(no subject)
I finally finished The Five People You Meet In Heaven, and I was so enlightened by that book it brought me to tears. Especially when he is reunited with his wife because I will always be in some way connected to Heather, and I feel that when it's our time to wake up from this world, that we'll meet again. I don't believe that there is an end when you pass away. I believe that we are awakened, our eyes are fully open, and we are born again into something no one can truly explain, but we can imagine. Similar to what Heather has said, I believe that we might have lived before, that each life we learn a lesson...and maybe, we learn our life and understand it in Heaven. We see who's lives we've affected, and who's hearts we've touched.
Honestly, I'm scared to go because I don't know what there is to follow. I think the mystery of it all heightens my fears. I can only hope and assume, that Heaven is a meeting place, a place of happiness, indescribable feelings, an understanding of our existence. I just find all these concepts of Heaven, so amazing, and beautiful, that such a place really does exist. I don't think I could begin to describe my thoughts on Heaven...Overall, I feel that Heaven is God's way of showing us, that we all have a home to come back to.
This book describes things that I feel and believe to be true. I just found it interesting, that every time Eddie (main character) saw his wife, he grew weak in the knees, and when she passed away, he still went on loving her...He was in love with her, so much, that he couldn't love another. And, in the book, it goes on to describe "lost love", that they're love was so strong they both could feel it, even though they were in different places at the time, their hearts were in the same place. No matter how much Heather and I get into arguments, I still end up falling more in love with her to the point I lose myself for a minute when I look at her. And, to read about such a strong love, makes me cherish the love that I have now, even more. Also, I have lost someone recently, that I've known and loved my entire life, and for a while, I was angry because I felt alone and that the person was stolen from me, but I was wrong. It was my grandmother's time to go home, and I was a fool to think when she told me that she wanted to go home, that she was talking about her home on Avenue L. I think she was telling me something else. I have been struggling with a lot of things inside me lately, these feelings that arise in me, that I can't explain where they come from. And, I feel a lot of those things, after reading this book, and really analyzing my thoughts and beliefs, I can let them go, finally. I think they've truly been hindering me from growing.
The only thing that really is left unresolved lies with my mom. She's read this book, and one of the lessons has to do with forgiveness. And, I feel what hinders her is letting go, and forgiving me. For a while, it angered me because I feel like I can't do anything to please her, unless I pretend to be who I'm not and make her happy, but leave me unhappy. She says time heals all wounds, but there has been nothing to show of it. I can't get through to her that it bothers her daughter, that she'll probably never forgive me...She'll probably never love me the same. I just want to be me, Lisa Christine Denise, but I feel that these unresolved issues, that I bury within myself, hinder me to be myself. Will the day ever come when her love is truly unconditonal?
I know it bothers her to know, who I'm with, and regardless to how wonderful this person is and how great she makes me feel, if it isn't who my mom imagines, or fathoms, then she won't give them the light of day. I understand that she doesn't agree with my lifestyle, but the least she could do is have respect for the person I'm with. I could care less, if she doesn't want to acknowledge our relationship, but at least, acknowledge the person that I love because she's going to be here, whether my mom likes it or not. And, all I really ask of her is some common ground respect. I just feel nothing's going to change, and I'm going to get upset, that my family wants to pretend and ignore, who I am. I don't know how much longer I can live with the stress, my family puts on me, even if they don't totally know it. I just feel like a loner, an unwanted item in the trash, a shadow....I don't want to burden anyone with these problems, that's why I keep them to myself. It's better off that way. It's always the same anyway.
I'm done. I just needed a good long rant, and that book really can open your mind up.
Honestly, I'm scared to go because I don't know what there is to follow. I think the mystery of it all heightens my fears. I can only hope and assume, that Heaven is a meeting place, a place of happiness, indescribable feelings, an understanding of our existence. I just find all these concepts of Heaven, so amazing, and beautiful, that such a place really does exist. I don't think I could begin to describe my thoughts on Heaven...Overall, I feel that Heaven is God's way of showing us, that we all have a home to come back to.
This book describes things that I feel and believe to be true. I just found it interesting, that every time Eddie (main character) saw his wife, he grew weak in the knees, and when she passed away, he still went on loving her...He was in love with her, so much, that he couldn't love another. And, in the book, it goes on to describe "lost love", that they're love was so strong they both could feel it, even though they were in different places at the time, their hearts were in the same place. No matter how much Heather and I get into arguments, I still end up falling more in love with her to the point I lose myself for a minute when I look at her. And, to read about such a strong love, makes me cherish the love that I have now, even more. Also, I have lost someone recently, that I've known and loved my entire life, and for a while, I was angry because I felt alone and that the person was stolen from me, but I was wrong. It was my grandmother's time to go home, and I was a fool to think when she told me that she wanted to go home, that she was talking about her home on Avenue L. I think she was telling me something else. I have been struggling with a lot of things inside me lately, these feelings that arise in me, that I can't explain where they come from. And, I feel a lot of those things, after reading this book, and really analyzing my thoughts and beliefs, I can let them go, finally. I think they've truly been hindering me from growing.
The only thing that really is left unresolved lies with my mom. She's read this book, and one of the lessons has to do with forgiveness. And, I feel what hinders her is letting go, and forgiving me. For a while, it angered me because I feel like I can't do anything to please her, unless I pretend to be who I'm not and make her happy, but leave me unhappy. She says time heals all wounds, but there has been nothing to show of it. I can't get through to her that it bothers her daughter, that she'll probably never forgive me...She'll probably never love me the same. I just want to be me, Lisa Christine Denise, but I feel that these unresolved issues, that I bury within myself, hinder me to be myself. Will the day ever come when her love is truly unconditonal?
I know it bothers her to know, who I'm with, and regardless to how wonderful this person is and how great she makes me feel, if it isn't who my mom imagines, or fathoms, then she won't give them the light of day. I understand that she doesn't agree with my lifestyle, but the least she could do is have respect for the person I'm with. I could care less, if she doesn't want to acknowledge our relationship, but at least, acknowledge the person that I love because she's going to be here, whether my mom likes it or not. And, all I really ask of her is some common ground respect. I just feel nothing's going to change, and I'm going to get upset, that my family wants to pretend and ignore, who I am. I don't know how much longer I can live with the stress, my family puts on me, even if they don't totally know it. I just feel like a loner, an unwanted item in the trash, a shadow....I don't want to burden anyone with these problems, that's why I keep them to myself. It's better off that way. It's always the same anyway.
I'm done. I just needed a good long rant, and that book really can open your mind up.