glee rpf| ILet me be with you
Title: Let me be with you
Author: ca_te
Pairing: Darren/Chris
Genre: Romance
Rating: PG-13
Notes: This is part 6 of "The light that you carry inside" Series
Disclaimer: Nothing of this has happened in reality! It's all fictional!
The alarm clock rings and Darren buries himself deeper under the covers. Maybe it’s silly, but waking up today means that he’ll have to face the reality of what happened and he doesn’t feel strong enough. He isn’t strong enough to accept that the kiss they shared can exist only in his memories, or in his dreams- like a broken record, because there’s no way he can’t stop himself from replaying it over and over.
He wonders when exactly he reverted back to being a confused teenager; when exactly he lost control of his emotions. But there’s no precise beginning- everything with Chris has been a constant blurring of lines. He sighs, because it probably means that there’s not an end neither.
He scrunches his eyes shut, trying to keep the light and the thoughts out. The alarm clock keeps ringing, though, and he knows all too well that Ryan will kill him if he doesn’t arrive on set on time.
The moment he swings his feet over the edge of the mattress and they touch the floor Darren feels heavier than ever. He takes a deep breath and forces himself to get ready to go to work.
If when he steps out of the car memories of Chris’ pale skin under the streetlamps slosh around in his mind he swallows it all down and forces himself to walk to his trailer.
*
Chris stares at the bottom of his Styrofoam cup, wishing that he could spend the whole day like this- without meeting anyone’s eyes. He has spent most of the night awake, blinking against the darkness of his bedroom and against the memory of Darren’s lips on his. But everything seemed carved in his mind- from the soft light in Darren’s eyes to the warmth of his breath ghosting over his lips.
It all was so real- it was real and yet Chris couldn’t bring himself to believe that Darren had done something like this. That the fantasies he had tried to push away but had remained there to populate his dreams for months came true in a matter of instants.
Somehow reality is always better than dreams and at the same time much more complicated. Running isn’t the solution and Chris knows all too well that he behaved like a stupid the previous night, but…he doesn’t know if he is ready to take that one last step, the one to finally take what he has always wanted. Because there’s no doubt that Darren- with his laughs and his kindness- is the person that Chris wants to have by his side.
What if it doesn’t work? What if Darren is just confused? What if…
He snaps out of it when Lea gently squeezes his shoulder and tells him that it’s time for rehearsal.
*
Darren realizes he wasn’t prepared to see Chris when the mere sight of him entering the room makes him feel as though something is squeezing him. He forces his lungs to collaborate and gulps down some air.
It feels surreal to be so close and not being able to reach out. It’s like being closed in a glass box, and Darren knows that if Chris is on the other side he would keep hitting the glass over and over, trying to get to him.
As they go through the choreography, Darren tries to focus on the steps and not to let his gaze wander in Chris’ direction. But then they get to the part when Kurt is going to have a small solo and will have to do dance on his own. Zach asks them all to sit down while he goes through the few steps with Chris and then Darren can’t avoid to look at him.
Chris nods as Zach speaks, strands of hair falling in front of his eyes. Darren looks at his legs as he moves- all precision and concentration. He looks stunning and something flutters inside of Darren and flaps its wings against the cage of his chest.
Darren closes his eyes against the sheer force of it; he has never felt like this. He has been in love, of course; he has been attracted to people, but he has never felt this need to be close to someone. To simply curl up in the light they emanate and remain there forever.
He thinks that maybe it’s because he has never met someone who shines as bright as Chris.
*
Chris finds it hard to concentrate; the thought of Darren watching him turns his knees into jelly. It’s silly, because they’ve rehearsed together so many times in the past two years. But, then again, they never crossed the line between the dysfunctional thing that they were and what they weren’t supposed to become.
Darren’s lips, his warmth, changed all of it.
When Zach gives them a break, Chris quickly slips out of the room. He doesn’t even know where he is going, the only thing that he knows is that he needs some air and he needs to be away from Darren, because being in the same room as him makes something stir inside of him and prevents any clear thought.
*
Darren shifts his weight from left to right. He watches Chris exit the room and he knows that he can’t follow him. What would he do, anyway? Tell him that he is sorry when it isn’t true, when all he can think about his pulling Chris close and kiss him until time loses its meaning?
He sighs and tries to listen to what Lea and Cory are telling him.
