas: There's five in a basketball-team if that helps.
Martin: It doesn't.
Douglas: Ah. I don't think there's anything with three.
Martin: No. There wouldn't be.
Douglas: Hang on. I'll look it up.
Martin: there's really no need.
Douglas: Pétanque!
Martin: What?
Douglas: There's three players in a Pétanque-team. You know...boules. Like old Frenchmen play.
Martin: Go on then.
Douglas: What?
Martin: I know you only asked me so I'd ask you. What sort of team would your ex-girlfriends be?
Douglas: Hm...well. You know the start of the London-marathon?
Martin: Yes. All right.
Douglas: Shut-down checks complete. And the fuel remaining is one-thousand six hundred litres.
Martin: One thousand six hundred...all right got it. Quick, quick, quick.
Douglas: We're still early
Martin: We could be earlier.
[knocking]
Otto: Hello. I am Otto.
Martin: Hello
Otto: I am your. Ground handling agent today. I hope we...
Martin: Yeah, yeah. We'd like to take off at five.
Otto: Sure, sure. In the mean time would you like the cleaning-service?
Martin: no thank you we take care of that ourselves
Otto: OK, sure. Catering service?
Martin: No we do that, too. Thanks.
Otto: Check in desks?
Martin: No we...
Otto: ...do it yourselves. Sure. How...
Martin: No sorry, we really have to go now. We actually are about to, as it happens, to collect the King of Liechtenstein, so...anything else just assume we do it ourselves.
Otto: Fuel?
Martin: Oh.
Otto: Have a little portable refinery up there maybe? Or will his majesty bring a few barrels of his own brew?
Martin: Yes we want refuelling. We'll need 3000 litres.
Otto: OK
Arthur: Shall I offer to take his crown or will he want to keep it on on the flight?
Douglas: Just a minute Arthur. Martin. What are you doing?
Martin: I know you were going to laugh.
Douglas: Are you putting on...
Martin: It is correct protocol to put on one's decorations when greeting a foreign head of state.
Douglas: Medals? Where did you get medals?
Martin: During the ten years...I was a member of the air-cadets.
Douglas: I see. What's this one?
Martin: That's my cadet-forces medal.
Douglas: For?
Martin: Being in the air-cadets.
Douglas: Impressive stuff. And the other one?
Martin: It doesn't matter.
Douglas: It does matter.
Martin: You'll only make fun of it.
Douglas: Martin. Let us be perfectly clear. The good ship Douglas making fun of Martin's medals set sail the moment you took the decision to put on some medals. The voyage is now well under-way and I can only suggest you relax and enjoy it. What's the other one?
Martin: It's my millennium star.
Douglas: Is it? And that's awarded for...
Martin: I think you know what it's for.
Douglas: I have a wild hope, certainly, but surely it's too good to be true.
Martin: It was awarded by the Queen to all members of the armed forces and cadet-corps to commemorate the new millennium.
Douglas: It is! You are going to meet the king of Liechtenstein, wearing a medal you got for being alive in the year 2000.
Arthur: Oh I wish I'd known. I could have got[?] that one
Herc: Thank you for staying
Carolyn: Yes, yes, you already said that.
Herc: And I'm saying it again. I really appreciate you staying.
Carolyn: Yes, yes. All right. Fine.
Herc: Because...
Carolyn: Yes, that's lovely
Herc: I love yourselves
Carolyn: I am aware. The information has been duly noted. Thank you for your feedback.
Herc: And do you...?
Carolyn: No, no, no, no, no.
Herc: No.
Carolyn: Not...no, the answer's no. No, don't ask.
Herc: So the answer is not no.
Carolyn: I said don't ask. Don't ask. Don't tell. Like gay American soldiers before 2011.
Herc: Well I'm not a gay American soldiers before 2011. I am in fact none of those things. And I am interested in whether or not you feel as strongly about me as I do about you.
Carolyn: Why? Look we're doing very well as we are. Why can't we carry on like this?
Herc: What if we wanted to get married?
