Give that dog a bone!
I've been negotiating with my boss for fewer overseas assignments this year coz, frankly, 2005 was quite a roller-coaster year for gf and me, what with me being MIA so often. Well, he finally agreed on the condition that I take on additional industries in my business development role. So effective 2006, I have local construction and manufacturing companies under my territory too ... and frankly, I dunno whether to laugh or cry!
Man, these companies are mostly run by senior "Phua Chu Kang" types ... y'know, self-made, rich elderly towkays (Chinese bosses) who fancy hard liquor, loud karaoke sessions, swearing in flowery Hokkien ... and *choke* flirting with equally senior Ah Lians and the occasional Tiger Beer aunty! And guess who has to entertain these very colourful characters after office hours? Uh-huh, this poor gorilla whose spoken Hokkien is as fluent as his Swahili, and whose idea of a fun time is anything BUT noisy karaoke sessions with act-cute aunties in their wayang (gaudy) make-up! Arrggghhh!!! And whenever we're at some cheena retro karaoke joint, the uncles will send me out as their advance scout to check out the terrain for unsuspecting "Pretty Young Things" that they can lure back to our table for a "fun" night of (you guessed it!) guzzling cognac and more wailing to Hokkien "kuah" (songs)! Yay. Whoopee. And I use the term PYT very loosely of coz since, erm, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and age is a state of mind? LOL!
Ironically, and for all the WRONG reasons (read: they find my gorilla Hokkien hilarious and I provide endless entertainment by being the clown fish out of water), these colourful uncles and aunties have taken a liking to me ... even giving me the pet name "Botak Head" ("Baldy" ... tsk, it's a buzz cut ok!!!) which they'll shout from across the room whenever they spot me! Ack!!! On the bright side, I've managed to bag a couple of deals and *gasp* I think I may even be beginning to enjoy some of the rowdy karaoke sessions ... erm, although mostly it still feels like doing business in the 18 Levels of Hell or something! Hahaha!
Gf and I happen to love kids, so last night we agreed to babysit my neighbours' cute 5-year-old boy, Aaron, while his parents were at a dinner party. While grocery shopping at a supermarket with the kiddo in tow, we heard the corniest Chinese New Year songs being played over the PA system. I know it's the Year of the Dog, but having dogs barking to the tune of CNY songs is downright tacky OK!!! *rolls eyes* Erm strangely though, it had gf and me humming along. :)
Aaron (excitedly): "Uncle Buzz, Uncle Buzz ... can you and Aunty J do it doggie style? Please? Please?"
Buzz (stunned): "What the...!!! Hey, aren't you too young to ... (*gf gives hard kick to shin*) ... OOUUCHHHH!"
Gf (patiently): "Hon, I think he means bark to the CNY tunes?"
Buzz: "Orrrr ... Heheh! Erm ok, Uncle Buzz will bark like a dog only if you join me?"
Aaron: "Yay!!! Then can Aunty J be the bitch?"
Buzz: "What the...!!! Aaron, who taught you to say that?!"
Aaron: "Daddy. TV man said it and daddy says it means girl dog."
Buzz: "You musn't call anyone by that name ok? It makes people, erm, very sad."
Gf puts on a sad face ...
Buzz: "See how sad you've made Aunty J?"
Aaron (getting worried): "Um ... um ... if you share your bone and your ball with Aunty J, will she be happy again?"
Buzz: "My what and WHAT?!"
Gf (as if addressing a kid): "Hon, he means your imaginary doggy bone and toy ball..." *piercing stare*
Buzz: "Oh ... OHHHHHH ... I see, I see. Sure, sure ... Uncle Buzz will share his BIG bone and balls with Aunty J alright? (*flashes cheeky grin at gf*) I'm sure she'll be VERY happy ... and then we can do it doggie style together ok? HAHAHAHAHA!"
Gf (unamused): "I think it's time for that trip to the vet, DEAR!!!" *death glare*
What d'ya know, there's actually a song named after the month! ;)
Man, these companies are mostly run by senior "Phua Chu Kang" types ... y'know, self-made, rich elderly towkays (Chinese bosses) who fancy hard liquor, loud karaoke sessions, swearing in flowery Hokkien ... and *choke* flirting with equally senior Ah Lians and the occasional Tiger Beer aunty! And guess who has to entertain these very colourful characters after office hours? Uh-huh, this poor gorilla whose spoken Hokkien is as fluent as his Swahili, and whose idea of a fun time is anything BUT noisy karaoke sessions with act-cute aunties in their wayang (gaudy) make-up! Arrggghhh!!! And whenever we're at some cheena retro karaoke joint, the uncles will send me out as their advance scout to check out the terrain for unsuspecting "Pretty Young Things" that they can lure back to our table for a "fun" night of (you guessed it!) guzzling cognac and more wailing to Hokkien "kuah" (songs)! Yay. Whoopee. And I use the term PYT very loosely of coz since, erm, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and age is a state of mind? LOL!
Ironically, and for all the WRONG reasons (read: they find my gorilla Hokkien hilarious and I provide endless entertainment by being the clown fish out of water), these colourful uncles and aunties have taken a liking to me ... even giving me the pet name "Botak Head" ("Baldy" ... tsk, it's a buzz cut ok!!!) which they'll shout from across the room whenever they spot me! Ack!!! On the bright side, I've managed to bag a couple of deals and *gasp* I think I may even be beginning to enjoy some of the rowdy karaoke sessions ... erm, although mostly it still feels like doing business in the 18 Levels of Hell or something! Hahaha!
Gf and I happen to love kids, so last night we agreed to babysit my neighbours' cute 5-year-old boy, Aaron, while his parents were at a dinner party. While grocery shopping at a supermarket with the kiddo in tow, we heard the corniest Chinese New Year songs being played over the PA system. I know it's the Year of the Dog, but having dogs barking to the tune of CNY songs is downright tacky OK!!! *rolls eyes* Erm strangely though, it had gf and me humming along. :)
Aaron (excitedly): "Uncle Buzz, Uncle Buzz ... can you and Aunty J do it doggie style? Please? Please?"
Buzz (stunned): "What the...!!! Hey, aren't you too young to ... (*gf gives hard kick to shin*) ... OOUUCHHHH!"
Gf (patiently): "Hon, I think he means bark to the CNY tunes?"
Buzz: "Orrrr ... Heheh! Erm ok, Uncle Buzz will bark like a dog only if you join me?"
Aaron: "Yay!!! Then can Aunty J be the bitch?"
Buzz: "What the...!!! Aaron, who taught you to say that?!"
Aaron: "Daddy. TV man said it and daddy says it means girl dog."
Buzz: "You musn't call anyone by that name ok? It makes people, erm, very sad."
Gf puts on a sad face ...
Buzz: "See how sad you've made Aunty J?"
Aaron (getting worried): "Um ... um ... if you share your bone and your ball with Aunty J, will she be happy again?"
Buzz: "My what and WHAT?!"
Gf (as if addressing a kid): "Hon, he means your imaginary doggy bone and toy ball..." *piercing stare*
Buzz: "Oh ... OHHHHHH ... I see, I see. Sure, sure ... Uncle Buzz will share his BIG bone and balls with Aunty J alright? (*flashes cheeky grin at gf*) I'm sure she'll be VERY happy ... and then we can do it doggie style together ok? HAHAHAHAHA!"
Gf (unamused): "I think it's time for that trip to the vet, DEAR!!!" *death glare*
What d'ya know, there's actually a song named after the month! ;)