nabari no ou/ February sun
Yoite wishes he could feel the warmth of the sun, what he feels in his bones is cold instead. But he can imagine that the sun is warm today, the sun which is making the little lake in front of him shine, the sun which is making possible for the children to run around in the park even though it’s February. Months have never had a particular importance for Yoite. Indeed time itself has never made sense. How could it? Being Yoite’s body like a thin ticking bomb? Being Yoite’s life something which should have not existed since the beginning?
He presses the palms of his hands against his bony knees. He doesn’t need a clock to know that Miharu is going to arrive on time, as always.
At the beginning he had thought it was bad to meet Miharu so often, also when it was not about finding out clues over the hijutsu. But then…then something which wasn’t suppose to exist within him started to grow stronger, to look out for Miharu’s smiles, and also for Miharu’s silences. Because they were refreshing among all the noise of the world, above the sounds of his body breaking down, above the memories of those who had not wanted him.
Yoite keeps his gaze over his hands, and thinks that if he hadn’t accepted the Kira probably they would be of the same size of Miharu’s.
-Yoite?
At first what Yoite hears is a persistent whistle in his tired ears, then there are thin, soft hands over his own. Yoite doesn’t even try to stop the little smile which quirks the corners of his dry lips up. He lifts his gaze and it meets the deep green of Miharu’s eyes. His black hair moves lightly with the wind and he smiles, that smile of his which makes something warm twirl and summersault inside Yoite, that smile which the world doesn’t know.
Yoite has never had things all for him, nor he has never desired to have something, in the end he has always thought he was just passing by on this Earth, he has always hoped he could disappear one day. But now he is happy-at least he thinks that the butterflies which he feels in his stomach when he is with Miharu are happiness- he is happy to know that he sees something which others cannot see, those smiles which Miharu gives only to him.
-Are you alright today Yoite?
He nods. Miharu sits on the bench by his side and closes his eyes. Yoite thinks that Miharu’s eyelids are white as milk, he wonders if Miharu feels the warmth of the sun on his skin.
Then Miharu opens his eyes again and looks at him, leaning closer. Yoite still is not accustomed to people coming closer to him, touching him, not even if it’s Miharu, so he backs away lightly. He bites his lower lip as he sees the glint of sadness in Miharu’s eyes.
-Can, can I come closer Yoite?
Miharu’s voice is gentle and firm, it seems to cut the air. Yoite nods. He hates that his eyes, and nose and ears can’t work well, he wishes he could enjoy more Miharu’s closeness even though he is somehow still scared by it.
Miharu’s shoulder brushes against his own as Miharu leans forward and leaves a soft kiss over Yoite’s cheek bone. It’s as if Yoite’s body has forgotten how to work, he is scared ‘cause the butterflies in his stomach seem to fly like crazy and his lungs seem to have forgotten how to breathe. Then Miharu’s hand is holding his, and Yoite blinks against the sensation, against the February sun.
-M-Miharu?
Miharu squeezes Yoite’s bony hand lightly.
-Happy Valentine’s Day, Yoite.
Yoite has never heard of this, he doesn’t know what it means so he bites his lower lip and remains silent.
Then Miharu’s hand is on his cheek and he lifts his gaze, blue meeting green again.
-It’s a day for people who really care about each other.
Yoite has never had anyone who really cared about him, he has never had anyone to kiss him under a warm winter sun. So he just does something which he has learnt short time ago, he smiles. It’s weak, is frail but it’s a smile, and looking at Miharu smiling back there’s again that warm, butterfly-like, and now almost familiar, sensation.