New Moon
Yep, I'm doing one of these for each of them. If I have to be inexplicably obsessed with getting through this crap, you have to suffer too.
I finished the book Wednesday. This review is shorter than the last one, and more disjointed. It's just my commentary as I read the book this time. Basically, everything from the Twilight review applies here plus the following, which is mostly a screed about how God awful Bella is since Edward was gone most of the book. Not since The Kite Runner have I hated the protagonist of a book so much. At least that book had the decency to be an amazing piece of literature.
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Good GOD, how is it possible that she is turning 18 and is even more bratty than she was in the last book? I am only a few pages in and I want her to die, horribly. It's her birthday and she's all angry and emo because now she's older than Edward and will only keep getting older and he (being the unreasonable tyrant he is) refuses to take her humanity. So she must pout about that. She has acted like an angry little snot at anyone who has dared give her a present and wish her a happy birthday. He even has her open her presents away from everyone else because he thought she'd be an ungrateful little shit. DIAF. Ugh, I almost stopped reading this shit in the first two chapters.
I couldn't really see Edward's point, to be honest. What was so great about mortality? Being a vampire didn't look like such a terrible thing-not the way the Cullens did it, anyway.
So, basically, you haven't paid attention at all when almost all of them have explained to you how difficult it is to be a vampire. You know, eternally damned. She has never considered that maybe it will be more difficult than she can handle. That maybe the call of blood will be too strong for her and she won't be able to abstain. Or, hell, even that she GETS FUCKING SICK AROUND BLOOD, so maybe turning yourself into something that sustains itself purely on drinking blood isn't wise. Or about the fact that a major draw for Edward is her smell. Her blood. That will be forever gone once she turns. While that eliminates one problem, it could bring on a host of others.
Edward interrupted her threat. "Relax, Alice. If Bella wants to watch a movie, then she can. It's her birthday."
"So there," I added.
Really, Bella? Seriously?
Okay, so Romeo and Juliet is going to be a thing throughout the entire book, isn't it? That's going to get really annoying.
Yep, cold, icy lips. GOT. IT.
"I guess I see your point… a little," he admitted. "But what would I do without you?"
"Whatever you were doing before I came along and complicated your existence."
He sighed. "You make that sound so easy."
"It should be. I'm not really that interesting."
Oh, look, we agree on something!
...so he leaves her, and she decides to break her promise and be reckless by smearing herself across the rainy roads of Forks? SMRT.
God good, the italics are worse this book. Is "get" italicized every time?
Ugh, when is Edward coming back? This chick is boring me to tears.
Okay, she'd have to be dense as hell (yeah, I know, just go with me on this) to not realize that Jacob has more than "just friends" in mind. But she has yet to shut it down. She's going to have to use the words "just friends" clearly here. She won't though, he fulfills a need for her and damn the consequences to him.
I was like a lost moon-my planet destroyed in some cataclysmic, disaster-movie scenario of desolation-that continued, nevertheless, to circle in a tight little orbit around the empty space left behind, ignoring the laws of gravity.
Did she just say that she completely revolved around Edward? WTF?
I'm so sick of her saying she doesn't relate well to other people/humans. If that were true she'd be a loner, however, she shows up in Forks and has an instant clique and all the guys (including a male teacher according to SMeyer) have an instant hard-on for her, and for some reason I don't understand her personality (or lack thereof) isn't a boner shrinker for them.
Wait...what? So now 'nothing left in her life is more important than Jake??' Myopic bitch. So she has to jump from obsession to obsession, damn her parents, damn her friends, damn everything else. It's just whoever she's revolving around at the time.
Oh look subtle juxtaposition between Bella with Jake and Edward with Bella. (Crap. I wrote this note about something, and now I can't find what I wrote it about, but it applies, so I'll leave it here. Read "subtle" with all the sarcasm I meant to convey).
She's finally figured out that she's using Jacob. You'd think that would change her behavior, but of course, not so much. Such a selfish...
So a huge, black werewolf bear is in the woods, there is a missing hiker, your father just specifically asked you not to go into the woods and you decide that because you need to get out of the house and find that sparkly meadow, that going into the woods ALONE was the wisest course of action? AND she still has the mark of the vampire (of course SMeyer didn't think of that possible little plot point).
HAH ahahahaha! I can't believe how long it took her to realize that she was in danger when Laurent showed up. It's not like she knew he was ever practicing the Vegetarian Vampire lifestyle. DUMB. ASS.
Yeah, voice in Bella's head, a human threatening a vampire, that'll stop him from killing her. Good call!
Isn't she lucky, the werewolves are protecting her too.
The silly, inconsequential hurt was incredibly potent. The tears welled up again. "Are you… breaking up with me?" The words were all wrong, but they were the best way I could think to phrase what I was asking. After all, what Jake and I had was more than any schoolyard romance. Stronger.
Wait...what? Weren't we just covering the fact that you don't...nevermind. This bitch is confused.
Has anyone ever seen the word "wakened" used...this century?
I couldn't condone what Jacob and his friends, his pack, were doing. I understood now what he'd said last night-that I might not want to see him again-and I could have called him as he'd suggested, but that felt cowardly. I owed him a face-to-face conversation, at least. I would tell him to his face that I couldn't just overlook what was going on. I couldn't be friends with a killer and say nothing, let the killing continue… That would make me a monster, too.
