an explanation of my teenage drama

[byeileen]

on friday afternoon i broke down. i sat in finite and i stared at the book and i thought none of this matters, its all pointless, i vaguely dislike everyone surrounding me, and this all looks fake like it doesnt really exist

Comments

azia darling

[byeileen]

im sorry, i honestly dont want to snap back at you.. but this is some pretty underhanded bs.. if you dont want to be rude.. dont give me the "look how everybody is fed up with you" speech. and honestly. i just posted the events of the past few days on my journal, it not a public service announcement. and please dont use the problems you have to try and justify why everyone else's mean nothing. if youre going to do that. dont try so hard to hide them. i dont want to kill myself for this. thats ridiuclous. im pissed about this. im pissed adam would tell me repeatedly to kill myself. and as i thought i had made clear over and over again i have no intentions of commiting suicide, nor did i ever, nor did i attribute my feelings to any specific cause but my own understaning. furthermore, you brought up a very good point azia. we all have skeletons. frankly, you know shit about my life and what ive dealt wiht myself.. so how can you hypocritically pass judgment on my "melodramatic" behavior, do you know what influences ive had in the past? no. you dont. i dont lie and try to accomodate everyone's perfect ideal of being kind and chipper when i dont feel that way, im not fake, i dont decieve anyone about how im feeling.. becuase i know that would drive me mad. i honestly thought i was very straightforward about describing what ive been going through. its not a huge deal, thats why im leaving a lot of shit out, the fact is everyone ive talked to in the past couple days has asked me "what did you do to adam".. EVERYONE.. so how can i assume hes not talking about it. everyone i know.. is not everyone you know of. there are people in my life more important than this bullshit. so those of you who are affected by it, lose respect for me for it, etc. whatever. go ahead. i havent literally done anythign to you. i didnt do anything to adam. i was just in a bad state of mind. i was just not happy. somehow it got turned completely against me. when it had nothing to do wiht anyone else. if you dont think its that big of a deal why are you commenting and aggravating it. why dont you just leave it alone. you have evry right to lose respect for me, but i hacvent done anythign wihtin reason to cause that.. so please. dont come to me with comments on how fucked up this is if it has got nothing to do wiht you.

im also sorry i had to be so rude. i just wish you hadnt brought any of it up whatsoever. if adam had somethign to say he could have taken care of it. if "everyone i know" wanted to tell me they lost respect for me they could have done it. but you did not need to speak for amnyone but yourself azia. and if you didnt want to be rude to me then you had enough respect for me to ignore this. i dont know exactly why you felt the supreme need to comment. but i suppose if you feel better about the situation becuase of it you are completely justified. thank you for your response.