Angel Wing Chapter Five
Title: Angel Wing
Pairing(s): Linkara/Spoony
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 10,414
Warning(s): Violence, strong language, overt Christian themes and theology
Summary: When an angel loses his wing and falls to Earth, he learns more than he ever expected and finds more than he ever dreamed of.
Waking was a lot more awkward that Spoony cared to admit. It wasn’t that he woke with Linkara in his arms, his wing keeping them both warm-that felt right, almost natural. Linkara was warm in his arms, firm, steady. Faithful. Perfect.
What was awkward was the heartbeat.
It had been a very long time since Spoony had heard a human heartbeat, especially so close to him. It was steady and strong and not unpleasant, but Spoony could feel so much more than that as he felt Linkara’s heart beating against him. He could feel contentment and safety and…
No. It couldn’t be. It was a good thing, yes, but it wasn’t allowed. It wasn’t something that Spoony could return. He had to be above it. Had to stay away from that. Had to remain devoted to the Lord and the Kingdom of Heaven.
But it would hurt to tell that to Linkara. It would hurt them both to explain why the feeling could not be shared.
Linkara stirred in his arms. His blue eyes opened and he smiled at Spoony. “Morning,” he murmured.
“Morning,” Spoony said back. “How are you feeling?”
“Fine,” Linkara said. “More than fine.” He ran his hand over the wing still enveloping him. “Do these things keep nightmares away?”
“Yeah,” Spoony said. “Some angels use them to do that. I don’t, usually, but…you needed it.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” Spoony carefully folded his wing back and let go of Linkara. “You should get up… get something to eat.”
“Yeah,” Linkara said with a yawn, rising from the bed. “Yeah, I’m going.”
Spoony watched him go, getting up a moment later and following, wondering if Linkara even realized what was happening.
*
What a lot of people didn’t realize was that love was the most powerful force in the universe.
Oh, sure, a lot of people talked about it, acknowledged it as something wonderful, wrote poems, songs, books about it. But they didn’t know just how strong love could be, especially when felt by those who were not human.
Spoony knew how strong it was. He knew what love could do to a person, how humans could fly because of it, how nations could fall before it. How much angels could lose because of it.
Falling in love with a human wasn’t simple for an angel. It wasn’t just a feeling-it was more permanent, more destructive, and absolutely impossible to get out of. Once an angel gave his heart to a human, he was bound to that human for eternity, not just sharing their life, but their death and their ultimate fate, whether it be Heaven or Hell.
Spoony wasn’t afraid that Linkara’s ultimate fate would be Hell. He knew Linkara’s soul. He knew that there was a place for him in the Kingdom of Heaven. But he was afraid of falling in love with him. Living a mortal life, giving himself completely to another… that would be too much. Too intense. Too unpredictable.
And even if he could feel the love from Linkara, there was no guarantee that it would last. Human love could be fleeting, a simple flair that would fade as soon as he saw something better. Spoony wasn’t going to give his heart to someone if he wasn’t sure that it would be reciprocated forever, and asking a mortal to love him for all eternity was impossible. Humans couldn’t comprehend eternity, let alone make a promise for all of it.
So Spoony said nothing. He acted normal, pretended that he hadn’t felt that heartbeat, forced himself to think that he had been wrong. Though he couldn’t help glancing at Linkara throughout the day, watching him write a script for his review show, trying to see if he had been right, trying to determine how closely he needed to guard his heart.
Luckily, Linkara was in such a deep state of concentration that he didn’t notice Spoony studying him. He did glance up once or twice, and their eyes met, but Linkara just smiled slightly before returning to his work. Spoony wasn’t sure how to judge. If Linkara even realized that he was feeling love, he gave no outward sign of it.
*
As the days passed, Spoony kept a close eye on Linkara, trying to interpret his actions and decide if they were meant as friendship or something more. If the hand that lingering on his wing whenever it was permitted was merely reveling in the softness of dreams or if it was trying to convey something else. If Linkara’s eyes shone brighter when Spoony spoke because of interest in the topic or interest in him. If his heart beat faster when Spoony entered the room or if it was just that fast naturally.
But after several days, Spoony was still unable to decide if he had been correct in thinking that Linkara had started to fall in love with him. And worse, he was uncertain as to whether he was falling for Linkara in turn.
The man was just so good. He always saw to Spoony’s comfort, never asked anything for himself after the nightmare, always showed the utmost kindness, never betrayed Spoony to those who would exploit him for their own gain. He showed Spoony so much of the world, even without leaving the small apartment. He listened to everything Spoony said, accepted everything he was taught, but not without thinking. He always asked questions as a good student should, always applied what he knew about life to what Spoony knew about Heaven. Every bit of kindness that he had was shown to Spoony and it was just so easy to forget sometimes that they were so different, separated by a wing and four hundred years of experience. Sometimes, it felt as though they were the same, like Spoony had been waiting all this time to find him.