...what? Isn't that what you're begging to become??
Ugh, if I have to read "skin like marble..." one more time I'm going to punch a baby.
"What? It's just a fact."
Hahahahaha. That's absolutely nothing of consequence, it's just an old ohnotheydidnt joke.
"You're such a hypocrite, Bella-there you sit, terrified of me! How is that fair?" His hands shook with anger.
"Hypocrite? How does being afraid of a monster make me a hypocrite?"
Okay, Jacob, you have to talk to her like she's five and not use big words like "hypocrite." Of course she's not going to understand.
Paul seemed to fall forward, vibrating violently. Halfway to the ground, there was a loud ripping noise, and the boy exploded. Dark silver fur blew out from the boy, coalescing into a shape more than five-times his size-a massive, crouched shape, ready to spring.
God, really, that was the best description you could muster, SMeyer? I just...there really aren't words that adequately describe how fucking awful a writer she is.
This idiot is going to crush Jacob, and then will be all, "but, what'd I do?? I DON'T UNDERSTAND!"
I worked Tuesday afternoon-Jacob followed me on his bike to make sure I arrived safely-and Mike noticed. "Are you dating that kid from La Push? The sophomore?" He asked, poorly disguising the resentment in his tone.
I shrugged. "Not in the technical sense of the word. I do spent most of my time with Jacob, though. He's my best friend."
Mike's eyes narrowed shrewdly. "Don't kid yourself, Bella. The guy's head over heels for you."
"I know," I sighed. "Life is complicated."
"And girls are cruel," Mike said under his breath.
I supposed that was an easy assumption to make, too.
The hell do you mean "assumption?" You know how Jacob feels, you are clearly leading the boy on, you don't care as long as he fills the void you're feeling and eases your pain so you won't do anything to really make things clear, in fact, you let it get worse! It's not an assumption, you are cruel.
She is so stupid, and predictable. The most idiotic course of action and she chooses it every time. 'Why not jump off jagged rocks into angry storm waters ALONE? Nothing bad can come of that!'
"I knew that this was the stupidest, most reckless thing I had done yet. The thought made me smile. The pain was already easing, as if my body knew that Edward's voice was just seconds away…"
*facepalm*
I wondered if she would have married Paris in the end, just to please her parents, to keep the peace. No, probably not, I decided. But then, the story didn't say much about Paris. He was just a stick figure-a placeholder, a threat, a deadline to force her hand.
Hahahaha, first, I like how New Moon reads like a Romeo and Juliet book report. Second, at least the main protagonist wasn't the placeholder, stick figure in R&J.
I couldn't imagine my life without Jacob now-I cringed away from the idea of even trying to imagine that. Somehow, he'd become essential to my survival. But to leave things the way they were… was that cruel, as Mike had accused?
YES, YOU IDIOT!! You may revolve around Edward, but the rest of the world does not revolve around you. You are one selfish bitch, Bella.
Jesus, Bella, I'm sure they made more than one of those Mercedes that year. I swear to God, if you try thinking for a change, you'll like it! It's how most of us survive.
She rolled her eyes. "He was a fool to think you could survive alone. I've never seen anyone so prone to life-threatening idiocy."
Hahahahaha, thank you, Alice. EXACTLY.
"I had Renee come to take her to Florida. I just didn't want to be the one… if she had to go to a hospital or something. I hoped being with her mother would help. But when we started packing her clothes, she woke up with a vengeance. I've never seen Bella throw a fit like that. She was never one for the tantrums, but, boy, did she fly into a fury.
HAHAHAHAHAHA...WUT?? That's ALL that girl ever does!
I love Charlie. I don't know why, but I do.
"So am I, Charlie, so am I. I wouldn't have come if I'd had any idea. I'm sorry."
Why didn't she though? Once the decision was made for the Cullens to leave and for Edward to leave Bella, why couldn't Alice see what it would do to her? Oh yeah...convenience.
Alice can't see werewolves. That's also convenient.
He wrinkled his nose again like he smelled something unpleasant. "Where's your 'friend'?" I could hear the quotation marks in his tone.
Too much explanation. We know she hears the quotation marks in his tone, that's why the quotation marks are there.
How is it that she never knows that she is crying? There has been no time in my life when I've started crying but didn't realize it, yet this bitch almost NEVER knows until she sees the tears or someone points it out to her.
"What?" I demanded. I looked up to see that his nose was wrinkled again. "Why does everyone keep doing that to me? I don't smell!"
To a vampire you stink of werewolf and to a werewolf you stink of vampire. IT'S. NOT. THAT. FUCKING. HARD. MORON.
I stared back at him. He was not my Jacob, but he could be. His face was familiar and beloved. In so many real ways, I did love him. He was my comfort, my safe harbor. Right now, I could choose to have him belong to me. Alice was back for the moment, but that changed nothing. True love was forever lost. The prince was never coming back to kiss me awake from my enchanted sleep. I was not a princess, after all. So what was the fairy-tale protocol for other kisses? The mundane kind that didn't break any spells?
Stupid bitch. So you'd settle for him just to have someone, and doom him to trying to make you happy while you pine away for someone else?
