are you gonna kiss me or not?
Pairing: Kyuhyun/Zhou Mi, some Heechul/Sungmin
Rating: R
Genre: CRACK. Also some fluff. College!au
Words: 4,242
Summary: Kyuhyun is awkward, Zhou Mi is perfect, Heechul’s a raging alcoholic, Sungmin’s kind of crazy, Donghae’s a gossip, Eunhyuk is stupid, Ryeowook is all-knowing, and everyone else is… around somewhere.
A/N: These characterizations amuse me, and therefore I don’t care about their accuracy.
***
Kyuhyun has had a crush on his roommate, Zhou Mi, since pretty much the second month they lived together. They have now been living together for almost three years, so that’s a long time.
The reason why Kyuhyun’s never said anything is because, well, Zhou Mi is an amazing roommate and he doesn’t want to screw up his living arrangements if it doesn’t go well. Plus, he really would rather not be rejected.
The bad part is they both have pretty much the same friends, and all of these friends have since discovered Kyuhyun’s feelings for Zhou Mi. Even Eunhyuk figured it out somehow without Donghae telling him, and he’s not exactly the sharpest crayon in the box.
Fortunately, Zhou Mi is apparently even more dense than Eunhyuk, and is the only one in their group of friends who doesn’t know about Kyuhyun’s feelings.
Kyuhyun considers himself very lucky because of this.
He does not, however, consider himself lucky to know a certain Kim Heechul, who enjoys telling him how much of a pussy he is. Today is one of those occasions.
“You fucking pussy,” the aforementioned man slurs predictably, drunk yet again (when was the last time I saw him sober? Kyuhyun wonders, and can’t remember). “I dunno why you haven’t just gone into Seasoning’s room and said, ‘I’m hot, you’re hot, let’s fuck.’ Works like a charm.” He pauses to down the rest of his drink. “That’s how I met Sungmin, you know. What a fucking whore.” Heechul bursts out laughing, slapping his leg repeatedly.
Kyuhyun glances at the clock.
It’s only 5:30.
***
“That’s true, that is how we met,” Sungmin tells him later after Kyuhyun questions him. “But I see he neglected to tell you what happened after. We didn’t fuck that day, you know. I laughed in his face and called him a drunk bastard. Then he threw up all over my shoes and passed out in my arms. I carried him back to my apartment and I didn’t even know his name ‘til the next morning. He did wake up in my bed, though, which is probably why he thinks we fucked.”
“Seriously?” Kyuhyun laughs gleefully. “And you never told him? Does he know what actually happened?”
Sungmin shrugs. “I doubt if Heechul even knows his last name anymore.”
***
“Fuck Sungmin, I know my last name,” Heechul says when Kyuhyun relays his and Sungmin’s conversation over the phone that night. “It’s Kim, just like Donghae’s.”
“Heechul, Donghae’s last name is Lee.”
“Fuck you, he’s my adopted son, okay, I know what his goddamned last name is.”
***
The look Donghae gives him is very concerned. “Heechul’s a lot worse than I thought,” he muses. “Do you think we should get him some help or something?”
“Sungmin told me he was working on it. I’m not too sure what that means, though, especially coming from Sungmin.”
Donghae’s eyes widen in alarm. “An image just came into my head of Sungmin repeatedly smacking Heechul over the head with a baseball bat every time he tries to drink. It was a little alarming.”
Kyuhyun wrinkles his forehead. “Do you think he would do something like that?”
“Maybe. I heard he beat up one of those high school kids that were following us around back when we were freshman with a bat because he pissed Sungmin off. What was his name? Onew, or something. He had two black eyes!”
“What? No, Onew got those black eyes because he fell down the stairs and hit his forehead on the railing. I was there, I saw it. Zhou Mi was the one that took him to the hospital.”
Donghae’s mouth flies open. “What?! How did I not know this?! Why didn’t you tell me?”
Kyuhyun blinks a few times. “Uh, I don’t know. I never saw the kid after that, so I guess it just slipped my mind.”
Donghae shakes his head disapprovingly, pursing his lips.
“Wait, is that why all the high school kids run away when they see Sungmin walking down the sidewalk? You’ve been telling people that he beat Onew up?”
The other looks away, suddenly interested in the carpet. “Maybe.”
Kyuhyun gives him a look. “Well, anyway, I don’t think Sungmin would do something like that. Not to Onew, anyway. Do you think he would do that to Heechul, though? To get him to stop drinking?”
The two of them think it over for a moment.
“I don’t know,” Donghae admits. “Let’s ask Ryeowook.”
***
“I don’t think he would use a bat,” Ryeowook informs them after several tense moments of silence. “But I don’t know. Maybe. I feel like it’s more likely he’ll slip something into all of Heechul’s drinks that’ll make him really sick.”
Kyuhyun’s nose itches, and he scratches it. “I can’t foresee that ending well for either of them.”
“How do those two even spend long periods of time alone together without killing each other?”
“By having lots of sex, presumably,” Ryeowook answers nonchalantly, picking at his fingernails.
Donghae gazes at Ryeowook with something close to worship in his eyes. “Everything now makes so much sense. Why doesn’t anyone ever tell me any of this stuff?”
“Because you’d just go around telling everyone you meet.”
“Yeah, that’s true.” Donghae nods, not even attempting to deny it.
“You know, I think they’ll be fine,” Kyuhyun tells the other two, returning to their original topic of discussion. “We should just let Sungmin deal with Heechul and his drinking habits. I don’t think anyone else is willing to, anyway.”
“Good point.”
***
Kyuhyun comes home to find Zhou Mi on the phone.
“No, that wasn’t me that said it! Whatever you guys do in your free time is none of my business. No, of course I’m not implying you do weird things together. I told you I didn’t come up with this! I heard it from Hankyung who was told by Siwon who I guess heard it from Eunhyuk who probably was told by Donghae. You know how he is. Ryeowook said what? Oh, Kyuhyun? Yeah, yeah, I’ll tell him. Kay, bye Ming.” He hangs up the phone and puts his head in his hands. “Ugh, why do our friends make me feel like I never left middle school?” He groans.
Kyuhyun hangs up his coat, looking at him amusedly. “So, what exactly are you supposed to tell me?”
