Falling Apart to Have Time Part Six
Snob gasped. His mind was reeling and he barely got out of the way of the door in time for it to fly open and for Ask That Guy to storm out. Snob stood by the wall, breathing hard, before Critic exited the room, his shoulders shaking, and headed back towards the royal wing. Snob followed, still invisible.
Critic went back to the hall and knocked on Film Brain’s door. “Come in,” the young prince called.
Critic opened the door. “Almost sundown,” he said. “Better get ready to go.”
Snob couldn’t see Film Brain past Critic, but he could hear the pain in his voice. “I don’t want to,” Film Brain said. “I can’t…I can’t face him tonight, after what I’ve done…”
“You must,” Critic said. “You know it will be worse if you try to fight it.” He closed the door and moved down the hall, knocking on the next one. “Grace, time to get ready!” he called, and moved on, knocking on each door and telling each of the young royals to get ready to go.
Snob stayed close by as they reached the last door. Critic went into his own room and changed his clothes, moving slowly, putting on the dancing clothes that Snob had seen every morning for weeks. Snob waited in a corner, keeping his breath quiet, knowing he was about to learn everything he needed to know.
There was a knock on the door just as Critic was pulling on the day’s dancing shoes. “Come in,” Critic called.
The door opened and the rest of the young royals came in, all dressed as though for a ball. Chick led them inside and counted them off as they entered, making sure they were all ready. Film Brain was last, walking slowly with his eyes down. He closed the door behind him and the young royals all stood in a line, waiting.
Critic rose slowly and went to the bedpost. He looked to his sister, who nodded once, and he twisted the bedpost. As he did, the wall beside the bed opened, showing a flight of steps leading downward. Critic stepped forward, leading the way down into the dark.
Snob waited until Film Brain was at the doorway before he moved, following close behind the youngest prince, close enough to breathe into his ear. “I’m here,” he hissed. Film Brain gasped.
“Film Brain?” Grace asked. “Are you all right?”
“Fine!” Film Brain said. “Just…the blisters and all.”
Grace frowned, but said nothing more as they kept going down. Snob grit his teeth as they descended lower, the pain in his knee flaring up with every step. Not that the young royals were moving particularly quickly-Snob knew exactly how much they were all hurting.
They finally reached the bottom of the stairs, where there was a little wooden door. Critic opened it and they filed through one by one, out onto a narrow lane lined with golden trees. Snob fell back a little ways, limping, but still within reach of Film Brain. But as they walked, Snob reached up and snapped off a branch from one of the trees. Film Brain jumped.
“Film Brain?” Vira said. “What is it?”
“Nothing,” Film Brain said. “Just…thought I heard something.”
“There’s no one but us,” Vira said. “You’re just distracted.”
Film Brain didn’t say anything more as they continued along.
Sometime later, they came to the end of the walk to a lake, not terribly large but a bit far to swim across. In the center was an island with a large castle on it, but Snob’s attention was only drawn to the castle for a moment before his eyes fell on the people waiting on the shore, eleven young men and one young woman, all dressed in fine clothes.
The princes and princesses immediately rushed to them, embracing them and greeting them with cheerful words. Snob watched as Critic fell on the neck of one of the young men, sobbing, while Chick leapt into the arms of the young woman, kissing her deeply. The only one who didn’t rush forward was Film Brain, who walked to the last young man slowly with his head down.
Snob followed, a feeling of dread settling on him. Clearly, everyone here was the lover of one of the young royals. Surely this young man was Film Brain’s.
“Good evening, Film Brain,” the young man said.
“Hello, Ashens,” Film Brain said, blushing deeply.
Ashens offered his hand and helped Film Brain into a boat. The others were doing the same. Snob watched as they all settled into the little boats, and it was only after a minute’s hesitation that he climbed into the boat beside Film Brain. Ashens didn’t seem to notice the extra weight as he rowed across.
“And how fare things with your soldier?” Ashens asked, a teasing smile on his lips.
“Not good,” Film Brain said. “He…he was convicted of treason and sentenced to death…and it’s all my fault.”
Ashens raised an eyebrow. “How is that your fault?” he asked.
Film Brain blushed deeper and Snob felt a stab of anger. Was Film Brain just using him, getting a cheap thrill before he had to return to his proper prince? Was it a game they were playing? Or was Film Brain just trying to get out of this relationship?
