glee rpf| Reaching for the sky

[ca_te]

Title: Reaching for the sky
Author: ca_te
Pairings: Darren/Chris (Chris' POV)
Genre: Romance
Rating: PG-15
Warnings: use of drugs
Notes: I took the inspiration from this prompt, Darren and Chris get high together. IIt's Chris's first time. It ISN'T Darren's.. But, well, probably it got a bit out of topic XD
Dislcaimer: I deeply respect Chris and Darren, so please do not link this story to the actors or the producers. Nothing of this has happened. It is all fictional.


Probably he should have known better, in the end he had known Darren for two years, if not more, and he had seen what the other man could come up with. It was as if his head was a magic box, filled with crazy ideas and big dreams. And even if he hadn’t seen all that, well, knowing that he could wear pink glasses and spend hours singing Disney songs would have been enough of an information. Still Darren had managed to cut through every single shield that Chris had raised and had reached deeper than anyone else before.

It wasn’t as if Chris didn’t have friends, it was just that no one seemed to fit perfectly in his space as Darren, even though they were so different and probably would always be.

If someone asked him why they had managed to grow so close, Chris wouldn’t know what to say. Probably it had been because everything about Darren was so refreshing. It was like being constantly basking in warm light, that glowed softly and crawled right under his skin.

He knew that it might sound silly, but since Darren had come hopping into his life on the day Ryan introduced them, everything felt brighter and lighter. It was easier to go to sleep at night and it was easier to smile for real. It was easier to be happy.

So there was no way Chris could keep Darren outside once he had knocked at his door at 1 am in the morning, his hair sticking up and his eyes big and shiny after a gig. He simply knew that he could never be able to shut Darren out of his life, even though it probably would have made things easier for the jumbled mess that his feelings had been since he had understood that what he felt for Darren couldn’t be brought down into the borders of an ordinary friendship.

Not when the kiss that Darren had given him on the stage in Dublin few months before was still replaying in his mind now and then, on small, vulnerable moments; like when he got up and sipped coffee alone sitting at the kitchen table in the mornings. Chris was aware that it wasn’t supposed to weight so much, to take up all that space in his mind, but he simply couldn’t push it away, as if it had been nailed there. And sometimes it made it a bit harder to be around Darren, to have him smiling and goofing around, constantly hugging and touching because it was as if Darren needed contact to be sure that they were real and that he wasn’t dreaming all of the time.

“And now what are you doing here?”

Darren grinned, his smile so white that Chris had to blink.

“Alright, something tells me that I probably don’t want to know.”

Darren barked out a laugh.

“I think you’re right! Now will you let me in or I’ve to wake up all your neighbors?”

Actually Darren had done that so many times since they had started to hang around together off set that Chris had lost count. Once the other man had arrived carrying his guitar, it had been 2 am and Chris had refused to let him in. Darren had kept playing until the woman next door had shouted at him to go away or she would have called the police. Only then Chris had opened the door, laughing like crazy, sleep long forgotten.

So he simply sighed and moved to the side to let Darren inside.

“It was about time! So what were you up to?”

For the umpteenth time Chris wondered how it was even possible for a human being to have so much energy stored up inside, but it was one of the surprising things about Darren, and it was dear to Chris in a certain way.

“Well, I was trying to sleep; you know that thing that people do at night?”

Darren shook his head, dark curls falling over his forehead.

“Booooring!”

Chris sighed again, but his lips quirked up at the corners.

“Oh, it seems that I just made a sleepy Colfer smile.”

You seem to be the only one who can make me smile all the time, Chris swallowed dry, trying to push away the thought that had just blossomed in his mind. He watched as Darren discarded his jumper and took off his shoes before plopping down onto the couch.

His smile widened as Darren patted the empty cushion beside him, his eyes as big as the ones of a child asking his parents to buy him a new toy. Chris padded over to the couch and sat down, Darren immediately scooting closer until their knees were comfortably brushing against each other.

“So, problems with sleeping again?”

Chris allowed himself to lean a bit into the warmth that Darren was radiating. At the beginning he had been taken aback by how easily he had found to fall into Darren’s magnetic field, to feel comfortable with the other man’s arm around his shoulders or his warm hand on his knee while they were sitting in some pub or during cast meetings. He had understood soon enough that there was no use in trying to resist, so he had decided to allow himself to lean into the touches, into the affection that Darren constantly seemed to want to give him.