Zhou Mi lifts his head. “Oh yeah! Sungmin told me to tell you, ‘Kyuhyun you idiot, of course I’m not going to use a baseball bat, and I can handle him just fine thank you very much.’”
“Is that a direct quote?”
“Well, almost. I took out the swear words.”
Kyuhyun looks thoughtful. “It blows my mind that you still somehow remain so innocent having the friends we do.”
“It’s magic.” Zhou Mi flutters his fingers in the air. “Also, Siwon is a good influence, okay? It’s just all the rest of you that are crazy.”
“Oh come on, you love us.” Kyuhyun plops down on the couch next to his roommate, who throws an arm around the younger man’s shoulders.
“You know I do,” he says with a smile, and ruffles Kyuhyun’s hair affectionately. Kyuhyun swats his hand away playfully and pouts, pretending to be annoyed. In return, the Chinese man laughs and tweaks his nose.
See, that’s another problem with liking Zhou Mi. He’s always so touchy with the people he’s close with, and since he and Kyuhyun are roommates, they’re pretty close.
Kyuhyun’s gotten used to all the random hugs and cuddling by now (Donghae’s a lot like that, too, but it’s fine since he doesn’t have feelings for Donghae), but it still sometimes puts butterflies in his stomach. And he starts to think that maybe Zhou Mi likes him back, just a little bit. But he quickly squashes that thought with one of Sungmin’s high heels (the dude seriously has a collection of them in his closet, no idea what he uses them for), and goes back to life as usual.
There’s another thing to note here, though, about Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun’s roommate relationship (a “roomance”, if you want to call it that): Kyuhyun is completely whipped.
Case in point: If Zhou Mi asks him to do something, he does it, immediately.
For example, Zhou Mi has a habit of leaving his clothes strewn all over his room (and the rest of the apartment, too, actually), and then inviting people over when he knows his stuff is still everywhere. So he quickly texts Kyuhyun something like, Hey my favorite roommate in the world, I invited [insert name here] over, but I know our apartment is really messy… Do you think you could clean it up for me? We’ll be home in a half an hour. Thank you!!!
Kyuhyun sighs for the millionth time and texts back, Sure, no problem, and starts cleaning the apartment. He’s put away Zhou Mi’s clothes so many times that he’s pretty sure he could list the entire contents of the man’s closet from memory, right down to how many pairs of absurdly cute animal socks he has (14, in case you were wondering).
The fact that he is whipped and not even in a relationship is something that everyone enjoys making fun of him for. But it’s not like he can help it. He would do anything for Zhou Mi.
“Kyuhyun, this doesn’t sound like just a crush anymore,” Ryeowook tells him one evening as the two of them are working on homework together.
“Huh? What do you mean?”
Ryeowook gives him a knowing look. “You sound like you’re in love with him.”
Kyuhyun drops his pencil in shock, and both of them watch as it rolls off the table and onto the floor. Neither move to pick it up.
“I… don’t know what you mean,” Kyuhyun says. Has his mouth always been this dry?
“Oh come on, Kyuhyun. Every time I see you, it’s ‘Zhou Mi this, and Zhou Mi that.’ You talk about him constantly.”
And when did the room get so hot? “That… doesn’t mean I’m in love with him.”
Ryeowook opens his mouth, about to say something, but another voice beats him to it.
“Oh my god, Kyuhyun is in love with Zhou Mi?”
They whip their heads around to discover Donghae standing in the doorway.
“I have to tell someone about this!” He exclaims, running off down the hallway.
“Donghae, no!” Kyuhyun and Ryeowook yell simultaneously, and get up to chase after him.
***
Half an hour later, Donghae is handcuffed to a chair, a piece of duct tape placed over his mouth.
“This doesn’t seem legal,” Kyuhyun remarks, surveying the scene in front of him.
Ryeowook sighs. “It’s the only way to get him to shut his mouth about something.”
Kyuhyun raises his eyebrows. “Is this how you got him not to tell anyone about my crush?” The shorter man nods somberly. “Oh… well, thanks. Where did you get those handcuffs?”
“Leeteuk.”
Kyuhyun starts to nod, then pauses. “Wait a minute, did you say Leeteuk? I thought you were going to say Sungmin.”
“Yeah, I said Leeteuk. Trust me, you don’t want to know.”
“Okay, I won’t ask then.”
“All right,” Ryeowook says, turning to address Donghae. “You know the drill, Hae. I’ll only let you go if you promise to not tell anyone what you heard. If you do, I’ll have Sungmin kidnap Eunhyuk again.” Donghae’s eyes widen, and he makes a sound of protest from behind the duct tape.
“Wait, what? Again?” Kyuhyun interjects, and Ryeowook ignores him. It’s probably for the best that I don’t know, Kyuhyun decides.
“You don’t want that, do you?” Ryeowook asks Donghae, and the latter shakes his head fervently. “Okay, I’m going to take off the duct tape.” He steps forward, quickly peeling the tape off Donghae’s face.
“Ow,” he whines, looking up at them sadly.
“Well?” Ryeowook prompts. “Do you promise not to tell anyone that Kyuhyun’s in love with Zhou Mi?”
“I never even said I was in love with him,” Kyuhyun mutters, and Ryeowook shoots him a disbelieving look.
Donghae hangs his head in defeat. “I promise.”
“Good.” Ryeowook goes to unlock the handcuffs.
Kyuhyun blinks. “Wait, that’s it? You believe him?”
“Trust me, it works,” Ryeowook reassures, grinning. He removes the handcuffs, and Donghae scampers away.
“This still doesn’t seem quite legal…” Kyuhyun mumbles, and Ryeowook claps a hand on his back.
“Don’t worry about it.”
***
Kyuhyun goes home a couple hours later, and sees Zhou Mi standing in the kitchen. He’s not doing anything, just standing there with his back to Kyuhyun.
It’s not a good sign.
“Hey, Zhou Mi,” Kyuhyun greets brightly, trying to pretend he’s not worried.
“Um, Kyuhyun?” The taller man asks without turning around. It sounds so unsure and so unlike the usually confident Zhou Mi that Kyuhyun freezes by the doorway.
“What’s wrong?”
