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somtimes i supose you need to be alone not bc of anyone other then yourself. im just not in the mood to talk to anyone right now, i dont like to write whats going on in details here so instead i like to speak in general . in my eyes the reason behind what makes u feel a certain way realy doesnt matter just how u feel does. i dont know how to be happy anymore. i make my family upset by me being upset . my sister seems to hate me these days and maybe rightfully so i bring to much shit into this house. i wish i could just be like poof everythings fixed but life isnt like that and she doesnt see that . shes just so much stronger of a person than i am. she realy could give to shits about what someone thinks of her i wish i was like that . im not and never have been. i dont want to change myself though i do like who i am , i just dont like how the way i am tends to affect my family. a few friends have been calling latly and honestly its great seeing they want to hang out but somtime i feel thier intentions arent geniun its ethier they want to hang out bc they need a ride or tada bc its just convient for them. everyone i used to hang out with just hangs out at bars and since im not interested in going to bars & dont drink im not realy upfor it. i would love to see them though but thats all they realy do, i know by the end of the summer ill give in and ill go along with them. so yeah lets see its wierd being single a nice wierd but a different wierd . . odd but watever its all nonsence im pretty happy being single its nice getting to know new people and such . i wish i had a close gurl friend though , i dont realy have many of those now. the only gurls im realy around are gurls that my guy friends are friends with. all realy sweet i gotta say though. i jsut want to have sleepovers i miss those damn things . its pathetic, anyhow im having a bbq soon . should be fun . this time there will be beer so allthe alcoholics should be happy. its going to be byob though bc i dont drink & therefor its pointless for me to spend money on that. although i dont eat meat yet there will be meat there owell what im saying makes sense to me . im rambling but thats alright. so franks in florida on tour i called him the other day while he was drunk it was a pretty funny convo .... . anyways a boy i know says he likes me he ? change of subject since i dont have much of an opinion on that topic right now. although he is a great guy enough said. <---it doesnt realy matter who the guy is . although he did say it sober & drunk. owell . i love how i never stick to a topic and i never write full thoughts. oyeah so im helping a friend book a show for july 2nd hopfully it goes well. alright im out bc im feeling better <3