“We…this morning, he was so…I asked him to stay…and…”
Ashens looked shocked. “You mean you…?”
“Yes.” Film Brain looked away. “I’m sorry…I just…I wanted him so badly…you know that…and…and he can break this curse.” The last sentence was said a bit louder, as though it wasn’t meant for Ashens’s ears at all. “Marrying a commoner in the sight of the King would set us all free…and I love him…and I thought…maybe if we did it…it would seem that we would have no choice…but Ask That Guy had other ideas and suggested an execution instead.”
Snob felt his anger ebbing away, to be replaced with loss. So Film Brain was just using him…to a noble goal, but using him nevertheless. Was his declaration of love a lie? Probably. It didn’t matter. Snob should have known better than to hope.
And yet…he couldn’t blame the little prince. If only he had asked, Snob would have agreed, just to save them from…whatever was coming. He still wasn’t sure.
“So…is it over?” Ashens asked, his voice hopeless.
“No,” Film Brain said. “Snob’s last request was to take the Challenge…and the King granted it. But even if he manages to find out what’s happening down here, it’s his word against Ask That Guy’s, and who would the King believe, a convicted traitor or the Lord Chamberlain?”
“That does seem like an issue,” Ashens said. “So what’s your plan?”
“I don’t have one,” Film Brain admitted. “I just have to hope that he and Captain Finevoice have worked something out…and that Ask That Guy doesn’t try to stop them.”
“So the original plan…”
“Spoony won’t do it. We suggested it the moment Captain Finevoice returned from the war, but…well, Ask That Guy already tried to kill him once. Who’s to say that he wouldn’t just have him killed outright? And…you know we couldn’t stand that.”
Ashens sighed. “I’m sorry this happened,” he said. “Truly, I am. If I could help…”
“But you can’t,” Film Brain said bitterly. “All we can do now is pray.”
They reached the castle and all got out of the boats. The young royals went with their respective partners inside to a large ballroom, where an orchestra was already beginning to play a slow waltz. As though physically compelled to do so, they all started dancing, moving around the floor without stopping, even as the music began to gather speed.
Snob found an out-of-the-way corner where he could watch without being bumped into and waited. Sure enough, half an hour into the dance, Critic and his partner danced by and remained close to Snob.
“I’ve only got two days after tonight,” Critic said. “He said that he’d start killing them if I didn’t say yes.”
His partner’s grip tightened. “What will you do?”
“I don’t know,” Critic said. “I don’t want…Nerd, you know I can’t…”
“You can’t let them die,” Nerd said. “I…I don’t want you to marry him, but…but if that’s how you can save them…”
“If I marry him, what’s to stop him from killing them anyway?” Critic asked. “What’s to stop him from killing Rob and taking over? Who’s to say he wouldn’t destroy the kingdom in his quest for more power?”
“But if you marry him, he’ll lift the curse and we’ll be free to stop him.” Nerd’s eyes were bright, but he still met Critic’s gaze. “I don’t want to lose you, but…”
“He won’t lift the curse,” Critic said. “He’ll just modify it…he’ll let us stop dancing, yes, but…but he’ll still keep you trapped. Or he’ll leave the others down here with you, doomed to dance until you all drop dead…and I’d never see you again. He’d ensure it.”
“And Film Brain’s soldier?”
Critic sighed. “We had hopes, but…I don’t think he can stand up to Ask That Guy without getting himself killed.”
They moved off just then, but their place was quickly taken by Spoony and his partner, who seemed to be talking a bit louder as though for the benefit of someone else.
“We can’t talk about it in our own castle,” Spoony said, a bit too loud. “But we’re cursed to dance all night, every night until Critic agrees to marry Ask That Guy, or until one of us marries a commoner in the sight of the King.”
“It’s a really complicated curse,” the other young man said. “And it applies to Harvey Finevoice as well, or else he would have told the King long ago.”
“And no, I couldn’t just marry Harvey and wait for him to die,” Spoony added. “Ask That Guy got wind of that plan and started to war to prevent it, and when Harvey came back, he knew that asking the King for my hand would be shot down based on his age.”
“Lucky I gave him that ring, or else we’d have absolutely no shot at getting out of this,” the other young man said.