Zhou Mi turns around. His eyebrows are furrowed and he’s staring at the ground, fidgeting with a bracelet on his wrist.
“Well, I…” He starts, and then pauses. “I walked in on Heechul and Hankyung today while they were talking about, um…” He trails off again, and Kyuhyun swallows. “What was the word? Oh yeah. Well, Heechul was saying that… you should ‘stop being a pussy’-sorry, his words, not mine-and just rim me or something, because I would probably like it? I think that’s what he said.”
Kyuhyun’s eyes are beginning to feel like they’re bulging out of his head, and his eyebrow twitches once uncontrollably.
“Kyuhyun, what does that mean?” Zhou Mi asks innocently. “I asked them, but they wouldn’t tell me.” He looks at his roommate with large puppy-dog eyes.
Kyuhyun’s face has morphed into an expression of pure horror; he’s pretty sure if they weren’t anchored in so securely, his eyeballs would be rolling around on the floor by now. I’m going to kill Heechul flashes through his mind repeatedly.
“Um, Kyuhyun?” Zhou Mi asks after a moment.
In response, Kyuhyun makes several different spluttering noises while his face turns bright red. He panics, and doesn’t know what else to do besides blurt, “I’m sorry, I have to go.” He turns around and rushes back out the door, ignoring his roommate’s cries of, “Kyuhyun, wait!”
He runs down the stairs, not once looking back.
***
Some amount of time later (Kyuhyun’s not really sure how much), he finds himself at the only place he could think of where no one would make fun of him or tell him to go back and talk to Zhou Mi: Kibum and Eunhyuk’s place.
“Hey, Kyuhyun,” Kibum says upon opening the door, looking mildly surprised to see the younger man there. “What’s up?”
Kyuhyun fidgets. “Well… I was wondering if I could stay here for a little while.”
“What happened?” Kibum asks as they step inside.
“I kind of… ran away.”
“From what?”
“Zhou Mi.”
“Ah,” Kibum looks at him knowingly, but doesn’t comment. “Sure, I guess you can stay here as long as you need, if you don’t mind sleeping on the couch.”
Kyuhyun gives him a grateful look. “I don’t mind. I… might need to borrow some clothes, though.”
Kibum sighs. “Go ask Eunhyuk, he has enough clothes for an entire orphanage.”
Eunhyuk, it turns out, is extremely happy to see Kyuhyun.
“Kyuhyunnie!” He exclaims, tackling the addressed man with a hug.
Kyuhyun stumbles back a bit, encircling his arms around Eunhyuk. “Hey, Hyuk. How’s life?”
“Oh, it’s just great. I haven’t seen you in forever! You don’t stop by enough. I think Kibum misses you too but he never says. You know.” Eunhyuk releases his hold on the taller man.
“Well, you’re in luck, because I think I’m staying here for a little while.”
“No kidding? Awesome!” Eunhyuk yells. “We’re gonna have so much fun, all right? You need anything?”
“Well, yeah, actually. See, I didn’t bring any clothes with me,” Kyuhyun explains, scratching his neck. “So I was hoping maybe I could borrow some…?”
“Oh, sure, no problem, Kyu. Take whatever you want from my closet. Just don’t forget to give them back, okay?” He smiles widely.
Kyuhyun returns the smile, “Thanks, Eunhyuk, you’re the best.”
“Oh, I know. Come on, let’s do something fun.”
And that’s how Kyuhyun came to spend the night beating Eunhyuk repeatedly in a variety of video games until the latter passed out in his bed. He told Kyuhyun earlier he could sleep next to him in bed if he wanted to, but instead Kyuhyun opts to sleep fitfully on the couch in a pair of pajama pants that are entirely too short for him.
But hey, at least he doesn’t have to face Zhou Mi.
***
The next morning, Kyuhyun looks at his phone for the first time since he ran out of his apartment. He has eight missed calls; five from Zhou Mi, two from Ryeowook, and one from Sungmin. He also has eleven new next messages, which he ignores in favor of calling Ryeowook.
“I assume Zhou Mi told you I ran away,” he says before Ryeowook even has a chance to speak.
“No, Sungmin did,” Ryeowook replies. “Zhou Mi won’t answer anyone’s calls.”
Kyuhyun blinks. That’s very unlike Zhou Mi. “What? Why not?”
“He’s obviously upset. Sungmin said he called asking what rimming meant, and told him about Heechul and Hankyung’s conversation, and you leaving. Since then no one’s been able to get ahold of him.”
“…Did Sungmin tell him what it meant?”
“Yeah, he did.”
“…Shit.”
“Oh come on, Kyuhyun, it’s not that big of a deal. You’re overreacting.”
“Well, I can’t face Zhou Mi now!” Kyuhyun protests, and he can practically hear Ryeowook rolling his eyes.
“Well, what are you going to do, stay at Kibum and Eunhyuk’s forever?”
Kyuhyun pauses. “How did you know I was here?”
“…Is that a serious question?”
“Um, yes?”
“Kyuhyun, you’re at Kibum and Eunhyuk’s, and my roommate is Donghae.”
“…Oh. Right. I really didn’t think that one through.”
“No, you didn’t. Eunhyuk’s already rubbing off on you, I see.” Ryeowook sighs. “Kyuhyun, you really need to go talk to Zhou Mi. You don’t have to tell him your feelings, just talk to him. I’m worried about him.”
“And you’re not worried about me?”
“No, because you’re an idiot. Now go.”
“Gee, thanks. See ya, Wook.” Kyuhyun hangs up the phone and sits there debating with himself for a moment before deciding to look at his text messages.
Most of them are Heechul, of course saying different variations of oh my god, you fucking pussy, grow some balls, except with more typos. There’s one from Donghae that says, I SWEAR I SAID NOTHING TO NO ONE, and a couple from Sungmin asking where the fuck he is.
The last one, however, is from Zhou Mi, and it reads as follows:
From Zhou Mi
To Kyuhyun (22:53)
Sungmin told me what it meant… Heechul’s very strange. I don’t know where you are, but you’re not answering my calls so it must’ve upset you… I’m sorry. Please come home
Kyuhyun closes his eyes and sighs. Why did Zhou Mi apologize? Did he think it was his fault that Kyuhyun was upset?
