Comments | c_rza: Life is progressing...or so it seems...or so I would hope.

c_rza

Life is progressing...or so it seems...or so I would hope.

Mar 15, 2005 15:18

Well, this is going to be slightly-well slightly isn't exa-aw fuck it, this shit is gonna be mad long. But if you have the time to sit down and read for a minute, please by all means do so. I would like in my own world to know that someone is mildly interested in me and concerned with my actual being. Other than it always being me caring for ( Read more... )

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ambermourning March 16 2005, 03:33:14 UTC

Oh Chris, there is so much to say and such a small comment box to say it in, but let's take this step by step. We've been friends for about four years now, so I'm going to just come out and say everything that needs to be said, honestly ( ... )

Let's take this step by step...fine. c_rza March 16 2005, 05:28:48 UTC

First and foremost, since we're being "honest ( ... )

Re: Let's take this step by step...fine. c_rza March 16 2005, 05:31:37 UTC

And yeah I could be happy with my cupcake, but the point I was coming across there, was basically-when you don't have your family to turn to, one can only look towards their friends. That's what I was getting across. That's why for the most part I will love Eddie-That's my brother, that's my boy, he did to me what I did to him back in junior year. He took me in when I had no other choice so I didn't have to feel too alone around the Christmas season. And "Why Do it?" Well, in case you haven't noticed, Erica, I tend to try to give all of myself to a person, and I'll tend to want to go out of my way for that person, because a lot of the time, I feel under appreciated for what I do, so I go looking as to what else I can do to make someone happy. Seeing other people's happiness makes me unusually happy. Cuz it lets me know I did something good. I look worthy enough to be in that person's life and let them know that they can always ask me for something, give me a call if they're feeling down, look towards seeing me the next time we ( ... )

Re: Let's take this step by step...fine. c_rza March 16 2005, 05:32:14 UTC

God, there are so many things I can use as an example. I give myself to that person cuz I want to be wanted, I straight up need to feel like I'm needed. That's why I'm like that with everyone cuz I don't have little if at all any family that I can turn to. Which is why me and my mom hardly talk, which is why my dad sees me as a way to get out of paying for my child support. Which is why I don't have anyone else but my friends. And when this happens, what do I have? And really my big problem is that I care too much. I give myself too freely and when I'm let down I fucking feel it. And I give my mom half of the rent and bills because I don't want to owe her anything when I die. I don't want her to use anything against me when the time comes and she blames me like she did in high school for wasting all the time she did on me up til then. Still to this day-should an arguement arise-she'll bring up how she wasted 17 years on me to send me to a school and how she struggled to support me. I do it so I don't have to know she has any ( ... )

Re: Let's take this step by step...fine. c_rza March 16 2005, 05:32:25 UTC

Look, I don't look for shit like this to happen and I don't like that it does. Because I don't have many friends, because well everyone went on with their lives and they forget. Yeah, understandable. But honestly I guess I get my ideas across writing them down. I'm sure you've heard of that. Plus, hope your not insinuating that I call you cuz then I'd really have to weigh my options of whether you're gonna pick up or lose my voicemail that never came, of course. If you want to reconcile with me, I'm so tired of calling everyone. That's right me. Between us, I was the last one to call you. God, if you only knew half of the shit I have bottled up inside, Erica...fucking copyright Linkin Park, when I say, "It's like a whirlwind inside of my head, and I can't stop what is hidden within," (sometimes though.) But not for nothing it gets especially hurtful when it's with you and chances are you wouldn't even care why is that. As long as you aren't wrong. It's funny how the same person 2 1/2 years back, that complained to me and ( ... )

Re: Let's take this step by step...fine. ambermourning March 16 2005, 06:09:11 UTC

This is the only thing I can say to this... I rarely pick up my phone, I've admitted to that, everyone knows that and I've thought many times about getting rid of it because it's that rare that I use it. If it's really that important to you...you can out-weigh the good and the bad and decide never to call me again if you so choose. I hardly pick up my phone and even more rarely to I return calls and I practically never call people on my own. If that's what it really comes down to, suck it up and be the one to contact me..or don't and well, just don't. When I was at Purchase, I wanted to kill myself the few times I could drag myself out of bed. Rarely did I see Jasmine, and I only mention Jasmine because you know how close we are, but any of my friends for that matter. People have rough times and if you were complaining about how hard you have it then fine, but you weren't, you were blaming your friends for not being there for you, as if we collectively got together and decided to cut you out of our lives. Things suck sometimes, ( ... )

Re: Let's take this step by step...fine. c_rza March 16 2005, 06:19:19 UTC

Why should i always call you? Just answer that. why cant you drag your fingers along 9 numbers on your fone and just do it. if you see how much shit its causing...answer that it's simple. But fact is you won't and you don't know how much bullshit it causes. more like you don't care. Then let me know that you don't care Erica. Just fucking let me know that you wouldnt DARE to fucking call someone, even if it was the end of the fucking world let me know you wouldnt fucking call me. Cuz it's gonna inconvenience you right ( ... )

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