Starlight Crashing Through the Room Part Seven
I could tell something was bothering Linkara. Unfortunately, I had so much else to worry about that I couldn’t spend too much time figuring out what.
Wrestling practice that week was pure hell. Coach Ogreski was pushing us harder than ever, which made everyone more frustrated and aggressive, which meant they took it out on us. Linkara and I spent a lot of time pinned to the locker room floor, pressed against walls, or otherwise restrained so the seniors could vent.
That venting led to other issues for us both. I barely talked to anyone except Linkara for fear of admitting to anyone what was going on. Sure, saying something might get the seniors in trouble, but it would also get most of the school to hate me for ratting out their idols. I tried to focus on anything else, but it was difficult when I could always feel the bruises and insults. My grades, which were never great to begin with, started slipping since I couldn’t think well enough to work.
The only thing I could think about besides the wrestling team was Linkara and that was only due to how worried I was. In spite of our best efforts, he wasn’t eating at all that week, even going so far as to hide in the library or bathroom during lunch to avoid listening to us. The one time Critic tried to force him to come back, they caused such a ruckus that they both earned two hours of detention for Wednesday afternoon.
It was only too tempting to commit a minor crime in order to join them. Unfortunately, I couldn’t muster the willpower to sufficiently piss off any of my teachers, so I was forced to attend practice alone.
Which meant I had to take twice the abuse as usual.
“Where’s your boyfriend, shrimp?” Evans asked, shoving me into the wall.
I ignored the question, bracing myself for the beating I was going to get on Linkara’s behalf. But I wasn’t going to complain. I knew he was miserable as well and I didn’t begrudge him taking detention over practice. I could take an afternoon of pain alone.
Sure enough, after practice I was limping down the hall, glad I had a sweatshirt to hide the bruises. Linkara was standing just outside of the detention room, looking extremely unhappy, though his face softened when he saw me. “Sorry,” he said. “I shouldn’t have made you go alone.”
“I’m fine,” I lied. “I’d probably take detention if I could.”
“My mom’s gonna be pissed,” Linkara sighed.
“You don’t have to tell her.”
“I should.”
“You’re already gonna get smacked tomorrow for missing practice three days before a meet. I think you can afford to lie by omission.”
“Yeah, you’re right.”
“But you will come to lunch tomorrow, right?”
He didn’t look at me. “I’ll see,” he said. “I just…I don’t feel hungry anymore…”
“Linkara…”
“I’m fine.”
“If you were fine, Critic wouldn’t have spent fifteen minutes shouting at you. You need to take care of yourself.”
“I’m fine!”
I sighed, but I didn’t push it. I didn’t want to alienate him. Not when I desperately needed him on my side.
*
Saturday came and I found myself sitting at the front of a school bus, leaning on the window and trying to make myself invisible. Linkara sat next to me, his head bent over a Gameboy. Fortunately, the seniors all sat near the back where they could more easily roughhouse with each other, while Linkara and I stayed near the front where Coach Ogreski could easily see if anyone hassled us.
All in all, it could have been a worse journey. After the first hour, I did look at what Linkara was doing, though I couldn’t really tell. It certainly involved travelling a lot and catching little monsters, but that was all I could figure out.
He glanced up at me and smiled. “You want to try?” he asked.
“What is it?” I asked.
“Pokémon Red. It’s from Japan.” He handed me the Gameboy. “Here. Just go to the towns, catch any Pokémon you see, and then go battle with them.”
I took the game and started playing. Linkara leaned over my shoulder, giving me advice, and in a few minutes, I had won my first battle. “That’s fun,” I said, handing it back.
“Yeah.” Linkara smiled slightly. “It really is.”
We spend the rest of the trip like that, passing the Gameboy back and forth and giving each other suggestions. Even the noise from all the other guys didn’t bother us, and given the choice, I would have been content riding like that for the rest of the day.
Unfortunately, that wasn’t an option and we eventually arrived in Des Moines. I stayed as close to Linkara as I could as we were signed in and sent to a locker room. Fortunately, said locker room was shared with several other schools so it was much easier to stay out of the way.
