Fell In Love With An Angel (a heart that isn't cold). - A Oneshot in 9 Parts.
#02 - Hell
385w
Part I
Many people imagine the places called Heaven and Hell as separate dwellings for different entities. While we most certainly are different, the places themselves have so many similarities; it would be a waste of time to name them all here. Basically they are two different gatherings with different jobs while the purity of the souls varies from naughty to angelic.
The really bad ones though, they are the ones that burn forever in the fires of the Underworld. Yes, Hell and Underworld aren’t the same.
To explain it more clearly, I’m going to bring examples. Yunho, a guy I know and am quite good friends with - he works as a muse. He gives inspiration to people when they’re lacking in will. He helps them get through desperate times and all in all, he does good deeds. That’s why his job is in the Heaven department.
Heaven is all about good deeds, helping people cope with their troubles, helping people in need, helping just about anybody who dares to ask for help.
Hell, however... It kind of works the same way. We have different job titles, we run around on Earth doing our stupid assignments... the big difference is the meaning behind what we do. Heaven works for the living people, Hell works for Hell.
We cover entertainment... for both the humans and ourselves. For an example - nightmares are an entertaining idea created by one of our elders a few millenniums back. And another example - Ouija boards. A type of entertainment for both humans and demons.
Well, most demons.
I for one do not find it entertaining to help little girls figure out if their crushes respond their feelings. Nor do I fancy the blaming that goes all around the table, the finger pointed at anyone they think guilty of moving the planchette while the real spirit who in fact answered their dumb question, is standing right before them.
It’s a heinous job. You’re probably wondering why I’m whining about it.
Well, the whole story starts when I’m appointed as an Ouija Board Watcher.
And when I meet the boy whose desperation for the truth has led him to use such a drastic measure like the Ouija board.
His name was Junsu. And the moment I sat down before him, I was caught in his web.
#31 - Whisper
364w
Part II
The room I was sent to had a simple, airy feel to it and was void of giggles, candles and Goth make-up which was a clear sign that this was no usual Ouija board user. I looked around for a bit before I heard the voice that came from the other side of the bed.
„Spirit, have you arrived? “
I moved and the sight that greeted me is still clear in my memory. The frail, skinny boy with tussled bed hair, sitting Indian style, his bony fingers wresting on the planchette looked as if he was going to die any minute now with his pale, chubby cheeks and chipped, full lips. He was attractive, if a bit thin for my tastes but I have always been an appreciator of natural beauty - even back when I was alive.
Since he was clearly waiting for an answer, I quickly crouched down on the other side of the board and gently pushed the side of the planchette towards ‘YES’. I waited for a surprised squeak or some other kind of sudden reaction but all I got was a thoughtful frown. Intrigued I kneeled down, hoping that this would last longer than the usual ten minutes.
The boy took in a deep breath, before voicing another question, this time sounding firmer. “Am I going to die before the month’s over?”
An intriguing question and certainly unexpected. I hesitated before holding up my hand and contacting the Seer Office. A red light covered my hand for about two seconds before fading and there was a strange human-like relief in me, when I gently tugged the planchette towards ‘NO’.
For a moment, the boy’s shoulders sagged in relief. But then he tensed and shook his head.
“Stupid. How can I believe that a spirit would actually know my life-span?” He lifted the planchette to his eyes and stared at it numbly.
“I must have moved it myself unconsciously.” He whispered and then his lips quivered. “I don’t want to die.”
He asked no more questions that night and I was forced to leave for a whole day of Ouija boards while the boy slept restlessly.
His whispers haunted me.
#10 - Lie
562w
Part III
The next night I was surprisingly sent to the same boy once more. It’s rare that a single demon meets a human more than once in such a short time. But back then I waved it off as luck and focused on the matter at hand.
This time, the boy looked sadder somehow. And at first he just stared at the board with a dead look in his eyes before placing his fingers on the planchette and asking the same question as before, “Spirit, have you arrived?”
I quickly moved it to ‘YES’, anxiously waiting for what came next.
Series of questions, which I all answered truthfully to.
Am I going to die before my next birthday? -Yes.
Am I going to die painfully? -No.