Ugh, Zhou Mi, why are you so dumb? He thinks, and then smacks himself in the forehead. But obviously I’m an even bigger idiot. I need to fix this.
He changes into his dirty clothes from the night before, gives Eunhyuk his clothes back, and bids Kibum and Eunhyuk a quick farewell. Eunhyuk looks sad to see him go, so he leaves with the promise that he’ll come back soon.
Nervously, he walks back to his and Zhou Mi’s apartment. Should he tell him how he feels? What if Zhou Mi doesn’t like him back? But if he doesn’t tell him, how is he going to explain running away like that?
Kyuhyun gets to their apartment building, and despite every bone in his body telling him to just flee while he still can, he climbs up the stairs to their floor. He stands in front of the door to their apartment for several moments before taking out his key and unlocking the door.
Swallowing, he opens the door and goes inside. Zhou Mi is nowhere in sight.
Ignoring the frantic beating of his heart, he ventures down the hallway to Zhou Mi’s room and inches open the door. He peeks in, and there’s Zhou Mi, lying in bed with his eyes open, staring at the ceiling. Kyuhyun musters all the courage in his body (which isn’t much), and walks in.
“Zhou Mi?” He calls gently.
The Chinese man sits up abruptly, eyes wide. “Kyuhyun! You’re… back. I thought you were mad at me.”
Kyuhyun shakes his head. “I’m not mad at you,” he says, still standing by the door. “I’m really sorry for leaving like that."
“You’re not mad at me?” Zhou Mi asks, confused. “Then why…?”
The younger man bites his lip, looking away. “I just… panicked?”
“Panicked? About what?”
“I… I didn’t want you to figure out why Heechul and Hankyung were talking about that.” He glances back at Zhou Mi, who’s openly staring at Kyuhyun, concern and confusion written all over his face.
“What do you mean?”
Kyuhyun takes a deep breath. Well, here goes nothing. “I mean that… I’m in love with you, Zhou Mi.”
Zhou Mi’s mouth drops open slightly and he gapes at Kyuhyun, lost for words.
“I’ve actually liked you for a pretty long time now,” Kyuhyun explains, “but I was talking to Ryeowook yesterday, and he made me realize… that I think I’m in love with you.”
Zhou Mi’s expression hasn’t changed, and several seconds go by in which he continues to stare silently at Kyuhyun.
The younger man fidgets under his gaze. “Can you please say something?”
Zhou Mi’s mouth closes immediately, and he blinks, wetting his lips. “I… was not expecting that.” He says carefully.
Kyuhyun’s heart sinks rapidly. “…Oh.”
Hearing Kyuhyun’s tone of voice, Zhou Mi stands up. “Wait, no, I didn’t mean it was a bad thing, you just caught me off guard, I mean, I thought you were mad at me but then you say this and I just thought…” He sees the look on Kyuhyun’s face that clearly says, Zhou Mi, you’re rambling again, and stops talking for a moment to collect his thoughts.
“What I’m trying to say is,” he continues after a moment, “I’m not exactly sure if I’m in love with you, but… I like you too, Kyuhyun.” He reaches forward and takes his roommate’s hands in his own, smiling softly.
Kyuhyun looks down at their hands and then back up at Zhou Mi. “Really?”
“Yeah, really.”
A smile grows on Kyuhyun’s face that is reminiscent of the ones often found on giddy teenage girls. Zhou Mi wants to laugh, but he doesn’t.
“Um, Kyuhyun?”
“Yeah?”
“Are you gonna kiss me now, or…?”
“Oh, right. Sorry.”
And he does.
***
Bonus:
Sungmin places a glass in front of Heechul and sits next to him on the loveseat. “Hey, did you know Kyuhyun finally confessed to Zhou Mi? I guess they’re dating now or whatever.”
Heechul picks up the glass, sniffing it. “What is this, rum and Coke?”
“Yeah, it’s Diet Coke though. You were all out of the regular stuff.”
“Since when do I have Diet Coke? Eh, whatever. Thanks, babe.” He downs the drink in two gulps and slams the glass on the coffee table in front of him. “So, what were you saying? Little Kyu finally grew some balls?”
Sungmin shrugs. “Yeah, I guess so. I assume Donghae will update us if anything further happens.”
Heechul laughs. “Little fucker. I raised him right.” He picks up his empty glass and holds it up to his eye, looking through it. “Hey, wanna get me some more to drink?”
Sungmin rolls his eyes, but gets up, taking the glass from Heechul. “Fine.”
“That’s a good whore. I knew I kept you around for something. Hey, hey, wait, come here first. Give Daddy some sugar.”
Sungmin makes a disgusted face. “Ew, what are you, my pimp?”
“That’s exactly what I am. Now c’mere and kiss me,” Heechul orders.
Rolling his eyes yet again, Sungmin reluctantly complies, climbing in Heechul’s lap and kissing him briefly. After a moment, he pulls away, standing up and grabbing the glass from where he had set it on the table.
“You’re my bottom bitch, you know that?” Heechul slaps Sungmin on the ass.
“You realize that you’re not actually a pimp, right?” Sungmin calls after he walks into the kitchen.
“Yeah, but if I was, you’d totally be my favorite.”
Sungmin comes back in and hands him a newly made drink. “Thanks, Chul, I’m flattered,” he says dryly, sitting back down.
Heechul picks up the drink and starts to take a sip, when suddenly he stops. He puts the drink down and clutches his stomach. “What the…?” He groans, and runs to the bathroom. Sungmin watches him leave with mild interest.
Upon reaching the bathroom, Heechul immediately throws up. “What the fuck?” He yells. “Sungmin, what did you put in my drink, you fucking whore?!” He continues throwing up the entire contents of his stomach.
Meanwhile, Sungmin has turned on the TV and is turning up the volume to drown out Heechul’s noises.
“Thanks for the suggestion, Ryeowook,” he says to no one in particular, and grins.
***
Cont. A/N: oh my fuck, Heechul and Sungmin. I don’t even know where they came from. Seriously.
But this fic is actually inspired by my own roommate, who loves to blast country songs like the one that this fic is titled after, and by whom I am completely whipped. That part with Kyuhyun having to clean up Zhou Mi’s shit all the time? That is my life. No joke.