Jacob's furious voice was suddenly in my ear, hissing out a stream of profanities. I felt a vague disapproval. His new friends were clearly a bad influence.
'kay, mom?
Oh shit. I almost just threw my laptop across the room. I knew this Romeo and Juliet shit was going to materialize into something stupid and yet it still didn't occur to me, when Alice showed up saying that she thought Bella was dead, what was going to happen (and I should have because I was trying to figure out what Edward's random suicide story at the beginning of the book was going to mean). I just thought the silly references were going to continue until I wanted to pluck out my eyeballs. Not only is SMeyer stealing from Shakespeare, she straight, unabashedly TOLD us she was doing so!!! *annoyed beyond belief*
Well, I was wondering why Jacob would say Charlie is "at THE funeral" like Carlisle would know about Harry Clearwater dying. How convenient!
Good God, just when you think Bella can't be anymore stupid, THERE SHE GOES. It's not really a hard scenario to understand. Jebus!
So, SMeyer was sitting around thinking, "hmm...writing this story of hollow characters and tissue thin plot is way too taxing for my pretty little mormon head. I know! I've written star-crossed lovers and such, I'll just appropriate Romeo and Juliet!!!"
HATE. THIS. BITCH. LIKE. WHOA. (Okay, I can't remember if this was directed at SMeyer or Bella, but it's safe to say that it applies to both.)
But the words alone were enough to shred through my chest and leave it gaping open. Words from a time when I would have bet everything that I owned or could borrow on that fact that he loved me.
What? Oh, I get it. Am I tired or is that extremely awkward phrasing...or missing commas...?
"But he… he left! He didn't want me anymore! What difference does it make now? He knew I would die sometime!"
Wait, she actually really did think Edward left because he didn't want her? She has been saying it most of the book, but I was ignoring it. But now she still really doesn't understand why he left, and the fact that he's about to commit suicide, bereaved over her suicide, still doesn't get it through her thick-ass skull? SOFA KING STUPID!!
Why are they speaking about this when they are so closely surrounded by other people on a plane?? Apparently, Bella is like a sucking void of intelligence and she brings others down with her.
"Shouldn't somebody have mentioned this to me earlier?" I whispered angrily. "I mean, I wanted to be a… to be one of you! Shouldn't somebody have explained the rules to me?"
Alice chuckled once at my reaction. "It's not that complicated, Bella. There's only one core restriction-and if you think about it, you can probably figure it out for yourself."
We don't have that kind of time, Alice, just tell her the obvious.
I thought about it. "Nope, I have no idea."
See.
She shook her head, disappointed. "Maybe it's too obvious. We just have to keep our existence a secret."
"Oh," I mumbled. It was obvious.
Moron.
Really, Alice, do you want this around for the rest of eternity?
"I do!" I gasped. "Oh, Alice, do it now! I could help you so much-and I wouldn't slow you down. Bite me!"
Okay, maybe "functionally retarded" isn't even the proper description for Bella. We already know the transformation takes three days and involves excruciating pain, five minutes of which you couldn't take without screaming at the top of your lungs. So, yes, starting the transformation, ON A PLANE, on your way to Italy to save Edward makes A LOT of sense, stupid.
SMeyer needs to remember that she is writing a book and stop trying to construct movie moments. Yes, movie moments are easier to write, because you can skip over things and not have to try and actually write, but if you want to do that, then write a damn screenplay.
Hey, that's convenient! She can't really walk without falling down yet she ran across an old, cobble stone, Italian plaza, through a fountain, and made it to the other side to stop Edward from exposing himself in the nick of time barely stumbling along the way!
Edward doesn't believe there is an afterlife for his kind, yet he thinks he's dead and with Bella in the afterlife? See what I mean, sucking void of intelligence.
Alice's expression was frustrated. Edward turned to her and explained again in a swift, low voice. "Marcus sees relationships. He's surprised by the intensity of ours."
That's convenient as well!!
Ugh, really? To add to her "imperfect" perfection, Bella is immune to all vampire powers? WTF? It was fine when it was just Edward, but now it requires an explanation that I don't think will ever come. Plus, I would have liked for Jane's power to have worked on her...
Well, that sure is convenient, this little foray to Italy gets Bella exactly what she wants? Now she has to be transformed or they all die? She still thinks being a vampire is all sparkley sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows. What she just witnessed should have been a lot of evidence to the contrary.
"I think she's having hysterics. Maybe you should slap her," Alice suggested.
*raises hand* OH! ME! PICK ME! PICK ME!! I'LL DO IT!!
Scheherazade-style
Anyone know what that means? Bueller?
I seriously hope that the reason why every single "get" has been italicized is only due to the fact that this is a an ebook with a lot of transcription mistakes. Otherwise...
Okay, I'm actually very surprised SMeyer had the creativity to come up with that whole Volterra thing. Like everything else, it could have been executed better. But it was still creative (unless she stole it from some source about which I don't know - and then the world would make sense again).
Bella drives me fucking crazy with her vacillation between caring and not caring what her death/immortality would mean to her parents. She only seems to care when the chips have fallen and there is nothing that can be done about it and then it's an excuse for her to be more whiney. However, whenever she's faced with a decision her parents never rate as a factor in the decision-making process. Also, has she EVER thought about the fact that once she transforms she will only be able to see her parents for a couple of years before having to disappear forever? Unless Renee and Charlie would buy that she found the eternal Fountain of Youth. Oh, there I go again, talking about Bella thinking. Hah!