Do I have more than a year left? -No.
Will I be alive at Christmas? -No.
Christmas was only six months away, we both realised at once and I could see the boy’s hands quivering.
Are you really a spirit answering my questions? -Yes.
This is not me unconsciously torturing myself? -No.
Are you speaking the truth? -Yes.
Those questions I could easily answer without having to contact any Seers.
The boy sighed, leaning back against the side of his bed, looking torn. Sympathy rose in me. Sympathy so great it threatened to swallow me whole and leave my insides aching with the need to comfort the other.
It was dangerous and totally out of bounds, but I did it anyway. Without the boy touching the planchette, I started to move it over the letters, pausing every once in a while and making sure the other was following me. His big eyes were wide and taking in every letter, mouthing them with his mouth until at last he voiced my message.
“Death’s not so bad.”
He laughed while sobbing and then curled up on himself, kicking the board away with his feet. I felt the tug on my navel that signalled I was being called back to Hell and realised the boy wasn’t going to ask any more questions and so I left.
His sobs haunted me.
I went to him as an Ouija Board Watcher one more time before my job was changed.
He asked once and for all, Do I have less than six months to live?
The answer was undoubtedly ‘YES’.
The boy spoke his thoughts out loud again, asking why the spirit couldn’t be kind and lie to him - tell him that he was going to live a happy life as a soccer player, marry a great woman and have three kids. He cried again that night, shouting how hopeless he felt and how much he hated it.
I was pretty much a goner by then.
For you to understand my infatuation you would have to know what intrigues me the most about human emotions.
It’s insecurity. Sadness. Hopelessness. To me they are the truest, most honest feelings any being could have and the fact that this boy was feeling them so openly in front of me... I was pulled in.
And an attraction began to form.
He asked a few more questions that night before he got tired of the cruel honesty and kicked the board away again.
When I reached Hell, I was informed that I was to be a Dream Enhancer.
For the first time after dying, I felt disappointed.
#29 - Dream
959w
Part IV
A Dream Enhancer’s job is described perfectly by the title. A demon enters your dream and then enhances it by making it hornier or bloodier or whatever your dream is based on.
For one, it’s a lot more fun than being a freaking Ouija Board Watcher. And two, my first assignment immediately took me back to the boy I had already given up on.
It was more than suspicious; it was getting a bit frightening at how my wish of seeing the other was being fulfilled again and again as if someone was granting me enjoyment before something bad happens. Something bad did happen, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
The boy’s first dream was morbid. He was at his own funeral, standing with his family that were all crying in anguish. He was shouting at them, telling them that he was right there, he wasn’t dead yet. But they couldn’t hear him. It was painful to watch as his eyes flickered from the open coffin to his family before the thought clearly ran through his head.
Maybe I am dead.
He ran out of the church, crumbling down on the front steps and then I did something a Dream Enhancer should never do.
I appeared in front of him. In all my black glory, with the silky clothing that every Dream Enhancer wears, I let him see me. And I will never forget his face when he first laid eyes on me. It was powerful, the wonder and admiration in his gaze. But it disappeared when I crouched before him, held up my hands to brush his tears away and said, “You’re dreaming.”
He doubted me at first, but I kept repeating it until he accepted it silently.
Then, “Who are you?”
“A Dream Enhancer. I’m supposed to enhance the dream you’re having.”
“Why aren’t you?”
“I like you too much to see you in pain, Junsu.” I had finally learned his name at the funeral setting. Kim Junsu, still only seventeen - dies before he can live.
Even in the presence of one such as myself, he still remained so human - he blushed at my words and stuttered a reply. “Y-You don’t even know me.”
I smiled. “I know enough.” And then an idea struck me. “I can change your dream. Would you like me to change it to something more of an everyday thing? Or do you have a wish or a fantasy you wouldn’t mind experiencing here?”
“E-Everyday is fine.”
In the blink of an eye we were sitting in his room, on his bed and everything seemed normal. Just like it would be if he were awake. I tried to stand but somehow his hand had fisted itself around my silken coat and so I sat there, next to him, waiting for the boy to say something.
“Do you... Do you know everything about me?”
