Ultimate Fantasy Epilogue
Six months later
“Ladies and gentlemen, you love them, you want them, you dream about them, so please welcome Magic Gun and Mystic Blade in the Ultimate Fantasy!”
The screams and cheers almost drowned out the music, but they knew it well enough that it didn’t matter. They were smiling, they were dancing, and the audience loved it.
You can roll me,
You can stat me,
You can play me
All night long.
The club had been shut down after Mercer’s death while the police investigated. Unfortunately, they hadn’t found anything. There was suspicion placed on the British boy who had quit his job and hurried back to London the next day, but in the end there was no evidence, so the case was dropped. The police concluded that it had been a mob hit of some kind-apparently, Spoony wasn’t the only person who needed Mercer gone. And for all they knew, that was correct.
Harvey smiled slightly to himself when Linkara told him that. “Well, isn’t that something?” he said.
Linkara looked at him suspiciously. “You didn’t hire a little blond boy from London to take care of him, did you?”
“If I did, why would I admit it?” Harvey asked, and that was the last of it.
Please attack me,
And please hurt me,
Take my hit points
All night long.
Though the investigation hadn’t found the killer, it had found a number of other things, mostly having to do with Mercer and the mayor and a number of corruption scandals. Spoony and Linkara weren’t particularly interested in the specifics, but they could see why someone would want to kill him.
The mayor was not prosecuted, though he did lose his bid for reelection. No one was particularly sad about this. The new mayor’s first order of business was to make a speech about how she wouldn’t allow family to influence her and all the honest, hardworking businessmen had nothing to fear from her administration.
Everyone found this incredibly funny.
Cause I’m gonna be
What you want to see
Whatever you want from me.
Once the investigation was done, though, the club had re-opened in its original capacity. Since the star witness in the prostitution’s case was dead, there was no point in pursuing it, and Critic had gotten his license for a strip club back. That was a happy day-none of the performers particularly liked just regular dancing.
“Though maybe we should get a new routine,” Spoony said. “With a new song?”
“But people love your bit,” Chick whined. “And what song would you prefer?”
“I don’t know,” Spoony said. “Just something else.”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Linkara said. “I think this song is growing on me.” He kissed Spoony on the cheek. “After all, it’s so true.”
Come on, baby,
I’m here to please,
I’m nothing less than your
Ultimate Fantasy.
Critic had given them Monday off that week, so Harvey had taken them and Joe across the river to Dubuque, where Spoony and Linkara got married in a quiet, if somewhat rushed ceremony. Just saying the words “I do” felt like the greatest activity ever.
They had returned Wednesday, but instead of taking them home, Harvey had driven to the club, where Chick had organized a huge party like everyone had been begging them to do since the start. Linkara had given Harvey a look, but Harvey had only grinned and said, “Oh, come on, Kid. Did you really think we’d let you off that easy?”
Just a costume,
Just a stage name,
Just a character
To you.
As they lay in bed-they had decided to live at Spoony’s apartment since it was cheaper, so it was their bed, their old twin bed-Wednesday night, curled around each other, Spoony said to Linkara, “You know, maybe we should quit the stripper business and get respectable jobs now.”
“Why?” Linkara asked. “You jealous?”
“Not at all,” Spoony said. “I’m glad everyone can see what I have. It’s just that we’re married now. We’re getting old. Maybe we should start being responsible.”
Linkara looked at him for a moment. “You’re right,” Spoony said. “What else are we going to do?”
Please don’t bore me
With your story,
Just let me be
Good to you.
Not that there hadn’t been changes to their habits. They no longer went out drinking after work, preferring to hurry home and be alone. The money they would have once spent on alcohol was now placed in a special box, saved so they could someday move away from this. Spoony still dreamed of that big house in California, and Linkara had agreed that when they could, they would have it.
It wouldn’t be soon, but it would be someday. And someday was good enough.
Cause I’m gonna be
What you want to see,
Whatever you want from me.
And as they danced that Thursday, they knew that they could never do anything else, that this was where they belonged. Spoony gave Linkara his brightest smile as they moved together, a smile which was gladly returned.
If the audience noticed, it just made them cheer more.
Come on, baby,
I’m here to please,
I’m nothing less than your
Ultimate Fantasy.
Critic and Chick were standing by the DJ’s booth, watching them. “They haven’t lost it,” Chick said.
“If anything, they’re even better now,” Critic agreed.
They were silent for a moment, listening to the instrumental. “You really could have picked a better song,” Critic said.
“Shut up, they like it,” she answered. “Also, I’ve found another boy for the Rated-X Men.”
“Are you sure this one’s not a hitman?”
“Quite. This one can actually dance.”
“Just checking.”
“You don’t know that Film Brain actually did it.”
Critic looked at her for a moment. “No,” he finally said. “I don’t.”
Cause I’m gonna be
What you want to see,
Whatever you want from me.
Come on, baby,
I’m here to please,
I’m nothing less than your
Ultimate Fantasy.
The song ended and Linkara and Spoony hit their final pose. Over the screaming, applauding, and money hitting the stage, no one heard it when Linkara whispered, “I love you.”
Nor did they hear when Spoony whispered it back.