Rating: R
Genre: CRACK. Also some fluff. College!au
Words: 4,242
Summary: Kyuhyun is awkward, Zhou Mi is perfect, Heechul’s a raging alcoholic, Sungmin’s kind of crazy, Donghae’s a gossip, Eunhyuk is stupid, Ryeowook is all-knowing, and everyone else is… around somewhere.
A/N: These characterizations amuse me, and therefore I don’t care about their accuracy.
***
Kyuhyun has had a crush on his roommate, Zhou Mi, since pretty much the second month they lived together. They have now been living together for almost three years, so that’s a long time.
The reason why Kyuhyun’s never said anything is because, well, Zhou Mi is an amazing roommate and he doesn’t want to screw up his living arrangements if it doesn’t go well. Plus, he really would rather not be rejected.
The bad part is they both have pretty much the same friends, and all of these friends have since discovered Kyuhyun’s feelings for Zhou Mi. Even Eunhyuk figured it out somehow without Donghae telling him, and he’s not exactly the sharpest crayon in the box.
Fortunately, Zhou Mi is apparently even more dense than Eunhyuk, and is the only one in their group of friends who doesn’t know about Kyuhyun’s feelings.
Kyuhyun considers himself very lucky because of this.
He does not, however, consider himself lucky to know a certain Kim Heechul, who enjoys telling him how much of a pussy he is. Today is one of those occasions.
“You fucking pussy,” the aforementioned man slurs predictably, drunk yet again (when was the last time I saw him sober? Kyuhyun wonders, and can’t remember). “I dunno why you haven’t just gone into Seasoning’s room and said, ‘I’m hot, you’re hot, let’s fuck.’ Works like a charm.” He pauses to down the rest of his drink. “That’s how I met Sungmin, you know. What a fucking whore.” Heechul bursts out laughing, slapping his leg repeatedly.
Kyuhyun glances at the clock.
It’s only 5:30.
***
“That’s true, that is how we met,” Sungmin tells him later after Kyuhyun questions him. “But I see he neglected to tell you what happened after. We didn’t fuck that day, you know. I laughed in his face and called him a drunk bastard. Then he threw up all over my shoes and passed out in my arms. I carried him back to my apartment and I didn’t even know his name ‘til the next morning. He did wake up in my bed, though, which is probably why he thinks we fucked.”
“Seriously?” Kyuhyun laughs gleefully. “And you never told him? Does he know what actually happened?”
Sungmin shrugs. “I doubt if Heechul even knows his last name anymore.”
***
“Fuck Sungmin, I know my last name,” Heechul says when Kyuhyun relays his and Sungmin’s conversation over the phone that night. “It’s Kim, just like Donghae’s.”
“Heechul, Donghae’s last name is Lee.”
“Fuck you, he’s my adopted son, okay, I know what his goddamned last name is.”
***
The look Donghae gives him is very concerned. “Heechul’s a lot worse than I thought,” he muses. “Do you think we should get him some help or something?”
“Sungmin told me he was working on it. I’m not too sure what that means, though, especially coming from Sungmin.”
Donghae’s eyes widen in alarm. “An image just came into my head of Sungmin repeatedly smacking Heechul over the head with a baseball bat every time he tries to drink. It was a little alarming.”
Kyuhyun wrinkles his forehead. “Do you think he would do something like that?”
“Maybe. I heard he beat up one of those high school kids that were following us around back when we were freshman with a bat because he pissed Sungmin off. What was his name? Onew, or something. He had two black eyes!”
“What? No, Onew got those black eyes because he fell down the stairs and hit his forehead on the railing. I was there, I saw it. Zhou Mi was the one that took him to the hospital.”
Donghae’s mouth flies open. “What?! How did I not know this?! Why didn’t you tell me?”
Kyuhyun blinks a few times. “Uh, I don’t know. I never saw the kid after that, so I guess it just slipped my mind.”
Donghae shakes his head disapprovingly, pursing his lips.
“Wait, is that why all the high school kids run away when they see Sungmin walking down the sidewalk? You’ve been telling people that he beat Onew up?”
The other looks away, suddenly interested in the carpet. “Maybe.”
Kyuhyun gives him a look. “Well, anyway, I don’t think Sungmin would do something like that. Not to Onew, anyway. Do you think he would do that to Heechul, though? To get him to stop drinking?”
The two of them think it over for a moment.
“I don’t know,” Donghae admits. “Let’s ask Ryeowook.”
***
“I don’t think he would use a bat,” Ryeowook informs them after several tense moments of silence. “But I don’t know. Maybe. I feel like it’s more likely he’ll slip something into all of Heechul’s drinks that’ll make him really sick.”
Kyuhyun’s nose itches, and he scratches it. “I can’t foresee that ending well for either of them.”
“How do those two even spend long periods of time alone together without killing each other?”
“By having lots of sex, presumably,” Ryeowook answers nonchalantly, picking at his fingernails.
Donghae gazes at Ryeowook with something close to worship in his eyes. “Everything now makes so much sense. Why doesn’t anyone ever tell me any of this stuff?”
“Because you’d just go around telling everyone you meet.”
“Yeah, that’s true.” Donghae nods, not even attempting to deny it.
“You know, I think they’ll be fine,” Kyuhyun tells the other two, returning to their original topic of discussion. “We should just let Sungmin deal with Heechul and his drinking habits. I don’t think anyone else is willing to, anyway.”
“Good point.”
***
Kyuhyun comes home to find Zhou Mi on the phone.
“No, that wasn’t me that said it! Whatever you guys do in your free time is none of my business. No, of course I’m not implying you do weird things together. I told you I didn’t come up with this! I heard it from Hankyung who was told by Siwon who I guess heard it from Eunhyuk who probably was told by Donghae. You know how he is. Ryeowook said what? Oh, Kyuhyun? Yeah, yeah, I’ll tell him. Kay, bye Ming.” He hangs up the phone and puts his head in his hands. “Ugh, why do our friends make me feel like I never left middle school?” He groans.
Kyuhyun hangs up his coat, looking at him amusedly. “So, what exactly are you supposed to tell me?”