At that moment I decided that I had been honest so far... why not continue?
“No. I only know that your life ends in less than six months.”
He gasped at that and his fist tightened, almost ripping a tear into my clothing. “How- Are you-Are you the spirit who answered my questions?”
His eyes demanded to know but I hesitated. “What makes you think that?”
“...Your presence.” He whispered. “It’s familiar.”
It’s not unusual for a few humans to have the ability to sense another’s presence around them, so that didn’t bother me. What did though was how I reacted to his shy confession. A hunger grew in me, a hunger I knew I could satisfy if I just pushed the other in the right direction. After all, I was in control of this dream. But I held back.
“Yes, I am the same spirit.”
Junsu looked into my eyes and it felt to me as if he was seeing the whole me, my whole life story, everything from birth to death to this. “What’s your name?”
I breathed in deeply. “I was named Yoochun when I was born.”
He tilted his head in an adorable way that made a shocking surge of lust fly through me. “Has your name changed?”
“When I died, I picked a new one.”
“What is it?”
I smiled, “Micky.”
He chuckled. And then he grew bitter. “It’s weird how I feel more at home now, dreaming and with you than awake and with my family. They all just... they keep reminding me of-“ He couldn’t finish it and I didn’t dare ask what was the cause of his soon-to-be death, I just gathered him in my arms and tried to comfort him as best as I could.
It was all so against the laws of Heaven and Hell that I should have been sent to the Fire because of it. But... because of what came next, even going to the Fire would have been worth it.
I kissed him. In all my life and death it was probably the most stupid thing I have ever done, but I did it. And he did resist at first but like I said, I had the control of this dream. I could enhance his feelings, the setting, and the actions taking place. And so I did.
To me it was beautiful - taking him. Even if he was dreaming it, to me it was and felt real enough and I shall never forget it. Forget him. The way he tasted on my tongue or the way he moved under me, pleading for more.
It was perfect but it ended all too soon.
When he woke up, he woke up confused and bothered and perhaps a bit sad.
When I returned to Hell, I was once again disappointed.
Because good things like that can’t happen more than once.
#34 - Warmth
340w
Part V
It did happen again. And the good thing became even better for the next time Junsu had waited for it, had actually wanted it. I didn’t have to enhance anything, all the feelings were there. A young boy’s admiration towards an unearthly being that came to him in his dreams - that’s all it was, truly. At least for Junsu.
To me it was something much, much more than that. But voicing my infatuation to the boy would have been foolish. Junsu had no idea of what came after death and one of the strictest laws of all was that no one should know it before they actually died. So I couldn’t tell him that when he died, he would probably go to Heaven, get a nice job and help his family and friends move on.
But everything was wearing down on me. Staying so close to one human all this time - nothing like this had ever happened before. It was usually forbidden, for we - even in death - had feelings, we created bonds. And now I had a bond with a living person. It was doomed from the start, for sure. But it still didn’t stop me from making love to him again. From taking what I wanted so selfishly without thinking of the consequences.
The consequences that I witnessed after Junsu woke.
I had stayed with him in his dream. I had held him, had listened to him when he ranted and raved about everything in the world that frustrated him. I was there for him and I think that’s when he started to fall for me too. A spirit. A demon. Junsu did love me before he died, I’m sure of it.
But when he woke after that second night, I was still there. Invisible to his eyes and unable to touch him, but there. And I witnessed the other’s tears and the broken hearted whispers at having dreamt of something so perfect and knowing that it could never be real.
I felt the pain myself.
It was unbearable.
#01 - Fire
319w
Part VI
A confrontation would have been inevitable.
Jaejoong is my best friend in Hell. He died long before me and so is in a much higher position - in fact he is one of the head-demons. The ones who decide who goes where, the ones who organise this place. He’s the closest soul you can find down here to the beings that are sent into the Fire. He was a rotten drug addict, when alive but he has made up for it and now regrets it. He’s now the perfect role model for the newcomers.
I finally figured it out that it must have been Jaejoong who made sure that I kept coming into contact with Junsu. There was no other logical explanation for the encounters and so I confronted my friend about it.
