(no subject)
take my photo off the wall if it just wont sing for you
cause all thats left is gone away
and theres nothing there for you to prove
oh look what youve done youve made a fool of everyone
oh well it seems like such fun until you lose what you had won
give me back my point of view cause i just cant fake for you
i can hardly hear you say 'what should i do?' while you choose
oh look what youve done youve made a fool of everyone
oh well it seems like such fun until you lose what you had won
i never really thought any of it out because at that second i figured it would blow over and the next day it would just kinda vanish i guess. too bad nothing turns out the way you plan it to in your head. aside from feeling stupid and humiliated, i am so damn confused. in two days we went from talking about scandalous things, to 'god shes being a bitch', to not speaking. and then when we texted eachother like 2 things, it still seemed as if nothing had happened.. i got the text back and didnt feel even a slight bit of madness or anything.. it was like receiving a text from her just like any other day 'oo i wonder what she said!' and yet im too stubborn and rediculous to just call her and keep my mouth shut to listen to anything she needs to tell me and vent and become a better friend while doing so. i know i should call her right now, and just listen no matter how painful or angry it might make me.. if i wasnt so confused and suddenly afraid- which.. ive never really felt like this before..- i would end up bawling my eyes out and calling her. it would be extremely difficult to do that because id be making a complete ass of myself and feel like the scum of the earth because of everything. the worst part about it, is knowing for a fact that she doesnt need me. because if i confess and sacrifice everything just to some how beg for friendship again, ill be thinking the whole time 'well great, when she says theres no way we could go back to how things used to be, ill just feel like a needy whining retard that should go live in a hole.' in short ive been miserable all day. im actually suprised that my anger went away so fast.. that doesnt usually happen. i really just dont have a fucking clue what im going to do. im not exactly going to say that i didnt mean a thing i said in the last entry, because there were a few things that i really feel.. yet knowing that i just ruined everything makes me wish i didnt feel any of it at all to any degree. i could keep going on.. but i think the point has been made. im not asking to be forgiven, because i dont want her to forgive me,..i dont even know what im asking. i want it to have never happened, but that wont happen. i dont want to say i wish we could just start over, because we've had a lot of good times, and starting over wouldnt last. i dont know. if only i could know somehow that she felt even remotely close to how im feeling about the not being angry but more sad, i would jump and attack her with hugs in the morning.. but this feeling.. knowing that theres a good chance she really wants nothing to do with any of it.. is tearing me up.
cause all thats left is gone away
and theres nothing there for you to prove
oh look what youve done youve made a fool of everyone
oh well it seems like such fun until you lose what you had won
give me back my point of view cause i just cant fake for you
i can hardly hear you say 'what should i do?' while you choose
oh look what youve done youve made a fool of everyone
oh well it seems like such fun until you lose what you had won
i never really thought any of it out because at that second i figured it would blow over and the next day it would just kinda vanish i guess. too bad nothing turns out the way you plan it to in your head. aside from feeling stupid and humiliated, i am so damn confused. in two days we went from talking about scandalous things, to 'god shes being a bitch', to not speaking. and then when we texted eachother like 2 things, it still seemed as if nothing had happened.. i got the text back and didnt feel even a slight bit of madness or anything.. it was like receiving a text from her just like any other day 'oo i wonder what she said!' and yet im too stubborn and rediculous to just call her and keep my mouth shut to listen to anything she needs to tell me and vent and become a better friend while doing so. i know i should call her right now, and just listen no matter how painful or angry it might make me.. if i wasnt so confused and suddenly afraid- which.. ive never really felt like this before..- i would end up bawling my eyes out and calling her. it would be extremely difficult to do that because id be making a complete ass of myself and feel like the scum of the earth because of everything. the worst part about it, is knowing for a fact that she doesnt need me. because if i confess and sacrifice everything just to some how beg for friendship again, ill be thinking the whole time 'well great, when she says theres no way we could go back to how things used to be, ill just feel like a needy whining retard that should go live in a hole.' in short ive been miserable all day. im actually suprised that my anger went away so fast.. that doesnt usually happen. i really just dont have a fucking clue what im going to do. im not exactly going to say that i didnt mean a thing i said in the last entry, because there were a few things that i really feel.. yet knowing that i just ruined everything makes me wish i didnt feel any of it at all to any degree. i could keep going on.. but i think the point has been made. im not asking to be forgiven, because i dont want her to forgive me,..i dont even know what im asking. i want it to have never happened, but that wont happen. i dont want to say i wish we could just start over, because we've had a lot of good times, and starting over wouldnt last. i dont know. if only i could know somehow that she felt even remotely close to how im feeling about the not being angry but more sad, i would jump and attack her with hugs in the morning.. but this feeling.. knowing that theres a good chance she really wants nothing to do with any of it.. is tearing me up.