sex.......god
after a nudge from someone i know i just finished reading rob bell's new book sex god. i am still trying to process all of the truths he sets out in it but overall it was one of those books that makes me think. he gives a description of lust that really hit home with me. he doesn't really talk about it in the old timey you will burn for having thoughts way. he actually sort of redefines lust to be the thought that anything else other than God will satisfy us. by that definition i lust all the time.
as many of you know, i take relationships very seriously, mine, other peoples, any relationship. i feel like there are a few things God has called me to in particular. I know i am supposed to be involved in ministry, i know i am supposed to help downtown montgomery become vibrant again. most importantly i know that i am called to be a husband and a father. i know it just as much as i know my name. i have no idea when it first was real to me but it is, and i take that role seriously.
so why am i writing here and why do i mention rob bell? its because his book made me face alot of the things i used to feel and sometimes still do. i wanted to do relationships right. i said the right things, did the right things but it hasn't worked. my mom and sister tell me i take it too serious, that i should just be patient, go slow, take my time. i want to, i want to do it right, but something in me just desires to have the "one" right now. when God put it in me that i was going to be a husband and father he didn't tell me when. he didn't say Byron, the woman you are searching for is going to be coming through that door on the right in three minutes. i wish he had, it would be easier. but since he didn't say that i have just put myself fully into the relationships that i have had and so far they haven't worked. in a way it is like a cruel joke. guy decides he is happy and fairly content being alone, then dynamic girl comes into picture, likes guy, dates guy, smiles at guy, allows guy to think things are great and good and fine, then girl decides another guy is better so she leaves guy standing there wondering what happened. guy has put himself out there only to be rejected. guy gets over it and becomes content with being alone then bam another girl comes into the picture. this has been a pattern for me. have you ever had something you wanted, and knew God wanted for you but you aren't able to have right now. patience is tough. it really is. in the movie evan almighty "God" asks "when a person asks for patience do you think God gives them patience or the opportunity to be patient? when someone asks for courage do you think he gives them courage or the opportunity to be courageous?" that scene really impacted me. why? because i feel like i am always waiting. i feel like i am always having to be patient and it is wearing me out. God is giving me too many opportunities to be patient and i am ready to move on.
back to the book. the reason i am tired i think, is lust (as defined by bell) i keep thinking when the lofts are finished then it might happen and life will begin. they are finished and i still feel the same. when the lofts are sold or rented, then it will be better.....we'll see, when i find the right girl, life will begin. who knows. one thing i do know is that when i put these artificial goals and timelines out there and they don't pan out it isn't God ignoring me. it is me putting my happiness in the thought that someone, something, somewhere, is the answer to my longing.
as a pastor, i know that those things don't fix it. i can tell you a bunch of verses about why they won't. i would even tell someone that those aren't the solutions if they came to me for help, but when it comes to application in my own life, the head answers just don't solve the heart problem.
now let me straighten out a few things because i know the married people out ther will say that marriage doesn't fix problems it magnifies the existing ones and i would agree from my observations. i am not foolish enough to believe that lie. i also know that marriage isn't easy and definitely doesn't cure loneliness. like i said the head answers are there and i know them well.
i think what i am talking about is true companionship. someone to just do the normal everyday things with. for those of you who are married you better start recognizing the blessing you have in the person you stood with and pledged your life to. i would love to have what you have and too often i watch people talk down about their mate. they belittle them, make fun of them, gossip about them, ignore them. i think that God wants me to speak about marriage and what it is, but i am not married, i don't have any real world experience so therefore anything i say might be just blown off as ignorance, but what if what i have in my heart about marriage is what God wants people to hear? what if it is his original design before spouses started making alot of excuses. what if it is the very heart of God unspoiled by the the day to day? i think i am going to preach the single guy's guide to marriage sometime soon because i get tired of watching marriages fail. i get tired of hearing about affairs, divorce, separation, abuse. it hurts to watch people who don't appreciate what they have because i know it is something i want. is it coveting? maybe. but is it real? yes.
God, in his ridiculous unmerited love gives me answers. when my heart is broken because someone has rejected my love i believe God weeps and says "i know how it feels, my children refuse grace every day." when someone takes their love and commitment from me then i believe God weeps and says "i know how it feels, my children turn their backs on me daily." when i see one spouse being verbally destroyed by the other i believe God weeps and says "i know how it feels, they did that to my son." when someone cheats on me i believe that God weeps and says "i know how it feels, my loves have other lovers."
nothing that i am feeling is outside of the experience of God. nothing is new. he went through it all in Jesus and that should give me comfort. it should, but my humanity doesn't let it stay that way for long. i quickly jump back into the lust that something, someone, somewhere is going to satisfy me and i get tired all over again. right back into the cycle.
there is hope though. each day gets a little better. each day i feel it a little more. somedays there are setbacks, somedays giant strides. that is what life is about though isn't it? about sanctification? about constantly trying to become more like Jesus every day? i believe it is.
if only people would behave the way i want them to and God would follow my plans.......................