Fortunately enough, he came out with it.
“Your intrigue with sad people is cute and all but I never really thought that it would get you laid. Then I found Junsu. 17, pretty as fuck and one of the saddest souls I have ever seen. He’s perfect for you.”
I wanted to twist the other’s pretty swan-like neck. “He’s alive, Jaejoong.”
“Yeah, well as you know he’ll die soon enough. He has a pure soul so he’ll be in Heaven no matter what. Heaven is close to Hell if you don’t know and you’ll be able to see him then. You’ll be able to meet him for real.”
In all honesty, I hadn’t thought of that. But I refused to get my hopes up.
“I took advantage of him when his mind was in a weak state, Jae. When he finally realises this after dying, he’ll never forgive me and he’ll never want to see me again.”
Jaejoong just grinned that knowing grin of his and said, “Two shifts of Ouija Board duty says that he will love you even in death.”
Stupidly, I took the bet.
#14 - Death
197w
Part VII
Three months later, Junsu died.
He died in a way I felt was the way he had wanted to die - in my arms with my voice the last thing he heard and my face the last thing he laid his eyes on. It seemed painless, his death and I still haven’t found out just what caused him to lose his life... but I don’t really care about the details. He died and I actually cried, even when I knew just where his soul had gone to. I cried all the same because I felt that this was truly the last time I would get to hold him like this. I cried because I felt so selfish for stealing away his last moments alive, me - the one who took advantage of him, when he should have spent them with his family, someone who truly knew him and loved him. Not like me, who fell in love with him because of the sadness he had shared with me.
But I figured it was all in the past now, he never had to see me again.
I thought the story ended with his death.
Luckily for Jaejoong, I was wrong.
#38 - Soul
708w
Part VIII
On one lazy Sunday when I had the day off, an excited demon bounced towards me in the sitting room and slapped a file on the desk. I stared at my eager friend in slight suspicion.
“Should I be worried?”
Jaejoong ignored me, however. “It’s been six months!”
I had a hard time following. “Six months...?”
“Six months since Junsu’s death!”
I tensed up. The subject was still sensitive to me and I had thought my friend to be aware of this for he hadn’t brought it up at all. “So?”
He shook his head in exasperation, “His time to settle in is over, he now has a job!”
I really felt uncomfortable speaking about him as if I hadn’t- ... I stopped myself there. By then I had spent too many days regretting all my decisions during the time I spent with the boy. I had finally started to move on and now Jaejoong brought the whole thing up again! I was getting angry.
“And why are you telling me this?” I managed to voice.
Jaejoong eagerly pointed at the file before me. “Open it!”
Curiosity getting the better of me, I did as he said and then immediately retracted my hand. The boy in the picture smiled up at me as if mocking me, showing me unadulterated purity at its best.
“Is this what I think it is?” I whispered.
“It sure is - Kim Junsu’s file! And look!” He stood up and pointed at a line I hadn’t read yet, my eyes still caught by the other’s picture. “Look at his new job!”
Dwelling - Angel’s Penthouse #10,200,890,705
Occupation - Permanently a Purifier
I forced myself to calm down, closing the file and stopping the torture. “So he’s a Purifier. Now what?”
Jaejoong shook his head again, “Don’t you see!? What do Purifier’s do? They help the living-“
“-cope with their past sins, yeah I know that! Where are you getting with this?”
“The qualification to be a Purifier is to be forgiving! And Junsu’s a permanent Purifier. Now is the time to get off your ass and actually go see your boy! He’s a natural forgiver, what makes you think he won’t forgive you too?”
I stood up, getting worked up. “It can’t be that easy!”
“You did nothing wrong! You helped him when he was at his worst! I don’t get how you still manage to let your living past control your present, long after you’ve died! Stop being so melancholy, stop feeling sorry for yourself and forget the way you died!” His eyes were wild as he tried to make me see his way of things. “It was sad, yes - that you died in the war and I can understand why you feel as if sadness is the only real thing someone can feel but happiness can be real too! And you should get off your high horse, listen to me and for once in your miserable existence - let yourself feel something other than sorrow.” His voice had grown to a whisper by the end of his tirade.
