memory lane is not paved with yellow bricks

[c_c_c_calder]

I'm not the only one your face haunts- just the unexpected one.  Your eyes stare back at me and I see you smile, and it breaks my heart. Youre so pretty. too pretty. If I had the courage to admit it, you could even be beautiful.  You are the great wall of china- the moat around the castle. I have no words to say to you- hell, I dont even know you, yet I am rendered speechless when you stare back at me.  A rush of emotions flood my mind- envy, hate, dissappointment, heartbreak. you are the ghost I can never compare to. why did i find you? i have never felt inadequate.  i never thought i would feel inadequate to a stranger.  I can't help but laugh at how similar we are.  our clothes, our interests, our lives. but you do it better. all of it. and as i look at you, tears stream down my face at the realization that you will always do it better, that you will always be there, and i will never hold a candle to you or your smile. or your eyes. or anything else.
im not ready. i wasnt ready. and when i was, and i am, you took it from me. and i'm not ready anymore. so i run, fast and far, and i dont want to look back. it hurts too much to look back.