“Oh, Linkara, you’re so clever,” Spoony said. “Now, if only there was a way that we could get someone down here and give him a way to prove everything.”
“The only way he can prove it is if he gets another witness to overhear Ask That Guy’s evil plots,” Linkara said. “Luckily, I also made sure that Harvey would recommend my younger brother 90s Kid to the guard. He might be an idiot, but he’s good at acting like someone of absolutely no importance and can be counted on to do whatever he needs to do to help.”
“How did you get Harvey to make a recommendation when you haven’t seen him in two years?” Spoony asked.
“I actually put in the request before all this happened,” Linkara said. “For when 90s Kid was old enough.”
Spoony glanced at the corner and Snob could have sworn that the prince was looking straight at him. “Well, lucky you’re very paranoid and put all those measures in place,” he said. “Now let’s just hope that they all work.”
“It always pays to have an elaborate escape plan worked out,” Linkara said. “Especially when the King hires a Lord Chamberlain who sets off the creeper alert a mile away.”
They danced away, leaving Snob feeling very, very angry. The war, all those boys who died, from both sides, his wound…Snob could see them all, the dead on the battlefield, the soldier he had shot before he was taken down himself, all of those good men…dead, and for what? Because one damn noble needed to get rid of a good captain. Snob’s fists clenched. Whether Film Brain loved him or not, he was going to break this.
*
The dance went on until a little before sunrise. By that time, the young royals had once again worn out their shoes and there was a distinct trail of blood as they left the ballroom. Their dance partners rowed them back across the lake, though they didn’t seem nearly as tired. Snob frowned-was it part of the magic of the castle?
This time, Snob rode with Critic and hurried ahead of them, moving as quickly as he could down the lane of trees and up the stairs. Even with his bad leg screaming in pain, he still beat the exhausted royals back to Critic’s room. Once there, he pulled off the ring and headed down the hall to Film Brain’s room, where he had left the week’s medicine before he had been arrested, cursing the Lord Chamberlain the whole way, both for the curse and his bad leg.
He hesitated, then gathered all the basins and took them back to Critic’s room. No point in making them all walk further. By the time the young royals had stumbled in, Snob had already set the basins of warm water and medicine out for them. They all looked at Snob in surprise, but didn’t question him as they sat down for the daily ritual.
As Snob moved to start bandaging, though, Spoony suddenly spoke. “You know,” he said to the room at large. “I was in the library yesterday and I learned a few interesting facts about magic.” He was still talking a bit too loud. Snob glanced at him but said nothing, so Spoony continued. “One of those things was that unless otherwise specified, a spellcaster is always immune to the effects of his own magic.”
“Spoony, we don’t care,” Lupa snapped wearily.
He ignored her. “So, for example, if someone enchants a wearable object to make someone invisible, and someone else used that object, the spellcaster would still be able to see him.”
Snob nodded once to indicate that he understood. The other young royals were glaring at Spoony, who didn’t seem deterred.
“Another thing I learned,” he said. “Was that every curse has two ways to be lifted. One is if the spellcaster manually breaks it, but the other way can be done by anyone who fits the qualifications. The default is true love’s kiss or some shit, but it can always be changed. But if it is changed, the victim or victims of the curse must be informed of how it can be broken.”
“Spoony, seriously, shut up,” Tamara groaned.
“And the last thing I found,” Spoony continued. “Was that magic drains a person’s lifeforce. That’s normally not too big of a problem, but if someone casts too big of a spell-like, say, putting twenty-five people under a curse that will be maintained for an indeterminate amount of time-they’ll have very little magical energy left for a while. I don’t know how long it takes to recharge, but the book I read said it can take years to get back to full power, and if the curse is broken while the spellcaster is weakened, it takes even longer.”
There was silence in the room. Snob didn’t look up, only went around and bandaged everyone’s feet. Once he’d finished, he stood up and bowed before leaving the room. He put on the ring again, not wanting to be glared at right now, and stepped out to the main halls.
90s Kid was at his post, looking rather more tired than normal. The other guard with him stood stiff and still, but Snob ignored that. He tapped 90s Kid on the shoulder, making the boy jump.