Zhou Mi lifts his head. “Oh yeah! Sungmin told me to tell you, ‘Kyuhyun you idiot, of course I’m not going to use a baseball bat, and I can handle him just fine thank you very much.’”
“Is that a direct quote?”
“Well, almost. I took out the swear words.”
Kyuhyun looks thoughtful. “It blows my mind that you still somehow remain so innocent having the friends we do.”
“It’s magic.” Zhou Mi flutters his fingers in the air. “Also, Siwon is a good influence, okay? It’s just all the rest of you that are crazy.”
“Oh come on, you love us.” Kyuhyun plops down on the couch next to his roommate, who throws an arm around the younger man’s shoulders.
“You know I do,” he says with a smile, and ruffles Kyuhyun’s hair affectionately. Kyuhyun swats his hand away playfully and pouts, pretending to be annoyed. In return, the Chinese man laughs and tweaks his nose.
See, that’s another problem with liking Zhou Mi. He’s always so touchy with the people he’s close with, and since he and Kyuhyun are roommates, they’re pretty close.
Kyuhyun’s gotten used to all the random hugs and cuddling by now (Donghae’s a lot like that, too, but it’s fine since he doesn’t have feelings for Donghae), but it still sometimes puts butterflies in his stomach. And he starts to think that maybe Zhou Mi likes him back, just a little bit. But he quickly squashes that thought with one of Sungmin’s high heels (the dude seriously has a collection of them in his closet, no idea what he uses them for), and goes back to life as usual.
There’s another thing to note here, though, about Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun’s roommate relationship (a “roomance”, if you want to call it that): Kyuhyun is completely whipped.
Case in point: If Zhou Mi asks him to do something, he does it, immediately.
For example, Zhou Mi has a habit of leaving his clothes strewn all over his room (and the rest of the apartment, too, actually), and then inviting people over when he knows his stuff is still everywhere. So he quickly texts Kyuhyun something like, Hey my favorite roommate in the world, I invited [insert name here] over, but I know our apartment is really messy… Do you think you could clean it up for me? We’ll be home in a half an hour. Thank you!!!
Kyuhyun sighs for the millionth time and texts back, Sure, no problem, and starts cleaning the apartment. He’s put away Zhou Mi’s clothes so many times that he’s pretty sure he could list the entire contents of the man’s closet from memory, right down to how many pairs of absurdly cute animal socks he has (14, in case you were wondering).
The fact that he is whipped and not even in a relationship is something that everyone enjoys making fun of him for. But it’s not like he can help it. He would do anything for Zhou Mi.
“Kyuhyun, this doesn’t sound like just a crush anymore,” Ryeowook tells him one evening as the two of them are working on homework together.
“Huh? What do you mean?”
Ryeowook gives him a knowing look. “You sound like you’re in love with him.”
Kyuhyun drops his pencil in shock, and both of them watch as it rolls off the table and onto the floor. Neither move to pick it up.
“I… don’t know what you mean,” Kyuhyun says. Has his mouth always been this dry?
“Oh come on, Kyuhyun. Every time I see you, it’s ‘Zhou Mi this, and Zhou Mi that.’ You talk about him constantly.”
And when did the room get so hot? “That… doesn’t mean I’m in love with him.”
Ryeowook opens his mouth, about to say something, but another voice beats him to it.
“Oh my god, Kyuhyun is in love with Zhou Mi?”
They whip their heads around to discover Donghae standing in the doorway.
“I have to tell someone about this!” He exclaims, running off down the hallway.
“Donghae, no!” Kyuhyun and Ryeowook yell simultaneously, and get up to chase after him.
***
Half an hour later, Donghae is handcuffed to a chair, a piece of duct tape placed over his mouth.
“This doesn’t seem legal,” Kyuhyun remarks, surveying the scene in front of him.
Ryeowook sighs. “It’s the only way to get him to shut his mouth about something.”
Kyuhyun raises his eyebrows. “Is this how you got him not to tell anyone about my crush?” The shorter man nods somberly. “Oh… well, thanks. Where did you get those handcuffs?”
“Leeteuk.”
Kyuhyun starts to nod, then pauses. “Wait a minute, did you say Leeteuk? I thought you were going to say Sungmin.”
“Yeah, I said Leeteuk. Trust me, you don’t want to know.”
“Okay, I won’t ask then.”
“All right,” Ryeowook says, turning to address Donghae. “You know the drill, Hae. I’ll only let you go if you promise to not tell anyone what you heard. If you do, I’ll have Sungmin kidnap Eunhyuk again.” Donghae’s eyes widen, and he makes a sound of protest from behind the duct tape.
“Wait, what? Again?” Kyuhyun interjects, and Ryeowook ignores him. It’s probably for the best that I don’t know, Kyuhyun decides.
“You don’t want that, do you?” Ryeowook asks Donghae, and the latter shakes his head fervently. “Okay, I’m going to take off the duct tape.” He steps forward, quickly peeling the tape off Donghae’s face.
“Ow,” he whines, looking up at them sadly.
“Well?” Ryeowook prompts. “Do you promise not to tell anyone that Kyuhyun’s in love with Zhou Mi?”
“I never even said I was in love with him,” Kyuhyun mutters, and Ryeowook shoots him a disbelieving look.
Donghae hangs his head in defeat. “I promise.”
“Good.” Ryeowook goes to unlock the handcuffs.
Kyuhyun blinks. “Wait, that’s it? You believe him?”
“Trust me, it works,” Ryeowook reassures, grinning. He removes the handcuffs, and Donghae scampers away.
“This still doesn’t seem quite legal…” Kyuhyun mumbles, and Ryeowook claps a hand on his back.
“Don’t worry about it.”
***
Kyuhyun goes home a couple hours later, and sees Zhou Mi standing in the kitchen. He’s not doing anything, just standing there with his back to Kyuhyun.
It’s not a good sign.
“Hey, Zhou Mi,” Kyuhyun greets brightly, trying to pretend he’s not worried.
“Um, Kyuhyun?” The taller man asks without turning around. It sounds so unsure and so unlike the usually confident Zhou Mi that Kyuhyun freezes by the doorway.
“What’s wrong?”
Zhou Mi turns around. His eyebrows are furrowed and he’s staring at the ground, fidgeting with a bracelet on his wrist.