-
They let them out late as always; Darren waits until the others are all gone before walking to his car. Outside the sky is dark and some pale stars manage to blink down at him through the smog. He stops before climbing into his car to look at the sky up above his head. He thinks about all the times that he has seen the sun rising with his friends back in college, about all the sunsets he has seen alone or in company, about the falling stars he has wished to see, and he wishes he had met Chris earlier in their lives.
He wishes they could have grown up together, learning about each other in dorm rooms and being a couple when they were just two unknown boys.
*
Chris is walking towards his car when he spots him, leaning against his car, his head thrown back. He can’t help but smile at the same, because it’s so typically Darren to stand right in the middle of a parking lot looking at the sky.
Something warm snakes around in his stomach and he knows he won’t be able to run away this time. Not when it costs him so much effort not to talk to Darren, not to be near him.
He takes a step and then another and another, until he is standing right in front of Darren. He coughs gently and tries not to think about the shiver that runs down his spine as Darren lowers his gaze.
Here they are, staring at each other like so many times before- their undefinable relationship making every breath and every glinting of eyes mean so much more than it should. So many times Chris has held back, scared of having misjudged some signal, of having misinterpreted Darren’s smile or the way their fingers slotted together perfectly, the way Darren’s breath seemed to stutter a bit every time that they hugged.
But if life is made of risks, as so many say, then holding back means not living and if there’s something that Chris wants to live is this thing that may blossom between them- that maybe has already blossomed.
The seconds it takes for him to close the distance between them feels like hours, but then Darren meets him midway and their lips are brushing gently.
All of sudden Darren’s lips, Darren’s hands cupping his face, are all that exist. And Chris is fine with it, even though it means being scared of what may happen next of how they’ll deal with it.
*
Darren feels as though he is overflowing- all the longing and the desire he has bottled up run freely underneath his skin, as Chris’ tongue licks at his lower lip asking for entrance.
He pulls Chris closer, but it’s not remotely enough. He needs more, he needs him more, so close that there won’t be any distance left.
When they break the kiss he looks straight into Chris’ eyes. They smile at each other, simple and perfect. Darren takes Chris’ hand into his, the weight familiar and yet new.
“Chris…I…”
Chris squeezes his fingers gently.
“Dare…I want to be alone with you. Come to my place?”
Darren is pretty sure he is going to burst because of how big and bright what he is feeling is. He nods not trusting his words.
TBC
Author: ca_te
Pairing: Darren/Chris
Genre: Romance
Rating: PG-13
Notes: This is part 6 of "The light that you carry inside" Series
Disclaimer: Nothing of this has happened in reality! It's all fictional!
The alarm clock rings and Darren buries himself deeper under the covers. Maybe it’s silly, but waking up today means that he’ll have to face the reality of what happened and he doesn’t feel strong enough. He isn’t strong enough to accept that the kiss they shared can exist only in his memories, or in his dreams- like a broken record, because there’s no way he can’t stop himself from replaying it over and over.
He wonders when exactly he reverted back to being a confused teenager; when exactly he lost control of his emotions. But there’s no precise beginning- everything with Chris has been a constant blurring of lines. He sighs, because it probably means that there’s not an end neither.
He scrunches his eyes shut, trying to keep the light and the thoughts out. The alarm clock keeps ringing, though, and he knows all too well that Ryan will kill him if he doesn’t arrive on set on time.
The moment he swings his feet over the edge of the mattress and they touch the floor Darren feels heavier than ever. He takes a deep breath and forces himself to get ready to go to work.
If when he steps out of the car memories of Chris’ pale skin under the streetlamps slosh around in his mind he swallows it all down and forces himself to walk to his trailer.
*
Chris stares at the bottom of his Styrofoam cup, wishing that he could spend the whole day like this- without meeting anyone’s eyes. He has spent most of the night awake, blinking against the darkness of his bedroom and against the memory of Darren’s lips on his. But everything seemed carved in his mind- from the soft light in Darren’s eyes to the warmth of his breath ghosting over his lips.
It all was so real- it was real and yet Chris couldn’t bring himself to believe that Darren had done something like this. That the fantasies he had tried to push away but had remained there to populate his dreams for months came true in a matter of instants.
Somehow reality is always better than dreams and at the same time much more complicated. Running isn’t the solution and Chris knows all too well that he behaved like a stupid the previous night, but…he doesn’t know if he is ready to take that one last step, the one to finally take what he has always wanted. Because there’s no doubt that Darren- with his laughs and his kindness- is the person that Chris wants to have by his side.