“It’s me,” he whispered. “I have your brother’s ring and we need to talk. Meet me in the east hall when you get off your shift, and bring Captain Finevoice as well.”
90s Kid nodded once and Snob hurried off.
Previous | Next
Critic went back to the hall and knocked on Film Brain’s door. “Come in,” the young prince called.
Critic opened the door. “Almost sundown,” he said. “Better get ready to go.”
Snob couldn’t see Film Brain past Critic, but he could hear the pain in his voice. “I don’t want to,” Film Brain said. “I can’t…I can’t face him tonight, after what I’ve done…”
“You must,” Critic said. “You know it will be worse if you try to fight it.” He closed the door and moved down the hall, knocking on the next one. “Grace, time to get ready!” he called, and moved on, knocking on each door and telling each of the young royals to get ready to go.
Snob stayed close by as they reached the last door. Critic went into his own room and changed his clothes, moving slowly, putting on the dancing clothes that Snob had seen every morning for weeks. Snob waited in a corner, keeping his breath quiet, knowing he was about to learn everything he needed to know.
There was a knock on the door just as Critic was pulling on the day’s dancing shoes. “Come in,” Critic called.
The door opened and the rest of the young royals came in, all dressed as though for a ball. Chick led them inside and counted them off as they entered, making sure they were all ready. Film Brain was last, walking slowly with his eyes down. He closed the door behind him and the young royals all stood in a line, waiting.
Critic rose slowly and went to the bedpost. He looked to his sister, who nodded once, and he twisted the bedpost. As he did, the wall beside the bed opened, showing a flight of steps leading downward. Critic stepped forward, leading the way down into the dark.
Snob waited until Film Brain was at the doorway before he moved, following close behind the youngest prince, close enough to breathe into his ear. “I’m here,” he hissed. Film Brain gasped.
“Film Brain?” Grace asked. “Are you all right?”
“Fine!” Film Brain said. “Just…the blisters and all.”
Grace frowned, but said nothing more as they kept going down. Snob grit his teeth as they descended lower, the pain in his knee flaring up with every step. Not that the young royals were moving particularly quickly-Snob knew exactly how much they were all hurting.
They finally reached the bottom of the stairs, where there was a little wooden door. Critic opened it and they filed through one by one, out onto a narrow lane lined with golden trees. Snob fell back a little ways, limping, but still within reach of Film Brain. But as they walked, Snob reached up and snapped off a branch from one of the trees. Film Brain jumped.
“Film Brain?” Vira said. “What is it?”
“Nothing,” Film Brain said. “Just…thought I heard something.”
“There’s no one but us,” Vira said. “You’re just distracted.”
Film Brain didn’t say anything more as they continued along.
Sometime later, they came to the end of the walk to a lake, not terribly large but a bit far to swim across. In the center was an island with a large castle on it, but Snob’s attention was only drawn to the castle for a moment before his eyes fell on the people waiting on the shore, eleven young men and one young woman, all dressed in fine clothes.
The princes and princesses immediately rushed to them, embracing them and greeting them with cheerful words. Snob watched as Critic fell on the neck of one of the young men, sobbing, while Chick leapt into the arms of the young woman, kissing her deeply. The only one who didn’t rush forward was Film Brain, who walked to the last young man slowly with his head down.
Snob followed, a feeling of dread settling on him. Clearly, everyone here was the lover of one of the young royals. Surely this young man was Film Brain’s.
“Good evening, Film Brain,” the young man said.
“Hello, Ashens,” Film Brain said, blushing deeply.
Ashens offered his hand and helped Film Brain into a boat. The others were doing the same. Snob watched as they all settled into the little boats, and it was only after a minute’s hesitation that he climbed into the boat beside Film Brain. Ashens didn’t seem to notice the extra weight as he rowed across.
“And how fare things with your soldier?” Ashens asked, a teasing smile on his lips.
“Not good,” Film Brain said. “He…he was convicted of treason and sentenced to death…and it’s all my fault.”
Ashens raised an eyebrow. “How is that your fault?” he asked.
Film Brain blushed deeper and Snob felt a stab of anger. Was Film Brain just using him, getting a cheap thrill before he had to return to his proper prince? Was it a game they were playing? Or was Film Brain just trying to get out of this relationship?
“We…this morning, he was so…I asked him to stay…and…”
Ashens looked shocked. “You mean you…?”