Obviously, I should have been more careful-I should have spoken to Alice directly, rather than accepting it secondhand from Rosalie.
No shit, Sherlock. Especially considering how imprecise Alice's visions can be. You idiots reversed roles in the generic storyline in this book.
"I am…" My head swam as I looked for the appropriate word. "Confused."
Perpetually.
I actually wonder how many times she has has said, "I'm confused," and "I don't understand" in this book.
I like how he said he's a good liar, but is kind of irritated with her for believing the lie. I mean, she is stupid for believing it with all the evidence pointing to him leaving to protect her, but come on now.
"You're impossible," he said, and he laughed once-a hard laugh, frustrated. "How can I put this so that you'll believe me? You're not asleep, and you're not dead. I'm here, and I love you. I have always loved you, and I will always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away. When I told you that I didn't want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy."
Edward has finally figured it out, you have to talk to her like she's five. Otherwise, the information just doesn't get through.
"But what about when I get so old that people think I'm your mother? Your grandmother?" My voice was pale with revulsion-I could see Gran's face again in the dream mirror.
His whole face was soft now. He brushed the tears from my cheek with his lips. "That doesn't mean anything to me," he breathed against my skin. "You will always be the most beautiful thing in my world. Of course…" He hesitated, flinching slightly. "If you outgrew me-if you wanted something more-I would understand that, Bella. I promise I wouldn't stand in your way if you wanted to leave me."
That's really cute in your special creepy way and all, Edward, but statutory law - and society - generally frowns upon old ladies married to 17-year-olds. Bella is actually right for once, albeit extremely whiney.
holding it tightly while his midnight eyes glared into mine
...well, at least it was a new word.
What does it say about their relationship that she was only hearing his voice when she was in danger or doing something reckless and stupid (with the exception of that one time when it told her to "Be happy" with Jacob)? I'm still surprised it was only in her head, but i think that it really does say a lot about the dynamic of their relationship.
"If you're going to bring the Volturi down on us over something as stupid as leaving me human, then your family ought to have a say."
Yes, your mortality, your soul, is utterly "stupid." *rolls eyes*
He really did want me the way I wanted him-forever. It was only fear for my soul, for the human things he didn't want to take from me, that made him so desperate to leave me mortal. Compared to the fear that he didn't want me, this hurdle-my soul-seemed almost insignificant.
...mmmkay...whatever you say, Bella.
Why does he get breathless? You don't get breathless when you don't need to breathe. Just sayin'.
Haha at Bella's phrasing in this meeting. Not "if you don't think I should lose my mortal soul." No, it's "if you all don't want me..."
Hm. I'm actually surprised that no one loyalty-voted with Edward against the transformation (except Rosalie, but she had her own reason).
"In the interest of remaining inconspicuous," Edward said, still talking through his gritted teeth, but looking at Carlisle now, "I suggest that we put this conversation off, at the very least until Bella finishes high school, and moves out of Charlie's house."
That's what I was saying! She really doesn't have two brain cells to rub together.
WTF, SMeyer? Pick an age for Edward and go with it. He keeps jumping around from "eighty odd years" to "nearly ninety" to "ninety something" and now he's "nearly 110??"
Hahahahahahah!
Edward: Marry Me.
Bella: Hahahahah....wut?
Edward: Hmmm, so that's how I can shut her up...
Hm, Bella put together that Edward believing in them having souls thing, too. That's uncharacteristically astute of her.
Why does Bella continually screech something isn't fair, when it pretty much always is? And why does an 18-year-old screech, "IT'S NOT FAIR!" constantly, anyway? Good gravy.
There is something really...awkward about Edward thanking Jacob for keeping Bella alive.
Jacob still glowered at Edward, but he answered me. "The treaty is quite specific. If any of them bite a
human, the truce is over. Bite, not kill," he emphasized. Finally, he looked at me. His eyes were cold.
Oh, snap! Werewolves = 1, Bella = 0.
God, really, Bella? She still can't understand why they can't be one big happy group?
Jacob: Vampires + Werewolves ≠ Friendsies
Edward: Werewolves + Vampires ≠ Friendsies
Bella: BUT WHY CAN'T WE ALL BE FRIENDSIES?!?!?
SHUT. UP. And I'm sure the fact that it wouldn't be good for Jacob to have to watch you two love up on each other when you all "hang out" anyway never crossed your mind. Nope, just that he's her friend and she wants him in her life, not the fact that she's lead him on this whole time and even gave him hope for the future again by saying that maybe she would change her mind about being with him when it looked like he was going to kick her out of his life again. She needed him, and said whatever it would take to keep him knowing it wasn't true, damn the consequences. Then had the nerve to scream about his betrayal by telling Charlie about the motorcycle.