“Maybe if we lose quickly we’ll be able to find a good place where they can’t find us,” I muttered to Linkara.
He shook his head. “We’re supposed to watch everyone else when we aren’t competing.”
“No one will notice…”
“Ogreski will. We have a team spot.”
I groaned. “As if it isn’t boring enough to actually wrestle we have to watch it too?”
“Hey, I don’t make the rules…but yeah, we should try to be eliminated quickly. Otherwise, we might have to wrestle people who are actually good.”
“Shouldn’t be too hard to get out. Unless we run into other people who really don’t want to be here.”
“Just try not to get pinned. We don’t need to get killed on Monday.”
I nodded and we headed out.
*
I got pinned. Of course I got pinned. In all the hassle leading to this point, I had never learned too much about actually wrestling.
It seemed Linkara hadn’t, either, but he at least lasted longer than I did. Once we were finished, we were at least allowed to shower and change with the other losers, and luckily, most of the other guys from our team were still in the ring.
We took as much time as we could, enjoying the luxury of not getting beaten up for once. Even after we were ready, we kept looking for excuses not to go back out.
“Think he’d notice if I brought my Gameboy out?” Linkara asked.
“Probably,” I said. “At least carry a notebook, though. It’s hard to hear in there.”
He sighed at grabbed it and we returned to the gym. The rest of the team glared at us, but we managed to find seats as far from them as possible.
The next few hours passed without incident. Linkara and I passed notes, nothing important, but it kept us from falling asleep at least. Around noon, the matches stopped for lunch. Linkara and I were able to find space away from the team after being given a sandwich, a bag of chips, an apple, and a bottle of water. Even with that scant offering, I noticed Linkara only picked at his food, staring at the table as if hoping it would help him disappear.
“You can eat,” I said. “You don’t have to worry about weight until Friday and there’s nothing here that will add more than a couple of ounces.”
He only sighed. “I’m not hungry,” he muttered.
“Because you lost? So what? I lost worse than you did!”
“I don’t want…”
“Linkara, eat. Please.”
He looked at me and sighed, picking up his apple and eating it as dramatically as possible. “Happy?” he asked once done.
“Have you eaten any protein this week?”
“Yeah…”
“You can leave the chips, but eat the sandwich.”
“I’m fine.”
“Now.”
He glared at me before he obeyed, eating quickly without breaking eye contact. I simply glared back. It was my job to make sure he took care of himself and while I had failed at it for the last week, I was going to do it now.
As soon as he was done, he shoved the bag of chips toward me. “Here, you need to gain, don’t you?”
“Won’t do me any good,” I said, but I took them. “Feel better?”
“A bit,” he admitted. “I mean, we’re still going to die on Monday, but it was nice to have a last meal.”
“We won’t die,” I said. “We can avoid the locker room for the next week or two.”
“Or maybe we’ll be kicked off the team,” he muttered. “I mean, we’ve pretty definitively proven that we suck at this.”
“This is high school,” I pointed out. “You can suck at everything and they’ll just tell you to try harder.”
“So what happens when you’re trying as hard as you can?”
“Then they just call you a loser and push you down until you’re forced to push back.”
He sighed. “Critic gave this lecture,” he muttered. “But…I don’t want to push back anymore. I’m so tired…I just want to be done with this.”
“I know.” I sat there for a moment in silence. “Why can’t you quit?” I finally asked. “Why do they make you go through this?”
He didn’t look at me, tapping his fingers on the table. “You’d hate me if I told you,” he muttered.
“No I won’t,” I said. “You’re my best friend. I could never hate you.”
He nodded and leaned over the table. “Promise you won’t tell?” he asked quietly.
“Promise,” I said, leaning in so he could keep it quiet.
“My dad made me do this because he wants to change me,” he whispered. “Because I told him over the summer that I’m gay…and he didn’t like that.” He sat back. “Now you know. So you can hate me.”