“Yes.” Film Brain looked away. “I’m sorry…I just…I wanted him so badly…you know that…and…and he can break this curse.” The last sentence was said a bit louder, as though it wasn’t meant for Ashens’s ears at all. “Marrying a commoner in the sight of the King would set us all free…and I love him…and I thought…maybe if we did it…it would seem that we would have no choice…but Ask That Guy had other ideas and suggested an execution instead.”
Snob felt his anger ebbing away, to be replaced with loss. So Film Brain was just using him…to a noble goal, but using him nevertheless. Was his declaration of love a lie? Probably. It didn’t matter. Snob should have known better than to hope.
And yet…he couldn’t blame the little prince. If only he had asked, Snob would have agreed, just to save them from…whatever was coming. He still wasn’t sure.
“So…is it over?” Ashens asked, his voice hopeless.
“No,” Film Brain said. “Snob’s last request was to take the Challenge…and the King granted it. But even if he manages to find out what’s happening down here, it’s his word against Ask That Guy’s, and who would the King believe, a convicted traitor or the Lord Chamberlain?”
“That does seem like an issue,” Ashens said. “So what’s your plan?”
“I don’t have one,” Film Brain admitted. “I just have to hope that he and Captain Finevoice have worked something out…and that Ask That Guy doesn’t try to stop them.”
“So the original plan…”
“Spoony won’t do it. We suggested it the moment Captain Finevoice returned from the war, but…well, Ask That Guy already tried to kill him once. Who’s to say that he wouldn’t just have him killed outright? And…you know we couldn’t stand that.”
Ashens sighed. “I’m sorry this happened,” he said. “Truly, I am. If I could help…”
“But you can’t,” Film Brain said bitterly. “All we can do now is pray.”
They reached the castle and all got out of the boats. The young royals went with their respective partners inside to a large ballroom, where an orchestra was already beginning to play a slow waltz. As though physically compelled to do so, they all started dancing, moving around the floor without stopping, even as the music began to gather speed.
Snob found an out-of-the-way corner where he could watch without being bumped into and waited. Sure enough, half an hour into the dance, Critic and his partner danced by and remained close to Snob.
“I’ve only got two days after tonight,” Critic said. “He said that he’d start killing them if I didn’t say yes.”
His partner’s grip tightened. “What will you do?”
“I don’t know,” Critic said. “I don’t want…Nerd, you know I can’t…”
“You can’t let them die,” Nerd said. “I…I don’t want you to marry him, but…but if that’s how you can save them…”
“If I marry him, what’s to stop him from killing them anyway?” Critic asked. “What’s to stop him from killing Rob and taking over? Who’s to say he wouldn’t destroy the kingdom in his quest for more power?”
“But if you marry him, he’ll lift the curse and we’ll be free to stop him.” Nerd’s eyes were bright, but he still met Critic’s gaze. “I don’t want to lose you, but…”
“He won’t lift the curse,” Critic said. “He’ll just modify it…he’ll let us stop dancing, yes, but…but he’ll still keep you trapped. Or he’ll leave the others down here with you, doomed to dance until you all drop dead…and I’d never see you again. He’d ensure it.”
“And Film Brain’s soldier?”
Critic sighed. “We had hopes, but…I don’t think he can stand up to Ask That Guy without getting himself killed.”
They moved off just then, but their place was quickly taken by Spoony and his partner, who seemed to be talking a bit louder as though for the benefit of someone else.
“We can’t talk about it in our own castle,” Spoony said, a bit too loud. “But we’re cursed to dance all night, every night until Critic agrees to marry Ask That Guy, or until one of us marries a commoner in the sight of the King.”
“It’s a really complicated curse,” the other young man said. “And it applies to Harvey Finevoice as well, or else he would have told the King long ago.”
“And no, I couldn’t just marry Harvey and wait for him to die,” Spoony added. “Ask That Guy got wind of that plan and started to war to prevent it, and when Harvey came back, he knew that asking the King for my hand would be shot down based on his age.”
“Lucky I gave him that ring, or else we’d have absolutely no shot at getting out of this,” the other young man said.
“Oh, Linkara, you’re so clever,” Spoony said. “Now, if only there was a way that we could get someone down here and give him a way to prove everything.”
