not really sure how i feel about it (jessica/onew)
not really sure how i feel about it
jessica/onew - pg-13 - 921 words
They never had sex with the lights on. Jessica had taken it as a preference the first few times - maybe he enjoyed the way the moonlight cast a shadow over their bodies. He looked beautiful under the luminescence of the night sky - his sharp edges and her soft curves. Beauty aside, this hadn’t really explained why he’d drawn the curtains completely the first time they’d slept together before nightfall. She’d fumbled to get everything right despite the lack of lighting, and he’d seemed more in tune than ever.
She couldn’t help but wonder if there was another reasoning behind Jinki’s “preference” after that - that maybe it had something to do with her; with her face, with her body, just… with her. It hurt to consider, but it was a very real possibility.
It was a colder night than usual. Jessica had shaken violently as she’d made her way back into the hotel their company had rented out for them for that evening. She was still running high on excitement from the family concert, but not enough to keep her warm. Jinki’s arms had wrapped tightly around her middle as soon as they were out of the public eye though - his warm breath trailing down the back of her neck and she knew what was coming next. She could feel it, she could taste it.
And so it went as it usually did: they bought held back, fought to keep it going for as long as they could until one of them broke (it had been Jinki this time around, regrettably), the other following not long after. Jessica’s thighs relaxed, rolling off of the Jinki to the side, catching a glimpse of the digital clock on the bedside table before hitting the mattress, leg locking with his in the process. 12:30 am. Thirty minutes - it hadn’t been the worst or the best but at least she was able to spend some time with him.
She frowned through the darkness - why was she so weak when it came to him?
“I can’t see for shit in here,” Jessica spoke up, voice hoarse. She struggled to unlock her leg from Jinki’s thigh, stretching back to flick on the lamp at her side of the bed. He groaned, presumably at the sudden flash of light.
“A little warning, maybe?”
Jessica scowled. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were nocturnal.” she muttered, dropping back down onto her pillow. Her head sunk into the soft material. “Why the hell do we always have to fuck with the lights off, anyway?” The question escaped her before she could reconsider.
Jinki shifted at her side. “We have bright lights on us at all other times - it’s nice not feeling like everyone’s staring you down for a change.”
“So…, it has nothing to do with me?”
“No, you’re fine.”
“Fine?” She turned to face him, eyes narrowed as she attempted to read his face for any trace of mirth or even adoration but the examination proved to be worthless. “Just… fine?”
He shrugged, fingers trailing up her forearm in a jagged pattern. She wished she could pull away from him but she was drawn in by the way he touched her - like a magnet to steel; he drew her in. “Great,” he corrected. “You’re great.”
“Thanks for the revision,” Jessica held down her bite, feeling bile rise from the pit of her stomach. “If I’m so great to you - or even fine - why do you keep leaving? Just stay. I’m so over this back and forth bullshit of yours.”
Jinki snorted. “You say that like it’s easy - like we have a choice or something.”
He was the first to pull away from her - a chill running up her spine which had less to do with the loss of warmth at her side than it did the return of an icy question mark floating over her head. He was red, a hot red light blinking brightly in her direction, yelling at her make the right stop while she still could.
She’d always been drawn to red, though, and heat melted ice. It all made sense in context, but out of…, it was a complete mess.
Jessica rose up slowly, examining Jinki as he stepped a final leg into his jeans, phone gripped at his side. She felt bare, open, raw as he flashed her a quick glance.
“I have to go,” Jinki finally spoke up, avoiding eye contact as he took step toward the exit - one, two, three more steps and his hand was resting against the door knob, ready to turn and walk out of her life for another day, week, month.
“No.” Her voice sounded meek, but echoed through the otherwise quiet room, desperation ricocheted off the stark white walls. “Please…, stay for a little longer,” she paused, “I’m cold.”
Jessica noted a flinch from Jinki, almost as if he was considering her proposition, the slight of hope that had sparked inside of her with the jerk doused out by the creaking of the knob.
“Yeah, me too,” Jinki shrugged, leaning against the door frame. Jessica exhaled sharply as he turned back to look at her one final time, a sad smile etched across his face. “Maybe next time.”
Jessica felt colder than ever as the door clicked shut.
