slightly more prolific than usual lately. don't get your hopes up or anything.
Title: Call It In The Air
Rating: R (language)
Word Count: 4000
Summary: Two sides of the same coin. With mind powers.
Disclaimer: I don't know these people. This is all a lie.
Notes: I basically stole this plot bunny from my beloved S and then got all indecisive, so I had to write two versions. Plus ça change, and all that.
Heads
On balance, Jared probably should have stayed home.
But he'd promised, promised weeks ago, and Chris would hunt him down and string him up if he didn't show. Chris was like that.
The bar was crowded, half regulars and half fans of the band, and Jared was standing by the wall drinking water and trying desperately to navigate the morass of emotions swamping him. Mostly excited anticipation, which was fucking ramping up his heartbeat like crazy, but there was a whole spectrum there from giddy-happy to downright pissed, and he couldn't distinguish any one feeling from any other or pinpoint a source for any of it.
He really shouldn't have come out, not when he was like this. It was just new, was all, and he'd figure it out eventually, but getting hit with empathic powers out of nowhere, well past his teens when most Extras manifested, the day before he was supposed to go to his friend's gig... well, that was just pathetically bad timing.
He took another drink of water, trying to ground himself in the familiar action. It didn't work. What he really wanted was a beer, but he felt half drunk already on the collective secondhand tipsy of the bar's patrons, and adding to that could in no way be considered a good idea.
Maybe once the band started playing, there'd be enough unity in the emotional texture of the place that Jared could get a handle on himself. Maybe. Until then, he was just going to have to suffer.
Thank goodness he didn't know anybody. He was pretty sure he was incapable of making normal conversation.
Of course, just as Jared was letting himself feel relief at not having to talk to anyone, somebody detached from the crowd and settled near him by the wall.
"Hey," said the guy, speaking easily over the noise. "You here for the band?"
"Yeah," Jared managed. "Friends of mine."
"Wow, really?" The guy's eyes lit up. "Awesome." He held out a hand for Jared to shake. "I'm Dustin."
Jared froze. Skin contact amplified readings, and Jared had next to no control yet. On the other hand, maybe if he focused on this guy, he could block out the rest of the bar a bit. At any rate, his disorientation couldn't get much worse.
Figuring he had nothing to lose, he said, "Jared," and grasped Dustin's hand.
It was like taking an I-beam to the sternum. Dustin's whole emotional terrain was immediately and irrevocably known to Jared, contour map without the key but Jared could read it somehow, was forced to. It was incontrovertible, and it was mostly focused on him.
There was a wash of anticipation and a smattering of little spikes and dips that came and went, but mostly Jared got a full-bore reading of lust.
His knees buckled. If he hadn't been leaning against the wall he would have fallen. He disengaged from the handshake as quickly as he politely could, and, wow, failure of imagination, it could absolutely get worse. Not only did he still have readings from the whole bar to contend with, he now had an acute awareness of Dustin's every emotional shift.
And Dustin wanted him.
"How long have you known the band?" Dustin asked, and Jared somehow dredged up the wherewithal to answer through the haze of desire still filtering through. Dustin was fantastic at hiding it, a part of Jared's mind remarked; looking at him, his body language didn't betray much. He was casual, talking to Jared and drinking his beer, and only occasionally did he let a heated glance stray down Jared's body. Jared probably wouldn't have had a clue, ordinarily.
Ordinarily didn't mean anything anymore. Jared had a new ordinary, and it sucked.
He did his best to keep up with the conversation, idle small talk that fortunately required very little brain power. It was completely overwhelming, the swirl of feeling from the crowd and the constant gut-punch of Dustin's attraction that overrode whatever Jared was feeling. It was possible he was actually attracted to Dustin too, but he couldn't tell what feelings were his own, or if he was even having feelings. He wasn't sure where he ended and everyone else began.
The band couldn't come on fast enough.
~
Jensen could tell the second he walked into the bar: there was another 'path in the room. He wasn't absolutely sure which kind yet, but he would be in a moment.
He scanned the bar, moving slowly forward, until he narrowed down a direction and focused on the back wall. It was definitely an empath; telepaths read similarly, but there was that added connectivity with this one that meant an Extra of the same stripe as Jensen. He was new, too, which was rare in the over-21 crowd. The roil of undisciplined emotions streaming off of the guy were a neon sign now that Jensen had him pegged.
On his way over, Jensen stopped off for a beer, casually flirting with the bartender, and kept an open line for the confused newbie. The attempts at emotional control were cute like a newborn deer trying to walk, unsteady and doomed to failure, and Jensen was enjoying this way too much.
He carefully threaded his way through the rest of the crowd, avoiding contact as much as possible, and settled at a standing table a little distance from where the baby 'path was floundering. The guy chatting with him was radiating want, and the poor newbie so clearly had no idea how to handle it. It was prime entertainment. Of course he'd go help in a minute; he wasn't a total jerk. Well, maybe several minutes. It was just too much fun watching the guy squirm.
~
Jared was losing his mind.
It wasn't even a metaphor. Every time he thought he could see his way to regaining his grip on himself, he lost it again, pulled adrift by everybody else's feelings inside his head, invading his space, getting jumbled with his own, and through it all, Dustin, trying to pretend he didn't want very much to get into Jared's pants.
