Silk and Sweat isn't Sexy.
Today began like any ordinary day.
I had 5 million pounds of clothes on my bed and Mantu's butt in my face. Ball-less butt. Which is a plus, I guess.
But really, I took the dogs + work dogs to the dog park today cause boss had a wedding. um, his own. so we went to the waterfront part where I kind of zoned out on some black gay guy's crack. Idk. He was talking about how hot Keanu Reeves was. Personally I was rooting for agent smith the whole time, but whatever. what a weird movie.
So what happens next is I actually have to go to this wedding. Where I look like shit after smellyass dog park of course. Naturally. So I pull on this dress that would probably look better as a tent display for REI and spray some stuff in my hair that ends up making me look like some wax museum mannequin. Emily is good to go per usual. Then, in the car with pants. Of course, she starts talking about weddings and /my/ supposed wedding. Here's what she says:
"...that's fine with me. But you do realize that I will edit the guest list. Dan and I have friends that you may not know and it's important to include them in the party."
translation?
-->"I am still the pants whether you are over 18, married, or dead."
Yes. I'd like to go with choice C "Dead" for possible freedom.
Announcer: No, I'm sorry. that's incorrect. D "You can't get away from the pants" would be the correct answer.
Blowhole.
Anyway. So I had to sit next to smelly-breath drunk lady who kept talking about her stupid kid's hermit crabs. She probably had a few crabs herself, the drunkard. One of her kids kept complaining about having to eat chicken and how much he wanted steak instead. Then the other one crammed her plate full of breads and butter and all kinds of fatty foods. It was nast. So when her kid gets a second can of pop, she goes:
"Isabella, sweetie. Isn't that your second can of sprite?"
and of course, the kid can't defend herself, at least verbally, cause her mouth's so stuffed with starches, so I say:
"Isn't that your second glass of wine?"
then she had this nervous laugh thing and shut up.
I wouldn't have said it either but her breath was making me nauseous. Really, it was gross.
But I had the greatest idea in the world where you take a clock and a fish tank and, Power Rangers style, put them together to make an amazing:
FISH CLOCK. (it looks like FISH COCK, doesn't it?)
Of course, pants thought my idea was the dumbest thing she'd ever heard.
What pants doesn't know is this will make me the money to afford to put her in a retirement home.
And I'll hang my fish clocks in her retirement home room just to spite her.
and a mass array of long billowy skirts for her to wear. NO PANTS ALLOWED.
By the way. I watched Riki Tiki Tavi the other night. Animation by Bugs Bunny chief Chuck Jones. It was really bad. And that's probably why I'm angry because I paid $3.00 for some stupid movie that wasn't the movie I was trying to watch. Because the one I saw when I was younger didn't have some stupid fire-crotch kid with squid eyes in it. And Riki was pathetic, btw. I wanted Naga to bite off his nuts or something. At least then it would have been a tolerable movie.
I think I owe a lot of people money right now, which isn't good either.
Dangit.
I had 5 million pounds of clothes on my bed and Mantu's butt in my face. Ball-less butt. Which is a plus, I guess.
But really, I took the dogs + work dogs to the dog park today cause boss had a wedding. um, his own. so we went to the waterfront part where I kind of zoned out on some black gay guy's crack. Idk. He was talking about how hot Keanu Reeves was. Personally I was rooting for agent smith the whole time, but whatever. what a weird movie.
So what happens next is I actually have to go to this wedding. Where I look like shit after smellyass dog park of course. Naturally. So I pull on this dress that would probably look better as a tent display for REI and spray some stuff in my hair that ends up making me look like some wax museum mannequin. Emily is good to go per usual. Then, in the car with pants. Of course, she starts talking about weddings and /my/ supposed wedding. Here's what she says:
"...that's fine with me. But you do realize that I will edit the guest list. Dan and I have friends that you may not know and it's important to include them in the party."
translation?
-->"I am still the pants whether you are over 18, married, or dead."
Yes. I'd like to go with choice C "Dead" for possible freedom.
Announcer: No, I'm sorry. that's incorrect. D "You can't get away from the pants" would be the correct answer.
Blowhole.
Anyway. So I had to sit next to smelly-breath drunk lady who kept talking about her stupid kid's hermit crabs. She probably had a few crabs herself, the drunkard. One of her kids kept complaining about having to eat chicken and how much he wanted steak instead. Then the other one crammed her plate full of breads and butter and all kinds of fatty foods. It was nast. So when her kid gets a second can of pop, she goes:
"Isabella, sweetie. Isn't that your second can of sprite?"
and of course, the kid can't defend herself, at least verbally, cause her mouth's so stuffed with starches, so I say:
"Isn't that your second glass of wine?"
then she had this nervous laugh thing and shut up.
I wouldn't have said it either but her breath was making me nauseous. Really, it was gross.
But I had the greatest idea in the world where you take a clock and a fish tank and, Power Rangers style, put them together to make an amazing:
FISH CLOCK. (it looks like FISH COCK, doesn't it?)
Of course, pants thought my idea was the dumbest thing she'd ever heard.
What pants doesn't know is this will make me the money to afford to put her in a retirement home.
And I'll hang my fish clocks in her retirement home room just to spite her.
and a mass array of long billowy skirts for her to wear. NO PANTS ALLOWED.
By the way. I watched Riki Tiki Tavi the other night. Animation by Bugs Bunny chief Chuck Jones. It was really bad. And that's probably why I'm angry because I paid $3.00 for some stupid movie that wasn't the movie I was trying to watch. Because the one I saw when I was younger didn't have some stupid fire-crotch kid with squid eyes in it. And Riki was pathetic, btw. I wanted Naga to bite off his nuts or something. At least then it would have been a tolerable movie.
I think I owe a lot of people money right now, which isn't good either.
Dangit.