“Well, I…” He starts, and then pauses. “I walked in on Heechul and Hankyung today while they were talking about, um…” He trails off again, and Kyuhyun swallows. “What was the word? Oh yeah. Well, Heechul was saying that… you should ‘stop being a pussy’-sorry, his words, not mine-and just rim me or something, because I would probably like it? I think that’s what he said.”
Kyuhyun’s eyes are beginning to feel like they’re bulging out of his head, and his eyebrow twitches once uncontrollably.
“Kyuhyun, what does that mean?” Zhou Mi asks innocently. “I asked them, but they wouldn’t tell me.” He looks at his roommate with large puppy-dog eyes.
Kyuhyun’s face has morphed into an expression of pure horror; he’s pretty sure if they weren’t anchored in so securely, his eyeballs would be rolling around on the floor by now. I’m going to kill Heechul flashes through his mind repeatedly.
“Um, Kyuhyun?” Zhou Mi asks after a moment.
In response, Kyuhyun makes several different spluttering noises while his face turns bright red. He panics, and doesn’t know what else to do besides blurt, “I’m sorry, I have to go.” He turns around and rushes back out the door, ignoring his roommate’s cries of, “Kyuhyun, wait!”
He runs down the stairs, not once looking back.
***
Some amount of time later (Kyuhyun’s not really sure how much), he finds himself at the only place he could think of where no one would make fun of him or tell him to go back and talk to Zhou Mi: Kibum and Eunhyuk’s place.
“Hey, Kyuhyun,” Kibum says upon opening the door, looking mildly surprised to see the younger man there. “What’s up?”
Kyuhyun fidgets. “Well… I was wondering if I could stay here for a little while.”
“What happened?” Kibum asks as they step inside.
“I kind of… ran away.”
“From what?”
“Zhou Mi.”
“Ah,” Kibum looks at him knowingly, but doesn’t comment. “Sure, I guess you can stay here as long as you need, if you don’t mind sleeping on the couch.”
Kyuhyun gives him a grateful look. “I don’t mind. I… might need to borrow some clothes, though.”
Kibum sighs. “Go ask Eunhyuk, he has enough clothes for an entire orphanage.”
Eunhyuk, it turns out, is extremely happy to see Kyuhyun.
“Kyuhyunnie!” He exclaims, tackling the addressed man with a hug.
Kyuhyun stumbles back a bit, encircling his arms around Eunhyuk. “Hey, Hyuk. How’s life?”
“Oh, it’s just great. I haven’t seen you in forever! You don’t stop by enough. I think Kibum misses you too but he never says. You know.” Eunhyuk releases his hold on the taller man.
“Well, you’re in luck, because I think I’m staying here for a little while.”
“No kidding? Awesome!” Eunhyuk yells. “We’re gonna have so much fun, all right? You need anything?”
“Well, yeah, actually. See, I didn’t bring any clothes with me,” Kyuhyun explains, scratching his neck. “So I was hoping maybe I could borrow some…?”
“Oh, sure, no problem, Kyu. Take whatever you want from my closet. Just don’t forget to give them back, okay?” He smiles widely.
Kyuhyun returns the smile, “Thanks, Eunhyuk, you’re the best.”
“Oh, I know. Come on, let’s do something fun.”
And that’s how Kyuhyun came to spend the night beating Eunhyuk repeatedly in a variety of video games until the latter passed out in his bed. He told Kyuhyun earlier he could sleep next to him in bed if he wanted to, but instead Kyuhyun opts to sleep fitfully on the couch in a pair of pajama pants that are entirely too short for him.
But hey, at least he doesn’t have to face Zhou Mi.
***
The next morning, Kyuhyun looks at his phone for the first time since he ran out of his apartment. He has eight missed calls; five from Zhou Mi, two from Ryeowook, and one from Sungmin. He also has eleven new next messages, which he ignores in favor of calling Ryeowook.
“I assume Zhou Mi told you I ran away,” he says before Ryeowook even has a chance to speak.
“No, Sungmin did,” Ryeowook replies. “Zhou Mi won’t answer anyone’s calls.”
Kyuhyun blinks. That’s very unlike Zhou Mi. “What? Why not?”
“He’s obviously upset. Sungmin said he called asking what rimming meant, and told him about Heechul and Hankyung’s conversation, and you leaving. Since then no one’s been able to get ahold of him.”
“…Did Sungmin tell him what it meant?”
“Yeah, he did.”
“…Shit.”
“Oh come on, Kyuhyun, it’s not that big of a deal. You’re overreacting.”
“Well, I can’t face Zhou Mi now!” Kyuhyun protests, and he can practically hear Ryeowook rolling his eyes.
“Well, what are you going to do, stay at Kibum and Eunhyuk’s forever?”
Kyuhyun pauses. “How did you know I was here?”
“…Is that a serious question?”
“Um, yes?”
“Kyuhyun, you’re at Kibum and Eunhyuk’s, and my roommate is Donghae.”
“…Oh. Right. I really didn’t think that one through.”
“No, you didn’t. Eunhyuk’s already rubbing off on you, I see.” Ryeowook sighs. “Kyuhyun, you really need to go talk to Zhou Mi. You don’t have to tell him your feelings, just talk to him. I’m worried about him.”
“And you’re not worried about me?”
“No, because you’re an idiot. Now go.”
“Gee, thanks. See ya, Wook.” Kyuhyun hangs up the phone and sits there debating with himself for a moment before deciding to look at his text messages.
Most of them are Heechul, of course saying different variations of oh my god, you fucking pussy, grow some balls, except with more typos. There’s one from Donghae that says, I SWEAR I SAID NOTHING TO NO ONE, and a couple from Sungmin asking where the fuck he is.
The last one, however, is from Zhou Mi, and it reads as follows:
From Zhou Mi
To Kyuhyun (22:53)
Sungmin told me what it meant… Heechul’s very strange. I don’t know where you are, but you’re not answering my calls so it must’ve upset you… I’m sorry. Please come home
Kyuhyun closes his eyes and sighs. Why did Zhou Mi apologize? Did he think it was his fault that Kyuhyun was upset?