Jared at least appreciated that Dustin was treating him like a real person and not sex on legs, but that was probably down to the venue. Country bars were more likely to get you a punch in the jaw than laid.
Jared had always been comfortable with his own feelings, and with feelings in general, but this was ridiculous. He was starting to wonder if he'd even be able to stand it long enough to hear the show.
As he'd been talking with Dustin he'd moved away from the wall a bit, increasing agitation making it hard to stand still. He was turned toward Dustin, focusing on him because the marginal dampening effect it had on the rest of the room was worth the awkwardness of knowing exactly how into him Dustin was. Even that strategy was starting to wear thin, though, when an arm slid around his waist and a deep voice said, "Hey, man, there you are," and
everything cut out.
The noise of the bar reasserted itself as the loudest thing, Jared adjusting to the absence in his head of all the emotions that had recently occupied the space. Amazing, blessed peace, sweet as sunlight after incessant rain. Only two days, and Jared had completely forgotten what it felt like not to feel everyone else's feelings.
All Jared felt was relief.
"Sorry," the voice said, "'m'I interrupting something?"
"Nah," said Dustin with an easy smile, and Jared had no idea what he was feeling. "I'm gonna go get another beer. Nice meeting you, Jared."
And he was gone into the crowd.
"Jared, huh?" said the voice, and Jared registered that he'd draped his arm across the other man's shoulders, reflexively keeping him close. He'd brought the peace; Jared needed him to stay.
"Yeah," he said, and turned his head to look who he'd gotten all cozy with.
"I'm Jensen," said the guy, and Jared, alone in his head again, knew without a doubt that he was attracted to Jensen.
Given that Jensen seemed to have some facility with emotional control, it was likely that he knew, too. Fortunately for Jared's dignity, he was kind enough not to show it.
"Thanks," said Jared, feeling awkward. "How did you do that?"
"I can teach you, if you want," Jensen offered. "How recently did you manifest?"
"Yesterday," Jared admitted, and Jensen's eyebrows went up.
"And you came out?" he asked incredulously.
"Promised my friend," Jared explained. "It's his show, I didn't want to bail."
"Ah," said Jensen, nodding. "You know Chris."
"You, too?" It was obvious that he did; a random fan of the band might have known their names, but would never have known that Chris was the only one scary enough to make you really reluctant to cross him. It wasn't that he'd actually hurt you; he was just passionate and, well, persuasive.
"Yeah, college buddy. Listen, I don't think you should be in crowds yet. If you want to get out of here I'll explain it to Chris."
Jared wanted nothing more, actually.
"Thanks," he said gratefully, making to pull his arm away from Jensen.
"I meant," Jensen says, tightening his arm slightly at Jared's waist, "if you want to get out of here with me."
~
Jared's bloom of realization was beautiful to perceive.
"Oh," he said, looking down at Jensen with his really fucking pretty eyes. It was just Jensen's luck that the baby 'path had turned out to be eleven feet tall and exactly Jensen's type.
And it was probably an abuse of power, but it was very nice to know that he was apparently Jared's type as well. Jensen was reasonably sure he knew what Jared was going to say before he said it.
"Yeah," Jared said. "That would be good." Foreknowledge be damned, it was good to hear him say those words out loud.
"Awesome." Jensen grinned, and Jared matched it, dimples denting his cheeks. Oh, dear god, this newbie was adorable every which way from Sunday. Jensen was doomed.
~*~
Tails
As soon as he walked into Jared's house he knew it was a mistake.
The place was packed, wall-to-wall humans because who didn't love Jared? Of course the entire world would come to his birthday party. The crowd was huge and all over the house and Jensen, after bumping into about a dozen too many people, ended up hiding out in the kitchen with his back to the counter, clutching a beer.
He hadn't even seen Jared yet.
He'd thought he had enough of a handle on it, this bizarre and terrifying extra sense that exploded his world a few days ago, flooding him with the emotions of everyone around him. Literal empathy, for crying out loud, it was like something out of a comic book. Blindsided him when he went out grocery shopping and he'd barely made it home with his sanity intact, empty-handed. He'd lived on pizza for a couple of days, and he now knew that his delivery guy was an exceptionally angry individual.
Yesterday, though, he'd managed to go back to the grocery store, had made it through verbal and nonverbal interactions with strangers without any mishaps, and he was starting to be able to block the emotions. It wasn't perfect, obviously, but skipping Jared's party hadn't even seemed like an option. Jared would have been so hurt, and how could Jensen ever have explained?
Now that he was here, he was sure he could have figured out some excuse. Better to have Jared suspect a flimsy story than be encroached upon by all of this transparent humanity. People came and went in the kitchen, getting drinks, hanging out and chatting, and it was still disorienting and unsettling, but the rest of the house party sloshed through him less vividly, intensity evidently cut by the kitchen walls, and this small crowd was much more manageable.
The odd person said hi as they passed in or out of the kitchen, their voices giving him little anchors of specificity, momentarily pinpointing which bit of happy or mellow or pissed belonged to them, but most of them left him alone, which was nice. He was starting to get a grip when Tyler burst into the kitchen.
"Hey, Jensen!" he said, lighting up. He grabbed a beer from the fridge and Jensen had a second to himself to process the wave of pure delight that swamped him. Tyler was way too happy to see him for somebody he barely knew.