It all had caught me off guard and I had no response. But it seemed as if he wasn’t expecting any. He just walked up to me, squeezed my shoulder gently and said, “Go to him. You won’t know until you do,” before leaving me alone again.
Jaejoong’s words have always had the greatest impact on me for... he never speaks anything but the truth. It was his biggest change after he died, for he used to lie to himself all the time, saying every fix would be his last, every lie to his family would be the last... until he overdosed.
My hands were shaking when I picked up the file again, opening it to see the smile Junsu had never shown me. The boy had shown me tears, a few chuckles here and there, a lot of forced smirks but this... I caressed the photo with my fingertips. This was a real smile.
And suddenly I wanted to see him again, wanted him to smile at me like that.
A Purifier. One of the purest souls of all.
Would I be able to carry on if he saw me and rejected me for real?
#47 - Heaven & Hell
755w
Part IX
Our first meeting did not go like I had expected. I had fears and fantasies of how he would either hate me or still be in love with me after all this time - but it was nothing like that.
It was quiet.
I had went to his dwelling and he had seemed surprised to see me there but had immediately invited me in, offered me tea and had disappeared into his kitchen while I fidgeted on his couch.
And when he finally returned he had questions.
“When you- ...I mean... When I was alive... Did you only love me because I was... sad?”
At that I looked up in shock, a silent question in my own eyes.
His smile seemed grim; nothing like the smile in the photo and my heart ached. “Your friend, Jaejoong. He told me about your...” He didn’t finish the sentence nor did he need to.
I took a deep breath, wondering how I was going to explain this without seeming like the bastard I was. “I guess... that’s how it started, yeah.”
Junsu swallowed and it was audible in the silence that surrounded us. Heaven has always been far too peaceful for my tastes, there’s no noise, little music - angels focus on helping humanity and they rarely come to Hell for entertainment. I feared Junsu wouldn’t come at all because of me.
“How about now?”
I looked at him, confused. “What do you mean?”
He shifted around on his seat, biting his lip. “I mean... I’m not sad anymore.” He then laughed weakly. “Sure, I was a bit disappointed after I died, finding out that the afterlife is nothing like I had believed it to be... but I am now satisfied with what I’ll be doing and ... I already have a few friends I feel comfortable around and I...” His smile turned upside down and something in me screamed. “I was really happy when I found out that I could visit you any time I felt like it... but I didn’t have the guts. And you never came to me so,” his breath hitched, “I figured you wouldn’t want me now that I-“Once again he didn’t finish for it wasn’t needed.
At that point I was in shock. There was no hate. There was no love. Just insecurity. And I found that I didn’t like it anymore. I wanted to see Junsu happy... for the boy deserved to be happy.
“Would it make you happy if I told you I loved you?”
He shook his head and my dead heart crumbled, but then - “It would make me happy if you actually did love me. I don’t just want to hear it, I-“
This time I didn’t let him finish, I stood up in a hurry, accidentally knocking down my tea cup (it broke into tiny pieces, but it was irrelevant) in my haste to get to him. I shut him up with a kiss and almost broke down at the familiar texture of his lips, the feeling of him opening up under me, letting me in.
It was just as beautiful as I remembered.
When we separated, I found the strength to whisper against his mouth, “I do, Junsu. Always will. But I don’t think I can handle rejection-“ Fingers were placed on my mouth gently and he smiled at me. Really smiled. A smile so warm it could rival against the sun, a smile so pure - the name Angel would never be enough for its owner. A smile that made me fall in love with him all over again, made me forget everything I had ever known of happiness for clearly I had been wrong - here in front of me was someone who looked as if Happiness should be his name and it was so sincere and so lovely. All of my comrades who had forced the feeling, who had hoped for a safe journey home - all my memories of pained smiles and faked joyful singing were removed. All I had now was him.
“Silly. Why would I reject you? I love you.”
We made love that night - for the first time after his death and for the first time when we both were conscious and there. I could feel the happiness pour out of him and into my skin. I felt it seep into my very core and infect me with its sweetness.
Junsu made me happy again.
And all I can give in return is my love - forever in death and nothing can part our souls.