I wish...
I wish so badly that I was emotionless right now. I feel like I've miss out on a lot when I'm not "being bad." But I'm trying to be as good as I can. Next year I'll be a senior, and what other chances do I have to be recognized other than then. So, it's time for a change. I love Billy and all, but he's really pulling me down right now. And today, I stood up to him, and it made me cry... Damnit, he hurt me so bad! And he expects me to be happy and tell him that I love him and all that shit. I need someone that I can go to... always. That someone... is no where to be found. Maybe in PA somewhere... maybe particularly in New Holland, PA... then again... maybe not. I feel kind of empty. I need something to work for. Something to help me a push me into getting what I want. Yet, I don't know what I want. Everyone's asking me what I want for Christmas, but I don't even know that. I want Sour Skittles... yes, I'm obsessive. I'm really hungry right now, but I don't know what I want to eat. Maybe I'll beg mom to let me go to the restuarant and get some food from there. Brittany went down with 3 guys to set off bombs at the jumps... She's turning into the way I used to be... that's for sure. Except she's not dating and cheating... she's just flirting insanely... don't get me wrong, I think it's a good thing for us females to experience being the "hott one" for just a little while, but it's easier to just fit somewhere. Heartache comes... but that just prepares you for life. I've noticed that lately I've just shared all my morals... I wonder if they mean anything to anyone else. They mean a lot to me... they used to mean nothing, but now I want to live by being me. Sometimes, I'm so happy, because I feel really pretty... and then sometimes... I just want to disappear. That's kind of immoral, but there are somethings that just slip and you have no choice of whether to change that or not. Well I guess I'm going to go grab me some food. buh byez.
Alysa
Alysa