"Hey," he said carefully.
"How come you're hiding in here?" Tyler asked, popping the cap off his beer. The longer Jensen was exposed to Tyler's specific emotional texture, the clearer and more detailed it became.
Jensen responded with a vague sound and a gesture of his beer bottle, unwillingly parsing Tyler's delight into its component parts and discovering the reason for it. It was crystal clear, coming through with a startling intensity that was profoundly unsettling to experience.
On the whole, Jensen could have been quite happy never knowing that Tyler had a massive crush on him.
"Yeah," Tyler agreed, interpreting Jensen's response with a fair degree of accuracy, "it's pretty crowded. I didn't know there'd be so many people." He smiled at Jensen and leaned on the counter next to him. "I was kind of surprised I didn't see you out there. Like, I thought it was kind of weird that Jared's best friend wouldn't show, you know?" He laughed. Jensen's head was starting to hurt. "But then here you are."
Tyler was a nice guy. He was. He also wanted very badly to get into Jensen's pants.
Jensen didn't know what he wanted. Tyler was right there, and yeah, he was decently good-looking, almost as tall as Jensen, nice eyes, short dark hair, and he did have a great smile. But Jensen was pretty sure he'd never been attracted to Tyler before. It was just this influx of feeling from everyone, especially from Tyler, overriding Jensen's own emotional stability, stripping him of reference points, making him deeply uncertain.
The kitchen was presently empty except the two of them, but it didn't make things any easier for Jensen, not really. He wasn't sure what he'd said in reply to Tyler. Clearly he'd said something, because Tyler was talking again, but Jensen was completely incapable of functioning within a prolonged conversational setting. He was either going to jump Tyler or break for the back porch soon, and odds were perfectly even which one it would be. Whichever it was, it was happening soon.
Before Jensen could do anything irrevocable, Jared appeared in the kitchen doorway.
"Jensen! There you are!" he exclaimed, and came over to engulf Jensen in a bear hug.
It was like a blanket of silence descended with Jared's arms. The flow of affection and lust from Tyler was abruptly cut off, the sea of emotion from the rest of the party was blocked, and Jensen was himself again, utterly autonomous within his own mind.
He clung, panicked, when Jared pulled back, but Jared just shifted to keep one arm around Jensen's shoulders as he faced Tyler. "Tyler, man, can I borrow Jensen for a minute?"
"Yeah," Tyler said, his smile looking forced. "Sure."
"Thanks, buddy. Hey, and thanks for coming, I'm really glad you could make it."
Tyler's expression shifted to something a little more genuine. It was impossible to stay upset with Jared for long. "Of course, man. Happy birthday."
"Thanks. I'll see you later, yeah?"
"See you."
And Jared pulled Jensen out of the kitchen, through the living room and into the hall, never breaking his grip on him. A number of people stopped them to wish Jared happy birthday, and Jared replied graciously. Most of those people said hi to Jensen as well, and Jensen, with the emotional welter blocked off, found he was able to interact normally with people again.
The relief was unspeakable.
Eventually they made it down the hall to Jared's room. Jared ushered Jensen in ahead of him with a hand on his shoulder, still keeping contact, and then shut the door behind them.
"Jared, what the fuck."
"You're not crazy, if that's what you're wondering." Jared kept a hand on Jensen as they turned to face one another, moving from his shoulder to cup the back of his neck securely.
"Well that's a relief."
Jared laughed softly. "When did it start?"
"Tuesday."
Jared stared. "That's four days ago. What are you doing, coming to a crowded party this soon?"
Jensen shrugged. "It's your crowded party, dumbass. Like I was going to miss your birthday."
Jared just kind of looked at him with this exasperatedly fond expression, like he was Jared's favourite moron in the whole world, and pulled him into a hug again.
"I don't know what I ever did," he said nonsensically, then said, "Man, you're an idiot, but I'm glad you're here."
"I'm glad you're here," Jensen said honestly. "I was about to lose it."
"Yeah, I could tell." Jared pulled back, hands on Jensen's shoulders. "You're not gonna ask?"
"How long?"
"Hit me right around puberty. Teenage me was extra awkward." He grinned, and Jensen, picturing it, couldn't help grinning back.
"Dude," he said, shaking his head in sympathy.
"Yeah. So I know where you're at, believe me." There was a crash from the living room, and Jared glanced back over his shoulder automatically. "I better get back out there. Brace yourself, okay, I'm taking my hands away."
Jensen prepared himself as well as he could to bear the party onslaught, but when Jared removed his hands, it was less a tsunami and more a lapping around his ankles.
"Hey," he said, pleasantly surprised, "that's not so bad."
"No?" Jared looked relieved. "Good. Okay. Do you mind staying in here? You've got the TV and the X-Box, there's the bathroom there- oh, did you eat? Do you want anything?"
"I'm fine," Jensen said, "I'm not hungry."
"Okay." Jared looked around, considering. "You can have a nap if you want. The sheets are even clean." He smiled a little, small and wry, and Jensen thought, oh. Maybe Jared was hoping to get laid tonight.
So much for that.
Before he could feel bad, though, Jared smiled at him properly, full out, and said again, "I'm glad you're here. Let me get rid of everyone and I'll help you figure it out, okay?"