And if all of it made Chris’s heart speed up and his head feel lighter, well, that was something that he could deal with if it meant that he could share with Darren a small world made of touches and jokes that only the two of them could understand.

“Yeah, same old story.”

Darren nodded once before taking Chris’ hand into his own.

“Actually I had a feeling that you were still up.”

If it had been someone else Chris would have thought that they were nuts, but it was Darren and Chris had experienced how connected they seemed to be on many occasions. It was as if Darren could always imagine where he was after having shot a particular difficult or emotional scene or what he was doing even on the days that they didn’t spend together.

“And that’s why you came here and forced me out of bed?”

Darren squeezed his hand gently.

“Nope! I came here to help you sleep, mister!”

Chris quirked an eyebrow.

“And how do you plan to do that?”

Darren wiggled his eyebrows before turning to fish something out of his pocket; Chris bit his lower lip as he realized that he missed the warmth of Darren’s hand already. When had he turned in such a teenage girl? It was as if being around the other man meant living a life of hearts beating like drums all the time and stupid butterflies taking residence inside his stomach.

He felt his eyes grow wider as his brain registered what Darren was holding in his hand. He quickly glanced from the small plastic bag to the other man’s eyes. They were warm and gentle as they always seemed to be when they were around each other. It was that that made Chris understand that, yes, Darren was serious and that he truly thought that it could help Chris to sleep better.

“Darren? Are you aware that…”

Darren waved his hand dismissively.

“Yeah yeah, illegal and all that stuff. I won’t force you, you know right?”

And if there was something that Chris was sure about was that Darren would never force him to do anything nor he would hurt him on purpose. So he took hold of Darren’s free hand.

“Of course I know, Dare! I didn’t mean that.”

Darren’s smile was bright and there was no trace of the previous seriousness in his voice. Sometimes Chris couldn’t help but think that Darren was like a kaleidoscope, constantly changing, passing through emotions faster than a rollercoaster or than a rocket.

“Good then! Want to try?”

Chris knew the answer even before Darren’s lips had finished to form the word “try”. He had never done something like that before, but he had learnt on his own skin how incredibly contagious Darren’s enthusiasm could be. And then there was that small, traitorous part of him that wanted to feel what Darren had already felt, to share experiences so that there would be more strings to tie them together.

He watched as Darren took the first drag, and if his eyes lingered more on the other man’s lips closed around the filter, well, he was the only one to know that, right? He watched as Darren blew out the smoke. It lingered in the space between them, thick and white like fog.

“Here, your turn. Take a small drag at the beginning.”

Chris took the joint and just stared at it for a while; he could hear the smile in Darren’s voice as he spoke.

“It won’t bite you, Chris!”

He stuck out his tongue; he couldn’t help it even though he knew that it was somehow childish. Being with Darren also meant feeling lighter than usual most of the time, feeling that it was alright to let go and just behave and feel as he wanted, even though he still had to keep part of his emotions guarded.

He hesitantly took a drag. It burned down his throat and he had to cough. Darren was instantly leaning forward, rubbing soothing circles on his back. Chris couldn’t help the shiver that ran up and down his spine like a small, lost animal.

“I-I’m alright, Dare.”

“Of course you are! You’re my boy after all!”

Chris felt laughter bubble up inside his chest and he felt brave enough to try and take another drag.

Together they flicked through time and before Chris could register it Darren was dipping what was left of the joint into a plastic glass he had previously filled with water.

Chris watched him moving, feeling his edges buzzing pleasantly. It was weird how Darren’s movements seemed smoother, the way his wrist flicked or the way his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down as he swallowed dry. The urge to lean forward and touch him had never been so strong and Chris could feel his whole body aching because of it.

“Hey, you alright?”

Darren leaned closer but he probably had miscalculated the distance between them because he ended up pressing heavily against his side and Chris was hit by a wave of Darren’s scent, a mixture of cologne and of his own skin, a scent that made him think about sunny mornings and summers.

Once more the memory of that stupid kiss in Dublin expanded into his mind taking up all the space that was available. It had been different from all the kisses they had shared on set, he hadn’t been expecting it at all and that was why it had shaken him more than he would have ever allowed.

“Yeah, I’m f-fine…”

Darren’s hand brushed up and down his arm. It was as if the sensation of Darren’s warm palm had been amplified, though, and suddenly Chris’ skin felt too tight.

“Mmm, let me take a look at you.”

