A Christmas Tale Told in Seven Parts
Once upon a time in the old pueblo, a young married couple endeavored to celebrate Christmas. They shopped, they visited family and they ate. The husband eagerly awaited Christmas morning, knowing there would surely be some Legos beneath the tree just for him. The wife awaited Christmas, knowing it would all be over soon. Once the presents were opened and the Christmas loompia vanquished, the husband eagerly awaited the arrival of his best friend. The wife absconded to the Hill, her mother's house, so that her husband and his friend could have some time alone.
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At the Hill, the wife spent time with her family, pleased to find her father, on a visit from California, in a cheery mood. On this particular night, the wicked little sister and her cro-magnun spouse had departed for the Sierra Vista mall, a good thirty- to forty-five minute drive. The parents, the brother, and the wife could therefore have a pleasant evening together. Two hours or so after the wicked and her husband left, phone calls from Progressive Auto insurance started coming in. A recorded voice kept asking the wife to press 1 if her roadside assistance had arrived and to press 2 if assistance had not arrived. They all thought it odd, wondering if the sister and her husband had Progressive but finding it odd that they would not have called the Hill to say they needed help.
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Half an hour or so later, the mother goes outside to see why her guard dog is barking. She yells to the brother that there is a tow truck out front. Everyone hurries outside. The brother-in-law's Ford Focus is on the tow truck.
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There was no accident. Everyone was okay. Apparently, according to the tow truck driver, these cars have a defect which causes the ignition to fail. Brother-in-law had been unable to start his brand new car. They had not even gotten to go to the mall, as it closes early on Sundays. Instead of calling the Hill and asking for a ride home, he calls a tow truck. Instead of having the tow truck take him to a dealer in Sierra Vista, he has the tow truck take the car back to the Hill. The Hill is about 30 miles from Sierra Vista and about 30 miles from Tucson. There are no car dealers in between. Progressive paid for the first 15 miles of tow not the rest. Progressive will not pay to tow it again and neither Ford nor the dealership will pay to have the problem fixed.
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The wife spent the night at the Hill and the next day nearly drove her insane. After a night of sleeping on the couch, in a living room full of stirred up mice, she woke up to find her mother in the wonderfulest of moods. Her father was going back to California that morning and the events of the previous night worked to put her in a most psychotic of moods. After eating a paltry dinner of lunchmeat sandwich, the wife found she had to escape her mother and retreated to her older sister's house, a short walk down a hill. A couple of hours were spent bitching to the older sister and playing with the two cutest nephews in the world.
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During this time, the wife repeatedly called home to see if the husband's friend had arrived yet. She asked him if he had checked his email to see if there was a problem. He said he had not. She suggested that he might want to check his email. (The wife is still a bit confused as to when the husband did in fact check the email.)
There would be no visit from the friend.
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The wife and the husband both had a lousy Christmas. Next year, the wife thinks she and the husband should get out of town and to hell with buying presents.
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At the Hill, the wife spent time with her family, pleased to find her father, on a visit from California, in a cheery mood. On this particular night, the wicked little sister and her cro-magnun spouse had departed for the Sierra Vista mall, a good thirty- to forty-five minute drive. The parents, the brother, and the wife could therefore have a pleasant evening together. Two hours or so after the wicked and her husband left, phone calls from Progressive Auto insurance started coming in. A recorded voice kept asking the wife to press 1 if her roadside assistance had arrived and to press 2 if assistance had not arrived. They all thought it odd, wondering if the sister and her husband had Progressive but finding it odd that they would not have called the Hill to say they needed help.
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Half an hour or so later, the mother goes outside to see why her guard dog is barking. She yells to the brother that there is a tow truck out front. Everyone hurries outside. The brother-in-law's Ford Focus is on the tow truck.
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There was no accident. Everyone was okay. Apparently, according to the tow truck driver, these cars have a defect which causes the ignition to fail. Brother-in-law had been unable to start his brand new car. They had not even gotten to go to the mall, as it closes early on Sundays. Instead of calling the Hill and asking for a ride home, he calls a tow truck. Instead of having the tow truck take him to a dealer in Sierra Vista, he has the tow truck take the car back to the Hill. The Hill is about 30 miles from Sierra Vista and about 30 miles from Tucson. There are no car dealers in between. Progressive paid for the first 15 miles of tow not the rest. Progressive will not pay to tow it again and neither Ford nor the dealership will pay to have the problem fixed.
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The wife spent the night at the Hill and the next day nearly drove her insane. After a night of sleeping on the couch, in a living room full of stirred up mice, she woke up to find her mother in the wonderfulest of moods. Her father was going back to California that morning and the events of the previous night worked to put her in a most psychotic of moods. After eating a paltry dinner of lunchmeat sandwich, the wife found she had to escape her mother and retreated to her older sister's house, a short walk down a hill. A couple of hours were spent bitching to the older sister and playing with the two cutest nephews in the world.
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During this time, the wife repeatedly called home to see if the husband's friend had arrived yet. She asked him if he had checked his email to see if there was a problem. He said he had not. She suggested that he might want to check his email. (The wife is still a bit confused as to when the husband did in fact check the email.)
There would be no visit from the friend.
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The wife and the husband both had a lousy Christmas. Next year, the wife thinks she and the husband should get out of town and to hell with buying presents.