growing up sucks!
~ok so i know its been a while but things have been hectic lately. its a new year and nothing has drasticly changed. i want a new look. maybe a new hair color would make me have a better outlook on life cuz right now its not going at all like i planned.~
~~so it almost that time of year where the seniors graduate. and i know u are all probably like: and... so? we're not seniors so why should we care? right? wrong! you might not have to care but i do. one of my best friends is getting ready to graduate and head on off to college. on off to a new life with out me. mike is leaving for some college in cali this summer and i cant shake the feeling that he's gonna go off and forget about me. he keeps trying to reasure me that there's no way in the world he could forget about me but that's not as settling to me as one might think. words are just that...words and we all know the old saying actions speak louder then words. i've just always counted on him being there for me. he's my rock, my shoulder to lean on, basicly my everything. he always knows what to say when im on the whole "being single sucks!" kick or when i'm on the "i hate guys" faze. and always reasures me that there's bound to be that special someone out there for me. my other best friend, kenya, doesnt seem to be helping matters cuz she doesnt have time to really listen to my problems with mike. she's never even met him let alone care that he's leaving. i dont know why they havent met but whenever i see one i dont see the other. i guess i dont wanna have to share my time with them. it's not like she doesnt like him. its just that she has her own problems to deal with besides me whining over some friend moving away. so im not mad at her or anything. i mean realisticly i've been sending more time with him then i have with her lately. but thats because when he leaves i wont be able to see him whenever i want. i'll have to wait till he has a break or i can go fly to see him. i worry about him a lot. what if he gets home sick and i'm not there to be able to talk to him? or i miss his phone call and when i call him back he cant answer? i hate phone tag and really dont wanna play that with him. i never have and never want to. i just know im gonna miss him soooooo much. i dont know if i can go on without him. it seems like lately since i've finally come to the conclusion that he is leaving i havent been able to focus is school. my grades are slipping and i cant seem to get back on track. he told me not to worry. that i need to stay focused on school so we can go to the same college or at least colleges in the same state. but i cant help it. i dont want him to leave. i wish i could go back to sixth grade and just freeze time to when we met. and relive that year over and over cuz then he wouldnt have grown up and neither would i and we could be together forever. but that will never happen. i guess i just have to face facts: is sucks to grow up!~~
~*c0mp1xsimp1city*~