Chris’ heart fell at the bottom of his ribcage as Darren brought his hand up and tilted his chin so that they were facing each other. Darren’s pupils were blown wide but he kept his eyes focused on Chris; it seemed that he was looking for something and that thought made Chris hold his breath. What if Darren could see it? What if he could read through him and understand what having him so close was doing to Chris?

He had always been the kind of person who tried to have everything under control, because it was easier that way, because it would have hurt less, but sitting there, his skin tingling, with Darren so close that their noses were almost brushing, he felt that he was losing grip, that he might as well let go and stumble into the unknown. As long as Darren would come with him.

Darren’s hand was heavy on his shoulder as he leaned even closer.

“Your eyes look like the sky, you know that?”

Chris felt as if someone was squeezing his heart tight and he couldn’t do anything but stare at Darren’s lips as he went on talking.

“You know when you stare at the sky and feel like wanting to touch it but it is too high above your head?”

Chris scrambled around his mind to find something to say, but all he could think of was if you were the sky I’d become an astronaut to be closer to you, which, well, he could say wasn’t a good thing to tell to your best friend even though you were feeling as if your head was floating above the clouds, so he simply nodded.

“Well, Christopher Paul Colfer, I feel that way about you all the time.”

Each word seemed to fall as a drop of cold water right onto Chris’ heart and he found himself blinking, his breath coming out faster as if there wasn’t enough oxygen left.

“W-What?”

The grip on his shoulder tightened as Darren moved onto the couch until he was straddling him. Chris gasped loudly as their bodies brushed.

“What I mean is that I want to reach you, Chris.”

As if to underline that he truly meant what he said, Darren slid his hands down from Chris’ shoulders to his waist, caressing gently.

Chris wanted to ask, really, because there were tons of questions pressing at the back of his mind, but it was as if Darren’s hands were the only thing that mattered, them and Darren’s eyes, so big and so familiar.

Darren shifted a bit on his lap and Chris didn’t even try to stop the small moan that rolled over his tongue and through his parted lips. He felt his cheeks become hotter; his self-control was definitely slipping, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Everything was too vivid and too liquid at the same time. And Darren was speaking again, or at least his lips were moving.

“Let me reach you, Chris.”

For once Chris didn’t want to keep it all inside. He seemed to have lost the ability to speak, though. He did what he had been wanting to do for the past hour. He pulled himself up, shut his eyes closed and kissed Darren.

His lips were a bit dry, but soft, as Chris remembered them. Except that they weren’t on set, nor on a stage, there were just the two of them, being themselves, not characters. And kissing Darren was so much more than kissing Blaine. It was warm hands against his cheeks and curly hair under his fingertips. It was their chests brushing through old t-shirts. No blazers, no shirts, no spotlights.

It made Chris’ heart burst open.

They broke the kiss gasping for air; Chris’ brain seemed to work slower and he felt as if he was looking at Darren through a wall of water. Darren’s slightly coarse fingertips against his cheeks were real, though.

“D-Darren.”

Through the dizziness filling his head Chris knew that they had to talk, that he had to ask what that meant. He had to understand if he was allowed to carry inside that warm ball of thread that his feelings for Darren had created.

But then Darren was leaning into his space again, shifting slightly along his tights, his eyes bigger and deeper than ever.

“Stop thinking too much, Chris.”

“But…”

Darren pressed a finger against his lips and Chris fought the urge to lick it.

“I’ve been wanting to kiss you for real for ages.”

Chris let out a breath that he hadn’t realized he had been holding and shyly brought his hands up to Darren’s waist, his thumbs brushing over the other man’s hipbones.

“Then…in Dublin?”

Darren smiled, so small and so perfect.

“As I said I’ve been wanting to reach you for so long. That was just me trying to make you understand how I felt.”

It sounded so simple and so pure, so Darren, that something inside of Chris immediately felt that it was true. He gently kissed Darren’s fingers, not trusting his words to be able to convey all that Darren’s words had meant to him, all the affection that he was ready to offer to Darren if he was willing to take it and protect it.

Darren smiled wider before removing his finger and bringing their lips together once more. It was just a small peck and then he was pressing their foreheads together.

“I’m not going to let you go, you know? Not now that I’ve reached you. Not now that I’ve tasted the sky and held it between my hands.”

Chris was sure that that was how people should feel all of the time, light and trembling at the edges, because he felt exactly like that, as if he could disappear right there, under Darren’s touches, Darren’s words twirling in his ears and along his veins.

“Then keep holding onto me.”

Darren whispered against his lips.

“I will.”

And then there was no more space for words; there were just their lips and tongues and their hearts following the same hidden rhythm.