I shook my head. “That’s not a reason to hate you,” I said. “That’s a reason to be angry at your dad.”
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Wrestling practice that week was pure hell. Coach Ogreski was pushing us harder than ever, which made everyone more frustrated and aggressive, which meant they took it out on us. Linkara and I spent a lot of time pinned to the locker room floor, pressed against walls, or otherwise restrained so the seniors could vent.
That venting led to other issues for us both. I barely talked to anyone except Linkara for fear of admitting to anyone what was going on. Sure, saying something might get the seniors in trouble, but it would also get most of the school to hate me for ratting out their idols. I tried to focus on anything else, but it was difficult when I could always feel the bruises and insults. My grades, which were never great to begin with, started slipping since I couldn’t think well enough to work.
The only thing I could think about besides the wrestling team was Linkara and that was only due to how worried I was. In spite of our best efforts, he wasn’t eating at all that week, even going so far as to hide in the library or bathroom during lunch to avoid listening to us. The one time Critic tried to force him to come back, they caused such a ruckus that they both earned two hours of detention for Wednesday afternoon.
It was only too tempting to commit a minor crime in order to join them. Unfortunately, I couldn’t muster the willpower to sufficiently piss off any of my teachers, so I was forced to attend practice alone.
Which meant I had to take twice the abuse as usual.
“Where’s your boyfriend, shrimp?” Evans asked, shoving me into the wall.
I ignored the question, bracing myself for the beating I was going to get on Linkara’s behalf. But I wasn’t going to complain. I knew he was miserable as well and I didn’t begrudge him taking detention over practice. I could take an afternoon of pain alone.
Sure enough, after practice I was limping down the hall, glad I had a sweatshirt to hide the bruises. Linkara was standing just outside of the detention room, looking extremely unhappy, though his face softened when he saw me. “Sorry,” he said. “I shouldn’t have made you go alone.”
“I’m fine,” I lied. “I’d probably take detention if I could.”
“My mom’s gonna be pissed,” Linkara sighed.
“You don’t have to tell her.”
“I should.”
“You’re already gonna get smacked tomorrow for missing practice three days before a meet. I think you can afford to lie by omission.”
“Yeah, you’re right.”
“But you will come to lunch tomorrow, right?”
He didn’t look at me. “I’ll see,” he said. “I just…I don’t feel hungry anymore…”
“Linkara…”
“I’m fine.”
“If you were fine, Critic wouldn’t have spent fifteen minutes shouting at you. You need to take care of yourself.”
“I’m fine!”
I sighed, but I didn’t push it. I didn’t want to alienate him. Not when I desperately needed him on my side.
*
Saturday came and I found myself sitting at the front of a school bus, leaning on the window and trying to make myself invisible. Linkara sat next to me, his head bent over a Gameboy. Fortunately, the seniors all sat near the back where they could more easily roughhouse with each other, while Linkara and I stayed near the front where Coach Ogreski could easily see if anyone hassled us.
All in all, it could have been a worse journey. After the first hour, I did look at what Linkara was doing, though I couldn’t really tell. It certainly involved travelling a lot and catching little monsters, but that was all I could figure out.
He glanced up at me and smiled. “You want to try?” he asked.
“What is it?” I asked.
“Pokémon Red. It’s from Japan.” He handed me the Gameboy. “Here. Just go to the towns, catch any Pokémon you see, and then go battle with them.”
I took the game and started playing. Linkara leaned over my shoulder, giving me advice, and in a few minutes, I had won my first battle. “That’s fun,” I said, handing it back.
“Yeah.” Linkara smiled slightly. “It really is.”
We spend the rest of the trip like that, passing the Gameboy back and forth and giving each other suggestions. Even the noise from all the other guys didn’t bother us, and given the choice, I would have been content riding like that for the rest of the day.
Unfortunately, that wasn’t an option and we eventually arrived in Des Moines. I stayed as close to Linkara as I could as we were signed in and sent to a locker room. Fortunately, said locker room was shared with several other schools so it was much easier to stay out of the way.