Oh God, two more of these things left, and even some Twihards think Breaking Dawn was bad. Oh crap, I just remembered Midnight Sun. *facepalm*
Okay, I think I may actually have a problem. Is there a 12 Step program for this? I will say though, that when I did force myself to stop with this, I started obsessing about my grades which is exactly WHY I was trying to obsess about something else. It'll be like a month or two before grades come in. *flips shit*
I finished the book Wednesday. This review is shorter than the last one, and more disjointed. It's just my commentary as I read the book this time. Basically, everything from the Twilight review applies here plus the following, which is mostly a screed about how God awful Bella is since Edward was gone most of the book. Not since The Kite Runner have I hated the protagonist of a book so much. At least that book had the decency to be an amazing piece of literature.
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Good GOD, how is it possible that she is turning 18 and is even more bratty than she was in the last book? I am only a few pages in and I want her to die, horribly. It's her birthday and she's all angry and emo because now she's older than Edward and will only keep getting older and he (being the unreasonable tyrant he is) refuses to take her humanity. So she must pout about that. She has acted like an angry little snot at anyone who has dared give her a present and wish her a happy birthday. He even has her open her presents away from everyone else because he thought she'd be an ungrateful little shit. DIAF. Ugh, I almost stopped reading this shit in the first two chapters.
I couldn't really see Edward's point, to be honest. What was so great about mortality? Being a vampire didn't look like such a terrible thing-not the way the Cullens did it, anyway.
So, basically, you haven't paid attention at all when almost all of them have explained to you how difficult it is to be a vampire. You know, eternally damned. She has never considered that maybe it will be more difficult than she can handle. That maybe the call of blood will be too strong for her and she won't be able to abstain. Or, hell, even that she GETS FUCKING SICK AROUND BLOOD, so maybe turning yourself into something that sustains itself purely on drinking blood isn't wise. Or about the fact that a major draw for Edward is her smell. Her blood. That will be forever gone once she turns. While that eliminates one problem, it could bring on a host of others.
Edward interrupted her threat. "Relax, Alice. If Bella wants to watch a movie, then she can. It's her birthday."
"So there," I added.
Really, Bella? Seriously?
Okay, so Romeo and Juliet is going to be a thing throughout the entire book, isn't it? That's going to get really annoying.
Yep, cold, icy lips. GOT. IT.
"I guess I see your point… a little," he admitted. "But what would I do without you?"
"Whatever you were doing before I came along and complicated your existence."
He sighed. "You make that sound so easy."
"It should be. I'm not really that interesting."
Oh, look, we agree on something!
...so he leaves her, and she decides to break her promise and be reckless by smearing herself across the rainy roads of Forks? SMRT.
God good, the italics are worse this book. Is "get" italicized every time?
Ugh, when is Edward coming back? This chick is boring me to tears.
Okay, she'd have to be dense as hell (yeah, I know, just go with me on this) to not realize that Jacob has more than "just friends" in mind. But she has yet to shut it down. She's going to have to use the words "just friends" clearly here. She won't though, he fulfills a need for her and damn the consequences to him.
I was like a lost moon-my planet destroyed in some cataclysmic, disaster-movie scenario of desolation-that continued, nevertheless, to circle in a tight little orbit around the empty space left behind, ignoring the laws of gravity.
Did she just say that she completely revolved around Edward? WTF?
I'm so sick of her saying she doesn't relate well to other people/humans. If that were true she'd be a loner, however, she shows up in Forks and has an instant clique and all the guys (including a male teacher according to SMeyer) have an instant hard-on for her, and for some reason I don't understand her personality (or lack thereof) isn't a boner shrinker for them.
Wait...what? So now 'nothing left in her life is more important than Jake??' Myopic bitch. So she has to jump from obsession to obsession, damn her parents, damn her friends, damn everything else. It's just whoever she's revolving around at the time.
Oh look subtle juxtaposition between Bella with Jake and Edward with Bella. (Crap. I wrote this note about something, and now I can't find what I wrote it about, but it applies, so I'll leave it here. Read "subtle" with all the sarcasm I meant to convey).
She's finally figured out that she's using Jacob. You'd think that would change her behavior, but of course, not so much. Such a selfish...
So a huge, black werewolf bear is in the woods, there is a missing hiker, your father just specifically asked you not to go into the woods and you decide that because you need to get out of the house and find that sparkly meadow, that going into the woods ALONE was the wisest course of action? AND she still has the mark of the vampire (of course SMeyer didn't think of that possible little plot point).
HAH ahahahaha! I can't believe how long it took her to realize that she was in danger when Laurent showed up. It's not like she knew he was ever practicing the Vegetarian Vampire lifestyle. DUMB. ASS.
Yeah, voice in Bella's head, a human threatening a vampire, that'll stop him from killing her. Good call!
Isn't she lucky, the werewolves are protecting her too.
The silly, inconsequential hurt was incredibly potent. The tears welled up again. "Are you… breaking up with me?" The words were all wrong, but they were the best way I could think to phrase what I was asking. After all, what Jake and I had was more than any schoolyard romance. Stronger.
Wait...what? Weren't we just covering the fact that you don't...nevermind. This bitch is confused.
Has anyone ever seen the word "wakened" used...this century?
I couldn't condone what Jacob and his friends, his pack, were doing. I understood now what he'd said last night-that I might not want to see him again-and I could have called him as he'd suggested, but that felt cowardly. I owed him a face-to-face conversation, at least. I would tell him to his face that I couldn't just overlook what was going on. I couldn't be friends with a killer and say nothing, let the killing continue… That would make me a monster, too.
