Resentment
I allow myself to be manipulated by my sister. We all do. I deeply resent that. As much as I love her, I wish she'd just leave me alone. Is it wrong of me to feel that way?
My little sister, E. Middle child. She's always had issues. Now she lives in the same city as me and her issues, which she used to give to Mum to carry, have defaulted to me. She'll call and say "I'm having a bad day. Come over." If I say I can't, I'm busy, she'll make sure I know that from that point on her feelings are my fault. I wish she were better and we could just be sisters again.
E. called me to tell me she was pregnant. No one was surprised. She's been sexually active for way too long. She's 18 but in my mind she's still a little girl, and the truth is she can barely take care of herself, let alone another little person. I was worried for her but at the same time I have loved that little foetus from the start! I went out and bought a prayer journal to keep for the baby. This baby is going to be the first member of our family not to have any addiction issues, mental health issues, self-esteem issues; an impossible feat if you've met my family. I have determined to wrap that baby as tightly in prayer as I can, and as impossible (and corny) as it sounds, I love that 13 week old foetus (nicknamed Squishy) as much as you can love someone you've never met. I can't wait to hold him/her in my arms, tell her I love her, tell her how Jesus loves her. I have plans to buy him/her a Spider-Man costume/pink Tutu for his/her 3rd birthday. I'm going to be the coolest aunt ever! I firmly believe that from the moment of conception and before, God had this baby in His sight and had already given it a purpose (Jeremiah 1:5).
So E. called me a couple of weeks ago to tell me she had decided to have an abortion. My first instinct was "save the baby! Whatever it takes!" but E. was so hurt and confused, how could I tell her what I really thought of what she was planning to do?
So I prayed, and fasted for a couple of days, for God to intervene and save little Squishy. In fact, I probably prayed for this more than I've ever prayed for anything in my life. And I prayed that God's light would shine through into E's life. I sort of knew that God wouldn't just step in and stop E. from going through with it, it would have to be her decision.
Well she went through with the abortion. One friend who was also praying through all of this said that the day before E's appointment to have the procedure, she'd sensed God telling her that the baby would be coming home to Him.
Grace.