"We can figure it out whenever," Jensen said. "Go enjoy your party, man." When Jared hesitated, Jensen rolled his eyes and made a flapping gesture. "Go on, shoo."
"Okay, okay. I'm going."
Jared opened the door and an extra wave rolled through Jensen, but the door closing settled everything back to manageable again.
Alone in Jared's room, Jensen discovered that he was actually very tired. All things considered, it wasn't exactly surprising. So he shucked off his jeans and crawled into Jared's bed in boxers and a t-shirt.
He fell asleep easily; his dreams were bizarre.
~
Jared was as good as his word. He spent all his spare time throughout the week helping Jensen get a handle on his extra sense.
First thing they worked on was blocking out emotions, putting up shields so other people couldn't get in. It was a struggle blocking Jared, counterintuitive trying to keep out his best friend. Jensen found that when they went out to field test his improved skills, it was much easier putting up shields against strangers and even people he knew casually.
Jared also helped him work through emotion identification, which was the worst kind of touchy-feely bullshit, but was also absolutely necessary. He needed to be able to keep a grasp on his own emotions so he wouldn't get swept away by others' if he was caught unprepared.
Once he could pick out his own, he moved on to identifying Jared's, because it was better to field test that one for the first time with someone he trusted, definitely. Not to mention how ethically suspect it would be to go deliberately fishing around in some stranger's head. They had to hold hands for it, though, and Jensen said, "What, you gonna bust out Kumbaya next?" a little grouchily. Jared just laughed at him and folded his huge hand around Jensen's.
It was hard, the first time, actually identifying someone else's emotions deliberately. Or maybe it was just that Jared was so good at keeping his under wraps that they were tough to nail down. Hard as it had been for him to block out an awareness of Jared's feelings, it was even harder to actually pay attention to what they were and what they meant.
With practice, though, he got better at it. It was almost like not noticing the taste of water until you tasted different water; as Jared's moods shifted, Jensen got better at identifying them.
"How are you so patient?" Jensen demanded on Friday, sitting hand in hand with Jared on his couch. "This has to be the most boring, frustrating thing ever for you. I'm driving me crazy."
Jared shrugged. "Like I said, man, been there, done that. I know how much it sucks, and I would've given anything to have someone to teach me how to handle it instead of just muddling through it on my own. If I can make it not suck so much for you, I want to."
There was a swell of something in Jared's emotions as he spoke, and Jensen identified it as fondness, which made him smile, but attached to something stronger, more deeply embedded, and when Jensen automatically tracked it to its source, he sat up straight.
"This isn't altruism," he said, almost without thinking. "You love me."
A spike of nervousness flicked past, there and gone, and Jared didn't pull back. His composure was admirable.
"Of course I do," he said. "You love me, too. Best friends, hello?"
Jensen shook his head. "No," he said, focusing, making certain he was right, and he was right, there was no mistaking it, "no, you're in love with me. I can tell the difference, Jared." He looked Jared square in the eye, and Jared didn't flinch.
"Okay," he said, "I guess I should have seen this coming."
"You're in love with me?" Jensen was too astonished to be tactful. "Were you ever going to tell me?"
Jared shrugged. "I try not to dig," he explained, "but I basically know how you feel about me. I didn't have a lot of hope."
Jensen sat with that for a minute, processing. Jared was in love with him. Aside from the initial shock, Jensen could identify no negative emotions in himself associated with the idea. Jared had been his best friend since college; he was basically the most important person in Jensen's life. Nobody aggravated Jensen like Jared did; nobody knew how to cheer him up more effectively. Jared was embedded in Jensen in a way none of his other friends had ever been, and Jensen thought that was just what happened when you found a best friend, but the way he felt about Jared had never been simple. He wasn't even sure he had a handle on it; how could Jared have the whole picture?
"I'm not sure you do know," Jensen said, after a prolonged silence. Jared was just watching him, still holding his hand, brow furrowed slightly. "Go ahead, come on in," he said, because damn if he wasn't curious now. What if Jared were wrong? What if Jensen were missing something?
Jared gripped Jensen's hand tighter and Jensen felt the rise in his concentration as he accepted Jensen's invitation to scrutinize his emotions. Jensen read a sense of hesitation and something else warm, like Jared was honoured that Jensen was allowing this. Given that Jared had been wide open like a book for Jensen all week, Jensen figured it was only fair reciprocity, but Jared's sincere appreciation brought up a wave of emotion in Jensen that he used as his starting point.
He looked at all available feelings regarding Jared, followed them back through chains of association, immersed himself in affection followed by memories of irritation and humour and anger and love until he found the place where they all came together, intersecting with a desire he'd forgotten he ever buried.
Jared figured it out as soon as Jensen did; it was all over his face.
"Huh," Jensen breathed, almost surprised to find himself unsurprised. "Apparently I'm in love with you, too."
Jared let out an insubstantial husk of laughter. "What, just like that? You're not gonna freak out or anything?"
"Why should I? Waste of time." Jensen raised an eyebrow. "You gonna tell me no?"
"Course not."
Jensen nodded and climbed into Jared's lap, straddling him; Jared let out a breath like he'd been punched in the stomach, looking up at Jensen with wide eyes and his mouth open just a little. "Then shut up and kiss me," said Jensen.
