(no subject)
I have all of these thoughts in my head, that I just want to write out on my crisp pages of my new journal, that I ordered from ebay, but it's taking forever to get here...So I figured I'd give some insight on the happenings of my life as of the moment...
So school starts on Monday, and I know it's going to be more stressful than last..I'm going full time this semester...I can only hope that I can keep up with everything...I leave work at 5, catch the train home, get home at about 6, then change...Head off to Purdue because my classes start at 6:30 and end at 9:20, everyday, but Friday...Not really looking forward to that, but next semester...Online classes will be calling my name..I should have a laptop by then, so hopefully everything will work out...I'm just going to relax about it all.
Then, there's my personal life, which as of this moment is kind of just leaving me confused and up in there...I've been spending a lot of time with someone in particular, and it's hard for me because I'm just growing closer to that person to be eventually just pushed to the curb. And, I don't know how all this really makes me feel...Sometimes I feel so overwhelmingly happy, and other times I don't feel good enough...And, I guess it's just hard to fully describe how I'm feeling....Or, maybe I just think too much..And, I look into things too deeply..Or just overanalyze things...Whatever it is...I already know what's going to happen...Nice bois finish last.
And, then I get in a huge blow out argument with my best friend..I don't even get to see her before she leaves, which sucks to no end because we just have a really good understanding of each other, so it's hard not to see her because I usually see her a lot...But time will fly though..it always does.
Then, there's Heather...someone that knows me better than I know myself sometimes...But at the same time she still is my ex, and she's still highly jealous over me...And, it can't be like that...She hurts my feelings so bad..I'm trying so hard to do the right thing, but I just feel it all goes unnoticed..I mean I could be a total ... after all the crap she pulled with me, and say I never want to talk to her, but I don't want to be like that...I still care about her and her well-being, but that is the extent of it all...I don't want her, the way I used to....And, what hurts me more is that she'll throw up her lover so nonchalantly, not realizing that this is the girl and the reason why we separated...that made me feel like I wasn't good enough and less of a person...She has no idea how much that affected me...I went from feeling like I was everything to feeling like dirt, that I was just a piece of meat...And, I don't want to ever feel like that again...I just...sighs...
I just want to be fully happy.....with myself..with life...with friends..with everything....
So school starts on Monday, and I know it's going to be more stressful than last..I'm going full time this semester...I can only hope that I can keep up with everything...I leave work at 5, catch the train home, get home at about 6, then change...Head off to Purdue because my classes start at 6:30 and end at 9:20, everyday, but Friday...Not really looking forward to that, but next semester...Online classes will be calling my name..I should have a laptop by then, so hopefully everything will work out...I'm just going to relax about it all.
Then, there's my personal life, which as of this moment is kind of just leaving me confused and up in there...I've been spending a lot of time with someone in particular, and it's hard for me because I'm just growing closer to that person to be eventually just pushed to the curb. And, I don't know how all this really makes me feel...Sometimes I feel so overwhelmingly happy, and other times I don't feel good enough...And, I guess it's just hard to fully describe how I'm feeling....Or, maybe I just think too much..And, I look into things too deeply..Or just overanalyze things...Whatever it is...I already know what's going to happen...Nice bois finish last.
And, then I get in a huge blow out argument with my best friend..I don't even get to see her before she leaves, which sucks to no end because we just have a really good understanding of each other, so it's hard not to see her because I usually see her a lot...But time will fly though..it always does.
Then, there's Heather...someone that knows me better than I know myself sometimes...But at the same time she still is my ex, and she's still highly jealous over me...And, it can't be like that...She hurts my feelings so bad..I'm trying so hard to do the right thing, but I just feel it all goes unnoticed..I mean I could be a total ... after all the crap she pulled with me, and say I never want to talk to her, but I don't want to be like that...I still care about her and her well-being, but that is the extent of it all...I don't want her, the way I used to....And, what hurts me more is that she'll throw up her lover so nonchalantly, not realizing that this is the girl and the reason why we separated...that made me feel like I wasn't good enough and less of a person...She has no idea how much that affected me...I went from feeling like I was everything to feeling like dirt, that I was just a piece of meat...And, I don't want to ever feel like that again...I just...sighs...
I just want to be fully happy.....with myself..with life...with friends..with everything....