What if it doesn’t work? What if Darren is just confused? What if…
He snaps out of it when Lea gently squeezes his shoulder and tells him that it’s time for rehearsal.
*
Darren realizes he wasn’t prepared to see Chris when the mere sight of him entering the room makes him feel as though something is squeezing him. He forces his lungs to collaborate and gulps down some air.
It feels surreal to be so close and not being able to reach out. It’s like being closed in a glass box, and Darren knows that if Chris is on the other side he would keep hitting the glass over and over, trying to get to him.
As they go through the choreography, Darren tries to focus on the steps and not to let his gaze wander in Chris’ direction. But then they get to the part when Kurt is going to have a small solo and will have to do dance on his own. Zach asks them all to sit down while he goes through the few steps with Chris and then Darren can’t avoid to look at him.
Chris nods as Zach speaks, strands of hair falling in front of his eyes. Darren looks at his legs as he moves- all precision and concentration. He looks stunning and something flutters inside of Darren and flaps its wings against the cage of his chest.
Darren closes his eyes against the sheer force of it; he has never felt like this. He has been in love, of course; he has been attracted to people, but he has never felt this need to be close to someone. To simply curl up in the light they emanate and remain there forever.
He thinks that maybe it’s because he has never met someone who shines as bright as Chris.
*
Chris finds it hard to concentrate; the thought of Darren watching him turns his knees into jelly. It’s silly, because they’ve rehearsed together so many times in the past two years. But, then again, they never crossed the line between the dysfunctional thing that they were and what they weren’t supposed to become.
Darren’s lips, his warmth, changed all of it.
When Zach gives them a break, Chris quickly slips out of the room. He doesn’t even know where he is going, the only thing that he knows is that he needs some air and he needs to be away from Darren, because being in the same room as him makes something stir inside of him and prevents any clear thought.
*
Darren shifts his weight from left to right. He watches Chris exit the room and he knows that he can’t follow him. What would he do, anyway? Tell him that he is sorry when it isn’t true, when all he can think about his pulling Chris close and kiss him until time loses its meaning?
He sighs and tries to listen to what Lea and Cory are telling him.
-
They let them out late as always; Darren waits until the others are all gone before walking to his car. Outside the sky is dark and some pale stars manage to blink down at him through the smog. He stops before climbing into his car to look at the sky up above his head. He thinks about all the times that he has seen the sun rising with his friends back in college, about all the sunsets he has seen alone or in company, about the falling stars he has wished to see, and he wishes he had met Chris earlier in their lives.
He wishes they could have grown up together, learning about each other in dorm rooms and being a couple when they were just two unknown boys.
*
Chris is walking towards his car when he spots him, leaning against his car, his head thrown back. He can’t help but smile at the same, because it’s so typically Darren to stand right in the middle of a parking lot looking at the sky.
Something warm snakes around in his stomach and he knows he won’t be able to run away this time. Not when it costs him so much effort not to talk to Darren, not to be near him.
He takes a step and then another and another, until he is standing right in front of Darren. He coughs gently and tries not to think about the shiver that runs down his spine as Darren lowers his gaze.
Here they are, staring at each other like so many times before- their undefinable relationship making every breath and every glinting of eyes mean so much more than it should. So many times Chris has held back, scared of having misjudged some signal, of having misinterpreted Darren’s smile or the way their fingers slotted together perfectly, the way Darren’s breath seemed to stutter a bit every time that they hugged.
But if life is made of risks, as so many say, then holding back means not living and if there’s something that Chris wants to live is this thing that may blossom between them- that maybe has already blossomed.
The seconds it takes for him to close the distance between them feels like hours, but then Darren meets him midway and their lips are brushing gently.
All of sudden Darren’s lips, Darren’s hands cupping his face, are all that exist. And Chris is fine with it, even though it means being scared of what may happen next of how they’ll deal with it.
*
Darren feels as though he is overflowing- all the longing and the desire he has bottled up run freely underneath his skin, as Chris’ tongue licks at his lower lip asking for entrance.
He pulls Chris closer, but it’s not remotely enough. He needs more, he needs him more, so close that there won’t be any distance left.
When they break the kiss he looks straight into Chris’ eyes. They smile at each other, simple and perfect. Darren takes Chris’ hand into his, the weight familiar and yet new.
“Chris…I…”
Chris squeezes his fingers gently.
“Dare…I want to be alone with you. Come to my place?”
Darren is pretty sure he is going to burst because of how big and bright what he is feeling is. He nods not trusting his words.
TBC