“The only way he can prove it is if he gets another witness to overhear Ask That Guy’s evil plots,” Linkara said. “Luckily, I also made sure that Harvey would recommend my younger brother 90s Kid to the guard. He might be an idiot, but he’s good at acting like someone of absolutely no importance and can be counted on to do whatever he needs to do to help.”
“How did you get Harvey to make a recommendation when you haven’t seen him in two years?” Spoony asked.
“I actually put in the request before all this happened,” Linkara said. “For when 90s Kid was old enough.”
Spoony glanced at the corner and Snob could have sworn that the prince was looking straight at him. “Well, lucky you’re very paranoid and put all those measures in place,” he said. “Now let’s just hope that they all work.”
“It always pays to have an elaborate escape plan worked out,” Linkara said. “Especially when the King hires a Lord Chamberlain who sets off the creeper alert a mile away.”
They danced away, leaving Snob feeling very, very angry. The war, all those boys who died, from both sides, his wound…Snob could see them all, the dead on the battlefield, the soldier he had shot before he was taken down himself, all of those good men…dead, and for what? Because one damn noble needed to get rid of a good captain. Snob’s fists clenched. Whether Film Brain loved him or not, he was going to break this.
*
The dance went on until a little before sunrise. By that time, the young royals had once again worn out their shoes and there was a distinct trail of blood as they left the ballroom. Their dance partners rowed them back across the lake, though they didn’t seem nearly as tired. Snob frowned-was it part of the magic of the castle?
This time, Snob rode with Critic and hurried ahead of them, moving as quickly as he could down the lane of trees and up the stairs. Even with his bad leg screaming in pain, he still beat the exhausted royals back to Critic’s room. Once there, he pulled off the ring and headed down the hall to Film Brain’s room, where he had left the week’s medicine before he had been arrested, cursing the Lord Chamberlain the whole way, both for the curse and his bad leg.
He hesitated, then gathered all the basins and took them back to Critic’s room. No point in making them all walk further. By the time the young royals had stumbled in, Snob had already set the basins of warm water and medicine out for them. They all looked at Snob in surprise, but didn’t question him as they sat down for the daily ritual.
As Snob moved to start bandaging, though, Spoony suddenly spoke. “You know,” he said to the room at large. “I was in the library yesterday and I learned a few interesting facts about magic.” He was still talking a bit too loud. Snob glanced at him but said nothing, so Spoony continued. “One of those things was that unless otherwise specified, a spellcaster is always immune to the effects of his own magic.”
“Spoony, we don’t care,” Lupa snapped wearily.
He ignored her. “So, for example, if someone enchants a wearable object to make someone invisible, and someone else used that object, the spellcaster would still be able to see him.”
Snob nodded once to indicate that he understood. The other young royals were glaring at Spoony, who didn’t seem deterred.
“Another thing I learned,” he said. “Was that every curse has two ways to be lifted. One is if the spellcaster manually breaks it, but the other way can be done by anyone who fits the qualifications. The default is true love’s kiss or some shit, but it can always be changed. But if it is changed, the victim or victims of the curse must be informed of how it can be broken.”
“Spoony, seriously, shut up,” Tamara groaned.
“And the last thing I found,” Spoony continued. “Was that magic drains a person’s lifeforce. That’s normally not too big of a problem, but if someone casts too big of a spell-like, say, putting twenty-five people under a curse that will be maintained for an indeterminate amount of time-they’ll have very little magical energy left for a while. I don’t know how long it takes to recharge, but the book I read said it can take years to get back to full power, and if the curse is broken while the spellcaster is weakened, it takes even longer.”
There was silence in the room. Snob didn’t look up, only went around and bandaged everyone’s feet. Once he’d finished, he stood up and bowed before leaving the room. He put on the ring again, not wanting to be glared at right now, and stepped out to the main halls.
90s Kid was at his post, looking rather more tired than normal. The other guard with him stood stiff and still, but Snob ignored that. He tapped 90s Kid on the shoulder, making the boy jump.
“It’s me,” he whispered. “I have your brother’s ring and we need to talk. Meet me in the east hall when you get off your shift, and bring Captain Finevoice as well.”
90s Kid nodded once and Snob hurried off.
Previous | Next