Carolyn: But we don't want to get married, though. Do we? Not in the least, tiniest, little bit.
Herc: I might want to.
Carolyn: Yes Hercules, but let's face facts. You wanting to get married is like other people wanting to sneeze. Besides Knapp-Shappey is bad enough as a surname. I'm damned if I become Knapp-Shappey-Shipwright.
Herc: Yes, I see what you mean. It does sound a bit like a soft shoe-shuffle.
Arthur: Wow. It's an actual castle.
Douglas: What did you expect Vaduz Castle to be?
Arthur: I don't know. World of Leather was very disappointing.
Martin: What do we do now?
Douglas: Knock?
Martin: Can you just knock at a castle?
Douglas: Well, I don't see why not. What was your plan? Jangle your medals?
[knocking, door opening]
Theresa: Hello. Are you the pilots?
Martin: I -eh- yes -eh- we're here to see princess Theresa.
Theresa: I know. Yes.
Martin: Hello...so is she in?
Theresa: Yes she is in...front of you. Hello come in.
Martin: Oh...right. You're royal highness, if I might introduce myself. I am Captain Martin Crieff.
Theresa: Oh I remember you. You're here to safe me from a dragon.
Martin: I'm terribly sorry about that.
Theresa: Oh don't worry. It happens a lot.
Martin:...OK...and this is First Officer Douglas Richardson and Mr Arthur Shappey esquire who will be providing customer service.
Arthur: Mr Arthur Shappey what?
Douglas: Esquire.
Arthur; What's a squire?
Douglas: You are
Arthur: Brilliant.
Martin: The head of our company Mrs Carolyn Knapp-Shappey sends her compliments and her profound apology not to be here in person but rest assured she will be waiting to greet you on your arrival in Fitton.
Theresa: Really? Why?
Martin: Well...to provide an official reception...and...to...sweep the building...for assassins.
Theresa: Right. Do you get a lot of assassins at your airport?
Douglas: We do in the winter-months. I think the cold drives them inside.
Martin: Douglas!
Arthur: Excuse me, princess.
Theresa: Theresa is fine.
Arthur: Theresa, when do we get to see the king.
Martin: Arthur! I'm so sorry he...
Theresa: Oh no, no. It's fine. I'll get him. MAXI! Your pilots are here!
Maximilian: Yeaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!
Theresa: And you can come and meet them as soon as you've finished your carrots.
Maximilian: I have finished them.
Martin: Oh.
Douglas: Martin. I fear you're looking directly at the king.
Maximilian: Green Truck. That counts double
Arthur: What? No, no. That's not how you play it.
Maximilian: It is indeed how you play it in Liechtenstein.
Arthur: No it's not!
Maximilian: It is because I am the king of Liechtenstein and I say it is. 100 points to me!
Arthur: There aren't any points!
Maximilian: There are in Liechtenstein.
Theresa: Stop being horrible. I'm sorry. Maxi is going through a state where he's very pleased with himself for being accidentally born king. They all go through it. For my father it lasted 60 years.
Martin: So you're Maxi's sister?
Theresa: I'm the oldest. He's the youngest. Six sisters and then Maxi.
Douglas: Good Lord!
Theresa: My father's motto was 'If at first you don't succeed'...
Douglas: And what takes his majesty to Fitton.
Theresa: he's going back to school.
Arthur: Ahhh. Lucky you. I really miss going to school.
Maximilian: Then you're stupid. I hate school.
Theresa: No you don't. You just hate all the other boys.
Maximilian: No, they hate me. They won't call me by my proper title.
Douglas: Children can be so cruel.
Martin: I suppose you must stick out a bit. Being royal.
Theresa: Not at this school. He shares a desk with the Sheik of Qatar.
Maximilian: But he's only a prince. I outrank him.
Theresa: Maxi, I keep telling you people don't make friends by telling other people how much they outrank them.
Martin: That's true actually.
Douglas: Yes. captain Crieff as you can see is a grizzled veteran of the Air Cadets.
Theresa: Oh my, yes. What are these?
Martin: Oh...those are just my decorations.