...what? Isn't that what you're begging to become??
Ugh, if I have to read "skin like marble..." one more time I'm going to punch a baby.
"What? It's just a fact."
Hahahahaha. That's absolutely nothing of consequence, it's just an old ohnotheydidnt joke.
"You're such a hypocrite, Bella-there you sit, terrified of me! How is that fair?" His hands shook with anger.
"Hypocrite? How does being afraid of a monster make me a hypocrite?"
Okay, Jacob, you have to talk to her like she's five and not use big words like "hypocrite." Of course she's not going to understand.
Paul seemed to fall forward, vibrating violently. Halfway to the ground, there was a loud ripping noise, and the boy exploded. Dark silver fur blew out from the boy, coalescing into a shape more than five-times his size-a massive, crouched shape, ready to spring.
God, really, that was the best description you could muster, SMeyer? I just...there really aren't words that adequately describe how fucking awful a writer she is.
This idiot is going to crush Jacob, and then will be all, "but, what'd I do?? I DON'T UNDERSTAND!"
I worked Tuesday afternoon-Jacob followed me on his bike to make sure I arrived safely-and Mike noticed. "Are you dating that kid from La Push? The sophomore?" He asked, poorly disguising the resentment in his tone.
I shrugged. "Not in the technical sense of the word. I do spent most of my time with Jacob, though. He's my best friend."
Mike's eyes narrowed shrewdly. "Don't kid yourself, Bella. The guy's head over heels for you."
"I know," I sighed. "Life is complicated."
"And girls are cruel," Mike said under his breath.
I supposed that was an easy assumption to make, too.
The hell do you mean "assumption?" You know how Jacob feels, you are clearly leading the boy on, you don't care as long as he fills the void you're feeling and eases your pain so you won't do anything to really make things clear, in fact, you let it get worse! It's not an assumption, you are cruel.
She is so stupid, and predictable. The most idiotic course of action and she chooses it every time. 'Why not jump off jagged rocks into angry storm waters ALONE? Nothing bad can come of that!'
"I knew that this was the stupidest, most reckless thing I had done yet. The thought made me smile. The pain was already easing, as if my body knew that Edward's voice was just seconds away…"
*facepalm*
I wondered if she would have married Paris in the end, just to please her parents, to keep the peace. No, probably not, I decided. But then, the story didn't say much about Paris. He was just a stick figure-a placeholder, a threat, a deadline to force her hand.
Hahahaha, first, I like how New Moon reads like a Romeo and Juliet book report. Second, at least the main protagonist wasn't the placeholder, stick figure in R&J.
I couldn't imagine my life without Jacob now-I cringed away from the idea of even trying to imagine that. Somehow, he'd become essential to my survival. But to leave things the way they were… was that cruel, as Mike had accused?
YES, YOU IDIOT!! You may revolve around Edward, but the rest of the world does not revolve around you. You are one selfish bitch, Bella.
Jesus, Bella, I'm sure they made more than one of those Mercedes that year. I swear to God, if you try thinking for a change, you'll like it! It's how most of us survive.
She rolled her eyes. "He was a fool to think you could survive alone. I've never seen anyone so prone to life-threatening idiocy."
Hahahahaha, thank you, Alice. EXACTLY.
"I had Renee come to take her to Florida. I just didn't want to be the one… if she had to go to a hospital or something. I hoped being with her mother would help. But when we started packing her clothes, she woke up with a vengeance. I've never seen Bella throw a fit like that. She was never one for the tantrums, but, boy, did she fly into a fury.
HAHAHAHAHAHA...WUT?? That's ALL that girl ever does!
I love Charlie. I don't know why, but I do.
"So am I, Charlie, so am I. I wouldn't have come if I'd had any idea. I'm sorry."
Why didn't she though? Once the decision was made for the Cullens to leave and for Edward to leave Bella, why couldn't Alice see what it would do to her? Oh yeah...convenience.
Alice can't see werewolves. That's also convenient.
He wrinkled his nose again like he smelled something unpleasant. "Where's your 'friend'?" I could hear the quotation marks in his tone.
Too much explanation. We know she hears the quotation marks in his tone, that's why the quotation marks are there.
How is it that she never knows that she is crying? There has been no time in my life when I've started crying but didn't realize it, yet this bitch almost NEVER knows until she sees the tears or someone points it out to her.
"What?" I demanded. I looked up to see that his nose was wrinkled again. "Why does everyone keep doing that to me? I don't smell!"
To a vampire you stink of werewolf and to a werewolf you stink of vampire. IT'S. NOT. THAT. FUCKING. HARD. MORON.
I stared back at him. He was not my Jacob, but he could be. His face was familiar and beloved. In so many real ways, I did love him. He was my comfort, my safe harbor. Right now, I could choose to have him belong to me. Alice was back for the moment, but that changed nothing. True love was forever lost. The prince was never coming back to kiss me awake from my enchanted sleep. I was not a princess, after all. So what was the fairy-tale protocol for other kisses? The mundane kind that didn't break any spells?
Stupid bitch. So you'd settle for him just to have someone, and doom him to trying to make you happy while you pine away for someone else?
Jacob's furious voice was suddenly in my ear, hissing out a stream of profanities. I felt a vague disapproval. His new friends were clearly a bad influence.