Jared did.
~end~
Rating: R (language)
Word Count: 4000
Summary: Two sides of the same coin. With mind powers.
Disclaimer: I don't know these people. This is all a lie.
Notes: I basically stole this plot bunny from my beloved S and then got all indecisive, so I had to write two versions. Plus ça change, and all that.
Heads
On balance, Jared probably should have stayed home.
But he'd promised, promised weeks ago, and Chris would hunt him down and string him up if he didn't show. Chris was like that.
The bar was crowded, half regulars and half fans of the band, and Jared was standing by the wall drinking water and trying desperately to navigate the morass of emotions swamping him. Mostly excited anticipation, which was fucking ramping up his heartbeat like crazy, but there was a whole spectrum there from giddy-happy to downright pissed, and he couldn't distinguish any one feeling from any other or pinpoint a source for any of it.
He really shouldn't have come out, not when he was like this. It was just new, was all, and he'd figure it out eventually, but getting hit with empathic powers out of nowhere, well past his teens when most Extras manifested, the day before he was supposed to go to his friend's gig... well, that was just pathetically bad timing.
He took another drink of water, trying to ground himself in the familiar action. It didn't work. What he really wanted was a beer, but he felt half drunk already on the collective secondhand tipsy of the bar's patrons, and adding to that could in no way be considered a good idea.
Maybe once the band started playing, there'd be enough unity in the emotional texture of the place that Jared could get a handle on himself. Maybe. Until then, he was just going to have to suffer.
Thank goodness he didn't know anybody. He was pretty sure he was incapable of making normal conversation.
Of course, just as Jared was letting himself feel relief at not having to talk to anyone, somebody detached from the crowd and settled near him by the wall.
"Hey," said the guy, speaking easily over the noise. "You here for the band?"
"Yeah," Jared managed. "Friends of mine."
"Wow, really?" The guy's eyes lit up. "Awesome." He held out a hand for Jared to shake. "I'm Dustin."
Jared froze. Skin contact amplified readings, and Jared had next to no control yet. On the other hand, maybe if he focused on this guy, he could block out the rest of the bar a bit. At any rate, his disorientation couldn't get much worse.
Figuring he had nothing to lose, he said, "Jared," and grasped Dustin's hand.
It was like taking an I-beam to the sternum. Dustin's whole emotional terrain was immediately and irrevocably known to Jared, contour map without the key but Jared could read it somehow, was forced to. It was incontrovertible, and it was mostly focused on him.
There was a wash of anticipation and a smattering of little spikes and dips that came and went, but mostly Jared got a full-bore reading of lust.
His knees buckled. If he hadn't been leaning against the wall he would have fallen. He disengaged from the handshake as quickly as he politely could, and, wow, failure of imagination, it could absolutely get worse. Not only did he still have readings from the whole bar to contend with, he now had an acute awareness of Dustin's every emotional shift.
And Dustin wanted him.
"How long have you known the band?" Dustin asked, and Jared somehow dredged up the wherewithal to answer through the haze of desire still filtering through. Dustin was fantastic at hiding it, a part of Jared's mind remarked; looking at him, his body language didn't betray much. He was casual, talking to Jared and drinking his beer, and only occasionally did he let a heated glance stray down Jared's body. Jared probably wouldn't have had a clue, ordinarily.
Ordinarily didn't mean anything anymore. Jared had a new ordinary, and it sucked.
He did his best to keep up with the conversation, idle small talk that fortunately required very little brain power. It was completely overwhelming, the swirl of feeling from the crowd and the constant gut-punch of Dustin's attraction that overrode whatever Jared was feeling. It was possible he was actually attracted to Dustin too, but he couldn't tell what feelings were his own, or if he was even having feelings. He wasn't sure where he ended and everyone else began.
The band couldn't come on fast enough.
~
Jensen could tell the second he walked into the bar: there was another 'path in the room. He wasn't absolutely sure which kind yet, but he would be in a moment.
He scanned the bar, moving slowly forward, until he narrowed down a direction and focused on the back wall. It was definitely an empath; telepaths read similarly, but there was that added connectivity with this one that meant an Extra of the same stripe as Jensen. He was new, too, which was rare in the over-21 crowd. The roil of undisciplined emotions streaming off of the guy were a neon sign now that Jensen had him pegged.
On his way over, Jensen stopped off for a beer, casually flirting with the bartender, and kept an open line for the confused newbie. The attempts at emotional control were cute like a newborn deer trying to walk, unsteady and doomed to failure, and Jensen was enjoying this way too much.
He carefully threaded his way through the rest of the crowd, avoiding contact as much as possible, and settled at a standing table a little distance from where the baby 'path was floundering. The guy chatting with him was radiating want, and the poor newbie so clearly had no idea how to handle it. It was prime entertainment. Of course he'd go help in a minute; he wasn't a total jerk. Well, maybe several minutes. It was just too much fun watching the guy squirm.
~
Jared was losing his mind.
It wasn't even a metaphor. Every time he thought he could see his way to regaining his grip on himself, he lost it again, pulled adrift by everybody else's feelings inside his head, invading his space, getting jumbled with his own, and through it all, Dustin, trying to pretend he didn't want very much to get into Jared's pants.
