(no subject)
I am numb to all that surrounds me. Once you've fallen in love, the times after are an easier fall, but the crash is just as hard. the difference is- you learn to brace yourself. or you resist the fall at all. every time I give some slack, the line breaks, and I wonder why I took the chance in the first place. I am a hypocrite. But I want better for you than what I have, or do, or cannot do. the truth is, I am afraid. I am a coward. Im not ready. Im not sure if I ever will be ready. One day I'll grow old, and see all the men I've ever loved, and meet their wives and their children, and see how beautiful they are, and think how beautiful we could have been. And one day I'll be old enough, and wise enough, and strong enough to not let it hurt me anymore. To resist the urge of the 'what if?'s', and accept that my life is my own mountain, built by my own fears and failures, and not the fault of anyone else.
But today, I am not old enough. Im not strong enough, or wise enough, or brave enough. Today, I will pretend I am numb, and await the day that it becomes my reality.
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it is beautiful today. I took an old friends advice last night, and did something that made me happy. i was bored, grumpy, lonely, and decided that regardless of the -15* cold, i would do something that i enjoy- take pictures. i only took a few, and it took me probably 15 minutes in the freezing night to get my night pictures working, but it was worth it. a deep sense of satisfaction fell over me as i looked at my camera and knew i could be proud of something. i dont even care if other people think theyre simple- I am simple. sometimes i feel like the simplicity of life is what makes it the most beautiful. if you can look at something ordinary, and see beauty in it, how much more will you see in the truley magnificent things!
if only i could be a bee
and on a simple flower dwell
how pleasant would life seem to me?
but i am not, so i can't tell!
;)
But today, I am not old enough. Im not strong enough, or wise enough, or brave enough. Today, I will pretend I am numb, and await the day that it becomes my reality.
----------
it is beautiful today. I took an old friends advice last night, and did something that made me happy. i was bored, grumpy, lonely, and decided that regardless of the -15* cold, i would do something that i enjoy- take pictures. i only took a few, and it took me probably 15 minutes in the freezing night to get my night pictures working, but it was worth it. a deep sense of satisfaction fell over me as i looked at my camera and knew i could be proud of something. i dont even care if other people think theyre simple- I am simple. sometimes i feel like the simplicity of life is what makes it the most beautiful. if you can look at something ordinary, and see beauty in it, how much more will you see in the truley magnificent things!
if only i could be a bee
and on a simple flower dwell
how pleasant would life seem to me?
but i am not, so i can't tell!
;)