Theresa: Oh. You come with decorations. Like a little Christmas tree. What are they for.
Douglas: Oh, can I tell her?
Martin: No.
Douglas: Please.
Martin: No! This is my cadet forces medal and this is my millennium star.
Theresa: Well...I think we can do a little better than that. You have provided aid to the royal family so straight away you can have the Star of Liechtenstein, the Wreath of Liechtenstein and...oh I don't know what the last one is called. The little wobbely stick of Liechtenstein.
Martin: Thank you.
Maximilian: Theresa! You can’t give him that! That’s our highest honour!
Theresa: Well someone’s gotta have it! (To Martin) Now, do you renounce Satan?
Martin: Errrr, yes!
Theresa: Super. That gets you the Holy Cross of St. Lucius.
Martin: Eh...I think you might be teasing me.
Theresa: Maxi...do we have a medal for teasing-recognition.
Maximilian: No
Theresa: Shame. You really earned it.
Martin: [laughs awkwardly]
Maximilian: Black dog!
Arthur: Oh come on. That's not even a vehicle.
Otto: OK, and sign here...all ready to go.
Douglas: OK
Martin: Hello
Carolyn: Martin, me again. How is everything?
Martin: Everything's fine Carolyn. We're just about to leave.
Carolyn: Really? No one's been thrown in a dungeon or anything? Good Lord. And ho fares the King of Liechtenstein?
Martin: He's fine. He and Arthur are playing Top Trumps
Carolyn: What?
Martin: I'll explain later. Don't worry. I'm in complete control.
Carolyn: Well good because our flight home has been delayed by three hours. We won't get to Fitton in time to meet you.
Martin: It's fine. It's fine. She's really not that sort of princess.
Douglas: Eh...captain
Martin: Gotta go
Douglas: Just double-check this fuel-order.
Martin: What? Three thousand litres? Why have you loaded three thousand litres?
Otto: Because you asked for three thousand litres.
Martin: No I didn’t. I said we’ll need three thousand litres.
Otto: Okay, is that sounding any different to you because…
Martin: No. We’ll need three thousand in the tank. We already have sixteen hundred so-
Otto: Well maybe I am a simple soul. I heard: we need three thousand litres. And what I thought was: I know! I’ll give them three thousand litres THEY’LL LIKE THAT!
Martin: Yes but…
Douglas: Yes. Well… Whoever fault it is-
Otto: It is his fault.
Douglas: I know. But the good news, Martin, is we’re still under maximum take off weight.
Martin: Oh good.
Douglas: The less good new is that when we get to Fitton we’ll still be way over maximum landing weight.
Martin: Right so we can go up but we can’t come down.
Douglas: Exactly. We are Newton’s worst nightmare.
Stewardess: Your Bloody Mary madam
Carolyn: Thank you very much. I do like being a passenger. She doesn't know, I know, she hates me.
Herc: Not all Cabin Crew hate their passengers, you know.
Carolyn: [laughs] Bless you.
Herc: So...before we leave the subject entirely.
Carolyn: What subject? Oh...not that subject.
Herc: Marriage is definitely off the table?
Carolyn: I'm not saying that. I'm just saying: Why can't we carry on as we are?
Herc: Well...because things change.
Carolyn: What changes?
Herc: Well...for instance...if we're not in this for the medium long term I should probably go to Switzerland.
Carolyn: That's a bit of an overreaction.
Herc: Linda did already
Carolyn: It's funnier now.
Herc: No it's not.
Carolyn: Oh yes it is, because the stakes are higher. Why would you go to Switzerland?
Herc: because I don't I'll be out of my job
Carolyn: Why?
Herc: Because Switzerland Airways are going international next year.
Carolyn: Oh...lucky for them.
Herc: By buying lots of smaller airlines such as Air Caledonia
Carolyn: Oh...
Herc: Massive redundancies. Now as the senior captain I have the option to keep my job if I move to Zurich. Or I can take redundancy.
Carolyn: And get another job?
Herc: Where?
Carolyn: Well I don't know.