Jared at least appreciated that Dustin was treating him like a real person and not sex on legs, but that was probably down to the venue. Country bars were more likely to get you a punch in the jaw than laid.
Jared had always been comfortable with his own feelings, and with feelings in general, but this was ridiculous. He was starting to wonder if he'd even be able to stand it long enough to hear the show.
As he'd been talking with Dustin he'd moved away from the wall a bit, increasing agitation making it hard to stand still. He was turned toward Dustin, focusing on him because the marginal dampening effect it had on the rest of the room was worth the awkwardness of knowing exactly how into him Dustin was. Even that strategy was starting to wear thin, though, when an arm slid around his waist and a deep voice said, "Hey, man, there you are," and
everything cut out.
The noise of the bar reasserted itself as the loudest thing, Jared adjusting to the absence in his head of all the emotions that had recently occupied the space. Amazing, blessed peace, sweet as sunlight after incessant rain. Only two days, and Jared had completely forgotten what it felt like not to feel everyone else's feelings.
All Jared felt was relief.
"Sorry," the voice said, "'m'I interrupting something?"
"Nah," said Dustin with an easy smile, and Jared had no idea what he was feeling. "I'm gonna go get another beer. Nice meeting you, Jared."
And he was gone into the crowd.
"Jared, huh?" said the voice, and Jared registered that he'd draped his arm across the other man's shoulders, reflexively keeping him close. He'd brought the peace; Jared needed him to stay.
"Yeah," he said, and turned his head to look who he'd gotten all cozy with.
"I'm Jensen," said the guy, and Jared, alone in his head again, knew without a doubt that he was attracted to Jensen.
Given that Jensen seemed to have some facility with emotional control, it was likely that he knew, too. Fortunately for Jared's dignity, he was kind enough not to show it.
"Thanks," said Jared, feeling awkward. "How did you do that?"
"I can teach you, if you want," Jensen offered. "How recently did you manifest?"
"Yesterday," Jared admitted, and Jensen's eyebrows went up.
"And you came out?" he asked incredulously.
"Promised my friend," Jared explained. "It's his show, I didn't want to bail."
"Ah," said Jensen, nodding. "You know Chris."
"You, too?" It was obvious that he did; a random fan of the band might have known their names, but would never have known that Chris was the only one scary enough to make you really reluctant to cross him. It wasn't that he'd actually hurt you; he was just passionate and, well, persuasive.
"Yeah, college buddy. Listen, I don't think you should be in crowds yet. If you want to get out of here I'll explain it to Chris."
Jared wanted nothing more, actually.
"Thanks," he said gratefully, making to pull his arm away from Jensen.
"I meant," Jensen says, tightening his arm slightly at Jared's waist, "if you want to get out of here with me."
~
Jared's bloom of realization was beautiful to perceive.
"Oh," he said, looking down at Jensen with his really fucking pretty eyes. It was just Jensen's luck that the baby 'path had turned out to be eleven feet tall and exactly Jensen's type.
And it was probably an abuse of power, but it was very nice to know that he was apparently Jared's type as well. Jensen was reasonably sure he knew what Jared was going to say before he said it.
"Yeah," Jared said. "That would be good." Foreknowledge be damned, it was good to hear him say those words out loud.
"Awesome." Jensen grinned, and Jared matched it, dimples denting his cheeks. Oh, dear god, this newbie was adorable every which way from Sunday. Jensen was doomed.
~*~
Tails
As soon as he walked into Jared's house he knew it was a mistake.
The place was packed, wall-to-wall humans because who didn't love Jared? Of course the entire world would come to his birthday party. The crowd was huge and all over the house and Jensen, after bumping into about a dozen too many people, ended up hiding out in the kitchen with his back to the counter, clutching a beer.
He hadn't even seen Jared yet.
He'd thought he had enough of a handle on it, this bizarre and terrifying extra sense that exploded his world a few days ago, flooding him with the emotions of everyone around him. Literal empathy, for crying out loud, it was like something out of a comic book. Blindsided him when he went out grocery shopping and he'd barely made it home with his sanity intact, empty-handed. He'd lived on pizza for a couple of days, and he now knew that his delivery guy was an exceptionally angry individual.
Yesterday, though, he'd managed to go back to the grocery store, had made it through verbal and nonverbal interactions with strangers without any mishaps, and he was starting to be able to block the emotions. It wasn't perfect, obviously, but skipping Jared's party hadn't even seemed like an option. Jared would have been so hurt, and how could Jensen ever have explained?
Now that he was here, he was sure he could have figured out some excuse. Better to have Jared suspect a flimsy story than be encroached upon by all of this transparent humanity. People came and went in the kitchen, getting drinks, hanging out and chatting, and it was still disorienting and unsettling, but the rest of the house party sloshed through him less vividly, intensity evidently cut by the kitchen walls, and this small crowd was much more manageable.
The odd person said hi as they passed in or out of the kitchen, their voices giving him little anchors of specificity, momentarily pinpointing which bit of happy or mellow or pissed belonged to them, but most of them left him alone, which was nice. He was starting to get a grip when Tyler burst into the kitchen.
"Hey, Jensen!" he said, lighting up. He grabbed a beer from the fridge and Jensen had a second to himself to process the wave of pure delight that swamped him. Tyler was way too happy to see him for somebody he barely knew.