'kay, mom?
Oh shit. I almost just threw my laptop across the room. I knew this Romeo and Juliet shit was going to materialize into something stupid and yet it still didn't occur to me, when Alice showed up saying that she thought Bella was dead, what was going to happen (and I should have because I was trying to figure out what Edward's random suicide story at the beginning of the book was going to mean). I just thought the silly references were going to continue until I wanted to pluck out my eyeballs. Not only is SMeyer stealing from Shakespeare, she straight, unabashedly TOLD us she was doing so!!! *annoyed beyond belief*
Well, I was wondering why Jacob would say Charlie is "at THE funeral" like Carlisle would know about Harry Clearwater dying. How convenient!
Good God, just when you think Bella can't be anymore stupid, THERE SHE GOES. It's not really a hard scenario to understand. Jebus!
So, SMeyer was sitting around thinking, "hmm...writing this story of hollow characters and tissue thin plot is way too taxing for my pretty little mormon head. I know! I've written star-crossed lovers and such, I'll just appropriate Romeo and Juliet!!!"
HATE. THIS. BITCH. LIKE. WHOA. (Okay, I can't remember if this was directed at SMeyer or Bella, but it's safe to say that it applies to both.)
But the words alone were enough to shred through my chest and leave it gaping open. Words from a time when I would have bet everything that I owned or could borrow on that fact that he loved me.
What? Oh, I get it. Am I tired or is that extremely awkward phrasing...or missing commas...?
"But he… he left! He didn't want me anymore! What difference does it make now? He knew I would die sometime!"
Wait, she actually really did think Edward left because he didn't want her? She has been saying it most of the book, but I was ignoring it. But now she still really doesn't understand why he left, and the fact that he's about to commit suicide, bereaved over her suicide, still doesn't get it through her thick-ass skull? SOFA KING STUPID!!
Why are they speaking about this when they are so closely surrounded by other people on a plane?? Apparently, Bella is like a sucking void of intelligence and she brings others down with her.
"Shouldn't somebody have mentioned this to me earlier?" I whispered angrily. "I mean, I wanted to be a… to be one of you! Shouldn't somebody have explained the rules to me?"
Alice chuckled once at my reaction. "It's not that complicated, Bella. There's only one core restriction-and if you think about it, you can probably figure it out for yourself."
We don't have that kind of time, Alice, just tell her the obvious.
I thought about it. "Nope, I have no idea."
See.
She shook her head, disappointed. "Maybe it's too obvious. We just have to keep our existence a secret."
"Oh," I mumbled. It was obvious.
Moron.
Really, Alice, do you want this around for the rest of eternity?
"I do!" I gasped. "Oh, Alice, do it now! I could help you so much-and I wouldn't slow you down. Bite me!"
Okay, maybe "functionally retarded" isn't even the proper description for Bella. We already know the transformation takes three days and involves excruciating pain, five minutes of which you couldn't take without screaming at the top of your lungs. So, yes, starting the transformation, ON A PLANE, on your way to Italy to save Edward makes A LOT of sense, stupid.
SMeyer needs to remember that she is writing a book and stop trying to construct movie moments. Yes, movie moments are easier to write, because you can skip over things and not have to try and actually write, but if you want to do that, then write a damn screenplay.
Hey, that's convenient! She can't really walk without falling down yet she ran across an old, cobble stone, Italian plaza, through a fountain, and made it to the other side to stop Edward from exposing himself in the nick of time barely stumbling along the way!
Edward doesn't believe there is an afterlife for his kind, yet he thinks he's dead and with Bella in the afterlife? See what I mean, sucking void of intelligence.
Alice's expression was frustrated. Edward turned to her and explained again in a swift, low voice. "Marcus sees relationships. He's surprised by the intensity of ours."
That's convenient as well!!
Ugh, really? To add to her "imperfect" perfection, Bella is immune to all vampire powers? WTF? It was fine when it was just Edward, but now it requires an explanation that I don't think will ever come. Plus, I would have liked for Jane's power to have worked on her...
Well, that sure is convenient, this little foray to Italy gets Bella exactly what she wants? Now she has to be transformed or they all die? She still thinks being a vampire is all sparkley sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows. What she just witnessed should have been a lot of evidence to the contrary.
"I think she's having hysterics. Maybe you should slap her," Alice suggested.
*raises hand* OH! ME! PICK ME! PICK ME!! I'LL DO IT!!
Scheherazade-style
Anyone know what that means? Bueller?
I seriously hope that the reason why every single "get" has been italicized is only due to the fact that this is a an ebook with a lot of transcription mistakes. Otherwise...
Okay, I'm actually very surprised SMeyer had the creativity to come up with that whole Volterra thing. Like everything else, it could have been executed better. But it was still creative (unless she stole it from some source about which I don't know - and then the world would make sense again).
Bella drives me fucking crazy with her vacillation between caring and not caring what her death/immortality would mean to her parents. She only seems to care when the chips have fallen and there is nothing that can be done about it and then it's an excuse for her to be more whiney. However, whenever she's faced with a decision her parents never rate as a factor in the decision-making process. Also, has she EVER thought about the fact that once she transforms she will only be able to see her parents for a couple of years before having to disappear forever? Unless Renee and Charlie would buy that she found the eternal Fountain of Youth. Oh, there I go again, talking about Bella thinking. Hah!