But he was still uncertain. Still afraid. So his prayers redoubled, practically begging for restoration, for someone to come get him and take him back to Heaven, or at least to the realm in-between, just so he wouldn’t have to deal with this. He didn’t belong on Earth, he knew that. He should never have fallen here, should have remained above, away from emotions this complicated, away from pain this real, away from someone this perfect.
His prayers were not answered. He knew that it took time, that there were a lot of matters far more important than he was that the Saints had to deal with, but it was frustrating to see the sun rise and set without a sign. Why weren’t they listening? They could at least tell him that they had heard him so he could hope.
After three weeks of waiting, Spoony began to feel doubt. Why hadn’t they answered? What had he done wrong? Did they know that he was uncertain about Linkara? Were they angry that Insano had gotten the best of him?
“Fuck,” he muttered, causing Linkara to look up from his work.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, genuine concern in his voice.
“I…I’m not sure that they’re listening up there,” Spoony admitted. “I’ve prayed for weeks and there’s been no sign. Not even an acknowledgment that they heard me.”
“But you said that it takes time,” Linkara said. “Maybe they’ve just got a backlog of people praying that they’re trying to get through.”
“I know,” Spoony sighed. “I know there are millions of prayers going up all the time and I can’t expect them to fix everything immediately, but… shit, Linkara, I really fucked up back there. They could at least tell me if someone else took care of that demon.”
“You didn’t screw anything up,” Linkara assured him. “You didn’t know… anyway, I’m sure it’s fine. If a demon had shown up on Earth, we’d know. There’d be mass chaos and people dying and more crap happening… I believe that they took care of it.”
Spoony smiled wryly. “You’re right. It’s just… I want to go home, Linkara. I don’t…I don’t belong on Earth…not anymore. I should be up there, making babies smile and all that crap.”
“I know,” Linkara said. “But…at least you can make me smile.” He looked up hopefully. “That’s something good, isn’t it?”
“I guess so,” Spoony murmured. He hesitated. “Linkara?” he asked tentatively. “Do you… do you like having me here?”
“Of course I do,” Linkara answered. “You’re great to have around. You’re funny, you’re smart, you’re beautiful… I mean…” He blushed. “I…I like having company. And you’re good company. And… I know you can’t stay forever, but…I’ll be very sad to see you go.”
Spoony stared deep into Linkara’s eyes and nodded. “I’m sorry,” he said before he glanced at the clock. “You should get some sleep.”
“I should,” Linkara agreed, rising from the futon. “Good night, Spoony.”
“Good night, Linkara.”
*
Spoony rarely slept. He could, but he didn’t. It wasn’t necessary. He did rest while Linkara slept, but he didn’t often sleep.
But that night he did. As soon as he curled up under his wing, he fell asleep and began to dream.
He was in the realm between the worlds, seated on a stone with his wing dragging on the ground. Limp. Broken. Useless.
“Spoony,” came the voice of Saint Peter from high above him. “Why did you doubt?”
“Because you did not answer,” Spoony said. “And how do you know that I doubted?”
“Your wing would not be broken if you had kept the faith.”
“It doesn’t matter if it’s broken. I cannot fly with only one wing.”
“No. But why should that cause doubt?”
Spoony sighed. “Look, I’m sorry. But I waited for weeks and you didn’t answer my prayers.”
“Weeks? You’ve lived centuries and you’re complaining that you’ve had to wait a few weeks? In four hundred years, you haven’t learned that the Lord works in His own time and you just have to trust him? Has your time on Earth really been so miserable?”
“No. It’s been wonderful… a little too wonderful, to tell the truth.”
“The boy?”
“I…I don’t know what to feel.”
“He cares for you.”
“I know.”
“But you don’t reciprocate?”
“I care for him. But I can’t love him. Not until I’m sure that he wants it as well.”
“Did it ever occur to you that the Lord works in mysterious ways? That perhaps you were meant to fall? That you were meant to find him?”
Spoony ignored that question. “I need to get back to the Kingdom of Heaven. What must I do?”
“If that’s what you want…”
“Why wouldn’t it be?”
“You know the answer. But if that’s what you really want, you must defeat Insano.”
“How?”
“Where is your sword?”
“I lost it when I fell.”
“Find it. Take it up and defeat him. Once you do, your wing will be restored and you will be able to return.”
Spoony nodded. “I will.”
“Just be certain. You don’t have much time.”
“Where will I find Insano?”
“You won’t have to look. He’s on his way now.”
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