and just so you'll know, i am not desparate to get married or find the "one" i just feel like i am ready to start the process, i think it is time
i know that this post was alot of rambling but i have so much on my mind right now and there are a million more things running through but i will have to wait to write them out
all for now
bybo
as many of you know, i take relationships very seriously, mine, other peoples, any relationship. i feel like there are a few things God has called me to in particular. I know i am supposed to be involved in ministry, i know i am supposed to help downtown montgomery become vibrant again. most importantly i know that i am called to be a husband and a father. i know it just as much as i know my name. i have no idea when it first was real to me but it is, and i take that role seriously.
so why am i writing here and why do i mention rob bell? its because his book made me face alot of the things i used to feel and sometimes still do. i wanted to do relationships right. i said the right things, did the right things but it hasn't worked. my mom and sister tell me i take it too serious, that i should just be patient, go slow, take my time. i want to, i want to do it right, but something in me just desires to have the "one" right now. when God put it in me that i was going to be a husband and father he didn't tell me when. he didn't say Byron, the woman you are searching for is going to be coming through that door on the right in three minutes. i wish he had, it would be easier. but since he didn't say that i have just put myself fully into the relationships that i have had and so far they haven't worked. in a way it is like a cruel joke. guy decides he is happy and fairly content being alone, then dynamic girl comes into picture, likes guy, dates guy, smiles at guy, allows guy to think things are great and good and fine, then girl decides another guy is better so she leaves guy standing there wondering what happened. guy has put himself out there only to be rejected. guy gets over it and becomes content with being alone then bam another girl comes into the picture. this has been a pattern for me. have you ever had something you wanted, and knew God wanted for you but you aren't able to have right now. patience is tough. it really is. in the movie evan almighty "God" asks "when a person asks for patience do you think God gives them patience or the opportunity to be patient? when someone asks for courage do you think he gives them courage or the opportunity to be courageous?" that scene really impacted me. why? because i feel like i am always waiting. i feel like i am always having to be patient and it is wearing me out. God is giving me too many opportunities to be patient and i am ready to move on.
back to the book. the reason i am tired i think, is lust (as defined by bell) i keep thinking when the lofts are finished then it might happen and life will begin. they are finished and i still feel the same. when the lofts are sold or rented, then it will be better.....we'll see, when i find the right girl, life will begin. who knows. one thing i do know is that when i put these artificial goals and timelines out there and they don't pan out it isn't God ignoring me. it is me putting my happiness in the thought that someone, something, somewhere, is the answer to my longing.
as a pastor, i know that those things don't fix it. i can tell you a bunch of verses about why they won't. i would even tell someone that those aren't the solutions if they came to me for help, but when it comes to application in my own life, the head answers just don't solve the heart problem.
now let me straighten out a few things because i know the married people out ther will say that marriage doesn't fix problems it magnifies the existing ones and i would agree from my observations. i am not foolish enough to believe that lie. i also know that marriage isn't easy and definitely doesn't cure loneliness. like i said the head answers are there and i know them well.
i think what i am talking about is true companionship. someone to just do the normal everyday things with. for those of you who are married you better start recognizing the blessing you have in the person you stood with and pledged your life to. i would love to have what you have and too often i watch people talk down about their mate. they belittle them, make fun of them, gossip about them, ignore them. i think that God wants me to speak about marriage and what it is, but i am not married, i don't have any real world experience so therefore anything i say might be just blown off as ignorance, but what if what i have in my heart about marriage is what God wants people to hear? what if it is his original design before spouses started making alot of excuses. what if it is the very heart of God unspoiled by the the day to day? i think i am going to preach the single guy's guide to marriage sometime soon because i get tired of watching marriages fail. i get tired of hearing about affairs, divorce, separation, abuse. it hurts to watch people who don't appreciate what they have because i know it is something i want. is it coveting? maybe. but is it real? yes.
God, in his ridiculous unmerited love gives me answers. when my heart is broken because someone has rejected my love i believe God weeps and says "i know how it feels, my children refuse grace every day." when someone takes their love and commitment from me then i believe God weeps and says "i know how it feels, my children turn their backs on me daily." when i see one spouse being verbally destroyed by the other i believe God weeps and says "i know how it feels, they did that to my son." when someone cheats on me i believe that God weeps and says "i know how it feels, my loves have other lovers."
nothing that i am feeling is outside of the experience of God. nothing is new. he went through it all in Jesus and that should give me comfort. it should, but my humanity doesn't let it stay that way for long. i quickly jump back into the lust that something, someone, somewhere is going to satisfy me and i get tired all over again. right back into the cycle.
there is hope though. each day gets a little better. each day i feel it a little more. somedays there are setbacks, somedays giant strides. that is what life is about though isn't it? about sanctification? about constantly trying to become more like Jesus every day? i believe it is.
if only people would behave the way i want them to and God would follow my plans.......................
and just so you'll know, i am not desparate to get married or find the "one" i just feel like i am ready to start the process, i think it is time
i know that this post was alot of rambling but i have so much on my mind right now and there are a million more things running through but i will have to wait to write them out
all for now
bybo