Obviously, I should have been more careful-I should have spoken to Alice directly, rather than accepting it secondhand from Rosalie.
No shit, Sherlock. Especially considering how imprecise Alice's visions can be. You idiots reversed roles in the generic storyline in this book.
"I am…" My head swam as I looked for the appropriate word. "Confused."
Perpetually.
I actually wonder how many times she has has said, "I'm confused," and "I don't understand" in this book.
I like how he said he's a good liar, but is kind of irritated with her for believing the lie. I mean, she is stupid for believing it with all the evidence pointing to him leaving to protect her, but come on now.
"You're impossible," he said, and he laughed once-a hard laugh, frustrated. "How can I put this so that you'll believe me? You're not asleep, and you're not dead. I'm here, and I love you. I have always loved you, and I will always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away. When I told you that I didn't want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy."
Edward has finally figured it out, you have to talk to her like she's five. Otherwise, the information just doesn't get through.
"But what about when I get so old that people think I'm your mother? Your grandmother?" My voice was pale with revulsion-I could see Gran's face again in the dream mirror.
His whole face was soft now. He brushed the tears from my cheek with his lips. "That doesn't mean anything to me," he breathed against my skin. "You will always be the most beautiful thing in my world. Of course…" He hesitated, flinching slightly. "If you outgrew me-if you wanted something more-I would understand that, Bella. I promise I wouldn't stand in your way if you wanted to leave me."
That's really cute in your special creepy way and all, Edward, but statutory law - and society - generally frowns upon old ladies married to 17-year-olds. Bella is actually right for once, albeit extremely whiney.
holding it tightly while his midnight eyes glared into mine
...well, at least it was a new word.
What does it say about their relationship that she was only hearing his voice when she was in danger or doing something reckless and stupid (with the exception of that one time when it told her to "Be happy" with Jacob)? I'm still surprised it was only in her head, but i think that it really does say a lot about the dynamic of their relationship.
"If you're going to bring the Volturi down on us over something as stupid as leaving me human, then your family ought to have a say."
Yes, your mortality, your soul, is utterly "stupid." *rolls eyes*
He really did want me the way I wanted him-forever. It was only fear for my soul, for the human things he didn't want to take from me, that made him so desperate to leave me mortal. Compared to the fear that he didn't want me, this hurdle-my soul-seemed almost insignificant.
...mmmkay...whatever you say, Bella.
Why does he get breathless? You don't get breathless when you don't need to breathe. Just sayin'.
Haha at Bella's phrasing in this meeting. Not "if you don't think I should lose my mortal soul." No, it's "if you all don't want me..."
Hm. I'm actually surprised that no one loyalty-voted with Edward against the transformation (except Rosalie, but she had her own reason).
"In the interest of remaining inconspicuous," Edward said, still talking through his gritted teeth, but looking at Carlisle now, "I suggest that we put this conversation off, at the very least until Bella finishes high school, and moves out of Charlie's house."
That's what I was saying! She really doesn't have two brain cells to rub together.
WTF, SMeyer? Pick an age for Edward and go with it. He keeps jumping around from "eighty odd years" to "nearly ninety" to "ninety something" and now he's "nearly 110??"
Hahahahahahah!
Edward: Marry Me.
Bella: Hahahahah....wut?
Edward: Hmmm, so that's how I can shut her up...
Hm, Bella put together that Edward believing in them having souls thing, too. That's uncharacteristically astute of her.
Why does Bella continually screech something isn't fair, when it pretty much always is? And why does an 18-year-old screech, "IT'S NOT FAIR!" constantly, anyway? Good gravy.
There is something really...awkward about Edward thanking Jacob for keeping Bella alive.
Jacob still glowered at Edward, but he answered me. "The treaty is quite specific. If any of them bite a
human, the truce is over. Bite, not kill," he emphasized. Finally, he looked at me. His eyes were cold.
Oh, snap! Werewolves = 1, Bella = 0.
God, really, Bella? She still can't understand why they can't be one big happy group?
Jacob: Vampires + Werewolves ≠ Friendsies
Edward: Werewolves + Vampires ≠ Friendsies
Bella: BUT WHY CAN'T WE ALL BE FRIENDSIES?!?!?
SHUT. UP. And I'm sure the fact that it wouldn't be good for Jacob to have to watch you two love up on each other when you all "hang out" anyway never crossed your mind. Nope, just that he's her friend and she wants him in her life, not the fact that she's lead him on this whole time and even gave him hope for the future again by saying that maybe she would change her mind about being with him when it looked like he was going to kick her out of his life again. She needed him, and said whatever it would take to keep him knowing it wasn't true, damn the consequences. Then had the nerve to scream about his betrayal by telling Charlie about the motorcycle.
Oh God, two more of these things left, and even some Twihards think Breaking Dawn was bad. Oh crap, I just remembered Midnight Sun. *facepalm*
Okay, I think I may actually have a problem. Is there a 12 Step program for this? I will say though, that when I did force myself to stop with this, I started obsessing about my grades which is exactly WHY I was trying to obsess about something else. It'll be like a month or two before grades come in. *flips shit*