Herc: Neither do I. 56 year old are far less in demand than you'd think.
Carolyn: I assume they're in no demand whatsoever.
Herc: I realized even as I said it, I was talking to the wrong person.
Carolyn: Well, you should go.
Herc: Oh. Should I?
Carolyn: Yes of course you should. I don't want you to give up your job for me. I'm not asking you to do that.
Herc: You don't want me to stay?
Carolyn: Well...I'm not...asking you to stay.
Herc: I don't understand that. Do you want me to stay then?
Carolyn: I don't want you not to stay.
Herc: I will stay if you want me to.
Carolyn: I don't want to be the reason you stay
Herc: Yes. That's clear. The thing is...you would, as it happens, be the reason I stay if I stay. How do you feel about that?
Carolyn: I don't know.
Herc: Don't you? No, no, that's OK. Mull it over, though.
Martin: Fitton tower, this is Golf Echo Romeo Tango India.
Carl: Hello chaps! Timed that well. You can come straight in. Cleared number one for the approach.
Martin: Yes, actually, Carl, we'd like to hold before landing.
Carl: Eh you- You want me to put you in the hold?
Martin: Yes we do.
Carl: After all the bellyaching you normally give me?
Martin: Even after that.
Carl: . . . Why?
Martin: We just do.
Carl: Alright then! Golf Tango India once 'round the holding pattern. Enjoy the view.
Martin: No, we need to hold for. . . about twenty circuits.
Carl: Twenty?!
Martin: Yes! Is that all right with you?
Carl: Oh it's fine with me. You lot are gonna get dizzy though. Into the hold at Arden, maintain flight level seven-zero. Advise when you've had enough and want to go on the dodge-ems instead.
Arthur: OK...I've got Harold the Fifth of Norway and I pick stateliness. 7 out of 10.
Maximilian: Bad luck. I got me again.
Arthur: Ahhh
Martin: Hello. Everything all right here?
Arthur: Yes, Maxi and me have invented European Monarch Top Trumps. But he's got 10 out of 10 for everything.
Martin: What about size of kingdom?
Maximilian: That's not a category.
Arthur: I said we should have that.
Martin: Anyway, I just wanted to explain: Theresa, you may have noticed we're going round in circles and
Theresa: Yes. Are you burning off fuel to reduce your landing-weight?
Martin: Yes. How did you know?
Theresa: Oh how much extra did you load?
Martin: About 1600 litres.
Theresa: Oh goodness.
Arthur: Wow Skip. Mom's gonna kill you.
Martin: Thank you Arthur. I'm aware of that.
Theresa: Oh. That's the anti-terrorism-expert. Bit of a dragon is she?
Martin: Oh...well...if you met her. Don't ever say that to her but yes.
Maximilian: Are you scared of her?
Martin: Well, yes I am.
Theresa: Don't be rude Maxi, you're scared of the Sheik of Qatar.
Maximilian: I'm not scared of him. I could have his head cut off.
Theresa: You have to stop saying that all the time. You can’t have anyone’s head cut off!
Maximilian: I can if they commit treason.
Theresa: They’re not going to commit treason!
Arthur: Ooh I know, I know! Why don’t you command them to cut their own head off. And then if they do it, there head’s cut off and if they don’t do it, they’ve committed treason and you can have their head cut off!
Maximilian: Yeah.
Theresa: Thank you Arthur but the last thing Maxi needs is a henchmen.
Martin: Maxi. Can I give you some advice?
Maximilian: You? But you're a commoner.
Martin: Yeah. Even so. When the Sheik of Qatar is giving you a hard time. Don't tell him you're going to cut his head off, even if you can...which you can't. It just makes you look like...well...it makes you look like a man with a medal for being alive in the year 2000.
Carl: Hello Golf Tango India. How's life on the magic roundabout?
Douglas: Hello Carl.
Carl: It's ever so restful watching you, you know. Round and round and round. Like- Like one of those mobiles you hang on a cot.
Martin: Fitton tower, please confine-
Carl: Aaaanyway, silly question, I know, because obviously you live in the air now, but do you fancy coming in?