"Hey," he said carefully.
"How come you're hiding in here?" Tyler asked, popping the cap off his beer. The longer Jensen was exposed to Tyler's specific emotional texture, the clearer and more detailed it became.
Jensen responded with a vague sound and a gesture of his beer bottle, unwillingly parsing Tyler's delight into its component parts and discovering the reason for it. It was crystal clear, coming through with a startling intensity that was profoundly unsettling to experience.
On the whole, Jensen could have been quite happy never knowing that Tyler had a massive crush on him.
"Yeah," Tyler agreed, interpreting Jensen's response with a fair degree of accuracy, "it's pretty crowded. I didn't know there'd be so many people." He smiled at Jensen and leaned on the counter next to him. "I was kind of surprised I didn't see you out there. Like, I thought it was kind of weird that Jared's best friend wouldn't show, you know?" He laughed. Jensen's head was starting to hurt. "But then here you are."
Tyler was a nice guy. He was. He also wanted very badly to get into Jensen's pants.
Jensen didn't know what he wanted. Tyler was right there, and yeah, he was decently good-looking, almost as tall as Jensen, nice eyes, short dark hair, and he did have a great smile. But Jensen was pretty sure he'd never been attracted to Tyler before. It was just this influx of feeling from everyone, especially from Tyler, overriding Jensen's own emotional stability, stripping him of reference points, making him deeply uncertain.
The kitchen was presently empty except the two of them, but it didn't make things any easier for Jensen, not really. He wasn't sure what he'd said in reply to Tyler. Clearly he'd said something, because Tyler was talking again, but Jensen was completely incapable of functioning within a prolonged conversational setting. He was either going to jump Tyler or break for the back porch soon, and odds were perfectly even which one it would be. Whichever it was, it was happening soon.
Before Jensen could do anything irrevocable, Jared appeared in the kitchen doorway.
"Jensen! There you are!" he exclaimed, and came over to engulf Jensen in a bear hug.
It was like a blanket of silence descended with Jared's arms. The flow of affection and lust from Tyler was abruptly cut off, the sea of emotion from the rest of the party was blocked, and Jensen was himself again, utterly autonomous within his own mind.
He clung, panicked, when Jared pulled back, but Jared just shifted to keep one arm around Jensen's shoulders as he faced Tyler. "Tyler, man, can I borrow Jensen for a minute?"
"Yeah," Tyler said, his smile looking forced. "Sure."
"Thanks, buddy. Hey, and thanks for coming, I'm really glad you could make it."
Tyler's expression shifted to something a little more genuine. It was impossible to stay upset with Jared for long. "Of course, man. Happy birthday."
"Thanks. I'll see you later, yeah?"
"See you."
And Jared pulled Jensen out of the kitchen, through the living room and into the hall, never breaking his grip on him. A number of people stopped them to wish Jared happy birthday, and Jared replied graciously. Most of those people said hi to Jensen as well, and Jensen, with the emotional welter blocked off, found he was able to interact normally with people again.
The relief was unspeakable.
Eventually they made it down the hall to Jared's room. Jared ushered Jensen in ahead of him with a hand on his shoulder, still keeping contact, and then shut the door behind them.
"Jared, what the fuck."
"You're not crazy, if that's what you're wondering." Jared kept a hand on Jensen as they turned to face one another, moving from his shoulder to cup the back of his neck securely.
"Well that's a relief."
Jared laughed softly. "When did it start?"
"Tuesday."
Jared stared. "That's four days ago. What are you doing, coming to a crowded party this soon?"
Jensen shrugged. "It's your crowded party, dumbass. Like I was going to miss your birthday."
Jared just kind of looked at him with this exasperatedly fond expression, like he was Jared's favourite moron in the whole world, and pulled him into a hug again.
"I don't know what I ever did," he said nonsensically, then said, "Man, you're an idiot, but I'm glad you're here."
"I'm glad you're here," Jensen said honestly. "I was about to lose it."
"Yeah, I could tell." Jared pulled back, hands on Jensen's shoulders. "You're not gonna ask?"
"How long?"
"Hit me right around puberty. Teenage me was extra awkward." He grinned, and Jensen, picturing it, couldn't help grinning back.
"Dude," he said, shaking his head in sympathy.
"Yeah. So I know where you're at, believe me." There was a crash from the living room, and Jared glanced back over his shoulder automatically. "I better get back out there. Brace yourself, okay, I'm taking my hands away."
Jensen prepared himself as well as he could to bear the party onslaught, but when Jared removed his hands, it was less a tsunami and more a lapping around his ankles.
"Hey," he said, pleasantly surprised, "that's not so bad."
"No?" Jared looked relieved. "Good. Okay. Do you mind staying in here? You've got the TV and the X-Box, there's the bathroom there- oh, did you eat? Do you want anything?"
"I'm fine," Jensen said, "I'm not hungry."
"Okay." Jared looked around, considering. "You can have a nap if you want. The sheets are even clean." He smiled a little, small and wry, and Jensen thought, oh. Maybe Jared was hoping to get laid tonight.
So much for that.
Before he could feel bad, though, Jared smiled at him properly, full out, and said again, "I'm glad you're here. Let me get rid of everyone and I'll help you figure it out, okay?"