“Maybe if we lose quickly we’ll be able to find a good place where they can’t find us,” I muttered to Linkara.
He shook his head. “We’re supposed to watch everyone else when we aren’t competing.”
“No one will notice…”
“Ogreski will. We have a team spot.”
I groaned. “As if it isn’t boring enough to actually wrestle we have to watch it too?”
“Hey, I don’t make the rules…but yeah, we should try to be eliminated quickly. Otherwise, we might have to wrestle people who are actually good.”
“Shouldn’t be too hard to get out. Unless we run into other people who really don’t want to be here.”
“Just try not to get pinned. We don’t need to get killed on Monday.”
I nodded and we headed out.
*
I got pinned. Of course I got pinned. In all the hassle leading to this point, I had never learned too much about actually wrestling.
It seemed Linkara hadn’t, either, but he at least lasted longer than I did. Once we were finished, we were at least allowed to shower and change with the other losers, and luckily, most of the other guys from our team were still in the ring.
We took as much time as we could, enjoying the luxury of not getting beaten up for once. Even after we were ready, we kept looking for excuses not to go back out.
“Think he’d notice if I brought my Gameboy out?” Linkara asked.
“Probably,” I said. “At least carry a notebook, though. It’s hard to hear in there.”
He sighed at grabbed it and we returned to the gym. The rest of the team glared at us, but we managed to find seats as far from them as possible.
The next few hours passed without incident. Linkara and I passed notes, nothing important, but it kept us from falling asleep at least. Around noon, the matches stopped for lunch. Linkara and I were able to find space away from the team after being given a sandwich, a bag of chips, an apple, and a bottle of water. Even with that scant offering, I noticed Linkara only picked at his food, staring at the table as if hoping it would help him disappear.
“You can eat,” I said. “You don’t have to worry about weight until Friday and there’s nothing here that will add more than a couple of ounces.”
He only sighed. “I’m not hungry,” he muttered.
“Because you lost? So what? I lost worse than you did!”
“I don’t want…”
“Linkara, eat. Please.”
He looked at me and sighed, picking up his apple and eating it as dramatically as possible. “Happy?” he asked once done.
“Have you eaten any protein this week?”
“Yeah…”
“You can leave the chips, but eat the sandwich.”
“I’m fine.”
“Now.”
He glared at me before he obeyed, eating quickly without breaking eye contact. I simply glared back. It was my job to make sure he took care of himself and while I had failed at it for the last week, I was going to do it now.
As soon as he was done, he shoved the bag of chips toward me. “Here, you need to gain, don’t you?”
“Won’t do me any good,” I said, but I took them. “Feel better?”
“A bit,” he admitted. “I mean, we’re still going to die on Monday, but it was nice to have a last meal.”
“We won’t die,” I said. “We can avoid the locker room for the next week or two.”
“Or maybe we’ll be kicked off the team,” he muttered. “I mean, we’ve pretty definitively proven that we suck at this.”
“This is high school,” I pointed out. “You can suck at everything and they’ll just tell you to try harder.”
“So what happens when you’re trying as hard as you can?”
“Then they just call you a loser and push you down until you’re forced to push back.”
He sighed. “Critic gave this lecture,” he muttered. “But…I don’t want to push back anymore. I’m so tired…I just want to be done with this.”
“I know.” I sat there for a moment in silence. “Why can’t you quit?” I finally asked. “Why do they make you go through this?”
He didn’t look at me, tapping his fingers on the table. “You’d hate me if I told you,” he muttered.
“No I won’t,” I said. “You’re my best friend. I could never hate you.”
He nodded and leaned over the table. “Promise you won’t tell?” he asked quietly.
“Promise,” I said, leaning in so he could keep it quiet.
“My dad made me do this because he wants to change me,” he whispered. “Because I told him over the summer that I’m gay…and he didn’t like that.” He sat back. “Now you know. So you can hate me.”
I shook my head. “That’s not a reason to hate you,” I said. “That’s a reason to be angry at your dad.”
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