Douglas: No thanks Carl, we'll have another five laps worth please.
Carl: Fair enough. Why stop just when you're beginning to enjoy yourself? Remain in the holding pattern, and SCREAM IF YOU WANNA GO FASTER!
Martin: Thank you tower.
Theresa: Oh excuse me.
Douglas: Hello.
Theresa: I just wanted to say thank you Martin for talking to Maxi
Martin: Oh, you're welcome.
Theresa: It's difficult to become king so young. It's easy to let it ruin you.
Martin: Yes. I had the same thing when I was made junior corporal.
Theresa: Anyway. Thank you.
Martin: Theresa. Can I ask you a question?
Theresa: Yes. How come you know so much about landing-weights?
Theresa: Well...actually...when I was little I wanted to be a pilot.
Martin: NO!
Theresa: No...That's so crazy?
Martin: No, not at all. It's just...when I was little I wanted to be a pilot.
Theresa: well, I thought maybe you did.
Martin: How did you know?
Theresa: Cause you're a pilot.
Martin: OH...yes. Yes I am.
Theresa: You're doing the thing you always wanted to do. You're very lucky.
Martin: I suppose I am...just nobody's ever called me lucky before.
[Intercom beeping]
Douglas: And this, I'm afraid, may illustrate why not.
Martin: Hello
Carolyn: Martin, what the hell is going on?
Martin: I thought you were delayed.
Carolyn: We were delayed. By three hours. And yet here you still are. Flaying round and round in circles like a moth round a light-bulb. So what, as I belive I have asked before, the hell, and this better be really good, is going on?
Martin: Right...the thing is...
Theresa: Martin, let me talk to her...
Martin: I think you better...
Theresa: I will talk to her.
Martin: OK.
Theresa: Hello
Carolyn: What? Who are you?
Theresa: I am Her Serene Highness Princess Theresa Gustava Bonaventura of Liechtenstein, Countess of Sponheim and Protector Extraordinary of the Cantons of Nîmes. Who are your?
Carolyn: Call me Carolyn.
Theresa: Are you in charge? What is the meaning of this intolerable delay?
Carolyn: I am so sorry Your Highness. I'm just interrogating the captain and when I find out I assure you...
Theresa: The captain. What has it to do with the captain?
Carolyn: Well, he's the one flying the plane.
Theresa: Of course he is...round and round in circles.
Carolyn: Exactly and when I found out why I..
Theresa: On my command
Carolyn: What? On your...sorry?
Theresa: While we wait and we wait and we wait for you to arrive.
Carolyn: For me? Why?
Theresa: To receive us of course. We are the king and princess of Liechtenstein. Do you think we simply land in any old airport without reception, without it having been swept for assassins?
Carolyn: I do apologize...I...assassin?
Theresa: Yes! Now sweep for those assassins. And once you are sure there aren't any you may call us back.
Carolyn: I think I can be fairly sure even now.
Theresa: CALL US BACK!
Carolyn: Yes, yes, you're highness.
Martin: Wow! That was amazing. I thought you said you weren't that sort of princess.
Theresa: No but my mother is. That was basically her.
Martin: Thank you so much. You saved my life.
Theresa: well, always useful to have a princess around to rescue you from dragons.
Martin: Honestly I don't know how I can thank you.
Theresa: Well. Think of something.
Martin: OK
Theresa: I'm waiting.
Martin: OK...I...I am thinking of something.
Theresa: Yes.
Martin: But I don't know if it's the same thing you're thinking of.
Theresa: Well, you won't know until you try, will you?
Martin: OK...well...would you like to go to Duxford Air Museum with me?
Theresa: OK...it's not what I was thinking of.
Martin: I'm so sorry I should have...
Theresa: But it's not bad. We can go tomorrow.
Martin: Really?
Theresa: Sure.
Maximilian: Theresa!
Theresa: See you later.
Douglas: Well
Martin: Did she just?
Douglas: Oh yes. Congratulations Martin. You got yourself a bob-sled.