bbc merlin/ The sound of the heart
“There’s a drumming noise inside my head that starts when you are around”
Florence & The Machine
When Merlin had first noticed it was an afternoon, it was summer and the sunlight was falling hard over Camelot’s and its inhabitants. Merlin had been waiting for Arthur to finish his practice, he could feel pearls of sweat rolling down his neck, but he had remained there anyway, not wanting Arthur to scold him again. His eyes had followed Arthur’s smooth movements, there was something in the way Arthur managed to move freely and elegantly wielding a sword, which had made Merlin doubt that the prince could be just a simple human being. Sometimes Merlin thought that what he was able to do with words and magic, Arthur was able to do with his own strength, with the energy that was hidden in his body. It was seeing the concentrated look on Arthur’s face during practice that Merlin could see better the shadow of the king that Arthur would become, a brave and wise king who would bring Camelot happiness, who would bring Merlin freedom.
And it had been on that afternoon, the gold of Arthur’s hair glinting under the sun, that for the first time Merlin had felt the sound of his heart loud into his ears at the sight of Arthur’s swift movements. He had had to concentrate to breathe properly, trying to bring his heartbeat under control again.
He hadn’t given much importance to it, though, but then, then it happened again. There were moments in which he could almost hear a drumming sound within him, resonating from his ribcage to his ears, and it was as if his heart was simultaneously in many places of his body, places where it shouldn’t have been from what Merlin knew. And it was always when Arthur was close, when Merlin’s hands were lingering over Arthur’s clothes as he was freeing the prince from the armor, when Arthur smiled at him and punched him in that friendly way of his.
Merlin had studied a bit of anatomy, because Gaius had decided that he should have some basic knowledge of the subject, he had spend hours sitting with those large books opened in front of him, the pages coarse under his fingertips. He had read about bones and organs, he had read about hearts. He had imagined his heart as a mass of flesh hidden on the left of his chest, but he had never thought it possible for it to beat so fast, to feel it resonating as a drum, and he didn’t understand why.
Then, one night at the end of the summer, he was preparing Arthur’s bed, letting his fingers linger more than usual on the blankets, as if he was searching for something, and all of sudden Arthur’s voice reached his ears, as the sea water reached the shore with each wave. He felt his heart answer to it, he felt his magic twirl inside him and realization fell over him. He understood that the reason why he could hear the sound of his heart hard in his ears when Arthur was around wasn’t something he could find an explanation for in an anatomy book. He snapped out of his thoughts as he felt Arthur’s hand gripping his shoulder, shaking him lightly.
“Merlin! Are you even listening to me?”
Arthur forced Merlin to spin around and all that Merlin could do was stare at him, his chest suddenly too tight around his lungs, as something trembled in his stomach, as all that he could hear was the blood roaring in his ears. And it was as if water was spilling out of the mug, he just leant forward, placing a hand on the broad chest in front of him, the last thing he saw before closing his eyes was the shock in the prince’s eyes, then he pressed his lips against Arthur’s. He heard Arthur taking in breath, but he left his lips where they were. Then, when he was about to back away, when the terror for what he had just done had begun to pool inside of him, he felt Arthur’s lips moving against his own, he felt Arthur’s heartbeat become faster against the palm of his open hand. When Arthur’s tongue darted out, Merlin just opened his mouth, letting Arthur taste him, know him.
The drumming of his heart was louder than even, but he smiled at the sensation, imagining Arthur’s heart drumming exactly in the same way.