"We can figure it out whenever," Jensen said. "Go enjoy your party, man." When Jared hesitated, Jensen rolled his eyes and made a flapping gesture. "Go on, shoo."
"Okay, okay. I'm going."
Jared opened the door and an extra wave rolled through Jensen, but the door closing settled everything back to manageable again.
Alone in Jared's room, Jensen discovered that he was actually very tired. All things considered, it wasn't exactly surprising. So he shucked off his jeans and crawled into Jared's bed in boxers and a t-shirt.
He fell asleep easily; his dreams were bizarre.
~
Jared was as good as his word. He spent all his spare time throughout the week helping Jensen get a handle on his extra sense.
First thing they worked on was blocking out emotions, putting up shields so other people couldn't get in. It was a struggle blocking Jared, counterintuitive trying to keep out his best friend. Jensen found that when they went out to field test his improved skills, it was much easier putting up shields against strangers and even people he knew casually.
Jared also helped him work through emotion identification, which was the worst kind of touchy-feely bullshit, but was also absolutely necessary. He needed to be able to keep a grasp on his own emotions so he wouldn't get swept away by others' if he was caught unprepared.
Once he could pick out his own, he moved on to identifying Jared's, because it was better to field test that one for the first time with someone he trusted, definitely. Not to mention how ethically suspect it would be to go deliberately fishing around in some stranger's head. They had to hold hands for it, though, and Jensen said, "What, you gonna bust out Kumbaya next?" a little grouchily. Jared just laughed at him and folded his huge hand around Jensen's.
It was hard, the first time, actually identifying someone else's emotions deliberately. Or maybe it was just that Jared was so good at keeping his under wraps that they were tough to nail down. Hard as it had been for him to block out an awareness of Jared's feelings, it was even harder to actually pay attention to what they were and what they meant.
With practice, though, he got better at it. It was almost like not noticing the taste of water until you tasted different water; as Jared's moods shifted, Jensen got better at identifying them.
"How are you so patient?" Jensen demanded on Friday, sitting hand in hand with Jared on his couch. "This has to be the most boring, frustrating thing ever for you. I'm driving me crazy."
Jared shrugged. "Like I said, man, been there, done that. I know how much it sucks, and I would've given anything to have someone to teach me how to handle it instead of just muddling through it on my own. If I can make it not suck so much for you, I want to."
There was a swell of something in Jared's emotions as he spoke, and Jensen identified it as fondness, which made him smile, but attached to something stronger, more deeply embedded, and when Jensen automatically tracked it to its source, he sat up straight.
"This isn't altruism," he said, almost without thinking. "You love me."
A spike of nervousness flicked past, there and gone, and Jared didn't pull back. His composure was admirable.
"Of course I do," he said. "You love me, too. Best friends, hello?"
Jensen shook his head. "No," he said, focusing, making certain he was right, and he was right, there was no mistaking it, "no, you're in love with me. I can tell the difference, Jared." He looked Jared square in the eye, and Jared didn't flinch.
"Okay," he said, "I guess I should have seen this coming."
"You're in love with me?" Jensen was too astonished to be tactful. "Were you ever going to tell me?"
Jared shrugged. "I try not to dig," he explained, "but I basically know how you feel about me. I didn't have a lot of hope."
Jensen sat with that for a minute, processing. Jared was in love with him. Aside from the initial shock, Jensen could identify no negative emotions in himself associated with the idea. Jared had been his best friend since college; he was basically the most important person in Jensen's life. Nobody aggravated Jensen like Jared did; nobody knew how to cheer him up more effectively. Jared was embedded in Jensen in a way none of his other friends had ever been, and Jensen thought that was just what happened when you found a best friend, but the way he felt about Jared had never been simple. He wasn't even sure he had a handle on it; how could Jared have the whole picture?
"I'm not sure you do know," Jensen said, after a prolonged silence. Jared was just watching him, still holding his hand, brow furrowed slightly. "Go ahead, come on in," he said, because damn if he wasn't curious now. What if Jared were wrong? What if Jensen were missing something?
Jared gripped Jensen's hand tighter and Jensen felt the rise in his concentration as he accepted Jensen's invitation to scrutinize his emotions. Jensen read a sense of hesitation and something else warm, like Jared was honoured that Jensen was allowing this. Given that Jared had been wide open like a book for Jensen all week, Jensen figured it was only fair reciprocity, but Jared's sincere appreciation brought up a wave of emotion in Jensen that he used as his starting point.
He looked at all available feelings regarding Jared, followed them back through chains of association, immersed himself in affection followed by memories of irritation and humour and anger and love until he found the place where they all came together, intersecting with a desire he'd forgotten he ever buried.
Jared figured it out as soon as Jensen did; it was all over his face.
"Huh," Jensen breathed, almost surprised to find himself unsurprised. "Apparently I'm in love with you, too."
Jared let out an insubstantial husk of laughter. "What, just like that? You're not gonna freak out or anything?"
"Why should I? Waste of time." Jensen raised an eyebrow. "You gonna tell me no?"
"Course not."
Jensen nodded and climbed into Jared's lap, straddling him; Jared let out a breath like he'd been punched in the stomach, looking up at Jensen with wide eyes and his mouth open just a little. "Then shut up and kiss me," said Jensen.
Jared did.
~end~