--
'Cause when you never see the light, it's hard to know which one of us is caving.
jessica/onew - pg-13 - 921 words
They never had sex with the lights on. Jessica had taken it as a preference the first few times - maybe he enjoyed the way the moonlight cast a shadow over their bodies. He looked beautiful under the luminescence of the night sky - his sharp edges and her soft curves. Beauty aside, this hadn’t really explained why he’d drawn the curtains completely the first time they’d slept together before nightfall. She’d fumbled to get everything right despite the lack of lighting, and he’d seemed more in tune than ever.
She couldn’t help but wonder if there was another reasoning behind Jinki’s “preference” after that - that maybe it had something to do with her; with her face, with her body, just… with her. It hurt to consider, but it was a very real possibility.
It was a colder night than usual. Jessica had shaken violently as she’d made her way back into the hotel their company had rented out for them for that evening. She was still running high on excitement from the family concert, but not enough to keep her warm. Jinki’s arms had wrapped tightly around her middle as soon as they were out of the public eye though - his warm breath trailing down the back of her neck and she knew what was coming next. She could feel it, she could taste it.
And so it went as it usually did: they bought held back, fought to keep it going for as long as they could until one of them broke (it had been Jinki this time around, regrettably), the other following not long after. Jessica’s thighs relaxed, rolling off of the Jinki to the side, catching a glimpse of the digital clock on the bedside table before hitting the mattress, leg locking with his in the process. 12:30 am. Thirty minutes - it hadn’t been the worst or the best but at least she was able to spend some time with him.
She frowned through the darkness - why was she so weak when it came to him?
“I can’t see for shit in here,” Jessica spoke up, voice hoarse. She struggled to unlock her leg from Jinki’s thigh, stretching back to flick on the lamp at her side of the bed. He groaned, presumably at the sudden flash of light.
“A little warning, maybe?”
Jessica scowled. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were nocturnal.” she muttered, dropping back down onto her pillow. Her head sunk into the soft material. “Why the hell do we always have to fuck with the lights off, anyway?” The question escaped her before she could reconsider.
Jinki shifted at her side. “We have bright lights on us at all other times - it’s nice not feeling like everyone’s staring you down for a change.”
“So…, it has nothing to do with me?”
“No, you’re fine.”
“Fine?” She turned to face him, eyes narrowed as she attempted to read his face for any trace of mirth or even adoration but the examination proved to be worthless. “Just… fine?”
He shrugged, fingers trailing up her forearm in a jagged pattern. She wished she could pull away from him but she was drawn in by the way he touched her - like a magnet to steel; he drew her in. “Great,” he corrected. “You’re great.”
“Thanks for the revision,” Jessica held down her bite, feeling bile rise from the pit of her stomach. “If I’m so great to you - or even fine - why do you keep leaving? Just stay. I’m so over this back and forth bullshit of yours.”
Jinki snorted. “You say that like it’s easy - like we have a choice or something.”
He was the first to pull away from her - a chill running up her spine which had less to do with the loss of warmth at her side than it did the return of an icy question mark floating over her head. He was red, a hot red light blinking brightly in her direction, yelling at her make the right stop while she still could.
She’d always been drawn to red, though, and heat melted ice. It all made sense in context, but out of…, it was a complete mess.
Jessica rose up slowly, examining Jinki as he stepped a final leg into his jeans, phone gripped at his side. She felt bare, open, raw as he flashed her a quick glance.
“I have to go,” Jinki finally spoke up, avoiding eye contact as he took step toward the exit - one, two, three more steps and his hand was resting against the door knob, ready to turn and walk out of her life for another day, week, month.
“No.” Her voice sounded meek, but echoed through the otherwise quiet room, desperation ricocheted off the stark white walls. “Please…, stay for a little longer,” she paused, “I’m cold.”
Jessica noted a flinch from Jinki, almost as if he was considering her proposition, the slight of hope that had sparked inside of her with the jerk doused out by the creaking of the knob.
“Yeah, me too,” Jinki shrugged, leaning against the door frame. Jessica exhaled sharply as he turned back to look at her one final time, a sad smile etched across his face. “Maybe next time.”
Jessica felt colder than ever as the door clicked shut.
--
'Cause when you never see the light, it's hard to know which one of us is caving.