Ugh, Zhou Mi, why are you so dumb? He thinks, and then smacks himself in the forehead. But obviously I’m an even bigger idiot. I need to fix this.
He changes into his dirty clothes from the night before, gives Eunhyuk his clothes back, and bids Kibum and Eunhyuk a quick farewell. Eunhyuk looks sad to see him go, so he leaves with the promise that he’ll come back soon.
Nervously, he walks back to his and Zhou Mi’s apartment. Should he tell him how he feels? What if Zhou Mi doesn’t like him back? But if he doesn’t tell him, how is he going to explain running away like that?
Kyuhyun gets to their apartment building, and despite every bone in his body telling him to just flee while he still can, he climbs up the stairs to their floor. He stands in front of the door to their apartment for several moments before taking out his key and unlocking the door.
Swallowing, he opens the door and goes inside. Zhou Mi is nowhere in sight.
Ignoring the frantic beating of his heart, he ventures down the hallway to Zhou Mi’s room and inches open the door. He peeks in, and there’s Zhou Mi, lying in bed with his eyes open, staring at the ceiling. Kyuhyun musters all the courage in his body (which isn’t much), and walks in.
“Zhou Mi?” He calls gently.
The Chinese man sits up abruptly, eyes wide. “Kyuhyun! You’re… back. I thought you were mad at me.”
Kyuhyun shakes his head. “I’m not mad at you,” he says, still standing by the door. “I’m really sorry for leaving like that."
“You’re not mad at me?” Zhou Mi asks, confused. “Then why…?”
The younger man bites his lip, looking away. “I just… panicked?”
“Panicked? About what?”
“I… I didn’t want you to figure out why Heechul and Hankyung were talking about that.” He glances back at Zhou Mi, who’s openly staring at Kyuhyun, concern and confusion written all over his face.
“What do you mean?”
Kyuhyun takes a deep breath. Well, here goes nothing. “I mean that… I’m in love with you, Zhou Mi.”
Zhou Mi’s mouth drops open slightly and he gapes at Kyuhyun, lost for words.
“I’ve actually liked you for a pretty long time now,” Kyuhyun explains, “but I was talking to Ryeowook yesterday, and he made me realize… that I think I’m in love with you.”
Zhou Mi’s expression hasn’t changed, and several seconds go by in which he continues to stare silently at Kyuhyun.
The younger man fidgets under his gaze. “Can you please say something?”
Zhou Mi’s mouth closes immediately, and he blinks, wetting his lips. “I… was not expecting that.” He says carefully.
Kyuhyun’s heart sinks rapidly. “…Oh.”
Hearing Kyuhyun’s tone of voice, Zhou Mi stands up. “Wait, no, I didn’t mean it was a bad thing, you just caught me off guard, I mean, I thought you were mad at me but then you say this and I just thought…” He sees the look on Kyuhyun’s face that clearly says, Zhou Mi, you’re rambling again, and stops talking for a moment to collect his thoughts.
“What I’m trying to say is,” he continues after a moment, “I’m not exactly sure if I’m in love with you, but… I like you too, Kyuhyun.” He reaches forward and takes his roommate’s hands in his own, smiling softly.
Kyuhyun looks down at their hands and then back up at Zhou Mi. “Really?”
“Yeah, really.”
A smile grows on Kyuhyun’s face that is reminiscent of the ones often found on giddy teenage girls. Zhou Mi wants to laugh, but he doesn’t.
“Um, Kyuhyun?”
“Yeah?”
“Are you gonna kiss me now, or…?”
“Oh, right. Sorry.”
And he does.
***
Bonus:
Sungmin places a glass in front of Heechul and sits next to him on the loveseat. “Hey, did you know Kyuhyun finally confessed to Zhou Mi? I guess they’re dating now or whatever.”
Heechul picks up the glass, sniffing it. “What is this, rum and Coke?”
“Yeah, it’s Diet Coke though. You were all out of the regular stuff.”
“Since when do I have Diet Coke? Eh, whatever. Thanks, babe.” He downs the drink in two gulps and slams the glass on the coffee table in front of him. “So, what were you saying? Little Kyu finally grew some balls?”
Sungmin shrugs. “Yeah, I guess so. I assume Donghae will update us if anything further happens.”
Heechul laughs. “Little fucker. I raised him right.” He picks up his empty glass and holds it up to his eye, looking through it. “Hey, wanna get me some more to drink?”
Sungmin rolls his eyes, but gets up, taking the glass from Heechul. “Fine.”
“That’s a good whore. I knew I kept you around for something. Hey, hey, wait, come here first. Give Daddy some sugar.”
Sungmin makes a disgusted face. “Ew, what are you, my pimp?”
“That’s exactly what I am. Now c’mere and kiss me,” Heechul orders.
Rolling his eyes yet again, Sungmin reluctantly complies, climbing in Heechul’s lap and kissing him briefly. After a moment, he pulls away, standing up and grabbing the glass from where he had set it on the table.
“You’re my bottom bitch, you know that?” Heechul slaps Sungmin on the ass.
“You realize that you’re not actually a pimp, right?” Sungmin calls after he walks into the kitchen.
“Yeah, but if I was, you’d totally be my favorite.”
Sungmin comes back in and hands him a newly made drink. “Thanks, Chul, I’m flattered,” he says dryly, sitting back down.
Heechul picks up the drink and starts to take a sip, when suddenly he stops. He puts the drink down and clutches his stomach. “What the…?” He groans, and runs to the bathroom. Sungmin watches him leave with mild interest.
Upon reaching the bathroom, Heechul immediately throws up. “What the fuck?” He yells. “Sungmin, what did you put in my drink, you fucking whore?!” He continues throwing up the entire contents of his stomach.
Meanwhile, Sungmin has turned on the TV and is turning up the volume to drown out Heechul’s noises.
“Thanks for the suggestion, Ryeowook,” he says to no one in particular, and grins.
***
Cont. A/N: oh my fuck, Heechul and Sungmin. I don’t even know where they came from. Seriously.
But this fic is actually inspired by my own roommate, who loves to blast country songs like the one that this fic is titled after, and by whom I am completely whipped. That part with Kyuhyun having to clean up Zhou Mi’s shit all the time? That is my life. No joke.